When people receive gifts for any occasion, the first instinct is to tear apart the beautifully wrapped gift to avoid further suspending what surprise is in store.
But one man found it peculiar that his girlfriend, who received a boujee present from his parents, delayed the suspense for personal reasons.
The situation made him impatient and his subsequent response caused tension, which made him later seek judgment on the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
There, Redditor throwraomt asked:
“AITA for opening my (M28) girlfriend’s (F27) gift that she did not want to open?”
The original poster (OP) prefaced before explaining:
“My girlfriend recently had a birthday. We had a small get together at our apartment but my girlfriend feels uncomfortable opening gifts in front of people because of the pressure and all of our friends know that. She opened them privately that evening.”
“Two days later, my parents’ gift arrived. My parents are on the wealthy side and bought her a designer handbag she had been openly admiring the last time we visited. They had purchased the bag that weekend and had been saving it for her birthday.”
The OP continued:
“She responded a thank you before she opened it and ‘would let them know’ when she did. The box sat on our dresser for about two days before my parents sent a text wondering if she had opened it yet.”
“I asked her when she would open the gift, and she just shrugged and said ‘soon’. I was also really excited to see her open this gift, I knew that it was something she really wanted.”
The OP’s anticipation would continue to deepen.
“A few more days passed, and my parents checked in again about whether she had opened the gift. At this point, my girlfriend came to me and asked if I could tell my parents to back off, as she was feeling too much pressure around opening the gift, and it was making her not want to open it.”
“I admit that I have never really understood this, and I told her that I didn’t get why she wouldn’t open it. My parents weren’t there, and all it would require is a thank you text to acknowledge it, at the very least.”
“To me, it was the exact same as our friends leaving the party before opening her gifts. She got really frustrated with me and said ‘you just don’t get how uncomfortable it makes me.’ “
The situation grew into one of concern.
“About a week after the gift arrived, my parents texted me outside of our group chat and asked if she liked the bag. I told them she still had not opened the gift. They asked me if they had made her uncomfortable, if they had overstepped in any way or something.”
“They’ve gotten her gifts before that have never gone over like this, I truly did not understand why she was not opening it, and at this point I thought it was border line rude to not open it and acknowledge the gift.”
So, the OP was forced to make” a decision.
She went out with her friends yesterday evening and I opened the box for her, displayed the bag on the dresser so that the pressure of opening it was removed and we could just move on. I really thought I was doing her a favor and ending this awkward situation.”
“When she got home and saw it she was pissed. She said she had guessed it was the bag she had wanted and felt awkward knowing it was an expensive gift and that she did not feel comfortable opening it yet.”
“I tried to explain that she was being a bit rude, putting it off, but she said it was more rude of me to open it for her. We went to bed shortly after, and she was very short with me this morning. The bag is still sitting on the dresser where I left it.”
“So, AITA?”
Anonymous strangers weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
Redditors thought everyone sucks here (ESH).
“ESH, but mostly your girlfriend.”
“It is reasonable for people to not want to open gifts in front of other people. There is an element of social pressure there and a courtesy-induced need to pretend to like it even if it misses the mark.”
“However, refusing to open a gift in the privacy of one’s home is not reasonable, and may be indicative of deeper issues which should be resolved through professional assistance. Your girlfriend should recognize that her gift-opening anxiety has gone beyond healthy limits and she should explore why since, minor as it is, it is likely to continue interfering with her significant relationships.”
“As for you, OP, you should not have opened it. You should simply explain to your parents that your girlfriend has gift-opening anxiety, not to take it personally, and to be patient. If your girlfriend expresses to you that the gift was too expensive, pass that on gently so they can adjust their gift-giving next time.” – Curious-One4595
“I can also see how the comfort of her own home didn’t feel like privacy as her bf is the proxy of the gift giving. Knowing what it is, pestering her to open it for his parents.”
“She clearly has an issue around gift receiving, but I truly don’t feel OP made it feel like a safe space at all.” – rawrsatbeards
“That’s fine for like a day or two, but anxious avoidance is horribly self-destructive, and we who engage in it are sometimes really, really good at rationalizing it away indefinitely.”
“Her home should be a safe space, yes. But enabling this level of anxious avoidance is bad. She needs to be in CBT or a similar type of therapy.” – My_MeowMeowBeenz
“She clearly has some issues that need sorting out (that’s definitely not normal behavior, and if someone took a long time to open my gift, I’d assume they either didn’t want it or didn’t care about it).”
“But OP shouldn’t have opened it, and from the side of the parents, it is a little obnoxious to continually ask, ‘Did you open it? What about now? How about now?’ ” – TheSecondEikonOfFire
“I think many of the commenters here are nuts. I think it is absolutely, incredibly rude not to open a present for that long and not let the givers know how much it was appreciated. Let’s be honest: We all give gifts to see and feel how much they are enjoyed. Especially if we gave thought to it or were paying attention to what someone likes.”
“If no reaction comes, I would be very sad and feel unappreciated. I am confused about the length people here go for excusing yet another ‘disorder’ or ‘phobia’ while at the same time not acknowledging at all, that the parent are also anxious if the gift was liked.”
“In the end, imho it comes down to gf being very rude, and parents should not gift her anything at all in the futures. Problem solved. Op is nta because he was trying to save the relationship between his parents and his girlfriend.” – Ok_Drop_3857
“I’d say, ESH at most.”
“But yeah, he’ll have to put up with that weird kind of behavior forever, unless she is committed to improving herself (through self-work, therapy…). This is not normal. in my experience, these issues, if left unaddressed, have a way of becoming worse and more set with age. They do not go away.”
“If she’s committed to therapy and she understands that her anxiety (or whatever it is she has) is life enjoyment-limiting, then there is hope. But it’ll take time to improve. OP should assess if he’s ok with that.” – MoiJaimeLesCrepes
“OPs gf was being hugely disrespectful to the people who bought her a gift.”
“Not wanting to open it in front of people is one thing, but refusing to open it days or weeks later is an unequivocal “f*ck you” to OPs parents. She knows it and they know it.” – KrtekJim
“ESH. She’s being a bit unreasonable/rude in not opening the gift promptly. She needs to deal with the hang up that she’s got with opening gifts, because this kind of behavior will definitely impact her relationship with your parents (and others).”
“But you were wrong to open it. You should have had a grown-up conversation with her about it: either she opens the gift, or you return it to your parents if she’s that uncomfortable with it.”
“If you wanted to do a little extra on the maturity front, you could even broach the subject of what kind of gifts she would feel more comfortable with from your parents going forward. It sounds like she might be uncomfortable in part because of how expensive it was so it could be good to clear that up as well, then let your parents know.” – freerange_chicken
While many Redditors agreed the girlfriend had some hang up around gifts, they suggested she seek professional help as her behavior could potentially ruin relationships.
That didn’t mean they excused the OP for his indiscretion, either.
Many thought that opening the gift meant for her was an action meant for her.