There are many book genres for a reason: we don’t all enjoy reading the same stories and tropes and turn to reading for different reasons.
But we have no right to police what someone else is reading, even if we don’t totally understand why they enjoy reading the types of books that they do, pointed out the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITAH) subReddit.
Redditor howwhyno was already contemplating divorcing her husband when he approached her about the book that her fellow book club members had selected.
When he told her she wasn’t allowed to read it because the content would put bad ideas into her head, the Original Poster (OP) wondered what relationship was really left to salvage.
She asked the sub:
“AITAH for reading a book my husband doesn’t want me to read?”
The OP and her husband were struggling in their marriage.
“Yeah… the title is real. I’m in a book club. We are all suburban white women. Most are more liberal than me and wildly more so than my husband.”
“My husband and I are on the brink of divorce. We are trying to claw our way back so we can be one loving home for our children, but we have big differences. Basically, we’ve had a ‘will we, won’t we divorce’ relationship for a few years now.”
“So we are having major issues.”
Then the OP’s husband did something she never expected.
“Then he brought up a book he found on the counter the other day that I brought home from the library. It’s Look Closer by David Ellis.”
“It’s, in fact, the book of the month from my book club, lent to me by my friend because the wait was long for it, and I didn’t want to waste an audible credit.”
“I DID NOT CHOOSE THE BOOK THIS MONTH. I DON’T HAVE ANY KNOWLEDGE ABOUT IT BECAUSE I WAS NOT EVEN AT LAST MONTH’S MEETING DUE TO ONE OF OUR KIDS’ BIRTHDAYS BEING ON THAT DAY.”
“I have not even started it.”
“He said how he read the back, and it is about a wife cheating on her husband, then she and her husband end up finding a dead prostitute and all this murder mystery s**t.”
“He told me that if I valued us, I wouldn’t read it, because reading a book about a woman cheating on her husband during this time when we are breaking down is a bad idea. It puts bad things into the brain, dreams, universe, etc., etc.”
“He assumed that my friends must have husbands who cheat on them, and they have bad marriages, and we’re over here, trying to fix ours, so why would I essentially bring that negative stuff into my life?”
“He saw my face when he brought it up because I have no poker face and said he’s not trying to be controlling, but he just wants to work on the marriage and the way we are positioning ourselves.”
“He also hates that I listen to romance novels because life isn’t a romance novel, and no man will treat me like that… but I, as a rule, only listen to historical romance from the Regency and Victorian period of England and Scotland. He’s not a 200-year-old Scottish Duke either so, like… I guess I need to go find one to cheat on him with.”
The OP felt like she was done after that.
“Yall, after hearing all of this, I basically shut down.”
“Of all my friends (BESIDES THE ONE WHO RECENTLY GOT DIVORCED), we have THE WORST marriage.”
“But I have never and would never cheat. If I got to that point that I was seriously considering it, I would know it was done. I cannot stress enough that it has never been an issue in our marriage.”
“I think I should tell him he should stop watching UFC fights because in the marriage environment we are in, it’s for the best. Because you never know, his emotional abuse could spill over to physical if he watches too much.”
“Having him police fiction novels I read for book club is insane to me. So I’m going to return the book to the library as a front and still waste an audible credit on it and listen to the audiobook anyways.”
“I also want to add that we have read multiple books about cheating spouses, both man and wife. And we have read one about a mother who murdered one kid and tried to murder another. I never tried to murder my kids after that.”
“Would I be wrong if I go ahead and do it anyway? I mean, I downloaded it already. Just gonna hide the listening.”
“AITAH?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Fellow Redditors argued that the OP should keep the book and initiate the divorce.
“NTA, and also what the f**k? You shouldn’t hide it, but your husband is being controlled in the weirdest way. (Nobody bring up mustard.)”
“If you are in a relationship where you cannot safely (emotionally or physically) tell your husband you are going to read this crime/romance/drama book, and he doesn’t have to like it, but it’s not up to him?”
“The book is the least of your problems.” – dryadduinath
“NTA, but I have to ask why you are ‘trying to claw’ to make this marriage work. This guy is clearly very controlling. Why do you want to make it work with someone like this?”
“You say ‘so we can be one loving home for our children,’ but I hate to break it to you, but I don’t see that happening as long as that home includes a man like that.”
“I’d want to get my kids as far away from his influence as I could. I’m sure you’d hate to see them turn out to be anything at all like him.” – PandaMime_421
“Your husband is an uptight moron. David Ellis is totally mainstream and not controversial in any way. Read the freaking book, and divorce the freaking a**hole. Good luck!” – SmokingUmbrellas
“What the f**k? Any man telling me what I can and cannot read would be launched straight into the sun. NTA, and leave his gross controlling a**.” – thegreymoon
“Maybe he should be more worried about the book putting murder thoughts in your head since he clearly thinks you can’t think for yourself.”
“Also, the probability of this being a projection on his part is gigantic. He is probably cheating.”
“NO ONE GETS TO POLICE what you read.”
