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Groomsman Balks After Friends Pair Him With Bridesmaid He Once Ditched On Date For Being Poor

Kyle Ross / EyeEm/GettyImages

Redditor simap10 is a 26-year-old male who was asked to be a part of his close friends’ wedding party.

Although he was happy to oblige, there was just one personal obstacle preventing him from committing to his appointed role as a groomsman.

After causing drama from mentioning his misgivings tied to his dating history, he visited the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit and asked:

“AITA for demanding a different bridesmaid at my friends wedding?”

The Original Poster (OP) explained:

“Really simple story. So my (26M) two best friends Adam and Whitney are getting married this fall. We have been tight since HS, with the three of us always running together.”

“I was asked to be in the wedding party. Obviously I’m ecstatic for my friends. But here is the issue. They paired me up with the one bridesmaid I’m not a fan of. This girl named Brooke (27F).”

“Me and Brooke met each other a few years ago. She was Whitney’s volleyball teammate in college. She moved into our area and we started hanging out. She seemed like a great person at first.”

“Funny, down to earth and very athletic. Whitney is the one who set us up. I wasn’t all that confident in the situation. Because our height difference was a little extreme for me (I’m 5’8 and she’s 6 foot). But I decided to at least go on the date.”

“We had a very nice time. But that is when I learned what Brooke did. She was a cashier at a tanning salon.”

“I’m looking for someone who has a legit career path. I’m in financial planning and have always wanted someone who makes similar to me. So at the end of the date I told her that I didn’t think it would workout between us.”

“And we should prolly just skip the movie we had planned. She asked why. I was polite and told her that I didn’t see our paths aligning.”

“Well she kept badgering me and wanted to know what was the real reason. I told her that I just wanted someone who had a defined career path and made good money. I worded it very lightly.”

“Over the next few weeks Whitney hardly responded to me. As did a few of my other friends. I find out that Brooke told them a totally different version of the events. That I abandoned her on our date because she was poor. Which isn’t at all what happened.”

“She drove to the restaurant. We just didn’t go to the movie afterwards. She told everyone I was shallow and completely reworded what I said.”

“I was able to explain my side of things and show Whitney the texts. And we made up. But I haven’t wanted anything to do with Brooke since.”

“Now I’m paired up with her for the wedding. Which wouldn’t be a big deal besides the fact we have a lot of responsibilities together.”

“We have to form a dance and some other stuff. I just don’t want to do it with her. I asked Whitney to switch me to a different girl. And she refused. Saying she wants it this way.”

“I’m halfway convinced they are doing it to mess with me. Adam understands my position but is telling me to just go along with it.”

“I don’t want to cause a thing here. But I’m nervous they want to f’k with me because of the height difference or something.”

“I’m thinking about asking to just be a guest and see if that changes things for Whitney. Because it’s really my only leverage here. AITA?”

Strangers online were asked to declare one of the following:

  • NTA – Not the A**hole
  • YTA – You’re the A**hole
  • NAH – No A**holes Here
  • ESH – Everybody Sucks Here

Many Redditors weighed in on whether or not they thought the OP was the a**hole here.

“YTA. Why do you think you have any leverage? You’re not in any position to make demands at someone else’s wedding. Either deal with it or don’t go.”

“EDIT: And you are shallow. Plus insecure over the height difference.” – angelaelle

“I’d bet good money it’s ALL about the height difference & the career goal thing was a fig leaf. The most insufferable men I’ve met are those around my own height (5’5”). OP YTA.” – BornOnAFriday

“YTA. You have this backward. You are not being saddled with Brooke for this —she’s being saddled with you. You are allowed to be shallow and pretentious, but stop pretending you’re not.”

“Brooke is being gracious—I’m sure none of the other bridesmaids wanted to walk with you either.” – poetic_justice987

“YTA. Brooke’s account of how that date went was completely accurate. You did abandon her on the date for being poor, and probably for being taller than you as well.”

