We can all agree that living, in general, is expensive, and we often have to do a range of tasks to even dream of making ends meet.
But people are not always understanding of how others make ends meet, especially if they think the work they’re doing is too easy, demeaning, or sexual in nature, agreed the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor altacci5378754 realized after he started dating his wife, who used to be a sex worker, just how judgmental his family was of his wife’s past, and how much they would continue to judge her in the future, as well as him for choosing to stay with her.
But when it even impacted the future of their baby, the Original Poster (OP) felt it was time to draw a line.
He asked the sub:
“AITA for having a photo of my son’s DNA test framed and hung in the living room?”
The OP was happily married to his wife for the past three years.
“I (32 Male) met my wife 3 years ago. We got married 9 months ago. We have a baby boy together that she got pregnant with while we were engaged.”
“My wife used to be a sex worker (all in the past). No judgment on that, please! She did what she had to do to survive.”
“My parents were always ‘skeptical’ about her and a lot of times asked if I wanna settle down with her.”
The OP’s family attempted to ruin their wedding day, however.
“When she got pregnant, they went nuts and demanded a DNA test. They refused to attend the wedding until the DNA test was done, which caused a huge problem.”
“They ended up missing the wedding, obviously.”
“The test was done BECAUSE my wife wanted to prove a point, and eventually, my parents made amends, and we reconciled.”
The OP had quite the statement piece waiting in his home for his family to find.
“They started visiting and yesterday noticed the photo of the DNA test that I hung in the living room.”
“As a side note, my wife does not mind having the photo up. She laughs about it sometimes but she’s still carrying some hurt that was caused by what happened.”
“They asked about it and I told them that it serves as a reminder of why they didn’t attend my wedding.”
“They were stunned and livid when I mentioned that I tell any guest the same thing I told them.”
The discussion about the photo escalated.
“Mom and Dad were mad and asked me repeatedly to take it down, saying I’m being too harsh on them and refusing to let go of the past, as well as embarrassing them to the other family members.”
“I refused to take it down and I admit to being sarcastic in my response, saying, ‘It goes with the house decor!'”
“They begged and then refused to come over anymore until I remove it.”
“My brother thinks it’s petty and childish and said I should take it down. (Though my brother and I aren’t close, and he’s known as the ‘crackhead’ in the family.)
“AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some pointed out that the parents should be able to take criticism for their decisions.
“NTA for sure! They can dish it but they can’t take it.” – winter_laurel
“You’re NTA. While we’re here, surely your parents should have no problem explaining themselves when people learn this about them?”
“Surely, people would understand why they were so skeptical of kiddo’s parentage to the point they refused to attend their son’s wedding?”
“Seeing as they’re totally not a**holes in this situation, surely, people will understand that once they explain themselves, right?” – rightinthes**t
“Your parents still love their ultimatums, don’t they?” – DarthTJ
“Soooo what’s good for the goose isn’t good for the gander’s parents?”
“They can use your wife’s past against her and embarrass her. My, how the tables have turned!”
“NTA as long as it isn’t causing your wife additional stress.” – CaRiSsA504
“I can be petty for days… I don’t usually act on it. I mean, they could get a onesie with the picture printed and dress the baby in it whenever they see them, include a picture of the DNA photo in a wedding album with the caption, ‘The Groom’s Parents,’ use the picture on Mother’s and Father’s Day cakes for the in-laws, have it printed on throw pillows and a blanket… I could go on and on.” – MetsFans3117
“They tell him to let go of the past yet they don’t realize their whole problem started because they couldn’t let go of her past. NTA.” – moviemerc
“Why not do mom and dad’s and hang them all together and learn about DNA as a science topic? These parts are the same, these are different….you are part mom and part dad and all you.”
“Elevate the petty into stabbing the grandparents in the eyeballs petty level AND giving the kid a STEM lesson at the same time. WIN!” – New_Improvement9644
“Funny how that only works when it’s in favor of them, but not when they were asked to let go of the fact that your wife did what she had to to survive.”
“NTA. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes.” – Mysticalia89
“I don’t see how this is embarrassing? The child will probably find out anyway but virtue of the parents telling them. They seem like pretty honest people with a witty sense of humor. Grandparents need to be held accountable for their bulls**t.” – TraditionalRip2428
“They also weren’t prepared to let it go until they had proof that the baby was biologically their son. (Un)ironically, they now want that proof erased. They are the kind of people who will stomp all over boundaries repeatedly and then proclaim to be the victims.” – Ok-Succotash7483
“I also find it hilarious that they refused to go to the wedding and ended up with egg on their faces because of it, and now they’re doing the same thing by refusing to go back to the house; obviously not having learned any lesson.”
“OP should call their bluff, then they’ll only have themselves to blame when they never see their grandkids.” – KeyoJaguar
Others thought it would be better for the couple’s mental health to take it down.
“NTA.”
“Especially if you focus on your parents’ reaction to her pregnancy.”
“But as others have pointed out, this is your home, a safe haven for you, your wife, and son. I can completely understand wanting to stick it to your parents, but it might not be healthy to keep a constant reminder of others’ very toxic behavior around and in view. So just something to consider.” – A-typ-self
“I’m the kind of woman who would be petty enough to constantly keep it on the wall, even if it was a reminder of them questioning my faithfulness. I would think it’s hilarious.”
“That said, I can also see how it would be better for my own mental health not to continue to fixate on the toxicity of these in-laws. Don’t let them live rent-free in your head.” – Never-On-Reddit
“Just to clarify, there are different levels of ‘not minding.’ Is this something that she also finds amusing, something she doesn’t have strong feelings about in general, or is it more something she kinda isn’t comfortable with but generally thinks isn’t worth asking you to take it down when she ignores it 99% of the time?”
“Because tbh if it’s something she’s not fond of but is willing to put up with, then I think it should come down.” – Kittenn1412
“NTA. I find it pretty telling by their attitude towards the DNA test isn’t out of shame for how poorly they treated your wife for being a former sex worker; but rather what other people would think of them.”
“I’d have a sit down with your parents and find out what they still think of your wife. Because personally, I wouldn’t want my parents near my child if they’re gonna view my partner as ‘lesser than.'” – BlueEyesIsBestCard
“They may have apologized but they didn’t actually make amends. And there’s nothing they can do to fix that they weren’t at your wedding because they don’t respect your wife.”
“You and your wife really should talk about whether or not you actually want people who don’t respect her in your kid’s life.” – JCBashBash
The subReddit was furious on the OP’s and his wife’s behalf for how they had been treated by the OP’s parents, simply because they were overly judgmental of his wife’s work history. They appreciated the OP standing up for his wife, and as long as she was comfortable with it, his petty revenge against his parents.
That said, they also advised that the OP and his wife put their mental health before any attempted relationship with his parents. If they were going to continue to be critical of the OP’s wife on the grounds of her being a past sex worker, there likely wasn’t a real relationship to be had with them. And if the DNA test was going to be more of a reminder of how they had been treated, rather than an inside joke, it would also probably be best for their mental states if that frame eventually came down.