Choosing sides in a family squabble is never easy.
In the end, someone usually ends up hurt or disappointed.
One of the worst spots to be in is having to choose between a parent and a significant other.
That’s rarely a win-win outcome.
Redditor LastApplication6207 found themself in a personal dilemma regarding their relationships with their wife and their Dad; so they turned to the “Am I The A**Hole” (AITAH) subreddit for feedback.
Similar to AITA, the AITAH subReddit allows posters to ask for advice and post about ending relationships—both things that are banned on AITA. However, there are no required voting acronyms—only suggested ones—and no official final judgment declared.
They asked:
“AITAH for refusing to tell my wife I love her more than my dad?”
The original poster (OP) explained:
“This is a stupid argument, but we both think we’re right, so I’ll let Reddit decide.”
“My Dad babysat for us last night so we could go on a date.”
“I picked him up and drove him over because he avoids driving at night these days.”
“My wife and I said to put the baby down for the evening by eight.”
“When we got back, my Dad was sitting on the couch holding our (sleeping) baby.”
“He said he was sorry he wasn’t in the crib, but that he fussed whenever he tried to put him in the crib, so he just gave up and held him.”
“My wife was upset, and it was obvious.”
“I took the baby to put him in the crib.”
“When I went back into the living room, they were whisper arguing.”
“I told Dad we should head back.”
“He got in the car, and I drove him home.”
“He apologized for not putting the baby in the crib and said he was very fussy and probably just missed us and was anxious we weren’t the ones putting him down.”
“I said he was probably right and it was no big deal.”
“When I got home, my wife was still upset.”
“She asked me what my Dad said about her.”
“I said he didn’t say anything about her, just apologized and said the baby probably missed us.”
“My wife said he won’t adjust to his sleep schedule unless it is consistent.”
“I agreed with her and said it’s been a long time since my Dad took care of a baby, so we should cut him some slack.”
“She asked why I was taking his side over hers.”
“I said I’m not, but that we had a great night, and I didn’t want us to let something minor ruin it.”
“She said it isn’t minor, and I’m supposed to back her up, not gossip about her with my Dad.”
“I said I didn’t gossip about her.”
“All I did was drive him home.”
“She asked why I drove him home when she was clearly upset.”
“I asked what else I was supposed to do.”
“She said I could have ordered a rideshare or a cab.”
“I said the plan was always for me to drive him home.”
“She said, ‘Right, because we have to stick with the almighty plan.'”
“I asked her why she didn’t just tell me she wanted me to do something different.”
“She asked if I would have if she asked me to.”
“I said I wasn’t sure (because of the cost and time delay).”
“She said exactly.”
“I said we could have talked about it, though.”
“She said I’m always trying to sit on the fence when I should be in her field.”
“I said I am in her field.”
“She asked who I love more, her or my Dad.”
“I said that was a crazy question and I wasn’t going to answer it.”
“She said she needed to know.”
“I said I don’t rank people I love.”
“I love my wife as a wife and my Dad as a Dad.”
“She says I’m an as**hole for not choosing her.”
“I say I’m not, because I don’t think love is a numbered list like some kind of WatchMojo video.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“So… AITAH?”
Some Redditors weighed in by using the AITA voting acronyms:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided the OP was NOT the A**hole here.
“NTA. I get being very on top of a schedule.”
“I am with my child, but when other people put her to sleep, I already know it’s unlikely it’ll go the way it does when we put her to sleep.”
“And it’s more about the baby being comfortable and happy when it’s with other people.”
“She has to learn to be okay when things don’t go as planned.”
“Which isn’t easy for everyone.”
“I’m glad your dad held your child when they were upset.”
“He’s a great grandpa.” ~ Puzzleheaded_Bus6169
“Exactly. Wife is flipping when the dad was doing them a favor and trying his best.”
“He was very apologetic about it.”
“Most parents won’t even help watch their grandkids, so she needs to be thankful.”
“The baby was safe, still fell asleep, and one night is not going to throw off the baby’s schedule.”
“Wife is being extra, and her attitude sucks.”
“Who makes their husband pick who they love more?”
“The husband did the right thing by not answering and offering to communicate.”
“Wife seems like a stickler and a pain in the a**.”
“Be humble and thankful instead of mean and hateful.”
“Someone did a favor they didn’t have to.” ~ Sunmoon98
“Exactly this.”
“I was just like Aww!”
“What a great grandpa.”
“How dare she argue with him?”
