Traveling can be a wonderful experience and is a great way to learn more about how other people live and to see places we won’t see in our own backyards.
But like anything else, traveling costs money, and sometimes, our travel plans have to be put on hold if we can’t afford our other expenses, like rent, pointed out the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITAH) subReddit.
Redditor NaturalRun4126 had worked hard over the years to make a home for himself, while his sister valued travel and “experiences” instead.
But when she spent all of her money on travel and asked if her family of four could live with him rent-free so they could continue to travel, the Original Poster (OP) could not believe what he was hearing.
He asked the sub:
“AITAH for refusing to let my sister’s family live in my house after they sold theirs for a ‘dream vacation’?”
The OP and his sister had distinctly different approaches to spending money.
“I (32 Male) own a modest three-bedroom house that I’ve been paying off for the last ten years. It’s nothing fancy, but it’s mine, and I’m proud of it.”
“My sister (29F) and her husband (31 Male), my brother-in-law (BIL), are the typical free-spirited types. They’ve always talked about quitting the rat race, living life to the fullest, all that.”
“Well, a few months ago, they finally did it; they sold their house during a booming market, thinking the profit would fund a year-long break to travel.”
But the sister and brother-in-law’s travels did not go according to plan.
“They believed they could stretch the money by traveling cheaply, staying in hostels or Airbnbs, and getting by with occasional odd jobs.”
“At first, they stayed in nicer places and ate out a lot, thinking they had plenty of cushion, but within two months, they were out of money.”
“They underestimated how quickly expenses would pile up, especially with two young kids (7 Female and 5 Male) to feed and care for.”
The sister and brother-in-law (BIL) expected the family to help them.
“Now that their funds are drained, they’ve decided to stop full-time travel but don’t want to settle down yet. Instead, they asked to live with me, rent-free, for the next 10 months while they ‘figure things out.’ They say they’ll still try to take some occasional trips if they find super cheap deals, but for the most part, they want to stay at my house.”
“I told them no. My house isn’t big enough, I don’t want the disruption, and I certainly don’t think it’s fair for them to live off me because their plan failed.”
“I offered to help them find an affordable rental or even cover part of their expenses for a couple of months so they could get back on their feet, but that wasn’t enough.”
“My sister blew up at me, calling me selfish and accusing me of being jealous of their ‘adventurous lifestyle.'”
The OP was surprised by how many people expected him to house the family.
“To make it worse, my parents are siding with her, saying that family should help family and that I’m being too rigid.”
“The thing is, my parents live in a small apartment and can’t take in my sister’s family, which is probably why they’re pushing it on me. They say I don’t understand the ‘value of experiences’ and that I should be more supportive.”
“Some of our mutual friends are also saying I should be more understanding, but I think it’s completely unreasonable to expect me to house their whole family for nearly a year just because they didn’t plan properly.”
“AITAH?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some were critical of the OP’s sister and brother-in-law for their decisions and entitlement.
“If her husband got laid off, someone was in a car accident, their house for flooded, etc, then I’d say family comes first, make the sacrifice and help them out, you heartless miser.”
“But this was an intentional decision to cast off their responsibilities and just say to hell with the consequences. Well, those consequences arrived much sooner than either of these dreamers expected, and now it’s time to deal with those consequences.” – SinisterDexter83
“OP even offered to help them with some expenses to do this and they rejected it! They are much kinder than I would be in this situation.”
“Absolutely NTA, OP, you are not responsible for their bad choices.” – simply_overwhelmed18
“They basically want OP to foot the bills for their whole family! NTA!”
“Let them have the full experience of this adventure and explain that it is your dream to live a peaceful quiet life alone in your own home in a financially responsible way. They can take their adventure elsewhere, it just is not your problem to support them.”
“Never help someone that is not trying to help themselves or they will suck you down with them.” – Logicdamcer
“They gave up their jobs and stability to chase experiences well now they can experience failure and put their lives back together for the young children at least. Seriously, this is the most selfish thing I’ve ever heard.”
“I’d tell them it’s been my dream to experience living alone in my own home. Don’t destroy my dream and don’t crush my experience.”
“And the OP said they are still looking for ‘cheap trips.’ They aren’t even looking to restabilize their life. That is straight-up delusional. They are looking for handouts while still planning to blow what little money they have on trips.”
