Not everyone invited to a wedding is going to be thrilled about the event. Sadly, not all relationships are supported by the couple's loved ones. Most people with objections let go and let God.
The heart wants who it wants and loved ones have to trust that the couple getting hitched knows what they're doing.
A few people though, can't help but try to pull a few stunts to derail the proceedings.
Redditor ThrowRAOpposite_Poet wanted to discuss his experience and get some feedback, so naturally he came to the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subreddit.
He asked:
"AITA For Kicking my Mother out of my Wedding After She Brought my Ex as Her Plus One?"
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
"I (M[ale] 30) started seeing June (F[emale] 29) about three years ago."
"My mother has never really liked June for a couple of reasons, the main one being the fact that June didn't let my mom push her around."
"She kept firm boundaries, which I really admired, and she even helped me do the same."
"My mom hated this, calling June controlling and wishing I hadn't broken up with my previous girlfriend Margo, who my mom loved."
"I was with Margo for 5 years and it was horrible."
"Margo was very controlling and manipulative and always guilted me into things I wasn't comfortable with."
"But thanks to support from friends and my sister, I was able to leave her."
"It was hard, but I had help, and my life has improved since."
"My mom was very upset with this, but not all relationships last, so she eventually let it go until I started dating June about a year later."
"When June and I announced our engagement, my mom didn't freak out, which was weird considering that my mom hates June."
"She was very calm, but I just took it as she was finally accepting us, and so I didn't think much of it."
"Everything was fine and smooth up until the wedding."
"I gave both my parents a plus one to the wedding since they remarried after I graduated college."
"So I'm not close to their spouses, but I gave them the option of inviting them."
"We had a very small ceremony."
"Just immediate family and a few close friends."
"After the ceremony, June and I went to take pictures and then met back with everyone we invited to the reception, which was pretty big."
"When we got there, My sister and June's best friend/maid of honor ran up to us in a panic."
"Before they even said anything, I spotted it."
"My mom was at the table with my dad, my dad's wife, and Margo."
"I wanted to freak but June kept me calm."
"I walked over, pulled them both aside, and simply told them to leave."
"My mom tried to explain Margo, and I are soulmates, and June is just in the way of true love, but I wasn't hearing it."
"I didn't care."
"I just got my best friends to escort them out, and I returned to the party where, luckily, after a few moments, I was able to relax and enjoy it."
"I really didn't think this would all turn into something huge, but me and June just got back from our honeymoon where we didn't have our phones, and seeing mine, I saw hundreds of texts from multiple family members."
"They all think I was an a**hole for kicking my mom out of her only son's wedding."
"For the record, she was there for the ceremony but apparently was really upset she was kicked from the reception."
"Here's a summary of my family's thoughts."
"Some think I could have just ignored Margo and didn't have to 'freak out.'"
"A few others, including my dad, think I should have just kicked out Margo and let my mom stay, but after the stunt my mom pulled, I didn't want her there either."
"I'm starting to second-guess myself since everyone is really mad."
"June and my sister are on my side, but I fear my dad may be right, and I should have just let my mom stay and made Margo leave."
The OP was left to wonder:
"So I've come to Reddit, AITA?"
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
"OP please send this to everyone and block those defending your mom's action."
"NTA OP, by the way."
"Why is it you are expected to keep peace when your mom disrespected you and your wife on your wedding day?"
"I'd consider N[o] C[ontact] too after this whole thing with your mom OP." ~ bunnywasabi
"NTA. Your mother was there to sabotage your marriage."
"She told you that the bride was a mere inconvenience."
"She brought in a replacement, your ex."
"June should not have to suffer anyone behaving like that in her wedding reception."
"Throwing her out the way you did was absolutely the right thing to do." ~ Mean-Fix7821
"Agree here OP."
"And I'd share what your mother said at the reception."
"She was cruel in her comments about your wife."
"That warrants NO CONTACT."
"Ask your father if he'd tolerate you saying those things about his new wife/SO."
"I say BULLS**T to your mother."
"Just pretend she's dead."
"She's toxic." ~ Tight-Shift5706
"And what did mom expect—OP saying 'Oh! You're right Mom—Margo IS my soul mate—I will get an annulment and run off with Margo!'"
"Mom has some big irrational thinking or just wants to be right. June sounds like an amazing woman, boundaries and all."
"OP is NTA." ~ dodoatsandwiggets
"NC with mom and everyone who supported her."
"No second guessing, full NC."
"Someone who does something like that will more than likely continue to try and interfere." ~ wubster64
"NTA. Kicking Margo out would not have been enough."
"Side note, who tf goes to their ex's wedding with his mom? psycho."