“Your wife needs to learn.”
“It’s not the end of the world.”
“If you’re teaching or introducing something new, schedule-related, a good rule is to do it at least two days in a row.” ~ Many_Rub6735
“NTA, but your wife majorly is.”
“You can’t expect a baby to adhere to normal routines with anyone other than their parents.”
“Grandpa did the best he could and didn’t do anything wrong.”
“She is being completely unreasonable in every single way.”
“I would be pretty hurt if I were your dad and not keen to babysit again anytime soon.” ~ Old-Paleontologist-1
“My first thought was, aww, what a sweet memory for grandpa and for son to see.”
“My father-in-law never held my babies.”
“Certainly didn’t babysit.”
“To come home to grandpa holding a sleeping baby is so wholesome.”
“I would have loved that! “
“Would Mom rather come home to a screaming baby in its crib?”
“Things don’t always go as planned with babies.”
“Grandpa rolled with it and made the baby comfortable.”
“The only thing I ever expected when family watched my kids was for them to be alive when I came home.”
“What a great grandpa!”
“Your wife probably did irreparable damage to her relationship with her father-in-law forever.”
“She’s TA here.” ~ poptartsandmascara
“NTA when raising a kid, plans need to be adaptable.”
“It’s so sweet that your dad can and will watch your baby.”
“She is being ungrateful, and maybe she is dealing with some post-pregnancy emotions.”
“Or maybe if this is her regular personality.”
“I think it is irrational to act that way toward someone giving you a favor, and the love ranking is just childish.” ~ imf4rds
“Wow, NTA.”
“Is your child the firstborn, and are you two brand new parents?”
“It sounds like your wife is trying to follow parenting guidelines but isn’t realizing that babies don’t participate in schedules, especially when their caregiver isn’t around for bedtime.” ~ Alive_Room6023
“NTA. Your wife is going to have a nervous breakdown if she doesn’t learn that with kids, plans, guidelines, and schedules are ‘suggestions’ that the baby may take into consideration.”
“Maybe.”
The right plan when someone else is watching your kid, even relatives, is to say, ‘Here’s what we do. Good luck!'”
“One of my little humans is now an adult, taller than me.”
“The other is in high school (and now taller than me).”
“It gets better.”
“It really does.”
“But you have to be flexible.”
“Your wife needs to be thankful she had a night out.”
“Not pissed off cause she came home to a sleeping baby in grandpa’s arms.”
“-Mom of 2.” ~ CollectionCrafty8939
“NTA. Your wife needs to see her doctor to be evaluated for postpartum depression.”
“If she refuses, YOU call her OB-GYN, make the appointment, and take her yourself.”
“The baby was asleep.”
“So what if he wasn’t in his crib?”
“There will be nights when he’ll fuss and refuse to settle in his crib even when it’s you or your wife putting him down.”
“And one night sleeping in Grandpa’s arms isn’t going to ruin the sleep training.”
“Seriously, she’s making a mountain out of a grain of sand.”
“It isn’t even big enough to be a molehill.”
“Get her mental health evaluated.”
“These postpartum disorders may not show up for weeks after birth, sometimes not for months, and the doctor who delivered the baby is your first stop.”
“NTA. You are exactly right: there is no ‘more than’ in love.”
“You are on her side; she just doesn’t want to see that.” ~ MamaBearonhercouch
“This is coming from a woman.”
“Your wife is f**king ridiculous.”
“Good lord.”
“There are so many things wrong with what she did.”
“She kind of sounds like an ungrateful bi*ch to be honest.”
“First of all, I would not be upset if my dad was holding my child while the CHILD WAS ALREADY SLEEPING!”
“Who cares?”
“It’s so amazing that your dad would take care of your baby.”
“Second, there is no way in hell I am putting my dad in a ride share when I can easily take him home.”
“Why is a ride share acceptable for a member of the family that just did her a favor?”
“Third, why do you have to choose who you love more because of a sleeping schedule?”
“This makes absolutely no sense.”
“Your wife sounds like a child who is making you play guessing games.”
“Please show her these messages; she is completely out of line and owes your dad an apology.”
“You’re NTA at all.”
“You sound very reasonable.”
“And if I were your dad, I’d never want to babysit for y’all again.” ~ vanessaben100
Reddit is with you, OP.
Your wife is out of line.
The baby was still asleep.
Something deeper may be going on here.
A longer, deeper chat could be a good idea.
Good Luck.