No matter how old we get, anyone with a sibling tends to worry that their parents prefer their siblings to them.
Often by the smallest actions made by their parents, which truly didn’t mean anything in the grand scheme of things.
Unfortunately, there are indeed some parents who make no attempt to hide their preference for one of their children over the others.
Such was the case for Redditor throwaway649q, whose parents, and the rest of his family were pretty open with their preference for one of the original poster (OP)’s younger twin siblings.
With this in mind, the OP took the other one under his wing a little bit and even went out of his way to help him as he approached a major milestone.
When his other sibling learned she was not getting the same help, she made no effort to hide her anger.
Worried that he may have made a mistake, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where he asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for favoring my scapegoat brother over his golden child twin sister?”
The OP explained why he felt the need to give his younger brother a bit of extra attention, which didn’t end up sitting well with his younger sister.
“I (20 M[ale]) have two younger siblings, ‘Joe’ and ‘Jill’.”
“They’re twins, both 18 and graduating high school this year.”
“Jill is my parent’s favorite, because they’ve always wanted a daughter, while Joe is their scapegoat, because I guess he’s the bonus baby they never actually asked for.”
“I’m mostly better off than Joe, as I’m the oldest grandson from both sides of my family, almost all of whom are just as blatant as my parents are about their favoritism.”
“I felt really bad for Joe, so I did what I could to make him feel less alone.”
“Like when Jill got to go shopping with mommy and daddy, I took Joe skating with my friends.”
“When our parents were too busy watching Jill’s kiddie pageant, I dragged my best bud to sit through Joe’s elementary school musical.”
“Small things like that. It all started as pity moves, but soon my friends pretty much like Joe better than me, while Jill’s princess syndrome got in her head, so now I spend more time with Joe because I simply like him better than Jill.”
“Never said it out loud, but I don’t make it a secret either that I prefer not to spend my time with entitled brats.”
“Anyway, like I said they’re graduating soon.”
“They both already had their choice of college, accommodations, etc.”
“Jill’s going to a uni in SF, fully funded by our parents, unsurprisingly.”
“Joe’s going to the same Uni as mine in Seattle, but different campus just 20ish minutes away.”
“He got a full ride, which apparently makes him ineligible to get any financial help from his own parents.”
“This is also hardly surprising, so I made some calls to ask around, see if anyone is hiring next fall.”
“I did this while on facetime with Joe.”
“I was reassuring him that we’ll find him a job that don’t suck and pays enough, that he’s better off without dad’s money anyway because we both know it comes with strings attached, that this way, mom and dad wouldn’t be able to stick their noses into his purchases.”
“I got him to feel better about the whole thing and logged off.”
“I guess Jill overheard, because the next day she sent me texts after texts demanding I help her find jobs as well because she doesn’t want dad ‘nagging her’.”
“When I told her, politely btw, that I don’t know anyone in SF, and that she’d get more help from mom and dad, she blew up, saying all these things about me favoring Joe over her, which, yeah.”
“I love both of my siblings, but I don’t particularly like Jill.”
“It’s not like she’s making herself likable, though, so AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community wholeheartedly agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for helping his younger brother find a job, and not his sister.
Just about everyone felt that the OP’s sister got a taste of her own medicine, and her anger was even more ludicrous considering her parents were paying for her to go to college.
“Your brother is very lucky to have you.”
“But remember that it is not your sister’s fault, that her parents favored her.”
“It is also not her fault, that this made her entitled.”
“But she is an adult now, so it is her responsibility to do better in the future.”
“She will need time for that.”
“I would directly explain to her, why you treat them differently.”
“Get it out in the open, it seems about time.”
“Be kind and tell her, that you love her and don’t blame her for your parents mistakes but also point out specific situations, where her behavior made hanging out with her difficult.”
“It is also not your job to help your siblings.”
“You are doing it for your brother, because you want to.”
“You have good reasons to not want to do it for Jill as well.”
“She did not even ask nicely, she just demanded it.”
“It is about time, that that she understands, that this is not how you get people to do favors for you.”-sandwich_paper
“Explain to her the difference in treatment by your parents.”
“Maybe she’s redeemable you never know.”- Zookeeper-007
“I figured your brother was a total f*ck up or something, but seems his only crime was being the boy twin.”
“F*ck ups don’t get full rides to college.”
“Here’s the thing, of course you are NTA, but you went above and beyond, because without someone like you in his life Joe would have likely slipped into total fuck up territory.”
“So what you have done for him is beyond any measure of the acronyms we have on this page.”
“As for Jill, give her a chance to grow up without your parents constant dotage.”
“She might surprise you.”- BaltimoreBadger23
“Reading this startled me, as I’m100% the Joe in my family.”
“I have a golden-child opposite-gender twin and an older sibling the same gender I am.”
“You’re doing a great job.”
“I am soooo grateful for my older sister who sounds a lot like you.”- SKatieRo
“As a scapegoat child myself, I would have done anything for a sibling like you.”
“Good on you!”- Global_Rich2165
“No offence, but I hate parents who play favorites, it’s so toxic.”
“The irony is that your parents don’t realize they’re damaging their golden child too, but in a more insidious way.”
“It might not seem like it because they’re getting everything and they can be entitled and obnoxious, but the golden child is a victim as well the scapegoat child.”
“I hope Joe gets therapy in college and heals and goes low contact with your parents and I hope Jill one day sees your parents for who they really are and breaks free of her golden child handcuffs.”-FloppyEaredDog
“Your brother needed you and you stepped up.”
“But maybe when Jill is at uni try to visit her, tell her now that you’ll check on her to see how she’s doing.”
“She might be different once she’s away from the toxicity of your parents.”- wilf_theangelbean
“NTA Without all favoritism, the fact remains sister is going to a city in which big brother doesn’t live.”
“At least with the male twin being closer to big brother, he would have better ideas to help younger brother get a job.”- FlagCityDiva
“NTA you’re an awesome brother.”
“Believe me, none of this is small.”
“It’s everything.”- waterfairyunicorn
“But you could be kinder and more encouraging to jill about her independence without putting in more actual work.”
“I get that you trie your best and you your behavior is absolutely valid.”
“Kindness also costs you nothing and a few.”
“‘Wow, I think it is fantastic that you want to work to be more independent from our parents’.”
“‘That’s very mature and the right step in my opinion”.”
“‘I’m sorry that I can’t help you find a job in that city as I know no one there, but I’m sure you will find something that fits and pay enough’.”
“‘You could look at xyz places’.”
“‘You will get there’.”
“‘You also have more time because our parents are willing to fund it for you’.”
“‘The time for joe is way more urgent’.”
“I do think if jill gets away from your parents and actually does get herself a job, she may mature and becomes a more likable person.”
“As said, there is nothing wrong with your behavior and kill them with kindness is way easier said than done and maybe not even possible here.”
“All the best to you and your siblings.”
“Your parents suck extreme.”- CakeEatingRabbit
Considering that the OP’s sister has had the almost undivided attention of her parents all her life, it’s rather surprising that she was upset the OP was helping her twin brother, and not proud of him.
Perhaps that only makes her entitlement all the more clear.
One rather hopes the OP’s parents are aware of this, as had they shown their children equal love, this whole situation might not have happened.