"Your mother actively tried to sabotage your wedding."
"She brought an abusive ex and then said your new wife was in the way. That's appalling."
"She deserved to be kicked out and your family should acknowledge that she clearly didn't want to be there."
"She wanted to hurt you and your wife." ~ Apprehensive_War9612
"I can't believe that there are grown adults who are so childish and petty they'll go to an ex's wedding as a mean-spirited plus one when you broke up four years ago."
"She could have gotten a whole degree in that time period, but she still wants to be the same person who got dumped."
"NTA OP - Block and go live your life with your new wife." ~ ilovechairs
"Weddings are to celebrate the couple getting married."
"Mom obviously didn't want to partake. Goodbye."
"Probably for good. NTA." ~ InfiniteRosie
"I'm also wondering what the game plan here even was ????"
"Margo was at the reception AFTER the ceremony, so OP was already married to June."
"So was the point for him to see her after already committing his life to June, realize how much he loves her, and then file for the world's quickest annulment or divorce so he could be with her????"
"I mean it's just beyond dumb." ~ GramNotGraham
"I'm pretty sure the game plan was to simply punish them, especially June, by being an absolute d**k and attempting to spoil the wedding."
"I mean no way this woman thought this would actually lead to her son getting back with Margo."
"So if mom doesn't get her way, then she will simply make everyone else as miserable as she can." ~ Crumbtinies
"Legally speaking, there would be no need for divorce or annulment because the marriage license had not yet been filed."
"They could tear up the license and walk away as if the wedding didn't happen."
"Maybe that's what the Mom was counting on or hoping for." ~ Immediate-Ad7531
OP responded...
"Number 3 is a good point and something I'll remind my Dad."
"My Mom has always been like this, very dramatic and demanding of getting her way so my entire family is very used to it."
"I think they expected me to just let my Mom do her thing and ignore it like I usually did in the past."
"Although dramatic she was still a very caring and supportive mother while I grew up."
"She's still my Mom, even as she continues to be like this."
"I still can't really imagine my life without her in it."
"But I do now have a new commitment, June, so I think I do have to begin to consider cutting all contact with her."
Reddit continued...
"NTA - Your wedding, your rules."
"If there's one day you get to be selfish with your partner, it's this day."
"And what your mom did was manipulative (and f**k Margo for going along with it)."
"Maybe your mom and Margo should start dating each other since they have things in common like being controlling and manipulative." ~ AwesomeAsian
"Bet mom won't give up either."
"Anything she gets invited to or crashes will be with Margo traipsing along with her."
"Anyone who supports the mother should be blocked."
"How despicable of anyone to support her."
"I like the email the first posters suggested, blast it out to everyone, and anyone who still supports her needs to go bye-bye."
"Don't be surprised when others you least suspect keep mom informed about every event." ~ Dangerous_Ant3260
"NTA, your Mom kicked herself out."
"Your mother loved Margo cos she is your mother, a bully and controlling."
"Enjoy your new marriage and your firm boundaries."
"Tell your Dad that your mother made the choice to leave her husband at home to create drama and that's not a loving mother at work so she doesn't get to enjoy the wedding, NTA." ~ SadFlatworm1436
"NTA. Your mom crossed a line by inviting your ex, Margo, to your wedding reception without permission."
"This was disrespectful to both you and your wife, and you had every right to ask them both to leave."
"Your wedding day was about you and June, and your mom's actions undermined that."
"While some family members may be upset, you were right to protect your boundaries and the peace on your special day." ~ janneholly
"NTA. You need to go hard NC with your mother."
"What a piece of work."
"Explain the circumstance of your mother bringing your manipulative ex to your WEDDING RECEPTION to tell you to marry her instead."
"If they still insist that you shouldn't have kicked her out for this(!!) then tell those family members to kindly f**k off."
"Then block." ~ davekayaus
"It wasn't Margo who disrespected and violated your trust, although why she would look like a loser and go is something else."
"Your mother treated you and your wife with contempt and should have absolutely been thrown out."
"Actions have consequences, this was hers."
"Totally deserved it. NTA." ~ Stunning-Attitude366
"NTA. Your mother did something to upset you and your wife, on purpose, ON YOUR WEDDING DAY."
"She did not deserve to be there because she is a nasty piece of work who was trying to ruin a special day to prove a point." ~ Physical_Dance_9606
"She didn't just attend with your ex, she brought your ex specifically to object to your marriage."
"For everyone complaining what do they think keeping your mom there would have accomplished?"
"She clearly wasn't there to celebrate you or your happiness anyway. NTA." ~ Legal_Reception_6494
"NTA and your dad is being a dumbass as well."
