Wedding photos are often considered an essential part of the whole experience.
They live on forever so that the happy couple can always relive the day.
But not everyone loves how they look in photos.
This can be a problem when you’re part of the wedding party.
Redditor Cold_Natural_3955 wanted to discuss his experience and get some feedback. So naturally, he came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
He asked:
“AITA for cropping my S[ister]-I[n]-L[aw] out of my wedding photos after she said she looked fat?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“Throwaway because SIL has my main account.”
“My wife (27 F[emale]) and I (28 M[ale]) recently got married and it was amazing.”
“The wedding was set on a riverside farm and so we had photoshoots outside on the fields before the ceremony.”
“We started taking photos around noon and my sister-in-law (30 F) was one of the bridesmaids.”
“SIL has always been a negative person since I met her, always trying to make small judgemental comments, while my wife is an incredibly kind person.”
“They have very different personalities, so I never questioned why they aren’t close and assumed that SIL was included in her group of bridesmaids to appease my wife’s parents.”
“Because SIL and my wife have never been very close, she was at the end of the line of bridesmaids and usually was at the edges of group photos.”
“While taking the photos, SIL was the only person complaining about things like the sunny weather and how her dress was ‘absorbing heat.'”
“I don’t know much about dresses but it was about 70°F.”
“Most people in the photoshoot group ignored her comments and it wasn’t an issue for the rest of the day.”
“We got the photos of both the shoot and the ceremony from the photographer 3 weeks after the wedding.”
“We promptly sent the photos to the people in the photo shoot and told them we planned on using the photos on social media.”
“Most people thanked us for the photos but my SIL called my wife and was very angry, yelling that she ‘looked like a fat pig’ in every photo she was in and demanded that we not use any of the photos with her in them.”
“For context, SIL is bigger than my wife, but not to an extreme extent.”
“She doesn’t look unhealthy, and I’ve never heard her have body issues before, but I admittedly wouldn’t know much about it.”
“In the wedding photos, she really doesn’t look any different from her normal self.”
“My wife tried to reason with her, saying she looked just as pretty as everyone else but SIL did not want to hear it.”
“She reiterated that if we used any photo of her on social media that she would never speak to us again and would ‘put us on blast’ whatever that means.”
“Her sister’s outburst really hurt my wife and I was very bothered that she thought she could tell us what to do with our special moment.”
“Here’s where I may be the a**hole: I decided that if she had such a problem, she didn’t need to be in the photos.”
“So I cropped her out and posted those versions to social media.”
“I thought it would be fine, and it was easy since she was at the edge anyway.”
“After posting, she then called me even angrier than before and accused me of trying to ‘erase her from the memory of the wedding.'”
“I told her I only did it to accommodate her wishes while also getting to use our own wedding photos.”
“SIL hasn’t talked to us in a week, my wife’s parents are mad at us for upsetting SIL.”
“While my wife is on my side, she thinks I could have been more mature about it.”
“I don’t think I did anything wrong and accommodated her already unreasonable request.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“So, am I the AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
“I actually don’t see this as immature.”
“It was problem-solving.”
“She demanded you not post any photos with her, and you complied.”
“Seriously, she was holding your photos hostage in a way.”
“Please ask her if she would prefer you post the unedited versions.”
“I assume her answer to that will be no.”
“So what were you meant to do??”
“Congratulations on the wedding. NTA.” ~ Suzdg
“Exactly. You did as she said.”
“You weren’t being immature; SIL was. NTA.” ~ Intermountain-Gal
“Yeah, OP needs to make a Facebook post of lots of photos of ONLY the SIL (like, he needs to do the exact opposite of what he already posted with her cropped out and make a post of only photos of her with everyone else cropped out) and write something like ‘I made a mistake I wish to rectify. I was under the impression that SIL didn’t want photos of her from the wedding to be posted online, so I cut her out of the photos I posted last week.'”
“‘She has since told us that she feels like we cut her out of the memories of the wedding, and I feel just awful, so here she is, looking beautiful as part of the bridal party. Sorry for my mistake, SIL!'” ~ Blood_sweat_and_beer
“Yes, this is it exactly.”
“She is jealous and wants to dull her sister’s spotlight moment.”
“What better way to do it than to say can’t post pictures I’m in?”
“You found a brilliant way to troubleshoot that, but that wasn’t her real issue, so now she is even more angry because her real motive was to stop her sister from having attention, but what kind of monster says that out loud? NTA.” ~ Shot_Trifle_9219
“NTA. But could this have been a spiteful power move on her part?”
