Guy Called 'Ungrateful' For Refusing To Let Parents Who Helped Him Buy House Move In 'Indefinitely'

We've all heard the saying that a gift comes without conditions, and if there are strings attached, it isn't really a gift at all.

But some people love to disguise ulterior motives as gifts, especially bigger gifts, side-eyed the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITAH) subReddit.

Redditor ytsy45 had worked hard and saved up for years to buy a house of his own, and he was touched when his parents gifted him money to help him make the big purchase.

But when they later held the "gift" over his head and called him ungrateful when he refused to let them move in "indefinitely," the Original Poster (OP) wasn't sure what to think of their "gift" anymore.

He asked the sub:

"AITAH for refusing to let my parents live with me after they 'loaned' me money to buy my house?"

The OP's parents gifted him 20,000 dollars to put toward his first home.

"About a year ago, I (29 Male) bought my first home."

"My parents generously offered me $20,000 toward the down payment, which they framed as a gift."

"I was extremely grateful, as they knew I'd been saving for years and wanted a place to call my own."

"I'd even invited them to celebrate with me the day I got the keys, and everything seemed fine."

But when his parents fell on hard financial times, the OP was shocked by their demands.

"Fast forward to three months ago: my dad lost his job unexpectedly, and my mom's part-time work wasn't enough to support them."

"They called me up one day and casually mentioned that they'd be 'moving in with me until they get back on their feet.'"

"I was stunned, as they'd never asked; they'd just assumed. When I hesitated, they reminded me of the $20,000 they'd given me for the house and said it was time I 'paid them back by helping them out.'"

"This was news to me. They'd repeatedly assured me it was a gift, no strings attached, and that they were just happy to help me achieve my dream of homeownership."

"Now they were calling it a 'loan,' even though there was never any mention of repayment, let alone interest, or expectations of them moving in someday."

The OP tried to compromise with his parents but to no avail.

"I was hesitant but willing to talk about it, and I suggested they stay temporarily."

"They dismissed this and said they'd be moving in indefinitely 'until things turn around,' adding that they'd expect full access to the house and even suggested taking over my office as their bedroom."

"They also told me they'd like to have more say in how I run my home; after all, 'they helped pay for it.'"

"Feeling cornered, I explained that while I love them and would gladly help in other ways (like paying some of their bills temporarily or letting them stay for a set period), I wasn't comfortable with them moving in indefinitely. This is my home, my sanctuary, and I've worked hard for it."

The situation continued to escalate.

"They were furious, saying I was 'ungrateful' and that family should support each other. They also claimed that since they 'invested' in the house, they're entitled to live in it as long as they need."

"My dad even hinted that he'd take me to court if I didn't 'pay back' their 'loan,' though I'm fairly certain he was bluffing."

"Now, several family members have weighed in, saying I'm the a**hole for turning my back on my parents after they helped me buy my house. But I feel like they changed the terms after the fact, and I don't think it's fair to demand indefinite housing when that was never part of the deal."

"So, am I wrong for refusing to let my parents move in after they 'loaned' me the down payment?"

"AITAH?"

Fellow Redditors weighed in:

• NTA: Not the A**hole
• YTA: You're the A**hole
• ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
• NAH: No A**holes Here

Some urged the OP to not let his parents move in or try to claim residency. 

"Don't let them move in. DON'T LET THEM MOVE IN. You will regret it. They will never leave. Think about it. Always there. Changing your home until it's theirs, until you get so fed up you'll want to pack and leave."

"They gave you the money as a gift and now they mismanaged their finances and are reframing it by lying that they 'invested' in your home. Bulls**t. Don't let them move in."

"NTA." - Gohighsweetcherry

"It feels very intentional that they are reframing it as they 'invested' in the house IF it was JUST a loan. When something is clearly a loan, and especially if you aren't paying interest on the loan, it is in no way an 'investment.'"

"I wonder if this was always the plan, but it happened far sooner than they expected when your dad lost his job. Although, are you sure he lost it? Or did he maybe just decide to take early retirement by 'investing' 20k to pull this bait and switch?"

"Maybe they knew there was never going to be enough retirement money to live comfortably, so they decided this would be their plan. I would be asking A LOT more questions regarding the 'indefinitely' portion of their request."

"But also, most importantly, DO NOT LET THEM MOVE IN." - Le-Deek-Supreme

"They will totally take over your home, and it won't be yours anymore. They got themselves into this situation. Father needs to get a job as they can't afford to retire yet. Mom may have to go back to full-time work."

