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Woman Hurt After Mom Asks Her Not To Discuss Good News To Avoid Upsetting Paralyzed Sister

Silhouette of sad and depressed woman sitting on the floor at home.
Kseniya Ovchinnikova/GettyImages

Life is full of tragedy and joy.

It’s never easy, but everyone tries to learn how to take the good with the bad.

And not knowing how to process joy because of tragedy can be a harrowing situation.

Life does go on after sad events.

How everyone involved copes and lives can be tricky to navigate.

Redditor CherryOk1649 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback. So naturally, she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.

She asked:

“AITAH for what I said? My family won’t let me share any good news because of my sister’s disability?”

The Original Poster (OP) explained:

“I 26 F[emale] have an older sister 32F who had a tragic accident three years ago that left her paralyzed from the waist down.”

“It’s been rough for everyone but especially for her of course.”

“Our family rallied around her.”

“We’re Helping out as much as we can, and I’ve been there every step of the way because I love her so much.”

“But since the accident, it feels like I don’t deserve to have any good things happen to me or at least I’m not allowed to talk about them.”

“Every time something positive happens in my life I get shut down by my family.”

“When I got a promotion at work last year I was so happy and excited to tell them.”

“I thought my family would be happy for me but when I tried to share the news, my mom pulled me aside and told me to not now because my sister had a tough day.”

“I ended up keeping it to myself.”

“8 months ago my boyfriend proposed.”

“When I told them, my mom immediately changed the subject later telling me that my sister was feeling down about her own marriage struggles.”

“It’s like anything good in my life is an offense to my sister’s situation.”

“This happened a few days ago.”

“I’ve been saving up for years to buy my first new car.”

“I finally managed to do it and I was so excited.”

“I thought my family would be happy for me.”

“So I decided to tell them.”

“As soon as the words were out of my mouth the room went dead silent.”

“My mom whispered to me ‘This isn’t the time. Think about your sister.'”

“My sister looked so sad and I instantly felt like the worst person in the world.”

“I just couldn’t handle it anymore and I said ‘Can’t I share anything good in my life? I thought you’d all be happy for me.'”

“No one knew what to say and I left the house.”

“I’ve never done that before.”

“Now I’m filled with regret and confusion.”

“I love my sister, and I never want to hurt her, but it feels like I’m not allowed to have anything good happen to me.”

“It’s getting to the point where I feel like I’m walking on eggshells all the time.”

“I understand my sister’s life has changed drastically, and I’m genuinely supportive and have always been there for her.”

“But sometimes I just want to be able to share my own life too.”

“I feel so guilty for even feeling this way like I’m being selfish or inconsiderate.”

“Her husband and even my parents share things about their lives freely, and no one seems to mind.”

“But as the younger sister I’m not allowed to share anything good in front of her so I don’t hurt her feelings.”

“I get it. I really do.”

“I understand she’s going through a lot and I don’t want to add to her pain.”

“But it feels like I’m not allowed to have any joy in my life around my family.”

“Now I know I owe my sister an apology for how I reacted.”

“I never want to make her feel sad, but I’m struggling with approaching my family.”

“I don’t feel like I should apologize to them.”

“And honestly I don’t think I’ll be sharing anything with them in the future.”

The OP was left to wonder:

“So, AITA?”

Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • NAH – No A**holes Here
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.

“NTA. You have nothing to feel guilty for and owe nobody any apologies.”

“Hopefully, if they have any sense of decency, what you said gave them something to think about.”

“If so, long overdue but better late than never.”

“If the fact they’ve collectively been acting like AHs didn’t click, then it’s time for you to move on and share more of your life with people who care about you.” ~ CatteNappe

“NTA. And you owe nobody an apology for living and celebrating the good things in your life.”

“INFO: Is it only your parents who don’t want you sharing these things?”

“Or is it also your sister?”

“Is your sister even aware that your parents have asked you to silence yourself when good things happen?”

“‘Hey, Mom and Dad always tell me not to let you know about anything good that happens to me, like my promotion at work, or when my BF proposed, or when I got a new car, because these things might upset you. I wanted to ask you directly, though. Are you ok hearing about good things that happen to me? Or do you find them upsetting?'”

