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Man With Binge Eating Disorder Reports Wife To Doctors For Sneaking Junk Food Into Clinic

Man holding bag of chips
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Content Warning: Eating Disorders, Triggers of Disordered Eating, Sabotage, and Mentions of Toxic Relationships and Domestic Abuse

When we’re struggling with bad habits, self-sabotage, or even addictions and disordered eating, sometimes we have to admit to ourselves that we can’t make the positive change that we need by ourselves.

But sometimes we also have to admit to ourselves that the people we live with will not support us in the way that we need in order to stick with the positive shift, cringed the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITAH) subReddit.

Redditor Parking_Honey_8569 had tried a variety of approaches to improve his disordered eating and eventually had to admit to himself that an inpatient recovery program might be a better approach for him.

But when his wife snuck triggering foods into the clinic when visiting him, the Original Poster (OP) suddenly realized that his wife might not support his recovery journey after leaving the clinic.

He asked the sub:

“AITAH for reporting my wife for bringing me snacks in the hospital?”

The OP struggled with an eating disorder.

“I am 32 and male. About two years ago, I was diagnosed with Binge Eating Disorder (BED).”

“To put it simply, I eat compulsively, even when I’m not hungry. My BMI is 43, putting me in the Class III obesity range.”

“Since my diagnosis, I have not improved whatsoever. Therapy and support groups have a positive effect on my mental health, but even two hours after a meeting, I’ll be in line at a drive-through.”

“It has affected my health, my mental health, my finances, and of course, my wife.”

The OP thought that his wife was supportive of his eating disorder recovery.

“My wife is 37 and Female. She is average-sized.”

“She eventually agreed that I may need actual medical intervention. After a lot of deliberation, we packed up and temporarily moved states so I could participate in an inpatient program as part of a research study.”

“Apparently, intervention programs for BED can be pretty hit or miss, and so this one is a new take on them, being six months instead of the typical 30 to 90 days.”

“I am currently at the end of my first month, and everything is going very well. I’ve made a lot of friends in the program, as well.”

But then the OP realized that his wife might sabotage his recovery.

“At the end of the one-month mark, visitation opened up, and my wife could then visit me.”

“Obviously, she jumped at the chance and came to visit me two days ago. She was also aware of how strict the program is, like not bringing in outside food.”

“We headed over to my room, where she took her backpack off and pulled out jalapeno chips and colas, two of my most common binge items.”

“At first, I freaked out, but she explained that I ‘deserved a break’ and went into detail about how much trouble she went through to smuggle them through.”

The OP took immediate action.

“I immediately shouted for a nurse, who forcefully removed the products from her hands and then escorted her out of the hospital with a full team.”

“My wife has now been completely banned from the premises. And she’s furious at me.”

“The nurses and doctors have expressed nothing but gratitude and told me that had I indulged, I would have instantly been removed from the program.”

“One thing that my wife said that made me think she had a point was instead of telling her to put the snacks away and take them home, I went for the nuclear option of calling other people.”

“I know that her bringing me snacks was objectively wrong, but was my reaction over the top?”


Fellow Redditors weighed in:

  • NTA: Not the A**hole
  • YTA: You’re the A**hole
  • ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
  • NAH: No A**holes Here

Some were appalled that the wife knew the rules and sabotaged the OP anyway.


“If she didn’t know how bad it was that she brought snack food in, both for you and for the establishment, an argument could have been made for NAH.”

“You have a boundary that you really need right now, and you maintained that boundary when it was violated. Nothing wrong with that. But it was wrong of her to bring that stuff in when she knows the hazard.” – TheNorthernSea

“She SMUGGLED food in. She obviously knew what she was doing, and she knew that it was wrong.”

“The OP saying that his wife ‘went into detail about how much trouble she went through to smuggle them through’ is just the wife saying, ‘Look at how hard I worked to sabotage your progress and make sure you don’t get better.’ Be careful, OP. Know who’s on your side. I’m not sure she is.” – _bonedaddys

“NTA. Your wife had to ‘smuggle’ in the snacks? Didn’t that give her a clue that it was not the right thing to do?”

“It sounds like you have a wife problem in addition to your eating disorder.” – BlueGreen_1956

“I fear she did it on purpose to sabotage his treatment. I’m so glad he called for help. I’m positive if he had asked her to put them away, she would have ignored him or spoken about them nonstop.”

“He did what he had to do to stay safe.” – ASweetTweetRose

“The wife is trying to sabotage her husband’s success, I’m sure of it.”

“And the fact that if she was going to bring anything, she didn’t bring like… her homemade whatever or his favorite thing in a small amount (which would be misguided and wrong but not necessarily malicious)… She brought his biggest binge-eating snacks. And encouraged him to ‘take a break,’ as in, ‘Binge! I won’t tell!'”

“I wonder if she is ‘just’ enabling him or actively contributing to his disorder deliberately as some kind of insecurity or abuse (‘if he gets better, he’ll leave’ or ‘if he gets better, he won’t be as easy to control’)?”

“He did the right thing and hopefully, the facility he is at is able to screen for abuse as part of his treatment.” – Ybuzz

Others felt a vital conversation needed to happen if the relationship was to survive.

“A lot of the discussion in this thread will, rightfully, focus on the wife and this being an unsafe relationship for OP, but I just want to jump in here and point out how f**king awesome it was of OP to react how he did.”

