Some people believe it is definitely possible to have too much of a good thing.
And indeed, anything in excess, be it food, hobbies, or activities, stands the chance of losing its appeal.
Making it seem less “special” than it already is.
Redditor Unusual-Flan-7732 was grew increasingly tired of a habit his wife had recently developed.
Catching on to his displeasure, the original poster (OP)’s wife asked him if he would like it if she toned them down, just a little bit.
However, the OP’s honest answer to her question proved the last thing his wife wanted to hear, seemingly straining their relationship.
Wondering where he might have gone awry, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole?” (AITA), where he asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA For asking my wife to please complement me less?”
The OP explained why he felt he could use a few less of his wife’s compliments:
“I (26 M[ale]) was asked by my wife (29 F[emale]) last night if she gives me too many compliments.”
“I answered yes just a little bit, to which she replied ‘don’t you like them though?'”
“And I said yes I do just not so many a day.”
“Because after so many it doesn’t feel as special or personal to me, it just feels like you’re saying it to say it.”
“She said she had the same amount of meaning to all of them and she just wants me to feel special.”
“I replied I appreciate that but to me it just doesn’t feel the same and I asked if she could give me 1-3 compliments a day instead of her usual amounts which was about 4-7.”
“She then got really quiet for 30 seconds and stormed off to the bathroom, brushed her teeth and went to bed.”
“I am confused to why she is mad at me saying how it made me feel.”
“I thought she would appreciate the feedback.”
“I am not someone who hates compliments at all, I like them just not so many at a time because it feels much less meaningful and less personal.”
“I would just like to be complemented a little less everyday so they feel more meaningful.”
“So AITA?”
The OP would later clarify a few things about his wife’s excessive complimenting in the comments section:
“My reasoning is that I grew up in a relatively emotionless house and complements were few and far between.”
“But when you did get a complement it made me feel very seen and appreciated.”
“It also after a while of so many makes me feel like I dont deserve them.”
“I’m just a regular person doing regular things no need to complement me about it.”
“I understand that it is one of the ways she shows love to me.”
“But am I not allowed to tell her how it makes me feel?”
“I definitely could have worded things better in my response, but telling your partner how they make you feel is just part of communication.”
“Why do I have to ‘just deal with it’ if it makes me uncomfortable?”
“There are a lot of sexual comments.”
“Such as grabbing my crotch and saying how much she likes it.”
“You don’t need to grab it and say that multiple times a day.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community was fairly divided on whether or not the OP was the a**hole for the way he spoke to his wife.
Some had a change of heart after reading the OP’s updates, finding that behavior somewhat creepy and manipulative, and some felt that, update or not, the OP’s wife didn’t have a right to get so upset when he merely answered her question honestly:
“OP, your edit completely changes everything and you really buried the lede.”
“Being touched there without your consent, when you’re saying no, is a massive problem.”
“You’re right to be upset.”
“NTA.”- h2oooohno
“NTA.”
“aAl of these comments are insane.”
“Manipulating someone is not how you ask for something in a relationship.”
“If you want something ask for it.”
“These are the same people who in the same breath will say communication is so important.”
“Smh.”- Primary_Jaguar411
“NTA.”
“Kinda crazy how many comments are sh*tting on you for feeling how you do.”
“Sometimes, a lot of compliments can be overwhelming.”
“A lot of anything can be overwhelming.”
“Just because you guys don’t get complimented doesn’t mean OP needs to enjoy it for you.”
“Maybe you could’ve worded it better, but honestly, just speak with her again once she cools off.”
“See if she’ll tell you how she felt and what she wants from you.”- Soulless35
“NTA.”
“If you’d told her unprompted you’d be an AH but she literally asked.”
“There’s two options: either she wanted a specific answer and got angry you didn’t give it, which would make her an AH; or, she wants you to compliment her more and refuses to communicate it clearly, making her the AH.”
“Those calling you an AH for answering honestly and daring to have personal preferences are AHs and a lot of them are clearly sexist.”- Eresyx
“I love how absolutely everyone in this feed completely dismisses your discomfort! s/
Just because other people are starved for compliments, doesn’t mean your feelings are in any way invalid.”
“I had it happen too in a prior relationship, drowned in compliments, and After a while it starts to feel disingenuous, as if it is being said just to be said.”
“Even manipulative.”
“Turns out the bugger was a manipulative gaslighter, so my gut feeling if discomfort at the overflow of compliments was my savior and I managed to get away!”
“So no, you are NTA for feeling uncomfortable and communicating this to your wife when she explicitly ASKED you how you felt about it.”
“That being said, there is some solid advice that maybe she is fishing for compliments too, and it might be worth it to try and compliment her more often.”
“To everyone calling you an A-hole because other men don’t get compliments and you should just ‘suck it up’.. “
“Sexist much?”
“I’m sure if this had been a woman who had posted this, y’all be singing a different tune.”- Solid-Long9980
Others, however, had more trouble sympathizing with the OP, feeling they were wilfully ignoring his wife’s pleas to be complimented more often by him:
“Wife here.”
“Been married five years and I compliment my husband maybe more than your wife compliments you.”
“I genuinely mean each one.”
“I adore my husband, and I want him to know that and feel secure in our relationship.”
“YTA.”
“Let her love you.”
“Take her compliments on board.”- Negative-Remote-9221
“YTA.”
“Everyone’s love language is different and i think this is where you guys are having the tiff.”
“My best friend gives out 100s of compliments a day just because that’s how she shows affection and care, while i’m not the best at taking them I know it’s just how she chooses to love me.”
“It’s the same for your wife.”
“I don’t think her reaction was amazing but she’s probably seeing it as you denying a huge part of how she loves you and shows it.”
“You not seeing the value of how she loves is offensive and mean.”
“This is where I would say suck it up or learn to love it.”
“She obviously loves you and loves to remind you through sweet words throughout the day.”
“It’s not fair for her to feel like her way of caring is a burden when it isn’t at all.”
“Also it’s a compliment, it can’t be hurting you enough that you’re willing to lose her.”
“Do better and choose your battles wisely.”- Expert_Pilot6232
“You’re going to regret this.”
“I’ve seen two posts along these lines that ended horribly.”
“One was a guy who told his wife to not talk as much, and the other was a woman who told her husband to not touch her so much.”
“Look for them and learn from them.”
“YTA.”- Bipolar_Bear_84
“Dude I can’t imagine the HELL you live in bro.”
“Your wife compliments you 4-7 A DAY!”
‘How grueling.”
“The turmoil.”
“YTA.”
“I literally feel like compliments from my partner are little cute treasures.”- laurendrillz
“YTA.”
“You’re taking her care and affection for granted.”
“Time to start looking at your own issues here because her compliments aren’t the problem.”- indred72
“YTA.”
“Get used to never getting another compliment again because those days are gone.”
“Most people would kill to have their spouse give them genuine compliments throughout the day, but that’s over for you now so I hope being honest was worth it lol.”- Know_1_7777777
Upon reading everything the Reddit community had to say, the OP later returned with an update, concerning a conversation he had with his wife:
“We did later talk about it, and she did say she does it so often because she wants more compliments.”
“I understand that I need to compliment her more, and I am trying to be better at that.”
Not all people react to compliments in the same way.
In fact some people hate being complimented as much as others love it, which seems to be close to the situation between the OP and his wife.
It also seemed the OP’s wife hoped that her excessive complimenting might change his ways, and she might be complimented more.
Hopefully, it has become clear to both of them that honesty and straightforwardness are always the best paths, and they’ll both receive the compliments they desire.