Living with roommates can be a blast.
Sometimes it’s nice to have people to come home to.
But in order for a roommate situation to work, people have to mesh.
Boundaries are an important part of the roommate experience, especially food boundaries.
Nothing can start a war between roomies faster than stolen groceries.
Redditor ecbail wanted to discuss his experience and get some feedback, so naturally, he came to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subreddit.
He asked:
“AITA for not sharing my groceries just because we live together?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I (31 M[ale]) rent a flat with two other guys.”
“We all agreed we’d buy our own groceries and label stuff.”
“One of them keeps ‘accidentally’ using my stuff, like milk, eggs, even my coffee.”
“He always says ‘I’ll replace it,’ but rarely does.”
“I stopped saying anything and just started moving my stuff into my room’s mini fridge.”
“Now he’s calling me petty and says I’m ‘killing the vibe.”
“But I’m not his parent.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“AITA for being territorial about my food in a shared house?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared that OP was NOT the A**hole.
“NTA. If he doesn’t replace what he uses, then he has a hissy about you no longer making those items available to him, then he knows he is taking advantage of it and is just mad you set the boundary.” ~ Minimum_Penalty4855
“NTA. Get a lock box for anything that you can’t take back into your room.”
“Preventing theft isn’t ‘killing the vibe,’ it’s killing the mooching.” ~ C_Majuscula
“NTA – ‘We are roommates, not life partners.'”
“You are not obligated to support him.”
“If he wants milk or eggs, he should get himself some.” ~ Visual-Lobster6625
“NTA. Your roommate not being a competent enough adult to buy groceries and feed himself is ‘killing the vibe.'” ~ Pristine-Local-8176
“Good job getting the mini fridge.”
“You may also want to put a lock on it because the next thing you know, you’ll be back here saying he came into your room to take food. NTA.” ~ DazzlingPotion
“NTA. I really think that sharing groceries with roommates often doesn’t work, and does cause exactly the problems you’re experiencing.” ~ SavingsRhubarb8746
“It can work well, I even did it for a time with 7 roommates.”
“But it can only work when nobody in the house is a thieving a**hole, and everyone agrees on whatever parameters.”
“Just one selfish a**hole in the mix and the whole system falls apart into a tragedy of missing cheese and angry glares over the bagel situation.” ~ InannasPocket
“NTA. Tell him he’s killing the vibe by constantly eating your food.”
“It’s not by accident.” ~ Psychonaut1008
“You didn’t agree to share groceries.”
“It wasn’t a part of the agreed-for ‘vibe’ in the first place – and he’s not replacing what he took.”
“Sounds like he’s just salty he can’t keep using your stuff.”
“NTA at all.” ~ KesselRunner42
“NTA. Your roommate is a thief.”
“Lock your room.” ~ pixyfire
“NTA. He is just upset he can’t take your food anymore.” ~ lmchatterbox
“NTA. I let a friend stay at my place for a cheap rent.”
“He asked if his girlfriend could move in too.”
“I said ok.”
“I didn’t change the rent.”
“I let them move to a bigger (spare) room.”
“I suddenly notice I am doubling my spend on toiletries (deodorant and shampoo).”
“Literally having to replenish it every week.”
“Finally clocked what was happening, of course.”
“From that point on kept my toiletry bag in my room.”
“Toiletry spend reverted to normal levels.” ~ Quick-Oil-5259
“Definitely NTA.”
“You had an agreement to keep groceries separate, and he keeps crossing that line.”
“It’s not petty to want your own food respected, especially when he’s not replacing what he takes.”
“Keeping your stuff in your room is just setting a boundary after he’s already pushed it too far.”
“If he’s calling that ‘killing the vibe,’ maybe the real problem is that he liked the setup better when he could mooch off you without consequences.” ~ _pixelnikki_
“No, you’re not being petty.”
“Your mooching flatmate is pissed because his free access to your stuff has stopped.”
“Being petty would be putting your milk back in the fridge once it’s gone off, or switching sugar for salt.”
“(I might be that petty lol).”
“NTA. Tell him to cry harder.”
