Content Warning: Postpartum Symptoms, Body-Shaming, Intimacy
Anyone who considers bringing a baby into their family needs to understand what they are asking of the mother, assuming they are going to use a method that involves her carrying the baby.
From the physical symptoms of the pregnancy to how a woman’s body will change as a result of having a baby can be startling, and it’s not discussed nearly enough.
Most importantly, the way the woman feels about her body might not be what she would expect, and if the people around her are not supportive, there can be major issues, cautioned the members of the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITAH) subReddit.
Redditor EstablishmentFew6975 was only two months postpartum from having her baby, and she was still healing from the pain, discomfort, and bodily changes of pregnancy and childbirth.
When her husband confided to her that he missed her pre-pregnancy body, the Original Poster (OP) was distraught and refused to sleep with him.
She asked the sub:
“AITAH for not being intimate with my husband after he said he misses my pre-pregnancy body?”
The OP was still adjusting and healing after having a baby.
“I gave birth around two months ago. I’m up a bit more than 10 pounds from my pre-pregnancy weight.”
“I’m in constant pain, barely getting sleep, and still recovering.”
“I’ve also been easing back into the gym this past week.”
After being intimate, the OP’s husband told her how he really felt about her body.
“My husband and I were showering after having sex, and while feeling me he said he missed my body, and he said I used to look so good in sexy clothes/lingerie before.”
“I went quiet, finished my shower, and went to check on the baby.”
“I brought it up later that his comments hurt me and that I’m self-conscious about how I look and trying to change it.”
“He just shrugged and said it’s true.”
The OP wasn’t comfortable being intimate with her husband after that.
“I cried in my car after my workout. He doesn’t even work out, and he eats garbage food.”
“I’ve been feeling really down about my body since his comment, and I’ve pulled back from intimacy for a few days.”
“He says I’m weaponizing sex, but I’m just struggling with how I feel about myself right now.”
“AITAH?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some could not believe how insensitive the OP’s husband was.
“The OP wrote, ‘He just shrugged and said it’s true.’ That AH had the nerve to put his foot in TWICE?! Has he no filter? What a selfish AH!”
“I can’t even understand wanting to have sex two months after birth; your husband should be ecstatic that you even feel like being intimate at all.”
“You are not weaponizing sex. You have just (rightly so) gone off your husband. Selfishness and a**holery are such a turnoff and SO unattractive.”
“Why does he even want sex if your body is all of a sudden so very unattractive (which I am 100% sure it isn’t). He did that to himself.”
“And now he throws a pity party without feeling the need to apologize to you. Not that an apology out of his mouth would be believable at this point.” – corvus_corone_corone
“OP just had a baby, is trying to heal, function, and still make space for intimacy, and instead of being supportive, her husband made her feel less than. That’s not ‘honesty,’ that’s cruelty.”
“OP isn’t weaponizing sex; she’s responding like any human would when hurt by someone who’s supposed to love and cherish her. She deserves compassion, not guilt trips.” – MelodyBaee
“Two months after you give birth, you are barely even approved for sex from your doctor, let alone physically recovered. Your husband is an AH. Sorry you married a s**tty man.” – NYCStoryteller
“Seriously, you are two months postpartum and only 10 pounds above your pre-pregnancy weight? You are way ahead of the curve as far as the majority of people who have been pregnant. In addition, you have been caring for a new human that you grew for nine months and pushed out of your body, probably with great difficulty.”
“Does not sound like you are getting a ton of support as far as helping with this child. What is this man expecting? He does not sound anywhere near realistic or supportive. I am sorry that you are having to deal with this.”
“On the other hand, I can completely understand you not having the energy for this. Do you have someplace you could go and stay for a little bit where you would be loved and supported? Anyhow, NTA.” – DrVL2
“She says she’s in pain. I wonder if he’s pressuring her for sex before she is ready. He’s a jerk. She should move on from him and find someone who values her.” – GogusWho
“I’m permanently like 10lbs heavier than my pre-pregnancy weight. I’ve accepted that this is just how I look now. If he thinks your body will ever look exactly like it did pre-baby he’s living in delulu land. You will look sexy in a completely new way, and if he can’t appreciate that, then he doesn’t deserve you.” – MoonFlowerDaisy
“NTA! Next time he says something, let him know that just how he’s no longer turned on by your post-pregnancy body. You’re no longer turned on by his post-pregnancy attitude. That s**t would have dried me up like the Sahara desert, what a rude, horrible thing to say to your wife, who just gave birth to your child less than two months ago.”
“On another note, if you’re still in pain and constant pain at that, I would really speak to your doctor, while it might be nothing, it could also be a sign that you’re healing incorrectly. Take care of yourself, your baby needs you in good shape, and you need you in good shape.” – Difficult_Muscle9110
Others also found the OP’s husband’s comments to be incredibly ironic and self-serving.
“She says he doesn’t exercise and eats like garbage. I bet money he has a ‘dad bod’ but is criticizing her on her looks. Dude’s a f**king chump, she should say he has a small d**k and no skills.” – Economy-Diver-5089
“How would he feel about having sex if she told him that she wishes his hair were still as thick or if he were more ‘chiseled’ like some actor? Maybe that she wishes he were more thoughtful and caring like X or Y?” – stzulover
“Her body has gone through trauma to give him a child. It’s like if she got a kidney donated from him and then complained that he wasn’t as hot now that he has one kidney…” – Midnight-writer-B
“Caregiving, breastfeeding, hormone recovery, healing, and sleep deprivation are a perfect storm to wreck your body.”
“OP is amazing, exercising despite this. I hope she’s doing it to feel good and get strong, not because this mediocre dude demands she ‘bounce back.'”
“What an absolute moron to be this entitled, clueless, say this out loud and double down. It’s frankly heartbreaking. And so disappointing.”
“I wouldn’t want to have sex with anyone who said this to me for weeks or months. It’s not weaponizing anything. Sex is something you do with someone you like. Especially postpartum, when you have about 10 minutes of extra energy a week, if that. He’s shown a complete lack of appreciation, empathy, trust, and support. And no teamwork.”
“OP’s stupid husband might not know this, but getting better sleep, lowers your cortisol and makes you svelter and hotter… maybe he can take all the night shifts? What a ridiculous dude.” – Midnight-writer-B
“You know those IG accounts that pull out pics of the men who leave nasty comments on pics of women celebs? I feel we need to pull one of this husband because I bet he looks like a total loser while demanding perfection.”
“Girl, your husband needs to be worshipping the body that made him a child. I remember feeling like a whale in the last few weeks of pregnancy, but my husband made me feel like a true goddess. You deserve better.” – kama_s
“I would just drop this on him at some point, ‘I wish I remembered what it felt like when I admired you, thought you were intelligent and not shallow, someone who I wanted to have sex with.'” – -Me__oW
The subReddit was disgusted by how the OP had been treated by her husband, especially when it was still so soon after the birth of their child. If the husband wanted to somehow restore his relationship with his wife and regain access to that bedroom, he had serious apologizing, mindset shifting, and possibly therapy to go through before it’d be worth it to the OP.