Big weddings are a lot to plan.
There’s the venue for both the wedding and the reception—if it’s a church wedding those are usually two separate places.
There’s the flowers, the food, the decor, and the clothes. Aside from the food, most of those components require selection of a color scheme.
But what if the engaged couple have a different vision in their heads? If one’s favorite color is purple and the other loves orange…
A groom who only wants to wear his favorite color for his wedding day turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for feedback.
Haunting-Raisin988 asked:
“AITA for not budging on my wedding colour scheme?”
The original poster (OP) explained:
“So my fiancée (female, 34) and I (male, 27) have been dating for almost 5 years and have been engaged for about 9 months. We’ve recently started discussing about planning the wedding.”
“I’ll be honest, she’s doing a great job in planning it out, setting the budget, arranging venue viewings, etc… She is doing the majority of the planning herself and as it’s her big day I’m just letting her choose what she wants.”
“We’ve recently gotten to the stage where we have to talk about colour schemes for my suit accessories and the bridesmaids dresses. My favourite colour is Cadbury Purple, it always has been.”
“So I said I want that. At first she just said ‘okay’ and we moved on.”
“It then got to the point where she was suggesting different types of colours we could have, ‘lilac, peach, sage green, baby blue’. I said ‘I already told you I want Cadbury purple’.”
“She said that I can’t have Cadbury purple because it doesn’t go with anything. I said I’m fine with her picking and choosing everything to do with the wedding, but the only input I want to add is what I will be wearing.”
“She started to get into a strop, saying that I’m making it difficult and asking if we can just compromise and I said that it wouldn’t be compromising if it’s not the colour I want.”
“I said if I don’t have Cadbury purple then I don’t care what colour I have and she should just pick it herself and not pretend that I have a say in the wedding when I clearly don’t.”
“So am I the a**hole for wanting to stick to the only input I want to have in our wedding?”
The OP later added:
“I am not wanting a full purple suit as most people are imagining. Even though I do like The Joker, I don’t want to be cosplaying him on my wedding day.”
“The idea I had was very simple, plain black trousers, white shirt, purple tie and a white blazer.”
“For extra context, the main reason my fiancée isn’t keen on the colour is because it doesn’t go with the aesthetics of our venue. It’s a beautiful modern rustic barn with fairy lights and bright atmosphere.”
“She believes that the colour I chose will contrast too much with what she envisioned.”
“To the people saying that because we can’t pick a colour, we shouldn’t get married, we’re not going to let a colour scheme end our relationship.”
“I understand that my taste may not be the best. I’ve never been one to care about how I look and I don’t really wear anything special other than football tops and joggers.
“But I do like my idea of what I want to wear and I don’t think it’s too outlandish. If you do then, hey you’re entitled to your opinion on that.”
“I also don’t know if I explained it too well, with the planning itself we are very, very, early stages. We’ve not even set a date yet.”
“All the work which has been done so far is budget, a few venue viewings, guest list (which I did have an input in) and starting to pick a colour scheme.”
“Just for those who were berating me in the comments saying that she has done all this work by herself, and I’m making it harder for her, the work hasn’t begun yet.”
“I’ve told her if she wants my input on anything I’ll help, but I don’t want to get in her way of having the wedding she wants.”
The OP summed up their situation.
“I feel like I’m being the a**hole for standing my ground and not compromising with my fiancée over the colour scheme of our wedding.”
“I do believe it should be fair for both of us to have a say on our wedding and I’m fine with her having the majority of the vote on most things, but this is what I what I’m passionate about.”
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The majority of Redditors voted that everyone sucked here (ESH).
“ESH. I’ve never understood this obsession people have with everything looking perfect. My fiances favorite color is neon teal.”
“If that’s what he wanted to wear, I might need sunglasses to deal with the glare, but heck, I love all of him. Even the tacky parts.”
“That color may be hard to work with, but so what? Shouldn’t you want your partner to be in whatever makes them feel happy, confident, and excited to wear?”
“Do your pictures matter when the memory won’t be as positive because your partner is wearing something they didn’t want to?”
“But you don’t even sound excited to be marrying this woman. You haven’t contributed to planning.”
“You haven’t shown a vested interest in it as both of your special days, and the consequence of that is she didn’t plan for your wants.”
“I still say she should let you dress how you want, but re-evaluate the mental loads you put on her or the wedding is the least of your issues.” ~ aterriblefriend0
“ESH. If you two can’t agree on a color for your wedding and have to bring it to Reddit, try picking an apartment, house, car, baby name, etc… after the honeymoon is over.”
“To be fair though dude, Cadbury purple does NOT go with a lot. Its OK that you want your wedding your way, but it’s not like she is saying anything that a whole lot of the population wouldn’t agree with.” ~ JaydedXoX
“ESH. You can’t really let everything go with the wedding planning and then expect to have full control over this single detail (which is quite significant in my humble opinion).”
“The wedding is the Big Day—for both of you. Your fiancée is being a bit unreasonable, but so are you.” ~ superbworm
“ESH. I definitely understand why you feel like picking the color of your suit is ‘your thing’ when your fiancée is planning the rest of the wedding, however you made the decision to not be involved in the planning.”
“The ‘Cadbury’ purple color is not a subtle color by any means, so I do agree with your fiancée that it is a color that would take over, especially if your groomsmen had matching suits—it would be odd if they were in black and you were in purple?”
“The image I get is you looking like Barney the Dinosaur, from the children’s show (maybe you didn’t have that in the UK) next to a lovely bride.”
“I think the best way to handle it would be to have all your accessories be this color- tie, pocket square, socks…and maybe the same for the groomsmen and then if your bride hasn’t 100% settled on colors yet, have the bridal party in shades of purple (including your favorite).”
“Also having some flowers that color in the bouquets and centerpieces would incorporate your favorite color throughout the wedding—so it isn’t just isolated to your clothing—would make your presence felt along with your fiancée’s.”
“These are all US based things though and I don’t have non-US based wedding knowledge, so I’m sorry if these aren’t good suggestions. Good luck!” ~ Ngr2054
“ESH. I think the clear compromise would be to have your purple as an accent colour in her scheme, maybe lilac and a really pale green, for the flowers add in some white and a few of your purple either flowers or the ribbons to tie them together.”
“Ties for yourself and the groomsmen could be your purple, and the bridesmaids could be in lilac. Your suit should be a darker gray or even a medium gray to be more modern, with a white shirt.”
“The purple will still pop that way. A variety of hues come together to make a good color scheme so it’s just a matter of finding which colours mix best in your shared opinion.”
“I do want to add though, that both of you need to ask yourselves if the wedding is more important than the marriage. This is a perfect opportunity to practice making decisions as a team—as married people do.”
“Your love and respect for each other should always be more important than ‘winning the argument’ and getting your way.” ~ bookworm-mama5
Although many made a case for the OP being an a**hole (YTA).
“YTA. You’ve dumped the burden of planning everything on her, then give her the challenge of trying to incorporate Cadbury purple into a decent colour scheme.”
“She’s offered several compromises of non traditional colours, so it’s not that she wants to stick you in traditional black, she just can’t figure out how to plan a wedding with Willy Wonka.”
“But you’re unwilling to work with her at all.”
“You’ve only contributed to one decision, and it’s now dictating the rest of the wedding that you aren’t even planning.” ~ Severe_Chicken213
Maybe it’s just me, but I don’t find Cadbury purple that garish—especially when it will be restricted to accessories.
It sounds like this couple needs to look at some color swatches to see how easily this color could be added to the colors the bride suggested.