We all have our "things."
You know, the things we do that make us happy... but that we don't necessarily want others to know about.
Perhaps it's a shower cabaret or the particular way you tuck in your pet at night. It could even be a personal hygiene habit you want to keep to yourself.
Regardless, it's yours, and it's private.
A man on Reddit snapped at his girlfriend after she busted in on him shaving his body - something he's purposely kept from her - so he turned to the "Am I The A**hole Here" (AITAH) subReddit to seek feedback from fellow Redditors.
Redditor Fogged_Mirror_1192 asked:
"AITAH for screaming at my GF after she picked the bathroom lock while I was in the shower?"
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
"Throwaway because I have to admit something really embarrassing."
"I (24/m[ale]) just had a bad fight with my gf, Ana (24/f[emale])."
"We met early in college, started dating 2 years ago and then moved in together 3 months ago."
"I always thought we were great together."
"She's smart and funny, we've had the best talks and have similar views on science and politics."
"But we moved in together, and she got upset because I take long showers."
"I don't like to talk about it, but I'm a hairy guy."
"Think Luther from Umbrella Academy."
"I quit sports when I was 13 because I couldn't deal with what the other guys would say about how much body hair I already had by then."
"So I shave my whole body, and yes, it takes a while."
"Ana and I have never talked about my shaving, but she has to know I shave from feeling the stubble."
"So Ana started questioning why I spent so long in the shower."
"I should have just told her, but I was too embarrassed to say it takes a while to shave, so I said I just like thinking in the shower."
"Then yesterday, while I was in the shower, she used a screwdriver to pop the bathroom lock and caught me shaving."
"She put her hands on her hips and told me I was wasting water, and I yelled at her to get out."
"She didn't leave and lectured me more on wasting water, then I shouted again a LOT louder for her to get the f**k out."
"It freaked her out, and she slammed the door behind her."
"I was mad and took a few minutes to cool down and think about what I was going to say to her, but when I got out, she had locked herself in the bedroom."
"I could tell she had her back against the door and was crying."
"She said I scared her and that I showed her that I wasn't the kind of man she thought I was."
"I told her she had scared me and that it didn't even make sense why she did it because we don't even pay the water for our apartment."
"She got more upset and said I didn't even understand the problem because I showed her that I could be violent and abusive and I just needed to leave."
"I tried to keep calm and asked her to come out so we could actually talk about what happened, but she just kept saying I wasn't who she thought I was, and I had to leave."
"We've argued about ideas but never had a fight before, and I swear I've never yelled or cursed at her before that."
"I hate fighting with anyone and am normally the more calm person when our friends have things going on."
"I feel like my whole world just suddenly fell out from under me."
"I don't think this was my fault, but I also think none of this would have happened if I wasn't so self-conscious about the body hair issue, or maybe if I had just been honest from the beginning and told her why I take long showers."
"I'm sure this relationship is over now and things are going to be messed up for a while, but I just want to know am I the a**hole for causing this whole mess?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in on the situation.
Many felt OP was not the a**hole (NTA) in the situation.
In fact, many believed his girlfriend was the a**hole (AH) for breaking into the bathroom.
They also noted she displayed major red flag behavior.
"NTA. She literally broke into your private space to lecture you."
"She's the one with the issues." - RefrigeratorPretty51
"I don't understand."
"She sees you are shaving and thus have a legitimate reason to be in there, but she starts berating you for wasting water?" - CarcosaDweller
"Naw she's blaming you for being upset that she violated your trust and space."
"She is 100% the AH here." - HarlotteHoehansson
"NTA, absolutely not OP, she violated your privacy!!"
"She could absolutely get reported for sexual harassment for that. You can't just unlock a locked door!!"
"And then she has the gall to berate you for wasting water like you're the issue here?"
"Um, excuse me, girlfriend, you're the psycho who picked the lock to harass me over not being environmentally conscious instead of just waiting to confront me afterward."
"To be honest, I would've reacted the same way, but I'm a woman."
"Do Not invade my privacy like that and then start an argument."
"And don't be embarrassed about body hair. Some folks are just hairy."
"Some folks have 'weird' toes. Some folks have 'weird' noses. And some folks are just hairy."
"Roll of the dice."
"I have freakishly tiny ears, so small I can't wear glasses. Everyone says it's cute, but man, it's annoying. I can only wear grippy sunglasses."
"I wish you luck on your future romances and endeavors OP, sorry about the breakup!" - ninjastarkid
"'showed her that I could be violent and abusive'"
"Says the woman who just violently broke into the room to abuse you then refused to stop."
"She needs to get over herself and take a long hard look in a mirror."
"NTA" - Catthulhu_
"NTA"
"So she broke into a bathroom like a creep, and you're the abusive one?" - EchoMountain158
"NTA."
"My partner and I often shower with the door open so we can join the other if we want to."
