As a perusal of social media will show you, a lot of people get really hung up on other people’s names. There are some odd names out there.
But at the end of the day, unless it’s your name, how does it really affect you?
Whether it’s an unborn child or a full grown adult, some people think they should get a vote or veto on other people’s monikers.
A teen who is getting too many unsolicited opinions on his name turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for feedback.
Worldly-Pea-5367 asked:
“AITA for not responding when someone doesn’t use my actual name?”
The original poster (OP) explained:
“My (16, male) name is Nico and it’s not short for anything. On my birth certificate it says Nico middle name last name.”
“This is something a few people can’t understand and some people call me Nicholas. Even teachers who see me on the class list as Nico and not Nicholas.”
“I’m a foster kid. I’ve been in the system since I was 2. My mom is the only bio family I know, but she’s not able to take care of me.”
“I see her twice a year through court ordered visits. But nobody else in her family and I don’t have anything to do with my paternal side.”
“I’ve been with my current foster family for three years and I’m really happy with my foster parents and foster siblings. My foster parents actually want to help the kids they foster and their kids are cool with their parents fostering and don’t bully me or others for stealing their families. So I hope I get to stay until I age out of the system.”
“My only problem is some of their extended family are snobs and they don’t like calling me Nico. So they call me Nicholas even after being corrected a million times.”
“My foster parents have explained that my name is actually Nico, not Nicholas. But the reply is always ‘But Nico is short for Nicholas!’.”
“I hate that people discredit shorter names as given names. I hear all the time how I have a kid’s name or a little boy’s name.”
“But giving shorter forms as the full name seems like such a weird thing to get twisted up about. They had an argument about why I should be Nicholas.”
“A couple of the extended family have encouraged me to change my name because Nicholas sounds much more professional for an adult male, which I will be soon. I was like ‘no thanks’.”
“I understand people can make mistakes or assumptions. But correct it and move on. Don’t think you can change someone’s name for them when they don’t want it.”
“My foster parents told me I should ignore whenever someone calls me NicholasāI really got lucky with my current foster family and being so openly accepted and welcomed has been the best.”
“They said ignore them unless they’re new and just assumed Nicholas is my name. But I can ignore their family members who do it because they all know what my real name is.”
“So that’s what I did. I’ve ignored them a handful of times now and it bothers them so much.”
“Yesterday it happened twice because one kept trying to call ‘Nicholas’ over and I just didn’t go. The other asked ‘Nicholas’ to pass the potatoes at dinner and I kept eating and didn’t pass anything.”
“I was then called out for ignoring them and my foster parents said nobody knew who they were talking to because there was no Nicholas at the table. One of my foster sisters said she assumed it was her ‘Nicole’ and they got confused and that’s why she passed it instead.”
“I was told I should be more open to the wisdom others offer with name suggestions and stop being rude by ignoring people. Even though my foster parents backed me up again.”
“It made me feel a way because this really is my best foster experience and I don’t want to piss off people in my foster family.”
“So AITA?”
The OP summed up their situation.
“I ignored people who were not using the right name for me. I did this to my foster parents’ family members who insist on calling me Nicholas instead of Nico.”
“This makes me feel like the a**hole because I’m really happy with my foster family and don’t want to be rude or piss anyone off. Ignoring people like that isn’t something I would normally do and I think I could be labeled an a**hole for doing it now.”
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided the OP was not the a**hole (NTA).
“NTA. I agree with your foster parents. There is no need to answer people who do not use your correct name. You like your name, there is no reason to change it.”
“I had a teacher who insisted on calling me by a nickname I hated. The principal agreed that I did not have to answer that teacher if he didn’t use MY name. I did not speak to that teacher for many years.”
“Your foster family’s extended family is being rude and ignorant. You do not have to acknowledge them.” ~ Fickle_Toe1724
“NTA. Your foster parents sound great and clearly have your interests at heart. Even the other kids, at least one anyway, are standing up for you.”
“Your name is Nico. Not Nicholas. It’s extremely rude and disrespectful to deliberately call you by a name that isn’t yours, especially with repeated corrections.”
“It’s even more rude and disrespectful to practically demand you change your name from something you like and see as yours to something you don’t like and don’t want.”
“There’s also nothing wrong with Nico as a name. Sure, it’s not common, but it’s not really weird, either.”
“Your name is your name and no one else gets to demand it be something different or call you by a name that isn’t yours. Keep listening to your foster parents, it’s them and their kids you want a good relationship with, not so much the extended family.”
“And if you back down now, the extended family will never respect you and will continue to demand you change things they don’t like against your will. Continue ignoring anyone who calls you by the wrong name unless it’s an honest mistake.”
“Continue listening to your foster parents and letting them stand up for you, that’s part of their job as foster parents, and they’re proving they’re great at it.” ~ WhiteKnightPrimal
“Also, he’s a foster child. Even if the foster parents weren’t sticking up for him, there’s no legal authority to even do a name change. They’re bullying a child.”
“The foster parents are great for sticking up for Nico. I knew a woman a few years ago who had issues with foster kids’ names, and it was absolutely stemming from racist tendencies.”
“She wanted to become a foster parent, was specifically looking to foster sibling groups because ‘the older ones can take care of the younger ones’, and then popped out with ‘I wonder if I can change their names? The parents name them such stupid things like, Davonte and Javonte’ etc…”
“ALL of the names she used as examples were ethnic names common in the Black community. She did respite care for a while, but I sincerely hope she never got approved to be an actual foster parent.”
“Part of me wonders if the name thing OP is going through isn’t also stemming from some kind of racism or xenophobia. ‘Nico’ isn’t an uncommon name, but it’s not classically WASP-sounding either.” ~ sheath2
“NTA. I’m glad your foster parents have your back. What they told you to do is exactly what I had to do for years.”
“My last name (maiden name) was a very common first name as well. Lots of people would call me by my last name.”
“I would ignore them until they called me either Ms. Last Name, or just by my first name. I guess since I did it as an adult in work settings, I didn’t get sh*t for it like your foster family’s relatives are doing, but the message was finally received and respected.” ~ Ok_Conversation9750
“NTA. Your foster parents sound like winners. Listen to them and make sure they are in the loop. As long as you are happy and they are happy, who gives a rat’s patoot about what ‘extended family’ think.”
“The other thing you might consider is getting the offender’s name wrong when you reply.”
“‘Nicolas, would you pass the potatoes?’.”
“‘You bet, Mrs. Farnsworth-Wiggington. Here you go’.”
“‘Nicolas, that’s not my name’.”
“‘Oh, I thought we were all making up new names for each other’.”
“I realize the dynamics of being a foster child can be unique and difficult; again, as long as your foster parents are good, you are going to be fine.” ~ Tarik861
“NTA, keep ignoring them when they call you ‘Nicholas’.”
“However, I would add somethingāthink up a different name for all of the people who keep calling you Nicholas.”
“For example, Aunt Elizabeth is now Aunt Betty. Uncle Thomas is now Uncle Tommy. Even better if you can make it longer instead of shorter, like, for example, Grandma Rose is now Grandma Rosemary.”
“If they get angry with you just say, ‘I think these names are much better and easier to say, they will help you in life. You should take advice from someone who is better up to date with modern society’.” ~ Orphen_1989
It sounds like OP has the support of the people who matter. Ignoring the rest is good advice.