Content Warning: Postpartum Symptoms, Body-Shaming, Intimacy
Anyone who considers bringing a baby into their family needs to understand what they are asking of the mother, assuming they are going to use a method that involves her carrying the baby.
From the physical symptoms of the pregnancy to how a woman's body will change as a result of having a baby can be startling, and it's not discussed nearly enough.
Most importantly, the way the woman feels about her body might not be what she would expect, and if the people around her are not supportive, there can be major issues, cautioned the members of the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITAH) subReddit.
Redditor EstablishmentFew6975 was only two months postpartum from having her baby, and she was still healing from the pain, discomfort, and bodily changes of pregnancy and childbirth.
When her husband confided to her that he missed her pre-pregnancy body, the Original Poster (OP) was distraught and refused to sleep with him.
She asked the sub:
"AITAH for not being intimate with my husband after he said he misses my pre-pregnancy body?"
The OP was still adjusting and healing after having a baby.
"I gave birth around two months ago. I'm up a bit more than 10 pounds from my pre-pregnancy weight."
"I'm in constant pain, barely getting sleep, and still recovering."
"I've also been easing back into the gym this past week."
After being intimate, the OP's husband told her how he really felt about her body.
"My husband and I were showering after having sex, and while feeling me he said he missed my body, and he said I used to look so good in sexy clothes/lingerie before."
"I went quiet, finished my shower, and went to check on the baby."
"I brought it up later that his comments hurt me and that I'm self-conscious about how I look and trying to change it."
"He just shrugged and said it's true."
The OP wasn't comfortable being intimate with her husband after that.
"I cried in my car after my workout. He doesn't even work out, and he eats garbage food."
"I've been feeling really down about my body since his comment, and I've pulled back from intimacy for a few days."
"He says I'm weaponizing sex, but I'm just struggling with how I feel about myself right now."
"AITAH?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You're the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some could not believe how insensitive the OP's husband was.
"The OP wrote, 'He just shrugged and said it's true.' That AH had the nerve to put his foot in TWICE?! Has he no filter? What a selfish AH!"
"I can't even understand wanting to have sex two months after birth; your husband should be ecstatic that you even feel like being intimate at all."
"You are not weaponizing sex. You have just (rightly so) gone off your husband. Selfishness and a**holery are such a turnoff and SO unattractive."
"Why does he even want sex if your body is all of a sudden so very unattractive (which I am 100% sure it isn't). He did that to himself."
"And now he throws a pity party without feeling the need to apologize to you. Not that an apology out of his mouth would be believable at this point." - corvus_corone_corone
"OP just had a baby, is trying to heal, function, and still make space for intimacy, and instead of being supportive, her husband made her feel less than. That's not 'honesty,' that's cruelty."
"OP isn't weaponizing sex; she's responding like any human would when hurt by someone who's supposed to love and cherish her. She deserves compassion, not guilt trips." - MelodyBaee
"Two months after you give birth, you are barely even approved for sex from your doctor, let alone physically recovered. Your husband is an AH. Sorry you married a s**tty man." - NYCStoryteller
"Seriously, you are two months postpartum and only 10 pounds above your pre-pregnancy weight? You are way ahead of the curve as far as the majority of people who have been pregnant. In addition, you have been caring for a new human that you grew for nine months and pushed out of your body, probably with great difficulty."
"Does not sound like you are getting a ton of support as far as helping with this child. What is this man expecting? He does not sound anywhere near realistic or supportive. I am sorry that you are having to deal with this."
"On the other hand, I can completely understand you not having the energy for this. Do you have someplace you could go and stay for a little bit where you would be loved and supported? Anyhow, NTA." - DrVL2
"She says she's in pain. I wonder if he's pressuring her for sex before she is ready. He's a jerk. She should move on from him and find someone who values her." - GogusWho
"I'm permanently like 10lbs heavier than my pre-pregnancy weight. I've accepted that this is just how I look now. If he thinks your body will ever look exactly like it did pre-baby he's living in delulu land. You will look sexy in a completely new way, and if he can't appreciate that, then he doesn't deserve you." - MoonFlowerDaisy
"NTA! Next time he says something, let him know that just how he's no longer turned on by your post-pregnancy body. You're no longer turned on by his post-pregnancy attitude. That s**t would have dried me up like the Sahara desert, what a rude, horrible thing to say to your wife, who just gave birth to your child less than two months ago."
"On another note, if you're still in pain and constant pain at that, I would really speak to your doctor, while it might be nothing, it could also be a sign that you're healing incorrectly. Take care of yourself, your baby needs you in good shape, and you need you in good shape." - Difficult_Muscle9110
Others also found the OP's husband's comments to be incredibly ironic and self-serving.
