Sometimes words can cause more psychological harm than physical violence
And there are still, sadly, some people who just can’t grasp just how much power words carry.
Some people might use words as a joke, oblivious to the harm these words might cause.
Redditor auwboon12 thought he was making a harmless joke to a colleague of his girlfriend.
But as he would learn the hard way, his choice of words greatly offended not only his girlfriend’s colleague, but also his girlfriend, putting a strain on their relationship.
Still convinced he didn’t say or do anything wrong, the original poster (OP), took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where he asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for my comment towards my GFs coworker?”
The OP first shared he and his girlfriend might be the epitome of the saying “opposites attract” and felt their relationship was all the stronger for it.
“Alright so really weird situation that happened this weekend and I need a verdict.”
“So my (26 M[ale]) girlfriend works at an art gallery.”
“I work in sales and we couldn’t be more opposite.”
“She’s into fine arts, social causes, decorating and more artsy activities.”
“I’m into sports, working out, golfing and gaming.”
“We love that we are opposites.”
“We love taking interest in each others hobbies and feel like we learn from each other.”
The OP recently supported his girlfriend at one of her work events, even though apparently with her approval, he made one of his hobbies a priority.
“So her art gallery had a big fundraising event on Saturday.”
“My softball team was playing in the playoffs on the same day and started at the same time.”
“I was gonna be late for sure.”
“My girlfriend was totally understanding and told me to show up when I could.”
“So game ends, and me and buddy Luke showed up.”
“Luke wasn’t ‘invited’ but I didn’t think it would be a problem as I would pay his entry fee and it’s all going to fundraising anyway.”
“Luke showed up for moral support (the real reason is he has a crush on my gf’s work friend but that’s another story lol).”
“Well we didn’t have time to change from softball.”
“We took off our cleats and wore slide on sandals.”
“We had shorts and our jerseys on, but they weren’t dirty at all.”
“We walked in, paid and tried to mingle around the exhibits.”
“We were definitely underdressed but we didn’t care to take the time to change or have clothes.”
While the OP’s girlfriend appeared to be understanding of their less than conventional attire, a colleague of hers appeared to be somewhat less understanding.
“My girlfriend and her friend Brent came up to us.”
“And I could tell Brent was pissed.”
“He kept giving side eyes at us.”
“He took us around the exhibit and showed us things about the art.”
“But he kinda came off snobby.”
“Like he was too good to tell us this stuff.”
“Even said ‘you prolly wouldn’t appreciate this’ and other off-handed comments.”
“Dude was flamboyant so I ignored it.”
But after a small crisis occurred at the event, the OP didn’t ignore Brent’s “flamboyant” nature for much longer.
“Well a bunch of sh*t happened right after.”
“Something got screwed up and my girlfriend/Brent went to go resolve it.”
“Well a piece of art got knocked over and Brent was freaking out.”
“They picked it back up and hardly anything was wrong with it.”
“Literally just a small scratch.”
“Him and my girlfriend were upset about how the artwork was ruined and I said ‘what are y’all talking about, it looks great’.”
“‘Not that big of a deal. I’d buy it’.”
“Brent turned to me and said ‘well thank god we have the jocks approval, that’s always so helpful’.”
“I was stunned and my buddy started to say something but I cut him off.”
“And this is exactly what I said:”
“’Man high school was a long time ago, I’m sorry you used to get stuffed in lockers but quit being a p*ssy’.”
“Dude storms off as my buddy cracked up.”
“My girlfriend was pretty upset but didn’t say anything till we left together.”
“She wants me to apologize to Brent.”
“Because it was a big event and he was stressed.”
“And because he is gay so he took that hard.”
“I told her that he was side eyeing us as soon as we walked in.”
“And he shouldn’t mouth off if he can’t take it.”
“I’m refusing to apologize.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community was firmly in agreement the OP’s behavior towards Brett most definitely made him the a**hole in this situation.
Everyone agreed the OP’s behavior, as well as his attire, was beyond disrespectful to both Brett as well as his girlfriend, with many wondering how much longer their relationship will last.
“These are your GFs work colleagues.”
