Woman Confronts BIL For Always Treating Her Husband 'Like A Child' In Front Of Their Family

Not all blood is thicker than water.

Some family members are more rude and cruel than strangers.

A person can only take so much abuse before they snap.

Then family can be changed forever.

Redditor No_Village1933 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback, so naturally, she came to the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subreddit.

She asked:

"AITA for telling my BIL to stop treating my husband like a child?"

The Original Poster (OP) explained:

"So, I (48 F[emale]), my husband (49 M[ale]), and my daughter (16 F) attended my M[other]-I[n]-L[aw]'s birthday party."

"It was a large family gathering that included F[ather]-I[n]-L[aw], B[rother]-I[n]-L[aw]'s, S[ister]-I[n]L[aw]'s, uncles, aunts, nephews, and nieces."

"Now, there's this BIL (54 M) whom I shall name as Ken for this purpose, and he happened to be my husband's oldest brother."

"The thing about Ken is he has this constant habit of lecturing my husband."

"For example, he was questioning why my husband had bought a Korean car, going on that they're no good and he should have bought a Japanese or German one instead."

"And other things like, 'Why on earth did you buy this jacket and jumper? They don't suit you at all. Have you bought gifts for Mother? They better not be some cheap stuff that you didn't put any thought into."

"At first, I chalk this up as an older brother looking out for his younger brother, but then the tone and words he used seem overbearing."

"Not even my husband's mother and father nagged him like this, at least not in front of others."

"And as I've learned, Ken only targets my husband and doesn't boss his other siblings like that."

"My husband doesn't react too strongly when his oldest brother goes at him."

"He just nods along and says, 'Okay then.'"

"I mean, I have tried telling my husband that he should just tell his big brother to lay off him already."

"Anyway, here comes the issue... we were having dinner at the table, talking about any random topics that came to mind."

"One of my SILs was asking if we had made any holiday plans."

"My husband mentioned that we are going on a trip to the Maldives soon."

"And of course, Ken butted in."

"He was like, 'Oh really, so who organized this trip? Don't tell me that your wife did everything for you.'"

"I jumped in and pointed out that my husband had sorted out our trip."

"Then he questioned my husband, Are your passports up to date? Have you checked if you need visas? etc.'"

"And after my husband answered everything, he said, 'Wow, good boy, you're stepping up.'"

"Honestly, I was pretty peeved about this and thought this could not go on forever."

"As soon as Ken left to go to the bathroom, I made an excuse to leave the dining room and waited outside for him."

"When he came back out, I spoke with him. "

"I told him as nicely as I could, 'You need to stop treating my husband like he's a kid. And show him some respect.'"

"Let's just say Ken didn't like the way I confronted him."

"At first, he acted all confused and in denial, saying he wasn't disrespecting my husband."

"I kept insisting that he was."

"Once he reacted aggressively, 'Who the hell do you think you are? What's it got to do with you?'"

"That's when I finally lost my cool."

"The commotion obviously got heard, and we had to get split up."

"It made the rest of the birthday party awkward after that."

"My other BIL and the SILs were saying to me that it shouldn't be my place to speak on my husband's behalf."

"And if he feels discomfort over what Ken said to him, he should be the one speaking up."

The OP was left to wonder:

"With all things considered, AITA?"

Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:

• NTA - Not The A**hole
• YTA – You're The A**hole
• NAH – No A**holes Here
• ESH - Everyone Sucks Here

Many Redditors declared that OP was NOT the A**hole.

"NTA at all."

"Ken sounds super overbearing, and honestly, it's weird that he only targets your husband like that."

"I get that some people think 'it's a sibling thing,' but there's a line between teasing and just being straight-up disrespectful, especially in front of everyone."

"If your husband isn't comfortable standing up for himself, it makes sense that you'd want to step in, no one wants to watch their partner get talked down to like a child."

"Yeah, maybe it would've been better if your husband said something himself, but sometimes people just get used to that dynamic and don't realize how bad it looks from the outside."

"You were just trying to have his back."

"If Ken can dish it out, he should be able to handle being called out." ~ sikandarmirza

"NTA, Ken sounds like a complete annoyance, and I'm not too sure why he feels the need to single out your husband the way he does constantly. Siblings do have a certain way of being with each other and there comes a point where he's just being disrespectful, your husband should stand up for himself." ~ mileyxmorax

"NTA. Who do you think you are? HIS WIFE."

"THAT IS WHO YOU ARE."