“If it was, you ruined it, which would explain her anger. Some people are just bitter, sad f**ks.”
“And you know what they say- misery loves company.”
“Congrats on getting married!” ~ 3dgemaster
“NTA. I can’t say anything particularly nice about ATM, so I’ll just reiterate NTA.”
“You did a nice thing.”
“I might have posted with her in them a) to take her up on her offer of never speaking to us again and/or B) put a sticker or emoji over her face so you didn’t see her, thus expecting the same result as A).” ~ DAWO95
“That’s ridiculous. You’re NTA.”
“She said she didn’t want the photos of her shared.”
“So you took her out.”
“Kind of genius to be here.” ~ FloofyDireWolf
“It was totally about her having control over something she should never have had any kind of control over period.”
“It was your special day, not hers.”
“She’s just mad you found a way around her drama though.”
“And she now can’t hear you complain that you can’t post any pics of your special day because of having to respect her wishes.”
“She was hoping for drama over it.”
“And she loves the attention it would have brought.”
“Because of course, she wanted some sort of control somehow of your special day.”
“She didn’t get any of those things, ha!”
“NTA, OP. I’d say you acted well within your rights on every level.”
“No need to be polite.”
“Like I tell my kids, you don’t have to be nice, but you will not be hurtful or disrespectful.”
“You acted bluntly, plainly, and found a positive solution to the problem. Nice work.” ~ Quirky-Waltz-4U
“NTA. Yes, that is exactly what she was wanting.”
“This reeks of jealousy.”
“SIL hoped by denying them permission, they wouldn’t be posting group photos at all.”
“People like SIL are negative for attention.”
“SIL says she looks fat. The entire world is supposed to reassure her that she doesn’t.”
“SIL says don’t post the photos, you are supposed to beg her to allow it.”
“If she is the only holdout, then she has control, and everyone is focused on convincing her to allow you to publish the photo.”
“Instead of playing her attention-seeking game, you cut her out of the photos.”
“You took the power and control back and made it about you and your wife again.”
“There is no world in which SIL reacts positively to that.”
“Now she’s throwing a fit you have to appease her again.”
“This is a damned if you do, damned if you don’t situation.”
“Ignore her tantrum and move on.” ~ efgrigby
“NTA. You followed her instructions.”
“Surely she didn’t expect you to just not use photos with her in them.”
“Your SIL is a narcissist who is making this about her.”
“Tell her the only other thing you’ll do is repost the unedited versions.” ~ keesouth
“NTA. Her behavior here is probably exactly why your wife had her as a bridesmaid… she would have complained loudly to everyone about something she clearly didn’t want to do in the first place.”
“Your wife needs to learn that it is not her responsibility to manage her sister’s negativity because it is never going to change, it will only drag her down with it.”
“SIL isn’t speaking to y’all?”
“Sounds like a blessing to me!” ~ fiestafan73
“NTA. WTF did SIL think you were going to do, burn the negatives?”
‘Have a do-over wedding when she feels better about herself?”
‘Photoshop her head onto Zendaya’s body?”
‘She wants to have it both ways, she wants to have the drama, she wants to be the star of your wife’s special day.”
“Ignore her.” ~ Big_Zucchini_9800
“NTA. She DEMANDED that you not use the photos of her on social media. You complied.”
“I would say that SIL is used to getting her way when her parents HEARD her complaints and still think you shouldn’t have posted the photos.”
“I would delete the photos with her cropped, post the photo with her in it, and don’t tag her.” ~ SheiB123
“NTA. SIL is clearly the a**hole here, making this all about her and making threats and overall acting as if she gets to decide how you handle your wedding and its photos.”
“Guess what? She doesn’t.”
“You and your wife do.”
“Maybe you could have been more mature about it, as your wife says, but you didn’t have to be.”
“You did nothing wrong here.”
“SIL does not understand boundaries or respect.”
“Cropping her out was and is a reasonable solution.” ~ cascadia1979
“NTA – you can’t win with SIL.”
“Her leaving you alone is a blessing.” ~ buttpickles99
Well, OP, Reddit is with you.
It was your special day, and you want to share the beauty of it.
She didn’t want to be seen, so you found a solution.
Maybe you could’ve given her a heads-up?
But you probably would’ve had the same outcome.
Enjoy your memories.