“Don’t be a dick to them.”
“You also should have brought a change of clothes, or was it not that important to you to look respectable for your GF?”- BigPZ.
“YTA for so many reasons.”
“Couldn’t put on a nice shirt for a fund raising event at an art gallery? really?”
“Passed off fine art being damaged as ‘no big deal’ to the people who might be held responsible for it?”
“Called a guy a “p*ssy” for his comment that you were being rude and unhelpful.”
“Decided he ‘took it hard’ because he’s gay.”
“Your gf is a saint for putting up with you.”-Not-Creative-0921.
“As per your own comments you had time to take a quick shower, however you couldn’t put on appropriate clothing? “
“For this, and many other reasons, YTA.”- teamsz.
“YTA – you were dressed inappropriately, and behaved inappropriately.”
“Imagine someone having a brand new car worth tens or hundreds of thousands.”
“Someone scratches it, would you tell them it isn’t a big deal?”
“You obviously didn’t understand the value of anything at there, because if you understood you would have taken the 10 minutes to change, and you wouldn’t have dismissed the feelings of your gf and her friend.”
“Also you were being a stereotypical jock.”
“You were incredibly rude and offensive.”
“Mocking him for not being happy that you dismissed him and his work.”
“YTA and chances are your gf is reconsidering you.”-Abeyita.
“YTA, and I’m guessing Luke won’t be the only one not invited to the next event.”
“First, your outfit.”
“Let me highlight your most relevant statement:
“’We were definitely underdressed but we didn’t care.'”
“Would you have shown up to your place of employment looking that way?”
“Have some respect for your girlfriend.”
“Why would you not have planned to change?”
“Second, your comment.”
“How big of a scratch do you think it takes before a piece of art is considered damaged?”
“Their gallery may have incurred major costs related to that incident, and there’s no line on an insurance form that asks ‘Would OP still buy it?'”
“Your interjection was completely useless.”
“Brent had a tone, but he was not coming out of nowhere to dismiss your comment as unhelpful.”
“Other than that he called you a jock… which pretty much seems to match your interests.”
“In response you pronounced insulting assumptions about his childhood and called a gay man a p*ssy.”
“I could go into how offensive that is, but, you prolly wouldn’t appreciate it.”
“You made a complete a** of yourself.”
“I don’t imagine you will, but yes, you should apologize to Brent.”
“You should also apologize profusely to your girlfriend.”-Away_Breakfast_1652.
“YTA, you embarrassed your girlfriend in her work.”
“She can get fired because of your behavior.”
“If she won’t be fired, that situation can make her want to quit that job because her coworkers won’t forget about it.”
“Yeah, he was snobby, he was mean to you but you dismissed his work and handled that whole situation like a teenager who thinks he’s edgy and funny.”
“Also, you admitted that you came here underdressed since you don’t care, so you don’t care about your girlfriend’s important event?”
“Hope she is reconsidering that relationship.”- princessdianasdress.
“Your GF didn’t mind you being late to her event but I’m sure she thought you would shower and change into appropriate attire for a fund raiser at an art gallery.”
“Brent was giving you the side eye because you and your buddy were dressed inappropriately.”
“Also, the gallery makes money selling art work – something getting kneed off and possibly damaged means the gallery doesn’t make money.”
“How you spoke to him was bad – you made fun of his artwork and he responded poorly.”
“You then jacked it up instead of saying I’m sorry.”-SportySue60.
“You were dressed inappropriately, you butted in and gave your uneducated opinion and then you were incredibly rude with your ‘BMOC jock’ mentality and calling Brent a ‘p*ssy’.”
“I’m guessing you were a bully in HS.”
“And I can guarantee Brent didn’t say ‘prolly’ since that isn’t a word.”
“Your GF should trade up.”- SilverQueenBee.
Even though the OP claims to respect his girlfriend’s profession, hobbies and interests, there was a complete lack of respect in his behavior at this event.
Here’s hoping he takes a moment to reevaluate his behavior, and apologize to his girlfriend and to Brent.
Otherwise, as the Reddit community seems to predict, the OP’s relationship might not be long for this world.