“If your sister says she doesn’t mind or wants to hear these things about your life, then you should just 100% ignore your parents when they tell you to remain silent.”

“If your sister agrees with your parents and says she doesn’t want to hear about your successes, then you should honor that request, but you should also start spending WAY less time with your family.” ~ gordonf23

“I am wondering, based on the story, and on what OP has said in response to some of the comments, if she is even allowed to talk to her sister without her parents there.”

“It would be good if she could have some alone time with her sister and they could have some real talk. NTA.” ~ DrVL2

“Agree. NTA. It sounds like OP doesn’t get to have a 1:1 relationship with her sister anymore.”

“It also sounds like her sister isn’t in a position where she can say anything that might upset their mom.”

“OP – what level of care does your sister need?”

“Would you be able to take her to the movies or maybe the zoo?”

“Is she hooked up to a ventilator, or can she get out of the house?”

“If she’s still got all her mental faculties, she’s got to be bored out of her mind and thoroughly sick of seeing the same walls and faces every damned day.”

“Right now, your mom is controlling everything.”

“It isn’t at all fair to your sister to miss out on even more of life than she already is.”

“When I visit friends who have been bed-bound or chair-bound or have otherwise limited mobility, I keep them apprised of all the raunchiest gossip and, you know, treat them like the adults they are.” ~ SaskiaDavies

“NTA at all.”

“But I’m curious: how does your sister feel about all this?”

“Is she genuinely hurt whenever you share these positive things, or is your mom just being overprotective and jumping the gun?”

“Has there always been this kind of dynamic between you and your sister to a lesser extent before this?”

“It just seems incredibly weird that you’re the only person in your family who’s not allowed to share good news.” ~ Far_Quantity_6133

OP responded…

“My sister never says anything.”

“It’s always my mom who jumps in to tell me off followed by reasons why.”

“My sister did look sad when I told them about my new car but she didn’t say anything.”

“Whenever I try to discuss things with my sister, my parents tell me not to.”

“Saying it might complicate things and I might end up hurting her feelings even more.”

“Has there always been this kind of dynamic between you and your sister to a lesser extent before this?”

“She’s always been the confident one.”

“Saying whatever she wants whenever she feels like it.”

“I’ve had to work on myself over the years to express myself better.”

“But things have gotten worse since the accident.”

“Now I can’t say anything.”

Reddit continued…

“NTA. You do not need to apologize to your sister.”

“You did not say anything about her (unless you left her out).”

“You just finally voiced your frustration about never being able to share anything good.” ~ Having-hope3594

“NTA. You don’t need to apologize for this. Not to your sister, not to the rest of your family.”

“You didn’t do anything wrong.”

“It sounds like your family is forming some bad patterns right now, and it might be a good idea to stop that before it sets fully.”

“You say you and your family are spending a lot of time at your sister’s place to help out.”

“That’s admirable, to some extent, but it’s been three years.”

“You don’t need to all be there every day, especially if being there altogether gives your mom a chance to… well… pick on you.”

“I’d spend less time with your family at your sister’s house.”

“Spend time with your sister, spend time with your family, but stop combining the two so much.”

“And you can go ahead and shut your mom down if (when) she starts up again.”

“’That’s an odd way to say congratulations, Mom, wanna try again?'” ~ dryadduinath

“NTA- Your sister is married with children, but you can’t announce your proposal?”

“Apologize to your sister if it makes you feel better, but you should also explain that your mother takes you aside every single time you announce something positive and tells you how it hurts your sister.”

“It is entirely possible that your sister has no idea your mother is doing this.”

“Your sister could be offended that your mother is treating her like a child.” ~ lostalldoubt86

“Why do you think you owe your sister an apology?”

“You don’t. It’s sad that she is disabled but YOU are entitled to your life. NTA.” ~ dropshortreaver

“Start loudly criticizing and shaming anyone who shares any good news around your sister.”

“If it applies to you, it applies to all. NTA.” ~ Traveling-Techie

Well, OP, Reddit is with you.

It may be a good idea to have a private talk with your sister.

Perhaps she can help speak with your parents.

Good luck.