“NTA. Just get that divorce.” – angel9_writes
“Man, I’d be in real trouble if I were married to your husband. I’m currently reading a book about a woman who rides a dragon and wields the power of lightning. What if I decided to go off and do that?” – supermouse35
“NTA. Divorce this dude. If your marriage is terrible and you’re ‘staying together for the kids,’ it quite literally never serves the kids because it models a loveless household filled with conflict rather than healthy adult relationships.”
“Clearly, this guy is not an emotionally stable adult, and to be honest, it almost feels like he’s projecting his fear of infidelity because he either has cheated or considers it a possibility.” – DeepValleyDrive
“NTA. If he does not even have a minimum level of trust such that you can’t read a fictional book without him thinking you will act out the topic, the marriage is already over. I would absolutely laugh my husband out of the room if he made such a claim.”
“I read mafia romance novels. That doesn’t mean I am looking for my own personal capo who will kill for me while falling madly in love.”
“If we want truth, we read essays or true accounts, etc. Fiction is fiction. A thriller isn’t going to bring my inner murderer. Star Wars won’t make me the Sith I crave to be. Or (behold!), Harry Potter won’t make me the pure-blood witch, Slytherin student I know I deserved to be…”
“It is fiction. We love it (or hate it). We suffer it, laugh with it, cry… We read to feel emotions, have new experiences, and many more reasons. Stories are a part of the human race and our brains are wired to have them.”
“… And after you close the book, you keep going with your life.”
“If someone has a problem with your reading lists/interests and wants to ban your right to choose fiction/entertainment… Just run. Too many book burnings already. People are scared of knowledge or what?” – Fluffy_Puffy_
“The OP said, ‘He’s not trying to be controlling.’ Well, it must come naturally then because that’s very controlling. I’m guessing he hates romance novels because he’s opposed to the idea of a male partner being romantic.”
“I doubt there are any 200-year-old Scottish dukes, but I assure you that you can find someone who will let you read what you want and even share your enjoyment in reading in general and reading romance specifically.” – Born_Ad8420
“He’s saying that so you’ll believe that no one will treat you better than he does. People will treat you better than he does. One does not need to be a Scottish Duke to not be controlling.”
“There was a Twitter (or maybe a Tumblr) post a few years ago. It was of a teenage girl showing off a picture of a very tall cabinet filled with mugs.”
“The caption said: ‘My father used to complain about my mom’s mug collection taking up space. My step-dad just built her a cabinet to display them.'”
“There are men out there who would build you a cabinet. You deserve to have the equivalent to that for your hobby/collection/interest. How is this a loving relationship, when he treats you like this?”
“He tells you no one will treat you like that, because he knows that if you know you deserve better you’ll either demand he steps up, or leave him. He doesn’t want to do either. He wants you to accept his treatment of you and stay put, even if it makes you unhappy. That is not love.” – Glaucus92
“NTA. And for the record… I’ve been with one person long term who would get viciously angry at women cheating in fictional media. Didn’t even blink when guys cheated on their wives of course.”
“Guess who cheated on me with half a dozen women. Tell f**king Walmart Gaston to shove it. You’re not getting bad thoughts about your marriage from reading a book and the only one making you reflect negatively is him and his behavior.” – Lurkeyturkey113
A few also reassured the OP that Look Closer by David Ellis was great and didn’t make them want to cheat on anyone.
“That book was great, and I haven’t ever cheated on my husband!”
“I’m mad that you’re even considering returning the library book so he thinks you’re not reading it. There must be something about him that makes you want to consider trying to save the marriage, but from someone looking in, he doesn’t seem worth it.” – JP1029384756
“In case it matters, ‘Look Closer’ is more of a ‘who did it’ murder mystery story, and the cheating is a subplot. There are a lot of twists, and the book has very little to do with the cheating!” – concrete_cloud
“I hope your book club finds you, puts two and two together, and stages an intervention. You should not be with this controlling dips**t. And he wants you to fix what exactly? Fix him? He isn’t going to f**king change.” – Comprehensive-Sun954
“Well, that book sounds fascinating. I have added it to my ‘to-read list.’ Thank you for that.”
“I have been happily married for almost 20 years, and I read true crime, thrillers, and mysteries, all the time. My husband has no desire to read what I read because he can’t stand it. The details gross him out (he reads war books and non-fiction).”
“I would love to be a part of your book club if that is the type of books you read. Keep at it, your book club sounds like a lot of fun.”
“Let us know what you think of it!” – Sekhmet_911
“I’m also going to read this in solidarity, lol (laughing out loud).”
“I’m sure this doesn’t need to be said, but in case it does. This situation has nothing to do with a book. If he wants to work on things, that means he needs to step up and work on them. It doesn’t sound like he’s putting in the effort and is instead focusing on petty s**t like books.”
“Good luck. This sounds stressful.” – djsuki
While not everyone has the same interests in what they like to read, a person shouldn’t judge or prohibit someone from what they want to read instead.
Seeing as how this was coming from the OP’s husband, who she was already contemplating whether or not to divorce, it only seemed to further prove that the relationship was doomed if the husband was so worried about a book’s impact on his marriage.