Certain people always need to be the center of attention.
In order to make that happen, they might choose to wear certain things that bring attention to them.
Usually eye-catching or provocative items, sometimes even giving people a false impression about them.
Sometimes, however, people dress a certain way or wear certain things simply because it's their personal taste, and they aren't trying to bring attention to themselves at all.
Even though they still find themselves attracting an unwanted amount of attention.
Redditor lookoka recently found an accessory that caught their eye, resulting in an impulse purchase that made them very happy.
When a friend of the original poster (OP) saw them wearing this accessory, it led them to assume that the OP's life was about to significantly change.
When the OP set their friend straight, they were rather surprised to find themselves accused of "catfishing".
Wondering if they had done anything wrong, the OP took to the subReddit "Am I The A**hole" (AITA), where he asked fellow Redditors:
"AITA for wearing an engagement looking ring?"
The OP explained why they were accused of giving their friend a false impression owing to one notable accessory:
"So I (26 M[ale]) doesn't wear much jewelry due to it either not feeling nice and I don't like the look of most stuff."
"I went thrifting a month ago and found a gold ring inlaid with a thin black stone in the middle."
"It felt/fit amazing on my left ring finger and I started wearing it."
"I met my friend today (26 F[emale]) while wearing it and she was shocked and asked when I got engaged?"
"I was confused and asked what she meant since I'm single and she just pointed at the ring."
"I laughed and said no it just looked cool."
"She responded with accusing me of catfishing girls."
"Tbf I have noticed some unusual positive attention lately from women but attributed it to me losing weight."
"Now she is mad and calling me a f*ck boy, but I can't really see what I did wrong."
"AITA?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed that the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
The Reddit community resoundingly agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for wearing a possibly misleading ring.
Not only did everyone agree that the OP did nothing wrong, and had every right to wear anything they so chose to, but also agreed that the OP's friend didn't seem to fully understand what "catfishing" entailed:
"NTA."
"I've only recently gotten engaged and I've worn a gold ring on my left hand for the last decade."
"I don't care what others think."
"I personally do it to keep unwanted advances from men, so on the flip-side maybe the women are being nicer because they don't see you as a danger."
"A lot of women really want men to treat us like possible friends and with general respect rather than just objects of sexual desire."
"I know I do."- Open-Intention-2066
"NTA."
"And I'm really curious how she thinks it's catfishing."- KainTheVampire
"NTA."
"Wear what you want pal."
"If a girl is only interested in you because she thinks you're already taken, well that says more about her than you."- 81optimus
"NTA."
"You can do wear anything you want."
"But why are you specifically wearing it on your left ringer, knowing the implications there?"- TheAman44
"NTA."
"What a bizarre definition of catfishing lol."- probably_beans
"NTA."
"Women wear fake engagement rings sometimes depending on what kinda work they do to at least try to keep the creeps at bay, super weird double standard she's got going."- m_e_hRN
"NTA."
"Your friend is strange, the women will immediately be uncatfished when they find out you are not in a relationship."
"So that was a pretty silly thought for her to have."
"Now if you were doing some 'oh, yes, but my fiancee tragically died...' act then obviously that would be wrong."
"But you aren't, it's just a ring you like."- mlc885
"NTA."
"How is wearing a ring catfishing?"
"She is saying you are trying to pick up girls by being absolutely NOT available."
"Lol wow."
"Wear what you want."
"A black stone isn't in most engagement rings."
"When I was young I don't even think men wore engagement rings at all." -Â Mundane-Currency5088
"NTA."
"If you're getting hit on by women because you have a ring on - that's the trash taking themselves out."- icedcoffeealien
"NTA: Wear whatever you want."
"It's bizarre that this is an issue to her."- The-Comfy-Chair
"NTA."
"Your friend is weird."-Most-Spinach-6069
"NTA."
"I'm confused."
"Your friend thinks you're wearing an engagement ring so you can pick up girls?"
"Do girls love guys who cheat on their fiance?"
"Is this really a thing?"
"God I hope this is your friend being an idiot and this isn't a thing."- FacetiousTomato
"Wait a minute."
"Is this one of those things that attracts women when it should be doing just the opposite, like walking a baby in a stroller?"
"I'm glad I don't have to play those games anymore."
"Also, I'd like to see a picture of the ring, just so I can admire it."
"NTA."- zyzmog
"NTA."
"If you like it wear it."- Electrical_Ad4362
"NTA."
"Wear what you want the way you like and tell your friend to not read too much into it."
"Just be aware of the implications and that some women might not accept the 'oh I'm single' if you want to ask them out."
"I have been asked out by men wearing rings and I assume they are married because more often than not they have been, UNLESS they wear more than one ring because then I assume they are a pirate (and then it's like a whole look)."- flaggingpolly
"NTA."
"What guy wears an engagement ring?"
"She's odd."- Independent_Soil_256
"NTA."
"Obviously."