"They have other options that don't include moving in with OP. They just thought they could bulldoze OP and shove him out the door."

"Stand your ground! Do NOT let them In regardless of what all the flying monkeys chirping in your ear. Block them all! Go no contact."

"If I were in your shoes, I'd unfortunately be wishing I didn't own that house so I could move to a place where they didn't have the address..." - OkieLady1952

"It really sounds like the parents might have had this in mind as their retirement plan all along, without actually telling him. Standing firm and not letting them move in indefinitely seems like the healthiest choice. NTA for sure!" - hoties_mia

"1. Change your locks today if they have a key."

"2. Put up cameras with motion sensors. Spend $20 to $40 and get an app for your phone."

"3. Put it in writing to your parents that you will give them refund or repay them but they are not allowed to change the terms and move in with you."

"Depending on the location and realtor, legal recommendation, and terms of your purchase: 4. Whether you have equity in your home, you can borrow against or if have to take out a loan, do it and give them their $20k back."

"5. Don't listen to or pay attention to your relatives, their opinions, or others. This is your parents being utterly crappy and taking over your sanctuary YOU have worked hard to create for yourself with their aggressive and manipulative behaviors."

"Good luck, OP! NTA." - Izzing448

Others stated that they would repay the "gift" to remove the parents' attempted leverage. 

"If I were in your shoes, I would take out a loan for what they gave you and hand the money to them."

"Tell them you are done, and walk away." - SeaworthinessBig8083

"Do not say you are repaying a loan though. If you do, they might come after you for interest. Say in writing, that while they gave you that gift and you were told at the time it was a gift and did not have to pay it back, you are giving them the same gift to help them. Make sure you get it in writing and save a copy." - sagegreen56

"I would, if possible, take out a home equity loan and give them back their d**n money if it is at all feasible given your income level. Or at least half of it."

"That's weird that they'd help you buy your own home if they don't have their own home or are just renting. Changing the terms of their gift sucks." - Wooden_Farmer8509

"Personally... Just personally... I would take another loan and pay them all that money back right away. Then I'd be free. The interest and living lean would, to me, be worth the freedom."

"Never mind it was a gift. Never mind they're working in bad faith. It would be worth it to never have it held over my head."

"Sure, OP's dad could take them to court and burn money he doesn't have. That'd be pointless."

"But yeah, never ever, ever, ever let them in. Change locks, put up cameras, batten down the hatches, and use that block button like a wild person." - mrshanana

"They knew what they were doing. I hate to say it. Tell them you'll pay them back. And do it. Any way you can. However long it takes. Pay them back that money. Preferably, just take out a loan, pay them back all at once to get them off your back, and then pay off that loan yourself in peace."

"But don't let them bring one item into YOUR home. They will never leave. They will make it theirs. You KNOW it. As hard and as heartbreaking as it is. It WILL HAPPEN."

"It's an unfortunate set of circumstances and a horrible thing your parents have done to you. And I'm so sorry. But this is on them. Not you."

"If other family members feel your parents need help, they can help them. See where that goes. If your parents cut contact, if other family or friends cut contact because of this, that's a price you pay for peace."

"Hopefully, down the line, people will see it was for your sanity and well-being."

"I'm sorry this is happening, and it's a terrible thing your parents are doing to you. I do hope you can stand your ground. Good luck." - eff_the_rest

After receiving feedback, the OP shared his probable plans for paying his parents back.

"I'm now actively considering paying them back in full, perhaps extra for the time since it was 'gifted.' It's frustrating because they originally insisted the money was a gift, but if paying them back fully will restore boundaries, it might be worth it."

"I'd have to adjust my budget and take on extra debt, but honestly, that feels like a better solution than constantly having to defend my space or argue over my independence."

"This is my home, and it's somewhere I worked hard to make my own. I've been nervous that letting them move in would mean losing all sense of control over the space I've built. It's already overwhelming knowing they're insisting on things like taking over my office, and I'm genuinely worried they'd try to change even more."

"The fact that they're reframing the money as an 'investment' after saying it was a gift has thrown me. It feels manipulative, and while I want to help them in ways that make sense, moving in indefinitely isn't the answer."

"Thanks for backing me up on this. I needed the reminder that setting boundaries doesn't make me a bad son."

The subReddit was alarmed by the OP's parents' behavior and ulterior motives regarding the OP's new home. It was clear that he needed to do whatever he could to take away his parents' leverage, including paying the non-gift back and not giving his parents any chances to settle into his home.