When we find ourselves in a pinch of some kind, we sometimes do things in the heat of the moment that we may regret.
Well aware that what we did was wrong.
Should this have worked to our advantage, however, we might be inclined to do it again.
Even though this time we were not in a pinch, nor is doing so any less wrong than it was before.
The neighbor of Redditor lemonpoppiez once found themselves in a pinch and came up with what they thought was a solution.
As this “solution” worked out, the OP’s neighbor did this over and over again.
However, this solution also involved the OP, and the OP began to grow increasingly uneasy with this being a regular occurrence.
Eventually leading them to say so to their neighbor.
Unsure of whether or not they did the right thing, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where they asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA For Telling My Neighbor To Stop Leaving Their Elderly Mother On My Porch?”
The OP explained why they felt it was necessary to confront their neighbor:
“My neighbor kept leaving their elderly mom on my porch while they ran errands.”
“I tried to be helpful and accepted it in my first encounters.”
“But then I think that my neighbor think that I am too kind and took advantage of it.”
“I’d be in the middle of working and notice her just sitting there for hours, and it made me feel trapped because I never agreed to watch her but at the same time I pity the elderly.”
“It stressed me out knowing I was being put in that position without any choice.”
“I am a kind neighbor but this is too much.”
“I have my own life, my own deadlines and problems, and I can’t focus on my life while also worrying if something might to the old woman on my porch.”
“I am softhearted and if something happens to the elderly the guilt would eat me up.”
“If she fell or got sick, I know it would somehow fall back on me, and that thought really bothered me.”
“I told them to stop leaving her in my place, but somehow she insisted that I don’t have to watch her at all since she’s just sitting there doing nothing.”
“But still as I said, I can’t handle the guilt if anything happens.”
“I don’t get why people like this.”
“I would’t even let my dog outside, how can they take leaving their own relative outside?”
“AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community firmly agreed that the OP was in no way the a**hole for confronting their neighbor.
Everyone agreed that not only was the OP’s neighbor being negligent, to the point of abusive, to their mother, but what they did could also be viewed as trespassing, and the OP should report them to the authorities:
“NTA.”
“Can you call adult protective services and ask for a welfare check?”- LotsofCatsFI
“NTA.”
“However kind you are, you aren’t responsible for their mother.”
“I would be tempted to tell them you’ll call the police next time it happens – it’s not your job and you’re right to be worried if something happens to her.”
“Would you be liable?”
“Could they sue you if she gets hurt on your property?”
“I’m not a lawyer but I wonder if this falls under elder abuse/neglect.”- chicky75
“NTA report them to the police.”
“If the mom gets hurt or worse you’d be in trouble.”
“If they can’t say home and care for her she needs to be in a nursing home or at least have a professionally trained caregiver.”- Fireemblemisthebest
“NTA.”
“Put up a gate, take away your porch furniture if that’s where she’s sitting, intercept the neighbor when they’re dropping off the parent and just say no.”
“Don’t argue, don’t give reasons, just – no.”- catsaway9
“NTA.”
“And if it continues, you should tell them that you plan to call whatever your local number is for senior’s care or city services.”
“If something happened to them on your property you could absolutely be liable.”
“Approach the conversation with kindness in case it goes sour.”- floataboveit
“NTA.”
“Report elderly neglect.”
“In contacting the authorities you may help the poor woman being abandoned.”
“Never know what’s going on in that house.”
“But definitely not your responsibility past maybe a phone call.”- Useful-Courage8381
“NTA.”
‘tbh you should report her for elderly neglect.”- SogginOnYaMommin
“NTA.”
“Call the police.”
“Some random people are on your porch.”
“It’s not taking advantage of your kindness.”
“It’s irresponsibility and abuse.”
“Can you imagine being dropped off at a random person house.”
“You don’t owe anyone anything.”
“Call the police if it happen again and they will handle it and perhaps they will treat them better.”
“At the very least as you said if something happen it wouldn’t be on you.”- nathanmcfadden
“NTA.”
“Technically, she is trespassing.”
“If she’s not capable of understanding that and operating independently, leaving her alone anywhere is neglect/elder abuse, and opens you up to liability if anything does happen.”
“I’d document everything and report them.”- -MicrowavePopcorn-
“NTA.”
‘I’d be calling social services.”- Character-Twist-1409
“NTA!”
“They would benefit from professional assistance / services for Alzheimer’s patients.”- No-Buddy873
“I feel bad for everyone involved here.”
“NTA, but I still feel bad for the mom.”
“I maybe 1% feel bad for the neighbor.”
“99% feel bad for OP.”
“Not a good situation to be put in.”- Kaa_The_Snake
“NTA.”
“Frankly I’d VERY CAREFULLY walk the elderly lady home.”
“If that’s not possible report lost elderly lady to local PD.”
“Let them take her in for a welfare check.”- West-Resource-1604
“Please tell me that they don’t have toddlers that they also dump unsupervised in random places?”
“If this woman is suffering from any sort of cognitive impairment, that’s effectively what they are doing.”
“Call adult protective services before their neglect results in harm coming to her.”
“Maybe they just need educating.”
“Maybe they just need more resources.”
“Maybe they’re hurting her intentionally or with neglect when nobody is watching.”
“Something is very wrong if their eldercare plan is hoping that you are home, hoping that you notice she is there before something bad happens, and hoping that you are able to stop doing whatever and can tend to her needs even though you may not be anywhere nearby.”
“Protect her.”
“Say something.”
“NTA.”- Relatents
“NTA.”
“If something happens to her while on your watch, you could be liable.”
“Tell the neighbor it is not okay.”
“Tell her you will call Adult Protective Services if she leaves the elderly unattended.”-DanaMarie75038
“You are NTA.”
“First of all, if they thought she would cause no trouble, why not leave her on her porch.”
“There are a few things you could say.”
‘One, you could say, ‘When I work, I am expected to be available to management and co-workers, and I fear that I wouldn’t notice if something happened to her’.”
“You could also say, ‘Why don’t you get her one of those alarms where she could push a button from home if she fell or had some need to summon help’.”
“If nothing else, tell them that your insurance company advised that if anything happened to her on your property, you could be held liable, and you cannot afford that.”
“As a last resort, you may just have to tell them that you cannot have her there.”- Mobile-Translator850
“NTA.”
“If she gets hurt on your property, you’re liable.”
“It doesn’t matter if it’s your fault.”
‘File a report with the police, this is neglect and you want it documented for the future.”
“Also put a written letter in your neighbours mailbox that none of them are to come on your property, they are trespassing, and if they come on your property or leave her there again you will be calling the police.”
“Keep a copy of it and note on it the date and time you dropped it in their mailbox.”- MissionYam3
“NTA.”
“Your neighbor is abandoning their parent and made you into adult babysitter.”
“Not to mention trespassing with no supervision.”
“Don’t bother warning the idiot neighbor.”
“Call the police.”
“This is beyond belief.”- macross1984
“‘But somehow she insisted that I don’t have to watch her at all since she’s just sitting there doing nothing’.”
“Then she can leave her at their own house.”
“NTA.”- slendermanismydad
There are so many unanswered questions in this scenario.
Why couldn’t the OP’s neighbor leave their mother inside, at home?
Why didn’t the OP’s neighbor ask them if it was alright?
Why couldn’t the OP bring their mother on these errands?
One imagines the OP’s neighbor never thought of any of these questions themselves.
Otherwise, they wouldn’t have done something this irrational.
Just as one imagines the OP’s neighbor didn’t think of the possibly severe, consequences they may face for their actions.