"However, you may be one if your husband has previously asked you not to say anything."

"I think you need to have a frank conversation with your husband about how he feels about Ken's treatment of him and why he's never shut his brother down." ~ Malphas43

"NTA."

"'Who the hell do you think you are?'"

"'What's it got to do with you?'"

"Aren't these the questions he should be asking himself?"

"Your BIL needs to f**k off and learn how to curb the superiority complex."

"You're all over 40."

"In the future call him out publicly."

"Every. Single. Time."

"You and your husband share a life so therefore it's got everything to do with you and nothing to do with him." ~ MadamMim88

"NTA. It would have been more effective from your husband but Ken needed to hear it."

"And you tried to tell him privately."

"You weren't the one making the scene."

"Next time you are together tell him you are sorry there was a scene and you'll try to understand this is how he prefers to communicate so you'll respect that by communicating with him the same way."

"And then do it."

"When he makes snarky comments at your husband, give a little chuckle and make one right back."

"If anyone says anything you just look at them blankly and tell them you're communicating with Ken in his preferred manner and ask if they would prefer Ken and yourself speak to others differently."

"But I'm petty." ~ angel2hi

"NTA... It's absolutely your place to defend your husband if he's being mistreated."

"His family don't set the rules for your family. Let them know this behavior won't be tolerated."

"Don't apologize and don't back down." ~ RoyallyOakie

"NTA. I wouldn't tolerate my S[ignificant] O[ther] that way either."

"He's a grown man, not a child, and his brother needs to stop treating him that way."

"You were actually much nicer than I would have been, I likely would have made a scene at the table." ~ RandoGenericUserName

"NTA at all and I'm pretty sure if the females were being lambasted around the table they'd want their partners to defend them."

"F**k the BIL and f**k the rest of them that says it wasn't your place."

"Yes, your hubby needs to open his mouth and be 1000% direct cos him allowing them to steamroll him IS a problem, but you're NTA."

"Kudos to you babe for protecting your man." ~ Enough-Owl-4301

"NTA. It is your place to stand up for your husband."

"Ken sounds like he's a jerk." ~ quirkytypeofteacher

"NTA - regardless of how your husband feels about it, you also have a right to say 'I am not comfortable when you talk to my husband like this, he is a grown man and my life partner.'"

"'If you can't speak to him with respect while I'm around, we're going to have a problem.'"

"Because when he treats your husband like a child, he's also disrespecting your choice to marry him."

"He thinks you've made a bad choice because he thinks your husband isn't capable of looking after himself."

"Depending on the family dynamic and history, your husband may blame himself when he doesn't live up to his brother's standards and may be seeking his approval."

"He may have accepted being talked down to, and think it's worth it for the feeling of accomplishment he gets on the rare occasions he's approved of."

"It's not a healthy dynamic, but keep the possibility in mind when talking to your husband about this. He may think he deserves the way he's treated."

"Probably worth talking to your husband again and explaining that your BIL isn't just nagging at him, he's also insulting you."

"And that listening to him rant unchallenged is uncomfortable and upsetting."

"It's great if it doesn't bother him, but it does bother you, and you'd appreciate his support in finding a solution that works for both of you." ~ princess_ferocious

"Not the a**hole at all."

"It's not wrong for you to defend your husband when he's constantly belittled, sibling or not."

"His other siblings don't get it because he's not lecturing them like this."

"Also maybe something happened when they were children and that's why your husband is his main target… so you might wanna ask him more about his childhood and sibling relationships." ~ REDDIT

"If it's not your place to speak on your husband's behalf, then it's not his brother's place to question his actions."

"Actually, it's not his brother's place even if it is your place."

"Your husband chose you... his brother wasn't his choice. NTA." ~ booch

"NTA. I have a brother who is exactly like Ken."

"Other people always do things wrong."

"His way is the right way to do things."

"He thinks he's being helpful by lecturing you."

"My wife doesn't say anything but I just let it go in one ear and out the other."

"It's tedious and boring." ~ floydfan

"NTA."

"Also tell Ken there is someone on the internet that wants to drive his Korean car up his a**." ~ chronichyjinx

"You are not the AH."

"You are his wife and Ken stepped over the line."

"Married couples should always have each other's backs even against family members."

"The rest of the family didn't like a woman standing up to this bully." ~ VeganProudHuman

Reddit is with you, OP.

You were standing up for your man.

Someone had to say something.

Hopefully, your husband will speak up next.