Parents continue wanting what’s best for their child as they develop into adulthood, and a positive dating experience is no exception.
One couple is at odds over their teen daughter taking an interest in a guy the same age… and the point of contention is not how he treats her.
When the parental argument escalated, the wife/mother visited the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit to seek judgment from strangers online.
There, Redditor Key-Jackfruit2552 asked:
“AITA for insulting my husband for what he said about our daughter’s bf?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“My daughter (17 f[emale]) recently started dating this boy 17 m[ale]. He is her first bf ever. One of my biggest concerns when my daughter started dating is her getting mistreated, an obvious concern”
“However, after meeting her bf at one of his baseball games (she met him through one of her friends in baseball) I realized this was not something I had to be seriously concerned about.”
“He is genuinely one of the sweetest people I have ever met. Every time I see him interact with the coaches, his teammates, his opponents, my daughter, etc. it is always positive. He is just generally a very soft-spoken and kind individual, always positive and happy. I also say this with no ill intent, but he is fairly short and somewhat tubby, which is relevant to my husbands opinion.”
The OP continued:
“I obviously do not care about this as he is a good person and quite clearly treats my daughter well. When my husband met him earlier, however, he did not seem as happy.”
“Once he had left, he told me that he don’t think he was right for our daughter. He made comments about him not being man enough. I said that our daughter loves him and he loves our daughter, and that I’m happy she’s with someone we know will treat her right.”
“My husband said that he would rather her be with a ‘real man’, not some short little gay kid. I got a little mad at this and said what would you rather have him be then? some big macho man that snaps at our daughter? He responded by saying that that would be better than some fat pansy.”
“I told him he was just being an annoying d*ck to the kid for no reason other than he doesn’t think he’s ‘man’ enough for some stupid arbitrary reason and that he should be supporting our daughter. He said if your fine with our daughter dating a f’king pansy, so be it I guess.”
“He stormed off, and I’ve been reflecting on it and think maybe what I said was uncalled for as he has his own perspective on these things as a dad, and I should not have started throwing around insults as that does nothing to fix this issue for our daughter and her bf.”
Anonymous strangers weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
Many Redditors thought the OP was not the a**hole (NTA) here.
“So he would rather your daughter be married to a brute tough guy who treats her like sh*t than a shorter chubby kid who treats her well? So appearance is actually more important than character to your husband. Tell your husband you did some research and found out there iszero obligation for him to f’k your daughters boyfriend so he can actually shove his opinion up his own @ss.”
“NTA but pay attention to how he acts and what else he has these opinions on, he doesn’t think like that in a vacuum. He’s gotta be an a**hole in 4D.” – itstheloneliestlife
“Not only does OP’s husband value appearance above character, he values appearance above his own daughter’s well-being. That’s just sick. He’d rather his daughter date some 6’ macho man who hurts her than a chubby short kid she loves and who loves her back. I wonder, when he watches Beauty and the Beast does he root for Gaston?”
“If my husband said something like this, it’d kill any attraction I have towards him. OP’s husband is obviously homophobic. I don’t know how she can stay with someone who values toxic masculinity over the safety and happiness of his own child. Such a turnoff.”
“People like OP’s husband are so emotional and low IQ, it’s a wonder they manage to get married in the first place. I assume it’s a road lined with a lot of overlooked red flags.” – old_vegetables
“NTA. It’s not just the whole values appearances over character here, which is bad enough on its own. It’s that he finds bad behavior and possibly abuse acceptable as long as said person conforms to his idea of manliness.”
“Imagine this behavior pointed at your daughter.” – tango421
“Are you still with your husband – after those comments, I would not even want to see his face, let alone have to live in the same house with him.”
“I cannot think of one thing you could have said that would be considered an insult after what he said about his daughter’s BF.”
“Has your husband always been verbally Abusive ???”
“Your husband sounds like a TAH, he is going to do everything possible to make this kid afraid of him and break it off with your daughter.”
“I’d have a talk with your daughter and tell her for some reason he father isn’t fond of her BF so if he gives her a hard time or BF a hard time, you want her to come to you asap and let you know.”
“NO YOU are NOT TAH – your husband is though.” – RosieDays456
“NTA.”
“Is your husband always this much of a jerk and judgmental about people? Does he treat you well? I only ask bc, like you said, it sounds like your daughter has an amazing boyfriend, and I can’t imagine why he would be so negative about him. Does he feel bad that he’s not as kind as this kid or something? Or is he being negative to get her (in a bizarre way) to stop dating completely?” –
xxooxxxooxx
“NTA. Your husband is, at the most merciful best, expecting too much of someone who is still in the throes of puberty and is a nice kid. But plainly, he’s homophobic and shallow.”
“Clearly the kid isn’t gay if he’s sincerely into your daughter. Who cares what he is? He treats her well and has been polite and friendly around you. You hit the high school daughter’s boyfriend lottery, and your husband is behaving like a fool.” – RadioSupply
“Your husband is toxic AF. I’d be crushed if my wife talked that way, and I know without a doubt, she’d leave me over comments like that. I’m so glad your daughter never learned what type of man she needs from your husband and chose the man she wants. Don’t know you, but damn that pisses me off, people like him…. I’m sorry you’re married to a ‘real man'”
“BTW, nta.” – ph_ph-photobomb
“NTA but your hubby definitely is. Have a one-on-one conversation with your daughter and advise her not to let your husband’s comments sway her opinion on her bf (if she is aware of the comments). Perhaps hubby needs some form of individual counseling, maybe an underlying insecurity.” – JustHere-11337
“NTA but you have bigger issues than insulting your husband.”
“Your husband is sexist, homophobic, and a bigot. He has you questioning between what is better, a ‘manly man’ who is going to mistreat your daughter to show how macho he is or someone who is going to treat your daughter like a person?” – nonchalantenigma
“NTA but I would think long and hard about this marriage. Your husband has made it clear that your daughter should be with a stereotypical tough guy who most luckily would mistreat her (and possibly worse) than date a ‘fat pansy.’ “
“Then stormed off after he said, ‘If you’re fine with our daughter dating a f’king pansy, so be it, I guess.’ “
“Kudos to you for standing up for your daughter, but keep doing it for yourself. He sounds like a sexist AH on all accounts. Plus, it makes me wonder how he treats you and your daughter at home….” – AVeryBrownGirlNerd
“NTA.”
“The fact that you would even consider that it’s very possible that someone else may have a very valid opinion and that you just don’t understand it, proves that about you. Not only that, but you’re putting in extra effort to try to understand that opinion. Super not an a**hole.”
“That being said, your husband sounds like kind of a jerk. And the fact that you’re on here, second guessing yourself for standing up to him, and thinking that YOU are the a**hole makes me worried about how he treats you.” – Vegetable-Tart-4721
Overall, Redditors sided with the OP for supporting the daughter’s interest in dating her boyfriend, mainly because he makes her happy and treats her with respect.
However, Redditors didn’t hold back in stating that the OP’s husband was the real antagonist in this conflict.
If the boy makes their daughter happy, that should be the deciding factor, but apparently that rule doesn’t apply to everyone.