"She says he doesn't exercise and eats like garbage. I bet money he has a 'dad bod' but is criticizing her on her looks. Dude's a f**king chump, she should say he has a small d**k and no skills." - Economy-Diver-5089
"How would he feel about having sex if she told him that she wishes his hair were still as thick or if he were more 'chiseled' like some actor? Maybe that she wishes he were more thoughtful and caring like X or Y?" - stzulover
"Her body has gone through trauma to give him a child. It's like if she got a kidney donated from him and then complained that he wasn't as hot now that he has one kidney…" - Midnight-writer-B
"Caregiving, breastfeeding, hormone recovery, healing, and sleep deprivation are a perfect storm to wreck your body."
"OP is amazing, exercising despite this. I hope she's doing it to feel good and get strong, not because this mediocre dude demands she 'bounce back.'"
"What an absolute moron to be this entitled, clueless, say this out loud and double down. It's frankly heartbreaking. And so disappointing."
"I wouldn't want to have sex with anyone who said this to me for weeks or months. It's not weaponizing anything. Sex is something you do with someone you like. Especially postpartum, when you have about 10 minutes of extra energy a week, if that. He's shown a complete lack of appreciation, empathy, trust, and support. And no teamwork."
"OP's stupid husband might not know this, but getting better sleep, lowers your cortisol and makes you svelter and hotter… maybe he can take all the night shifts? What a ridiculous dude." - Midnight-writer-B
"You know those IG accounts that pull out pics of the men who leave nasty comments on pics of women celebs? I feel we need to pull one of this husband because I bet he looks like a total loser while demanding perfection."
"Girl, your husband needs to be worshipping the body that made him a child. I remember feeling like a whale in the last few weeks of pregnancy, but my husband made me feel like a true goddess. You deserve better." - kama_s
"I would just drop this on him at some point, 'I wish I remembered what it felt like when I admired you, thought you were intelligent and not shallow, someone who I wanted to have sex with.'" - -Me__oW
The subReddit was disgusted by how the OP had been treated by her husband, especially when it was still so soon after the birth of their child. If the husband wanted to somehow restore his relationship with his wife and regain access to that bedroom, he had serious apologizing, mindset shifting, and possibly therapy to go through before it'd be worth it to the OP.
Woman Irate After 'Misogynistic' Date 'Insults' Her In Front Of Waiter For Interrupting Him
While dating is supposed to be fun and the best way to find new love, some people are just not meant to date each other.
Fortunately, people can get out of dating someone, and no reason is too small or petty, members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subreddit pointed out.
Redditor Mental_Driver_6134 had been dating a guy on and off for over a year, and while things were okay, there hadn't been a particular reason to make the relationship more serious.
When they went on a date, and the guy publicly insulted her for interrupting him and speaking out of turn, the Original Poster (OP) was not certain it was worth going on another date with him or continuing to string this situationship along.
She asked the sub:
At a restaurant, the OP's date wasn't being clear while speaking with the waiter.
"I went on a dinner date with this guy who I've been with for over a year now, on and off. We discussed the order and were in a good mood overall."
"When the waiter came to take the order, he started explaining him something about his preference for a particular dish. Basically, he didn't want too much garlic in chili burnt garlic noodles."
"Everything was going fine, but I saw that he was taking too much time explaining it and wasn't really getting to the main point, which was less garlic."
"I chimed in and casually said, 'We just want less garlic.'"
"But I couldn't even complete the sentence before he said to me in front of the waiter, 'If you're gonna cut me off like this, I'm not giving any orders, okay?!' in the rudest way possible."
The moment ruined the date for the OP.
"I just went quiet after that. He quickly realized that he made a mistake and tried to cover up by saying that, 'Okay , I won't shout at you next time onwards.'"
"I was really p**sed off but didn't react much to avoid creating a scene."
"On our way back home, he started with his explanation. He said that I tried to make him feel small by cutting him off and lacked basic etiquette and that I should have at least said, 'Can I give my opinion here?- before cutting him off."
"It kept getting worse as he said that since he was the older one and 'The Man,' I should not have interrupted him and let him give the order."
"The whole tone was so misogynistic."
"He even mocked me for not knowing how to use chopsticks properly, which I didn't mind as basic banter, and I told him that there are forks and spoons kept here; it's not necessary to use the chopsticks (he ended up dropping his dumpling while explaining to me how to use chopsticks)."
"When the noodles came, he said that we could use forks then, and I was like, 'No, why not use chopsticks here, as well? You should watch more anime, maybe,' and he then went on to brag about having been to many five-star restaurants, which implied that he knew more than me and that I lacked any 'real experience.'"
The OP was over it by the end of the conversation.
"I was too exhausted from this; it seemed so nonsensical that I left later and told him to maintain a distance."