“The ‘vibe’ has gone anyway, thanks to your freeloading friend.” ~ FabulousTrick8859
“Back in my apartment coin-op laundry days, one of my roommates, who I had also lived with for 2 years in college, regularly ‘borrowed’ quarters from my stash to do his laundry, which left me with no quarters when it was my time.”
“I lived a short walk to the bank, so it wasn’t a big deal to go get another roll, so I let it slide a few times.”
“He, too, was a ‘I’ll replace it later’ type.”
“Then it was once too many, and I flipped out on him when I went to do my laundry and only like 5 quarters remained.”
“At first, he didn’t get why I got so pissed until I laid it out very clearly that his taking my quarters resulted in extra work for me when, in fact, I had the quarters in my room for MY convenience.”
“Perhaps he was playing dumb or really never thought about it, but we were good after that.”
“He got his own quarters.”
“We continued living together through the lease and a few times till I moved away from the city.”
“Now that I remember more, he actually would leave a dollar bill or whatever he took in quarters, so he initially thought we were even.”
“That’s what set me off.”
“The fact that he took my quarters and left dollar bills so when it was time for me to do laundry, I didn’t have 20 quarters but a $5bill.” ~ chiguy
“NTA. You all agreed to a verbal contract in advance.”
“He is being a jerk and taking advantage of you.”
“Maybe he is struggling financially, but then the right thing to do would be to talk to your roommates about your situation.”
“Or perhaps reach out to family or community supports, not just help yourself to other people’s stuff and be petty about it when they call you on it.” ~ mistressspocktopus
“NTA. His vibe is apparently to mooch off of you.”
“If he says anything else, tell him it’s the only way you could stop him from stealing from you.” ~ keesouth
“NTA. You guys are roommates, not a couple.”
“Even if he weren’t repeatedly using your stuff and not replacing it, you have every right to keep your food segregated.”
“And he’s only mad because he can’t leech anymore.” ~ ProfessionalDot8419
“NTA, both you and he know the truth; he’s killing the vibe by free loading off you.” ~ MsMarisol2023
“NTA. You can just bring back the ‘vibe’ by taking his eggs, milk, and coffee!”
“And then never replace it.”
“Just like it used to be.”
“Surely he would appreciate that you made sure the vibe never dies!”
“He says ‘petty’ and ‘vibe’ to avoid being called out for what it is: stealing and disrespect.”
“He is the one who created a living situation where stealing happens, where you can’t leave your food unattended.’
“And that even if you get the amount you need, you might end up not having enough without knowing and having to spend more money to ‘replenish your stock.'”
“All because he has sticky fingers, lies, and is dishonest (he never pays you back).”
“If you really want to make your point at home and ‘kill the vibe,’ you can just bluntly state that to him and make a bill of all the money he owes you and badger him every day for it and don’t call him by his name, just call him ‘petty thief.'”
“But that is the escalation option which will make things really tense and unpleasant.” ~ weattt
“NTAH. Ask him at what point he forgot the agreement that each person would supply their own needs.”
“Then tell him you are tired of his mooching off of you, and rather than be an ogre, you moved your things.”
“Also, to add, you didn’t kill the vibe, he did.”
“If the harassment doesn’t stop, talk to the other roommates.”
“He may be doing the same thing to them.”
“In any case, put a lock on your door, because he’ll probably raid your mini fridge.” ~ Jo007athome
“NTA. Borrowing or lending implies that you get it back.”
“Since he repeatedly proved that he can’t be trusted with paying you back in goods or money, this is more than legit.”
“Also, it is actually not uncommon when living in shared housing that everyone has their own fridge.”
“Heck, even the pension I stayed at a few weeks back when I started my first job provided 1 fridge for each guest in the shared kitchen.” ~ JustRedditTh
“NTA, at all.”
“My old roommate used to do this, and it drove me crazy.”
“I tried to keep the peace for a while and never said anything, and the stealing just got worse.”
“It was the right move with the mini fridge, wish I had done that.” ~ Bubbles033
Reddit has your back, OP.
Your roommate is a petty thief.
If he wants a “chill vibe,” he should keep his hands off your groceries.
You did what you had to do.
Stand your ground.
Especially when it comes to your eggs… eggs are expensive!!!
Good Luck.