"Margo wasn't the one who initiated this, maybe she had filled your Mom's brain with ideas but she couldn't have come unless your mom invited her."
"It's fully on your mother and she should be kicked out."
"What she said is extremely hurtful to your wife and just absolutely stupid."
"If possible talk to your Mom and set these boundaries, overbearing M[other]-I[n]-L[aw]s are a big issue in most marriages." ~ FinancialStock666
"NTA. Allowing your mother to stay would have ruined June's wedding day."
"You did the right thing.'
"You needed to let your wife know you have her back and disrespect is not tolerated." ~ pinkunder
"This is all on your mom, who was disrespectful and deliberately provocative."
"It's all on her. NTA." ~ Famous_Specialist_44
"Play stupid games and win stupid prizes. NTA." ~ only_grans
Your mother's behavior is outrageous, OP.
You were standing up for your bride and yourself.
It's shocking that your family members didn't kick them out before you arrived.
Reddit is with you. It might be a good idea to go to little to no contact.
It's a sad thought, but you have to put yourself first.
Good luck and congratulations!!!
New Mom Irate After Father-In-Law Ruins Her Birthday With 'Vulgar' Comment About Her Breasts
There's nothing quite like the feeling of going through all the work to prepare a fun celebration, just for someone to undo it with an unkind or gross comment.
That feeling just gets worse when it's your birthday, and that comment was made by someone who's supposed to care about you, sympathized the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor Rude-Pepper-2389 had recently given birth and decided to have a special birthday celebration to reconnect with her loved ones after becoming a mom.
When her father-in-law stopped by unexpectedly and then made comments about her body, the Original Poster (OP) was left so uncomfortable that it ruined the whole celebration for her.
She asked the sub:
The OP wanted to have a special birthday celebration after her baby was born.
"I currently have a five-month-old and haven’t really been taking care of myself or dressing up since having the baby."
"It’s my (25 Female) birthday, and we were having friends over at our house for a private dinner to celebrate."
"My husband (24 Male) and I have been together since we were 18."
"I decided to put on this new silk shirt I got, which, admittedly, was low-cut, but I felt cute in it and felt comfortable around the friends we were having over."
Everything was fine until the OP's father-in-law (FIL) stopped by unexpectedly.
"My husband's dad decided to stop by on his way home from work."
"I will say, he was likely drunk. He works two hours away and proudly told my husband he's down to only four beers on his drive home each day... so, that's healthy."
"When he came in, I was on the couch with my baby propped up beside me, bottle feeding him. Keep in mind, I am not breastfeeding, so no, my breasts are not any larger right now."
"My husband's dad leaned down to look at the baby and then suddenly shouted, 'D**n, son, she could knock you out with those things in bed! Like cracking two coconuts together.'"
"This was fully and undoubtedly in reference to my breasts."
The OP was shocked by the comment and very uncomfortable.
"It made me deeply uncomfortable and embarrassed."
"I was so stunned, I couldn’t even process what he said to me, and our friends just stared at me, blinking."
"He’s a redneck, so he's said some pretty vulgar stuff over the years, but this just seems to take the cake, as it was the first time it was directed at me."
"When he stepped out, I told my husband he needed to speak to him, and that the comment wasn’t okay."
"I went to change clothes and decided to never ever wear that shirt again."
"When I brought it up to my husband, he said he didn't hear the comment at first, but then he laughed when I told him what he said. He's always laughed when he feels awkward and has always had a hard time standing up to his parents in any capacity."
"When he and my father-in-law spoke, my FIL just said, 'I shouldn’t have said that to her, I know how she can be,' which just feels even more like I’m just being dramatic."
"Since then, I think my husband just wants me to drop it and move on, truthfully."
The OP wasn't sure what to do after what happened.
"This genuinely ruined my entire night. Am I just too sensitive, or was this an inappropriate thing to say?"
"There's also been no apology since then. This happened on Thursday, and then my father-in-law came by again on Friday with flowers to wish me a happy Mother's Day before Mother's Day Sunday."
"I think that was his way of trying to just breeze past the awkwardness. He's never gotten me a gift the whole seven years I've known him, so the flowers were odd. But I still feel really uncomfortable."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that her father-in-law's comments were rude and just plain creepy.
"NOR at all. That was really rude of him. Anyone would be offended." - Bookbringer
"NOR. That’s firmly in the category of what should be an 'inside thought,' and we should learn what those are at a much younger age than this guy is."
"F**king h**l, this is an absolutely mental thing to say out loud, let alone to your daughter-in-law." - Electronic-Fennel828
"FIL is an AH. I love that you think his being a redneck excuses it, but d**n. Even rednecks should know better than to speak that way to their son's wife."