“You should step down from this wedding so SHE doesn’t have to subject herself to YOU. She’s being an incredibly generous friend to the wedding couple by tolerating your presence at all.” – Material-Aardvark736

“YTA – yeah you should be embarrassed for being such a judgemental a**hole towards her. I wouldn’t want to face her either if I were you, and it is a testament to the maturity of this woman that SHE isn’t the one refusing to go anywhere near you after how rude you were.” – OrangeCubit

“Ehhh, I don’t think you’re an a**hole just for asking once, but if you’re making a whole thing about it like it sounds like you are, YTA.”

“The way this comes off to me is, you’re 26, and ‘a few years ago,’ so in your early 20s, you wouldn’t even go to a movie with a girl because she had a low-end job at the time? That makes you come off as pretty snobby.”

“Like okay if you didn’t want to go on another date or have a whole relationship, but you could have still had fun at the movie instead of ditching the date halfway through and probably making her feel pretty lousy about it. It sounds like you weren’t interested in spending another minute with her once you decided her job wasn’t good enough.”

“And then you mention the height difference a couple of times… I mean I guess I get it, but if the bride played college volleyball, I’m guessing there are more than a couple of tall women in the wedding party. You aren’t going to be the only groomsman who’s under six feet. It just seems like you’re getting hung up on a lot of stuff that wouldn’t be awkward if you didn’t make it awkward.” – blinkingsandbeepings

“There are so many reasons YTA here.”

“No one lied about the reason you ditched Brooke. You are shallow. You did ditch her bc of your perception of her job and wealth. Own it.”

“You don’t get to dictate who you are paired with at the wedding. That’s the bride and groom’s choice. You are free to bow out as long as you do so way before the wedding.”

“I promise you that nothing about the wedding is about you. Zero. Zip. Zilch. Maybe get some therapy so you can learn that the world does not revolve around you.”

“I seriously doubt any of the other bridesmaids want anything to do with you. Maybe Brooke lost the coin toss.” – Aylauria

“He should be incredibly grateful that Whitney is still speaking to him. If I set a friend up on a date with another friend and he treated her this way, I would lose his number.”

“And vice-versa; Brooke is being incredibly gracious by tolerating his presence at this wedding. If I were her, I would have been rethinking my friendship with Whitney after she set me up with such a bland potato salad of a person.” – Material-Aardvark736

“If he tries to use his ‘leverage’, the bride should have a very honest convo with him. ‘You’re lucky we forgave you and asked you to be in this wedding at all.'”

“Of all the things to ditch someone for. Imagine being in college or fresh out, and finding a girl who’s pretty, funny, athletic, and actually likes you, only to flee because she’s a cashier. I wonder if OP was just grasping at straws to find a reason because he was insecure about his height.”

“OP, you’re such an AH. You could’ve at least finished the date.” – a_squid_beast

“Lol, ‘leverage’ is the best word to describe what this guy is trying to pull. He’s trying to get under everyone’s skin and play things his way. Notice how he dropped the detail in that he ‘was ecstatic to be in this wedding’. Hmm, kind of makes me wonder if there was an ulterior motive and most likely for the reason that his need for attention is a pattern.”

“This reminds me of when both of my best friend’s sisters were in their friends’ wedding party. There was a groomsman who…ahem screwed one sister to get to the other. Everyone knew what happened.”

“Imagine the audacity of this guy when he begged not only both sisters, but also his friends, the bride and groom, to keep the drama under wraps. They humored him and assured, ‘Sure, sure, water under the bridge.'”

“Until he tried hooking up with another bridesmaid and she shot him down in flames. This guy complained about ‘feeling alienated’ by others in the wedding party. Well gee, when you’re using you’re best friends’ wedding to double as a way to get laid, what kind of treatment do you think you’re going to get?” – leftclicksq2

Overall, Redditors didn’t look favorably upon the OP and they thought his actions and behavior were indicative of his vertically-challenged insecurity.

Written by Koh Mochizuki

Koh Mochizuki is a Los Angeles based actor whose work has been spotted anywhere from Broadway stages to Saturday Night Live.
He received his B.A. in English literature and is fluent in Japanese.
In addition to being a neophyte photographer, he is a huge Disney aficionado and is determined to conquer all Disney parks in the world to publish a photographic chronicle one day. Mickey goals.
Instagram: kohster Twitter: @kohster1 Flickr: nyckmo