"If I came across the door being closed - not even locked - and he was showering? I'd leave him be because he clearly wants privacy for a reason."
"Picking the lock (strike 1), refusing to leave until you screamed at her (strike 2) and using DARVO against you (strike 3)?"
"In an instant the relationship was just destroyed."
"Body hair is nothing to be ashamed of, however it's your choice whether or not it's worth getting rid of. That said - have you considered laser treatment for the hair removal?" - Frozefoots
Others think the girlfriend is using OP's yelling as a way to deflect from her own wrongdoing.
"NTA"
"She's using this 'not who I thought' and 'you scared me' to make herself the victim when she was the instigator."
"Tell her she's free to leave if she feels unsafe, and consider why you would stay with someone like this."
"Don't apologise or accept blame." - Proper_Fun_977
"NTA. She knew damn well what she was doing..."
"She wanted to make sure you weren't pleasuring yourself."
"She figured she'd catch you at it and be able to scream at you about that."
"Once she'd the door, she made up some lame excuse about the water." - Merlinmaster72
"Those woe-is-me crocodile tears came on fast, huh?"
"That was psycho behavior from her."
"End things as gently as you can and get far away before that screwdriver ends up somewhere else. NTA" - wailingwonder
Several also urged OP to leave the relationship if it's not already over.
"OP, run while you can. This isn't normal at all."
"Who picks the lock of a bathroom door of all things??? And the audacity of her to blame you for yelling because of being startled due to her actions."
"Just drop her the message that none of this would've happened if she hadn't broken into the bathroom door and invaded your privacy."
"What if the situation was reversed, and you broke into her bathroom while she was bathing?"
"The entire world would've called you an insecure psycho invading the privacy of your innocent girlfriend."
"She got caught and felt embarrassed about it."
"Hence, she's gaslighting you and blaming you for her not-so-normal actions."
"Hard NTA. Don't even think there's something wrong with you."
"Even if she was concerned about water usage, she could've knocked while you were bathing/shaving.Or waited for you to finish and had a chat like a mature adult."
"What you do in your shower is your business."
"And there's no compulsion to confess about your insecurities before you're ready." - Straight-Example9126
"NTA but get your things and move out and break up." - Still_Storm7432
"NTA. She's right. You need to leave."
"For your sake."
"Let her manipulate and abuse someone else. She's a waving red flag."
"You're not a match."
"End it and celebrate with a long hot shower."
"Better yet, find your match and enjoy your long showers together." - Used-Pin-997
OP did update his fellow Redditors invested in his story, but he shared that he hasn't heard from his (ex?)girlfriend yet.
Fortunately, he has a place to stay and - thanks to pals on the platform - has learned of several options for managing his body hair.
Woman Asks If It's Wrong To Cancel Date After He Makes Too Many Sexual Comments
Dating can be really hard, because let's be honest, as fun as it's supposed to be, there are some very strange prospects out there.
While some might just be socially awkward, there are definitely some walking red flags, ready to push every boundary, cautioned the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor Suspicious_End_441 had been talking to a guy for a little while and was planning to go on a first date with him when he started sending her increasingly inappropriate text messages.
But when his texts went far past her comfort zone, especially for someone she'd never met, the Original Poster (OP) planned to call off the date and truly never meet the guy in real life.
She asked the sub:
The OP had been talking to a guy and was looking forward to going on a first date with him.
"For context, I (30 Female) met this guy online and have been talking to him the past few days."
"He asked me out, and we planned a date for today. He seems really nice so far."
"I like him, but he’s made a couple of comments that maybe seem like a red flag to me."
"First off, I did my nails for the date, and he asked me to send him a picture, so I did."
"Then he made some comment like, 'Those would look great wrapped around something.'"
"I kinda brushed it off because I know that’s how some guys are... but it did give me the ick a little."
"Then I asked him to tell me more about himself, and the second thing he told me was that he has a high sex drive."
The potential date texted:
The OP no longer liked the idea of dating the guy.
"Don’t get me wrong, I’m no prude, but this made me slightly uncomfortable. I’m wondering what reason you would need to tell this to someone you haven’t even met yet."
"I didn’t think he would be expecting sex on a first date, but this made me rethink."
"I’m also recovering from a surgery that I had three weeks ago, and he knows this. So that literally isn’t even an option for me, not that I would wanna do that on a first date anyway."
The OP considered never meeting the guy in person.
"I kind of feel like he’s making too many sexual comments too quickly, especially considering I didn’t engage with his first comment at all."
"Am I overreacting, feeling like I maybe want to cancel the date and block him?"
"I just feel like these comments are an indicator of his expectations... or maybe he is just 'being a guy'?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some had second-hand "ick" from reading that text message.