"Later he was saying that I'm stuck on such a small thing and that he won't shout again, but it was my mistake that I tried to cut him off (which wasn't my intention at all)."
"Also, sidenote: He's like four and a half years older than me. I met him last September and on and off many times with a few months of minimal contact. These offs end with him acting as if nothing happened."
"This incident was the calmest he's behaved if compared to past situations, so you can guess what the worst may have looked like."
"I only gave him a chance cause he was trying to control his anger issues. But I think you can't expect a 29-year-old to fix the misogyny."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that she was right to be upset.
"He was s**tty, but it was her fault; I just love that. NOR."
"If she hadn’t interrupted his highness, none of this would have happened. Why can’t she just admit it?"
"I’m so glad I’m long out of the dating pool. There is no bar anymore; it’s what can I get from you while I treat you like s**t. Man, the good old days of dating are long over." - Shadow4summer
"NOR. The 'I'm the man' line revealed everything OP needs to know about him. He couldn't handle a simple, harmless interruption, so he tried to humiliate her in public to regain control. Taking his own dumpling dive while trying to act superior is peak karma, honestly." - virelaczi
"NOR! If a 'small' man tries to put you down in public on a date, run the eff away! It doesn’t matter if it’s two dates, two months, or two YEARS!" - Delicious_Winner_819
"Not overreacting, this man is clearly insecure and controlling. Not to mention a misogynist. Instead of being on and off, just be off. It's better to be single than to be with someone who tries to make you feel less than." - curiouscuriel
"'I know better than you.'"
"Should tell you ALL you need to know about this 'man'. Go and find somebody who will treat you as their person... and not an object. That is what is not sitting right with you."
"NOR. And bloody run!!! I wouldn't even give him the time of day after an experience like that." - pootling_1976
"My ex would constantly say, 'You're interrupting me.' I was not. He was a psycho."
"This is how it went, for example:"
"Him: I am ordering chicken and snow peas and white rice [long pause]."
"I start to say ANYTHING (the place is on effing fire!), and he would berate me, 'You interrupted me, you ALWAYS do that, I can never speak, blah, blah blah.'"
"I say, 'Lucifer (what I call him behind his back), you took a long pause. I waited, and I thought you were done.'"
"Then THAT becomes a pile of s**t convo, more berating... He was so manipulative and verbally abusive; I cannot even scratch the surface here."
"So, no. That date is a Lucifer, and you should never even speak to him again." - Belmontisnowhideous
Others pointed out that the OP didn't have to keep dating him if this is how she felt about him.
"Great news! You do not need to spend any more time with this guy." - Blue-flash
"If you marry this guy, this behavior will only get worse. He doesn’t respect women, and he probably never will. I'd stop dating him now before you waste more time." - Additional-Start9455
"NOR. Don’t waste another minute of your life on an angry man. He’ll get worse, not better. Just find a guy who doesn’t need fixing." - Broad_Pomegranate141
"I mean, him being an insufferable smug jerk is not a small thing."
"'I went on a dinner date with this guy who I've been with for over a year now, on and off.' But this strikes me as an elephant in the room."
"It isn't often that good, healthy relationships are on and off again. And given how profoundly rude he was, how immediately he doubled down, how condescending, etc., I can't help but think this isn't the first time he's been gross as a partner."
"NOR, but really ask yourself what you're doing here. This can't be the life you hoped for, and you know he isn't going to change as well." - Traeyze
"NOR. There's no way to live with this kind of man, honestly, and OP should definitely leave this guy."
"A year of on and off with kind of behavior is basically a preview of the next ten." - NoEar4226
"NOR. I've broken up with guys like that by telling them they were right all along. I'm just not smart enough for him. He deserves someone on his own level..."
"Hopefully he picks up the hint and does some self-reflection for his future dates (with other women)."
"For what it's worth, I have two post-graduate degrees." - PomeloPepper
"When someone treats you like s**t, you do NOT have to stay with them, no matter how long you've been together."
"Unfortunately, my therapist had to explain this to me a short time after I started seeing her because my parents never gave me any autonomy to make my own decisions. I didn’t know that I could just leave places that I didn’t feel safe in because it wasn’t an option for me until then."
"Some people do need to be given permission to do what’s best for them because of the way they were treated by their parents."
"Hopefully she does leave him because he sucks, and with the way he treats her, things will likely get worse for her." - Accomplished_Dig284
We've all heard the advice to not cry over spilled milk, but clearly, this date must fuss over garlicky noodles.
To the subReddit, it wasn't worth continuing to date a man who clearly had anger and control issues, especially given everything going on in society right now.
The OP would be better off staying single for a while or dating someone new, preferably someone who respects their differences about noodles and chopsticks.