“If they realized their fuck up and needed help getting back on their feet, I could respect that but Jesus.” – The-Copilot
“NTA. If They want something cheap they can go buy a small camper, and rent space at a campground, it wouldn’t cost them that much, and they have a roof over their head, electricity, water, and access to showers and a bathroom.”
“That’s about as free-spirited as it gets and they can hitch it up to a vehicle, assuming they have a car and drive it anywhere.”
“I feel bad for those kids, though, with the parents who are living irresponsibly and don’t give a darn about them because they’re so selfish. If they could afford the lifestyle of going anywhere and do everything, fine, but obviously, they can’t.”
“No, you shouldn’t have to support two people who are extremely selfish and just doing whatever the heck they want because they don’t want responsibility. They shouldn’t have had two children if they wanted to live a vagabond life.”
“Don’t even let them park in your driveway, you’ll never get them to leave. Even if they pitch tents in the backyard, they’ll be in your house all the time using your water, electricity, bathrooms, and eating all your food.”
“Tell your parents to suck it up and let them live in their living room or they can offer to pay their rent for three months in a cheap apartment. Your sister can get the experience of roughing it there.” – NaturesVividPictures
Others insisted that the OP had no responsibility in housing his sister’s family.
“Family helps family when they actually NEED help. Your sister and her husband don’t NEED help. They can get jobs and rent a place to live. They are CHOOSING to be LAZY and not take care of themselves and their kids.”
“My sister blew up at me, calling me selfish and accusing me of being jealous of their ‘adventurous lifestyle.'”
“This gave me a HUGE laugh. Your sister is basically homeless and doesn’t appear to have the mental health bandwidth to live with the consequences of her actions.”
“LOL (laughing out loud), ‘adventurous lifestyle’… She apparently can’t even spell ‘irresponsible.'”
“NTA.”
“Tell your parents DIRECTLY that you are NOT going to subsidize the irresponsible lifestyle of two healthy adults who are fully capable of getting a job and renting a place to live and that any further BULLYING from them (or your sister) will only result in going no contact until the bullying stops.” – celticmusebooks
“NTA. You are not obligated to bail your sister and her family out of a situation they created for themselves. You offered reasonable help, and they need to take responsibility for their choices.” – Pretty_Shanee
“You are definitely not the asshole. You didn’t sign up to be a hotel for your sister’s impulsive decisions. Let them enjoy their “dream vacation” while you enjoy the peace and quiet of your own home.” – WickedWhimsyy
“Financial screw-ups: Check.”
“Parents on side of financial screw-ups: Check.”
“Mutual friends on side of financial screw-ups: Check.”
“Parents can upsize. Mutual friends can accommodate. You are under zero obligation to fund their financial screw ups.”
“I would start telling all of those people, ‘I’m so glad you want to help sister/BIL. Would you like me to tell them the great news that they can live with you rent-free with their two kids, or do you want to give them the happy news?'”
“To the parents, I’d say, ‘I’m happy you want to help them out. Do you want my help to sell your current place and look for a bigger place?'”
“When they are all like, ‘Oh, we don’t want to house them,’ be like, ‘Yeah, neither do I. So you do understand you just think it’s okay for them to take advantage of me. Good to know you think so little of me. I will be lowering contact till you pull your head out of your a**.'”
“NTA, OP.” – CuriousPenguinSocks
“Absolutely not. You’re not the AH here. You’re being asked to pick up the pieces of someone else’s reckless decision. Selling a house to fund a vacation and then expecting you to provide a safety net is beyond entitled. You’ve worked hard to build something for yourself, and you have every right to protect that.”
“Helping family doesn’t mean sacrificing your peace and stability, especially when they refuse to take responsibility for their own choices. You offered to help them find a rental and even contribute financially; that’s more than generous.”
“They’re asking you to bear the cost of their impulsive behavior for nearly a year. That’s not support, that’s enabling.”
“Don’t let anyone guilt-trip you into thinking you’re in the wrong here. Boundaries aren’t selfish; they’re necessary. And you’ve set a fair one. If they really value experiences so much, maybe it’s time they experience the reality of their decisions.”
“What would they do if the roles were reversed? Would they really be willing to upend their entire lives to accommodate you?” – Ambitious_Run_6389
The subReddit couldn’t believe that so many people in the OP’s life were pressuring him to take in, essentially, a pair of adults who valued traveling over financial management to the point of impacting other people.
It was likely already impacting their children, but it would soon impact their extended family, no matter who decided to help them. While it was okay to want to travel a lot, there had to be a balance between enjoying those experiences and paying the bills.