"NOR. My face when I read that text: [Dan Levy from 'Schitt's Creek']" - Unlikely_Captain_499
"I’d nope out right after the nails comment. After I blast him for being completely out of line." - WHYohWhy__MEohMY
"If he’s that comfortable saying stuff like that before he meets you, imagine what he’ll say after he knows you better." - ScrambledNoggin
"Gross. That joke should be saved for wife or long-term girlfriend where you know you'll get a laugh... or more accurately, an eye-roll and a 'threat' to not sleep with him for the next three months, LOL." - HovercraftIII1258
"Every time I get my nails done, my husband says something similar to that, and I always reply, 'I think they'd look good jammed in your eye sockets,' and we both laugh, LOL. But we've been married for over a decade. When we met and when we were dating, he was incredibly polite and possibly TOO slow in making advances. THIS is gross." - wingin_it0618
"This is exactly what I expect as a response from a man heavily in the dating scene right now. Like, sex is fine, but this guy really couldn't wait to go out on the date that was already set up and chill for ONE d**n night? If the girl is into you, it will happen when it happens. It says to me like he has no self-control." - BrayIsreal
"If he's giving you the ick, listen to that. It's not going to go away. Don't waste your own time or his. Plenty more fish in the sea, girl." - Zieglest
"As a man who is heavily in the dating world right now, that sounds like such a turn off, and any self-respecting girl who wants an actual relationship would not even talk to him anymore after this. It's so cringey and makes all of us guys look like there's no reason we want to go out with them other than getting laid. As a guy, it's really annoying; it makes girls weirded out by all of us. Sigh."
"Like, sex is fine, but this guy really couldn't wait to go out on the date that was already set up and chill for ONE d**n night? If the girl is into you, it will happen when it happens. It says to me like he has no self-control."
"That was the dumbest thing he could say to kill his chances. I wouldn't bother with him." - BrayIsReal
"NOR, I wouldn’t want to go anymore either. Making multiple sexual comments before even meeting someone is purposeful, and I doubt he remembers that you can’t do anything due to your surgery or even considers whether you want to."
"Don’t brush off how your gut makes you feel. If you are uncomfortable, then you are under no obligation to go." - AliBari
Others urged the OP to listen to her gut, not to go on that date, and to immediately block the guy.
"If he is already this forward, making sexual comments to a complete stranger, then it will only increase from here; he’s not going to suddenly stop. OP, if he already makes you feel uncertain or pressured, then don’t bother." - saiphxo
"Your gut is telling you something and wants to keep you safe. Don't ignore it." - SparkEli1
"Stay far, far away from this guy. Block. Don't look back. Men like this use high sex drive as a disclaimer for zero boundaries later." - CompetitionLankys
"Trust your intuition. Don’t go."
"I (39 Female) am very comfortable with casual sex and hook-ups. When single, I have never needed an emotional connection with a man to let off some steam. I don’t need him to make me feel special or like we have potential. I don’t need to know his hopes and dreams. I separate men into 'just sex' and 'potential for more' easily."
"I do need him to show the most basic level of respect and not be a creep. I would stop talking to this guy the instant he started speaking like that, even if my intention was to just f**k him."
"We are already talking, we are already about to go on a date, why is he turning it creepy sexual, what is that doing for either of us. It just speaks to a lack of judgment, I wouldn’t want to trust. If he can’t handle a basic text conversation without being a creep, why would I trust him to be alone with me?" - TheCa11ousB**h
"Ok, so I'm a degenerate, but even I wouldn't say something like 'those would look good wrapped around something' to a person I'd never met."
"I mean... do I have to be dad here and say the obvious? It's some guy on the internet who's looking to f**k. Is that really what you want? He can't even be bothered to type the d in the word 'and.'"
"Also, your nails look cool." - skippybeefree
"I’m more insulted that it’s just a terribly uncreative line. This guy's a bum!"
"Also, it's a huge red flag is the first thing he describes himself as a clean freak and needs things done his way. Sounds like a control freak, which would make me dip out immediately." - JeromeBarkley
"Only you know what you need to do. Feel safe. Feel comfortable. Feel SAFE!"
"If you don't, then cancel."
"Some men (I am a man) sometimes say way too much way too soon, and some men don't know how to hold a decent conversation. Sometimes just telling them how you feel about the sexual comments and seeing his reaction will tell you more than anything else he has ever said to you up until this point."
"But always remember you can choose to back out at any point in a date, even if you turn up to have dinner but can't walk in. The same goes for him as well if he turns up but doesn't walk in. We all have the right to feel safe and comfortable, especially on a first date." - Ok_goal6591
It was possible that the guy was just excited about the date, nervous to talk to someone new, socially awkward, or just joking at an inappropriate level.
Unfortunately, though, it was much more likely that these comments indicated the guy's expectations for the first date and how he would treat the OP if she set boundaries, especially regarding his inability to perform after surgery for safety reasons.
While it would be fun to meet someone new, it was much safer for the OP to wait for someone else.