"Wait so is she saying that women are more attracted to guys who are taken?"
"How is it catfishing?"
"Very weird."
"Unless you're going out of your way to lie about being engaged, which I would think should make any quality women stay away, if anything."- WiseWolfian
"NTA."
"You also might want to tell your friend she has no clue what catfishing means."
"You also should consider a better friend."
"This one seems broken."- me_not_at_work
"She's mad because OTHER women might get the impression you're married and find you more desirable?"
"This is insanity."
"NTA."
"If anything I'd tell a male friend they might be hurting their chances wearing a ring on that finger because a lot of women will see a gold ring and think that might mean something."- believe_in_claude
"NTA."
"Catfishing woman."
"To think you are in a relationship?"
"What?"
"It definitely points out the people who have a married affair kink, but what the hell?"
"No it isn't your fault, I'd just recommend putting it on the same finger other hand if you keep it on the left ring."
"Otherwise.... What?"- Throwway_queer
"NTA."
"I don't think your friend knows what catfishing is."- Ocean_Spice
"NTA."
"And WTF?"
"'Wearing a gold band on your left ring finger is a sign that you are engaged or married'."
"'It's this way in many places but especially America'."
"I am in my 70's, in America, and I have NEVER seen or heard of a man wearing an engagement ring."
"This post is absolutely bizarre."
"Enjoy your ring, wear it wherever you want!"- uTop-Artichoke5020
"WHAT!?"
"Wearing a ring is catfishing girls?'"
"So the assumption there is that women prefer married men?"
"Yuck yuck yuck."
"NTA."- Neko4tsume
"NTA."
"Does she even know what catfishing is lol."
"Sounds like your friend is a bit dense."- glitterolives
"NTA."
"Hey man whatever works."
"Women want to wear makeup then you get to wear a ring that may or may not signify something and let the weird 'I'm going to take what isn't mine' girls take a crack at you."- nuclearpiltdown
"NTA."
"I've been wearing a ring I inherited from my grandmother on that finger for years because it doesn't fit properly on any other finger."
"It's no one else's business and in all that time, only one person asked if it was an engagement ring."- Small-Human-Bean
Catfishing usually involves leading someone to believe they are an entirely different person than who they actually are.
Not trying to seem more attractive to others by lying about a part of your life.
Neither of which the OP was trying to do.
It seems clear that this so-called friend has some fairly unresolved issues, both with the OP and in general, nor does she seem to have a particularly high opinion of the OP.
What is less clear is whether or not the OP should really consider this woman a "friend".
Woman Breaks Up With Boyfriend Who Worried People Would Think She Was Trans For Using Stand-To-Pee Device
Content Warning: Transphobia, Transphobic Comments
There are countless different reasons that a relationship might end, and a red flag could arise at any time. Some of these might have been learned in childhood and could improve over time.
Transphobia is absolutely a red flag that should be acted on immediately; however, with no option to fly again, pointed out the members of the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor funnelfuss was in the car with her boyfriend when they got stuck in a traffic jam.
She really needed to use the restroom, so since she had a device with her to make the process easier, she decided she'd step out of the car.
But when her boyfriend panicked and thought people might mistake her for a man, the Original Poster (OP) realized that her boyfriend was not who she thought he was.
She asked the sub:
The OP had to use the restroom while stuck in a traffic jam.
"My (26 Female) boyfriend (25 Male) and IÂ got stuck in an insane traffic jam. My boyfriend was driving."
"We were at a standstill. Found out later on, they had closed the highway."
"I had to pee really bad, like bad bad bad. I saw that a couple guys had run to the side of the road to pee, and I decided to do the same."
"It was super open, with a few bushes by the side of the road, really not much cover."
The OP's boyfriend became uncomfortable when he realized she had a pee-to-stand device.
"I have a stand-to-pee device in my car, but when I grabbed it, my boyfriend got all weird."
"He said people would see me pee standing up and think I was Trans."
"I said no one would think that, plenty of women have pee funnels, and that also I didn't care. I have no beef with Trans people!"
"He said I should squat, just to put his mind at ease."
"I said I didn't want to get my butt and c**ch out on the highway in front of everyone, or get pee on my shoes, and I just wanted to be quick and clean."
"He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans and that I should squat, like GIRLS do."
The OP decided she was over it.
"I was dying by this point. I couldn't hold it anymore, and I really didn't want to show the world my butt, so I ran to the side of the road and slipped the device into my jeans and just peed standing up with my back to traffic."
"No one could see anything; it just slides through the zipper. But I guess maybe if someone was looking, they would be confused? But also, who's LOOKING?!"
"When I got back to the car, my boyfriend wouldn't talk to me. He says I disrespected his feelings. But it was 100% an emergency, and I don't get what his problem was."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that there was nothing wrong with using the restroom how she wanted.
"OP, don't think for one more second about this. Your boyfriend is being ridiculous."
