Sometimes when you get home at the end of a long day at work, all you might want to do is take a quick nap.
Seems pretty reasonable.
Apparently not to redditorJusttellmeno‘s husband, who demanded she stop taking naps.
Somewhat surprised and shaken by her husband’s demand, the Original Poster (OP) took to the subReddit “Am I the A**hole” (AITA), asking fellow redditors:
“AITA for telling my husband I will continue taking a nap after work instead of finding something to keep me busy?”
The OP began by giving redditors a brief history of their relationship as well as their jobs in and out of the house.
“My husband and I recently got married and moved in together.”
“He comes from a background of what I consider to be toxic productivity.”
“If he isn’t busy doing something, he finds something to do.”
“I have never been this way and it’s not like he didn’t know that considering we’ve been together for 4-5 years.”
“I’m not sure if he thought he would change me after getting married or what, but it’s exhausting.”
“I am a school teacher right now.”
“I make 38k a year and I work at minimum 9-11 hour days.”
“I also have endometriosis.”
“He works with heavy equipment and makes close to 6 figures.”
“He works a minimum of 12 hour days.”
“He and I have a cooking schedule where we interchange who cooks, this has worked out really well for us.”
“He helps clean everything besides the floors, and I help clean everything besides the shower.”
“I do all the laundry myself and I also vacuum and mop the floors myself.”
“He walks the dog in the morning, I walk her at night.”
“I like to think everything is pretty evenly divided.”
Yet even with this seemingly solid arrangement, the OP revealed that her husband is less than thrilled to come home and find her napping.
“Every single time he finds out I came home and took a nap, he seems to be in a down mood.”
“We always end up having a conversation about how he thinks my naps should be limited to one hour, and that instead I should FIND something to do if everything else in the house is done (like reorganizing the closet).”
“For example, yesterday I came home and worked my a** off for the house to be spotless and to cook— he cried from how thankful he was that I did so much.”
“Today, with a still spotless house, he was upset because I woke up a few minutes after he came home and he says it isn’t normal to want to nap often.”
“I nap when I get home from work about 2-3 times a week.”
“Never while he is home, and it is never a problem.”
“It is always a problem if he comes home and I am just waking up.”
“He said I need to conform to normal sleep times, napping like that isn’t healthy, and there is always something to do.”
“I say I can nap whenever I want as long as the house is clean, and I’m not cutting into our dinner time.”
“It seems he is hell bent on napping cutting into my productivity, but when I set an alarm before he arrives and appear awake, he has no issues with how productive I am.”
“I think he is the asshole for wanting to change a way that I have been my whole life, and he thinks I’m an asshole for napping too much instead of filling my time with whatever else.”
“AITA for refusing to change for seemingly no valid reason?”
Fellow redditors weighed in on where the OP fell in this particular situation:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
Redditors overwhelmingly agreed that the OP was not the a**hole in this situation.
Several expressed how not only is it in the OP’s best interest to get as much rest as she needs owing to her medical condition, but that her husband shouldn’t have a say in when or how much she naps regardless.
“If you work a full time job and your house is not a disaster, you are entitled to nap whenever you want and however long you want.”
“He needs to know that not everyone sleeps the same and some people require more sleep than others.”
“Especially having endometriosis, you get fatigued easily.”
“I have a form of anemia so I become tired and take a nap 1-2 times a week and my husband never bothers me.”
“Your husband needs to learn about compassion and empathy.” – ManufacturerIll2275
“He can stay as busy as he wants.”
“He doesn’t get to regulate how you use your down time.”
“I personally love naps, if someone nagged me about them I’d have some less than polite words for them.” – SpankingItSoftly
“NTA honestly I’d be annoyed about being micromanaged at home.”
“Your tasks are done and bills are paid that’s all that should matter.” – NefariousnessGlum424
Some redditors even felt that The OP’s husband was the one who needed calling out for his insensitivity.
“Different people need different amounts of sleep.”
“I’d try to have a serious conversation about why he feels the need to dictate how you spend your down time after a long day.” – IgnorantBrunette
“It absolutely is normal to want to nap.”
“I’m 32, I work a mentally taxing job, and I still routinely go take a nap with my partner.”
“‘You need to conform to normal sleep times?’ Why? Because he says so?”
“If you are tired, that is your body’s way of say you should sleep.”
“How many hours of sleep are you getting in a night?”
“‘There is always something to do.’ Okay? And?”
“I don’t put all my day into my job, because I will burn out.”
“You need to take care of yourself.”
“Why the hell does he care about your productivity being maximized?”
“Things are getting done. What the hell is the point of working hard if your reward is more goddess-damned work?” –tinysydneh
The OP responded to fellow redditors, filling them in on their normal sleeping pattern, and how she still feels tired.
“I sleep a full night with him, we try to go to bed by 10:30pm, and then I squeeze in my nap after work every once in a while.”
“I’d be lying if I said I don’t want to nap after work every day but I feel too guilty with all this hoopla.”
The OP also made it clear that their husband was well aware of their dependency on naps well before they got married.
“He did, it was a running joke in my family that I was the sleepy one, the one that slept 12+ hours since I was an infant and my mom always jokes about having to wake me up at 9am when she put me to bed at 7:30pm the night before.”
“It’s how I have always been and I try my best to not step onto his home time so we can spend it together.”
“This is the one thing he’s ever been weird about.”
“His family has an anti napping mentality and that’s how he always lived.”
The OP also revealed that she posed a question to her husband to which he responded with a surprising answer.
“I just asked him if I wasn’t napping, I read a book for the same amount of time, how would he feel?”
“He said he would have no issues with it because ‘it’s your time to do with what you want.'”
“I actually laughed. I’m going to have an aneurysm lol”
Funny as that is, it also seems pretty clear that the OP and her husband need to have a serious discussion on her being able to use her time as she sees fit.
Hopefully, this is something that can all be settled in a calm, productive discussion.
But seeing how they equitably divided the household chores, a happy resolution seems likely.