Preparations for the arrival of a baby can be stressful.
There is so much to get done.
And so many doctor appointments.
Sometimes, partners choose not to attend certain appointments, and that can cause some issues.
Case in point…
Redditor Thrownoreveal1 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback. So naturally, she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
She asked:
“AITA for refusing to tell my husband the gender of our baby after he skipped going to the DR appointment with me?
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“My husband and I are expecting.”
“This is our first baby, and we’re excited.”
“Thing is he barely attends any DR appointments with me, and his excuses aren’t even valid.”
“He’s willing to miss the DR appointment over soccer or a drink or board game with friends.”
“His response is always ‘I’m not the one carrying the baby, why do I have to go see the DR with you?'”
“Last week was my final straw.”
“He was supposed to come with me for the baby’s gender reveal appointment, but he chose to not come last minute because his friend invited him to fish ‘n’ chips meal.”
“I was pretty livid but didn’t make a fuss about it.”
“Mom went with me instead.”
“He texted asking me to tell him the results (boy or girl), but I refused to tell him.”
“He kept spam-calling me, but I hung up each time.”
“He came home fuming demanding I tell him the results.”
“But I refused and bluntly told him since he refused to attend the appointment then he gets no results until after the baby’s born.”
“And said I was willing to die on this hill.”
“He went off calling me spiteful and immature for doing this and punishing him.”
“He said he’s the father and has the right to know.”
“He then called me dramatic since I wasn’t alone and mom was with me.”
“I said he gets no results period.”
“He’s been fuming about it and told his family, and they’re now pressuring me to stop playing mind games with him and tell him, but I declined.”
“AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
“NTA. Already a deadbeat dad before the baby is even born.” ~ Annii84
“Yeah like seriously?”
“If there was a funeral or special occasion like a big birthday for a friend which happened to fall on an ordinary appointment date then sure.”
“But missing every appointment is bad and then to skip this important one for f**king fish and chips?!!!”
“Like they’re nice, but they’re not miss your baby’s scan nice!”
“And you can have fish and chips any time – why couldn’t he and his friend rearrange until tomorrow or even after the appointment?”
“It’s not like the chippy will be shut!”
“What is wrong with this man?”
“This is honestly the most ridiculous excuse I think I’ve ever heard.” ~ asprinklingofsugar
“This. To be clear, this is NOT a gender reveal appointment – it is a full anatomical scan in which they check every organ and limb for potential issues.”
“And as a side note, can also often tell you which genitals baby will have.”
“So partner is not just skipping a ‘gender reveal’, but leaving their pregnant partner to attend a lengthy appointment on their own during which they could possibly receive concerning information about the development of their baby.”
“If there are issues, it’s often during this scan that they are discovered.”
“Partner is incredibly selfish, and showing their true colors. Absolutely NTA.” ~ somethingkooky
“This right here.”
“This is the scan where you learn if the baby has a congenital defect.”
“He SHOULD have been there because there could have been bad news. NTA, OP.”
“OP really needs to consider if she still wants to be married to this man.” ~ Emotional_Fan_7011
“My husband didn’t come to many of the ultrasounds or Obstetrician appointments due to work travel but the 20-week ultrasound he rearranged work travel to be at – and we were team green.”
“We opted not to find out the sex of the babies.”
“It was too important of a scan from a fetal health perspective for him to miss.”
“OP, your husband is MASSIVELY immature. I’m honestly concerned about the type of father he’d be.”
“So, for anyone that ends up spamming you about this, because you WILL get crap from his friend and family group soon, this is what you text back.”
“My husband thought being at the anatomy scan, which also determines the health of the baby’s vital organs in addition to the child’s sex SO important, that he he prioritized going for fish ‘n chips with his buddies over coming with me to this appointment.”
“CLEARLY fish ‘n chips is more important to him than finding out whether his child is healthy.”
“So, until he gets his priorities straight, he and everyone else can wait.”
“If you want to find out the sex of the baby, I suggest you put some pressure on him to man up and behave like a father.”
“Seriously, though, Sis.”
“He is showing you who he is and what his priorities are.”
“Do you really think anything is going to change long term?”
“I mean, he prioritized fish ‘n chips… you can’t get much lower than that.” ~ sometimesblessed
“I had to attend mine alone because of COVID restrictions.”
“My husband waited in the car, and I texted him throughout when the tech gave me the OK to do so.”
“That was hard enough.”
“Can’t imagine someone being able to see their unborn child for the first time and opting to get fish and chips instead.”
“He missed an event he will never get to experience with this child again in order to go and get like, the most common food in many parts of the world.”
“Unbelievable. NTA.” ~ squishpitcher
“I’m concerned that ‘dad’ wants to know the gender in order to decide how invested he wants to be in having a child, if at all.”
“He is already detached, and probably won’t do anything to care for a baby, but might give a crap about a boy to do boy things with since hanging with the boys seems more important than caring for his pregnant wife.”
“OP, you’re NTA, and this is a HUGE red flag you need to pay attention to before it’s too late.” ~ BooksWithBourbon
“NTA. My ex pulled this with our second child, and I caved and told him.”
“I shouldn’t have.”
“You need to seriously reconsider this relationship.”
“He’s showing you that he and his friends are more important than you and the baby.”
“He sees going to appointments with you as punishment, not as a chance to make sure you and the baby are healthy.”
“Don’t be like me and stay until he leaves you for another woman.” ~ Greyeyedqueen7
“NTA. Unless you booked a separate scan it’s not actually a gender reveal appointment, it’s an anomaly appointment, where they look for things that might potentially be wrong with your baby.”
“Gender is bottom of their list of priorities at that appointment.”
“Which makes him 100% the AH.” ~ Educational-Good-652
“NTA. And also I really do wish that people (partners, family of both parties, extended friend groups etc) realized one very important thing about these scans: Finding out the gender (if you want to know) is a happy bonus.”
“It is NOT the point of the actual scan.”
“The point of the scan is to find out if the baby is healthy and growing well!”
“It’s to confirm they have a heartbeat, that they have the appropriate limbs and organs, that their skull has grown over the brain, that there are no signs of a serious medical condition that is incompatible with life.”
“And that there’s nothing wrong with the placenta or anything that could cost you YOUR life.”
“Every day people go into these scans and get the worst news possible.”
“And so many people dismiss that aspect because they’re focused on what genitals the baby has.”
“Maybe instead of focusing on what the baby has between their legs, your partner should be grateful that he didn’t get a phone call from you sobbing in a waiting room going ‘There’s something terribly wrong.'”
“If he had I doubt the fish and chips would have tasted quite so good afterwards.” ~ NannyOggsKnickers
“Totally agree. This was a very long time ago, but I was so grateful my hubby was there with me when it was discovered at 3 months that our baby no longer had a heartbeat.”
“It may be rare or unlikely, but it does happen and is devastating.”
“He’s being a jerk.”
“You could not have asked the sex.”
“If he wants to find out he can go to the next scan.”
“Or keep it a surprise.” ~ janelikesthesong
“NTA. And if he’s this selfish with his time now, I can only imagine how he’ll be after the baby is born.” ~ ashleighbuck
OP came back with an update…
“I did not expect this to blow up.”
“Sorry, can’t answer any comments because of feeling overwhelmed.”
“Um, I just wanted to mention that my husband just attempted to contact my DR to get the results.”
“It didn’t go well, and we had another argument over it.”
“He couldn’t get it since his mom was the one who made the call.”
Well OP, Reddit is with you, and concerned for you.
Your baby’s health is the most important.
And more than one parent should be concerned.
Good luck with the future.