"What does your husband have to say? Does he understand how breath-takingly rude his father was, or is he Team 'That's Just How He Is'?"
"I'd go very low contact with the old perv. NOR, he put you in an uncomfortable position with his crude remark. Is he married? I'd tell the MIL. I'd tell the whole family. Yes, it's embarrassing, but he is the one who should be embarrassed. Don't accept his non-apology." - Top-Bit85
"Maybe I’m desensitized after having large breasts since I was 13 (I’m 28 now), but I let out a little snort based on how immature of a joke it was. I’d simply tell FIL, 'Yes, I know, my boobs are big,' and move on."
"That said, I would never make such a comment about another person's body. Just because I'm technically fine with it doesn't mean I assume anyone else is!"
"Not everyone is the same, and if OP felt uncomfortable, she’s NOR. Her body, her boundaries." - Both_Original2094
"I’m sorry. That’s upsetting. My father is like this with his father. Even if it’s very offensive comments, he’s uncomfortable and has problems confronting him. It sounds like your husband isn’t going to have a talk with him, which is hurtful."
"I would explain to your husband how uncomfortable the situation was for you and that it’s a serious matter, especially if it happens again. And if he still tries to brush it off, then I would tell him you no longer want your FIL coming to your home."
"It’s your life, too, and he’s not the one being hurt here, you are." - w_coastultraviolence
Others were specifically angry about the tactics the father-in-law used to try to get out of trouble.
"Seriously? Saying 'I know how she can be' is a classic way to blame the victim for having boundaries. It’s your birthday, not a Hooters convention. What a creep. If he can’t look at the baby without checking out your breast, he shouldn't be invited to the house." - Specific_Parsnip3264
"'I know how she can be' is so f**ked up. He's the one being a disgusting person. You need to shine up your husband's spine to properly call him out at the time next time, because there will be a next time." - dancepantz
"The bit that pisses me off the most is, 'I know how she can be,' which is his way of making it her problem that she doesn't like her FiL sexualising her in front of her friends." - Outside-Partait-8935
"The 'joke' comment is gross, but that follow-up comment is infuriating. NOR, OP. But this guy will be in your life for a while, so firmly & calmly shutting this stuff down is completely appropriate."
"I'd wear the d**n shirt again to the next family function and look him right in the eyes next time!" - RationalFish
"When we let things like this slide for others, it's not long before it ends up on our doorstep, and of course, nobody says anything because keeping the peace is the norm. It doesn't have to be getting into their face and yelling abuse back. Just a comment such as, 'Well, that's super tacky to say,' or asking them why they'd say that." - Kattnapped
"The OP said, 'He's said some pretty vulgar stuff over the years... but this is the first time it was directed to me.'"
"Normalise calling stuff out when they are talking about others, and they won't feel so comfortable saying it to you."
"It's a gross thing for him to say, but I guess him buying you flowers is his way of saying sorry."
"Sounds like you are in the situation of a lot of new mothers, where you suddenly realise this stuff matters because you want better influences for your child, and better support for yourself. NOR." - Jumpy-Jello-
Now, about that shirt...
"Please re-think your decision to never wear the cute shirt again, girl!! It's something that you liked very much because it made you feel good about yourself. Don't let some backwoods id**t ruin that for you."
"Wear that shirt till it's worn out and can't be worn anymore!! You should be able to feel good about yourself in whatever you like to wear."
"Your husband should have immediately checked his father, not waited until he was told to do so after his father left the room. In front of everyone there, your husband should have told his father not to ever speak about you or to you in that kind of manner, and if his father doesn't like it, he knows where the door is."
"Hubby should have called him out for his response as well. You did absolutely nothing wrong. You were not the problem; his dad was. This comes down to your husband needing to protect his wife, and he didn't do that." - Lynzo141982
"If he is a redneck, like you said, he won't outright apologize, but flowers are his way of saying sorry."
"I hope he won't say anything again, or else you can expect a nicely tended garden for at least a year."
"About your top, I hope you can wear it again. It takes a lot to feel cute, being a new mum."
"If not, get some fabric dye, dye the top a different color, and embroider a flower on it. This makes the top new, different, and every time you wear it, you can use the mantra ... I'm cute, I don't care what anyone says."
"You've got this!!" - No_Kangaroo_6637
Even if the father-in-law was joking and meant no harm, this is one of those situations where he needs to admit that his joke did not land well, he did cause harm, and he needs to apologize. Just because some people enjoy joking in that manner does not mean that everyone will be comfortable with it, and it's important to respect everyone's boundaries and zones of comfort.