“That takes STRENGTH. That takes genuine investment in yourself. That takes self-awareness and courage. OP, you could have binged then and there. Your wife probably would have congratulated you.”

“You were in a place that is supposed to be safe and free of having to make these choices, and your right to that safety was violated by someone you trusted, and you STILL made the hardest, healthiest choice.”

“I don’t know what happens next, in your life, program, or marriage. But this moment here proves that when the chips fall, you will have found a way to stay standing. That moment proves that you can stay in the program, manage, live with, and eventually recover from your BED, and weather the storm that is this woman trying (like, really, really trying) to sabotage your recovery.”

“I can’t imagine how hard all of this is. I can’t imagine what you’re reckoning with in relation to your wife and marriage. But know you did something worth celebrating, and that you deserve to celebrate it.” – threelizards

“As someone who has recently been on a program for BED myself, I would say you are NTA. You are discovering that family, even though we love them to pieces, can be enablers, too.”

“You sound like the program’s working for you! That’s brilliant. Enablers come in all sizes and shapes, and even our loved ones can be enablers, too.”

“Maybe there is behavior she needs to address for herself as to why she wanted to bring you trigger foods. Maybe she’s scared she’ll lose you if you lose weight. Maybe she feels you won’t need her anymore, so she’s trying to keep some sort of dependence going. Only you can answer that really, and it’s something she might need to address via therapy.”

“Good luck with everything! Much love and respect to you from someone who knows something of what you’re going through.” – PidginPigeonHole

“The wife is an enabler and, on some level, wants OP to stay fat, sick, and addicted. She EVENTUALLY agreed to the OP taking medication, and it took MUCH DELIBERATION for her to do something to help the OP enroll in this program. Then she jumped at the chance to see him during his program and smuggled trigger foods to him.”

“I would think that SHE would be the one suggesting the medication, that SHE would want her husband to be healthy, that SHE would want him to be able to have a healthy relationship with food and be stable mentally. Instead, she wants him to stay as he was.”

“Sabotaging his recovery was an incredibly low blow. The OP’s wife clearly needs help, too, to work through whatever her motivations are, but I think the OP is going to have to choose between his health and his marriage before this is over. Best of luck, OP.” – rhetorical_twixxx

“It sounds like the OP’s wife is a feeder, 100%.”

“You needed medical intervention. Sounds like you’re knocking it out of the park, and your wife is tempting you back to your old lifestyle. She may think this is a short-term fix rather than a lifestyle change.”

“Most feeders have a psychological pressure that drives their desire to feed. Since she is average-sized, it could be driven by a fear that she’ll lose you, either because she is no longer the provider of your previous lifestyle or a fear that if you lose the weight, you’ll leave her for someone else.”

“Far from being mad at you, she needs to talk to someone about her behavior. Otherwise, you’re going back into an environment where she will be tempting you back to your old lifestyle, and at some point, it’ll work. She’s your wife and should want what’s best for you, not what makes her feel the best.” – EmpireofAzad

“NTA. I think you need to explain to her how hurtful what she did was.”

“I want to give her the benefit of the doubt that she thinks she was expressing love for you. What she was actually doing was endangering your position in the program, and thus potentially causing you to have needlessly sacrificed the time and likely money that this has cost you.”

“You need to have a really blunt conversation with her. She needs to know it was not okay. It was not wanted. It could have resulted in severe consequences. Those consequences could have cost you financially in terms of wasting the time you’re already spending not working, and not living your life.”

“The bigger question is: doesn’t she want you to get better? Is she going to confront you with triggers at home when you’re out? Is she going to constantly test you and try to get you to give in?”

“What was she expecting to happen? Did she understand what would have happened next had you given in?”

“The answers to these questions are going to be important for you to know how your life will be post-hospital.”

“I think you should tell her that she misjudged how you would react because she must not understand how hurtful what she did is. She signaled she is not supportive of your attempt to change, which in turn suggests she doesn’t want you to get better, which then leads to the conclusion she is not worried about your health.”

“Those are not the actions of a supportive spouse. I think if this logic chain is laid out for her, she will feel apologetic and be able to understand why what she did was so wrong.”

“And if she doesn’t feel apologetic, then sadly it seems like she will have answered the questions. And then you will have to determine if your health is more important than your marriage. And in any healthy relationship, we should love ourselves the most.”

“I’m all for giving her the benefit of the doubt that she misunderstood the consequences of her actions. But you really need to talk it out to ensure she doesn’t sabotage your long-term success. Good luck.” – hazal025

The subReddit was appalled by the lengths the OP’s wife had gone to sabotage his efforts to get healthy and remain healthy. If the OP wanted to be successful and achieve long-lasting health, they were concerned that he might have to choose between recovery and marriage at the end of his program at the clinic.

Written by McKenzie Lynn Tozan

McKenzie Lynn Tozan has been a part of the George Takei family since 2019 when she wrote some of her favorite early pieces: Sesame Street introducing its first character who lived in foster care and Bruce Willis delivering a not-so-Die-Hard opening pitch at a Phillies game. She's gone on to write nearly 3,000 viral and trending stories for George Takei, Comic Sands, Percolately, and ÜberFacts. With an unstoppable love for the written word, she's also an avid reader, poet, and indie novelist.