As much as we might like to know and be close to every single one of our family members, the truth of the matter is that there will always be a hierarchy within our families, ranging from those we’re very close to all the way to those we barely know.
Suddenly getting to interact with some of the family members we barely know, thanks to a wedding or other special occasion, can be a very interesting experience, side-eyed the members of the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor KhalCheeto was getting ready for her wedding in the bridal suite alongside her bridesmaids and her mother, and she expected her mother-in-law and sister-in-law to show up at any time.
But when her sister-in-law showed up with her husband in tow and demanded that he not leave her sight, even in the all-female bridal suite, the Original Poster (OP) was a little bit weirded out.
She asked the sub:
“AITA for not allowing my sister-in-law’s husband to stay in the bridal suite while we were getting ready?”
The OP carefully prepared everything for her wedding party.
“For my wedding day, we rented a hotel suite in the city.”
“I paid for hair and makeup for all my bridesmaids, and as a courtesy, I also paid for my mother-in-law and my sister-in-law.”
“I’m not close to my sister-in-law, but she’s very close to my husband, so I included her.”
The OP’s sister-in-law behaved very peculiarly that day.
“On the morning of the wedding, my mother-in-law and sister-in-law arrived late because my sister-in-law and her husband had been on a beach trip.”
“When they arrived, my sister-in-law brought her husband into the suite with his clothes to get ready for the wedding later, which surprised me because she didn’t mention anything about bringing him with her.”
“All three of them sat on the couch, and her husband stayed there on his phone.”
“I texted my husband, asking if he was supposed to stay and get dressed there. He didn’t know, either.”
“I told him this was meant to be a women-only space, since all of us were wearing robes that open easily, and our underwear was visible.”
The OP’s sister-in-law basically refused to let her husband out of her sight.
“My husband and my Maid of Honor’s husband stopped at the lobby during this time to drop some things off for the reception, and they offered to wait with him in the lobby or to take him with them.”
“I asked my husband to tell his sister that her husband could wait in the hotel lobby, but she refused and was also against the idea of him driving back alone to our house to get ready with my husband and groomsmen.”
“She said she didn’t want to risk him getting lost since he’s from another country (he’s from Puerto Rico, we’re from the Dominican Republic, and he has travelled around the DR many times on his own).”
“She got upset and tried to leave, but the hair and makeup artists convinced her to come back since it was already paid for. She got her hair and makeup done, and then all three of them left and waited in the lobby.”
“They even ended up getting dressed in the lobby bathroom, even though my mother-in-law and sister-in-law were allowed to stay in the suite if they wanted to.”
The OP felt very confused about everything that happened.
“My mother told me privately that she thought it was rude to bring a man into a room where only women were getting ready.”
“So, AITA for not allowing him to stay there? Was I being inflexible?”
“She was clearly very upset about the whole thing, and I understand maybe she didn’t want to have him sit alone for hours in the lobby while we were getting ready, but I didn’t know what else to do.”
“AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some reassured the OP that the husband could take care of himself.
“Um no… NTA.”
“Her husband is an adult, right? I think he can entertain himself for a few hours (bar, take a walk, Uber to wherever your husband is).”
“Plus, he’s from Puerto Rico, not Mars. I am reasonably sure he can function reasonably well in many, many, many, many, many places.” – SolmaRedditUserNow
“I was in six weddings while dating my husband and two after we married. I don’t know what he did while I was getting ready with the other ladies, and I didn’t worry about it then or now.”
“He was a grown man capable of figuring out his own entertainment, and I didn’t need to babysit or oversee. If he wasn’t capable of figuring it out, then he wasn’t ready for marriage.”
“For those wondering, I did give him a pass (which he didn’t ever take) for a few of them. Sitting at the ‘partners’ table is definitely not a stellar evening for him!” – Ill-Profile-968
“A number of years ago, my wife was in a wedding party, and I wasn’t. So when she was getting ready, I went out and played nine holes of golf at a local course. I made it back with plenty of time to shower, get dressed, and get to the venue.” – beer_engineer_42
“I fully believe an adult male can find his way to the lobby for one or two hours, drink some beers, and watch TV, people watch, or look at your phone.”
“I’ve been to other countries and have had zero issues with ordering a beer, cerveza, brewski, or Carlsbad even if I didn’t know the area outside the hotel.” – Redd889
“Sure, there is definitely an awkward factor at play, but… I mean, myself, as a dude, about the last place I want to be at is in the bridal suite at a wedding, whether my wife is in the bridal party or not.”
“If I don’t happen to know anyone at the wedding because of reasons… well… so?”
“I’ll go and check out the place I’m at, talk a walksie around, or pre-game a little at the bar, or find a newspaper, or pull down a book off Libby, or… I’m an adult. I’ll figure it out.”
“There are worse things in the world than having to entertain oneself in an unfamiliar environment.” – Wynfluee
Others wondered if the husband had cheated or if the OP’s sister-in-law was insecure.
“Yeah… that is really weird, her for insisting on this whole strange situation, and him for not understanding that he was not supposed to be there. That is a ‘no s**t Sherlock’ easily understood situation that he shouldn’t have been there.”
“One wonders if there are trust issues going on, e.g. He’ll go and get trashed in the hotel bar or something.” – Chef_Mama_54
“I am also Dominican, and I can say with almost 100% certainty that she was scared about other women trynna snatch up her man.”
“NTA! She’s an entitled weirdo, your husband should’ve put more effort into getting her off your back since it’s his sister and you and your girls were in a vulnerable position.” – InfiniteSniff
“NTA. She would rather get dressed in the lobby than let her adult husband go sit in the lobby??”
“This is very absurd. You’re NTA.” – pottersquash
“Did it feel like a controlling manner on his part or just a weird, possessive behavior on her part? Or something completely different?”
“As you probably know, when someone is under someone else’s control/influence, they won’t let their spouse do anything without them glued to their side. That’s how abusers maintain control.” – Chef_Mama_54
“Perhaps SIL’s husband met her originally in a hotel/as a womanizer/on vacation/due to a wandering eye, and she is worried that he is not trustworthy to be on his own without her presence/supervision.”
“Either way, this is SIL’s problem, not OP’s. OP is NTA.” – Oyster5436
“You know you’re NTA.”
“For f**k’s sake. What kind of barn-raised clod thinks it’s ok for an uninvited person, much less a nearly random man, to be in the room where the ladies are getting dressed?”
“Get your head straight, hon.”
“This was the first skirmish for control. And they’ve already got you questioning if the service you paid for was exclusionary for kicking a DUDE out of the Women’t Changing Space!”
“I know your husband tried to help you in this situation and seemed just as confused as you were, but since he’s very close to your sister-in-law, be on the lookout for whatever her beliefs are rubbing off of him. Stuff like this will hurt your marriage.” – opine704
The subReddit was thoroughly weirded out and just as confused as the OP about what the heck just happened in that bridal suite.
Maybe there was a control or insecurity factor at play, maybe the in-laws don’t like the OP very much and wanted her feeling off-guard for her wedding, or maybe they wanted something to complain about after the OP paid for their hair and makeup to be styled.
Whatever the case may be, that was certainly a weird way to start a marriage.