"As if you will ever see any of those people again! Plus, holding it in for too long can cause a whole host of issues."
"It's actually genius that you have something like that in your car, just in case. I'm going to order one too now! NTA." - m_alice88
"'Honey, please show all these strangers your c**ch and a** so they know I'm not gay, mmmm'kay?'"
"A weak man, a very weak man." - lefteyedcrow
"You must have a she-wee! Those are so great for women."
"Tell your boyfriend to get over himself. You had to pee. He does not understand that squatting can suck and leave you exposed."
"If he is that upset you did this, rethink this relationship. I would find it hysterical."
"NTA." - Oktodayithink
"NTA, OP. You just needed a makeshift restroom."
"Your boyfriend apparently thought that it was normal for people to stare at strangers who are trying to pee to evaluate who they are, who they're with, and what the status of their relationship is."
"You know, to pass the time while in gridlock traffic." - Pixichixi
"You did nothing wrong, OP! When you have to go, you have to go. It's healthier to go."
"And don't apologize! We're so wired to reduce conflict, even to the point of downplaying how we feel to keep the peace or end the silence. Don't do it."
"It's a him issue. He thinks his feelings on this are more important than your discomfort about showing your naked body on the side of the road. If he can't figure that out for himself and apologize, it would be a dealbreaker for me." - lelawes
Others agreed and pointed out that the ex-boyfriend was very transphobic.
"NTA. Your boyfriend is clearly transphobic. That is 100% on him. And who cares if people think you are Trans?"
"'He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans.'Â And you don't want people to think you're dating someone bigoted and hateful." - GreekAmericanDom
"He may not consider himself transphobic ('I don't hate Trans people! I just don't want to be associated with them or have anyone think I'm with a Trans person!'), but he absolutely is, probably with a healthy side helping of homophobia."
"Why would he care, unless a) Trans women are not women in his eyes, or b) it somehow would be emasculating or embarrassing to his ego to be with a Trans woman."
"Also, you're in a traffic jam. Who the f**k is even watching close enough to care, and who of those people matters enough to give two s**ts about what they think."
"Not to mention, he's being weirdly controlling about your behaviors and how they reflect on him in a scenario where arguably he's never going to interact with a single person he's worrying about." - maladicta228
"This post reminds me of the time I got dressed to go to a function. It was a casual gathering. My kid (this was solidly on their father, my ex, as he's gotten insanely bigoted as he's aged) said, 'Mom, you're dressed like a Lesbian.'"
"Me: 'Lesbians have great fashion sense, I'd love to be mistaken for one.'"
"They paused for a second and realized that I truly wasn't dressing for men (despite it being my husband's work function), and that being seen as a lesbian was a good thing. I'm so glad I raised them to think for themselves, and realize that one can be wrong, admit it, and work on being a better person every day. They've never said anything like that since." - baconbitsy
"He's so insecure (and transphobic) that he cares more about what some strangers in a traffic jam might wrongly assume about you (and thereby him) than YOUR needs, comfort, and health."
"He expected you to prioritize his insecurities (feelings) above that and then punished you when you prioritized your health."
"You sure you want to be with someone like that?? NTA." - molotovmerkin
"Your boyfriend is so transphobic that he wants you to expose your genitalia on the side of the road to prove that you're not a Trans woman because he can't stand the idea of a total stranger, in a neighboring car, whom he will never speak to or see ever again, thinking he MIGHT be SHARING A CAR (because the strangers in other cars have no idea that you're dating) with a Trans woman."
"You're NTA, but get a better boyfriend." - HighCsummer
"Literally, you have to be super transphobic to think people in traffic are gonna judge you if your girlfriend is standing to pee. Like come onnnnnn, this is some insane insecurity." - Responsible-Pickle-2
Some pointed out that not only was the ex-boyfriend transphobic, but also controlling.
"This won't be the last time he expects OP to sacrifice things or make her life worse so that she can conform to his ideal of feminine stereotypes and keep up appearances for his fragile masculine ego."
"And that he gave her the silent treatment for not obliging his transphobia and misogyny disguised as 'feelings' is also problematic." - blancamystiere
"He's insecure and transphobic. He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort."
"NTA, and honestly, you can do better than this specimen." - PetersMapProject
"NTA. Your boyfriend would have preferred for everyone to see your a** and vagina than have a random stranger think his girlfriend is Trans. He would rather you expose yourself for his personal gain."
"Get a better boyfriend." - Amaze-balls-trippen
"The transphobia? The insecurity? And the silent treatment when he doesn't get his way?"
"So many red flags!" - CarolynDesign
"He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort and safety."
"He would rather you invite unwanted attention and risk by exposing your private parts to the world than have people think he (who most of the onlookers couldn't even see) might be dating a Trans person."
"NTA. OP, he's too insecure, self-centered, and immature to be a good partner to you, given that he's willing to compromise your safety to avoid a single twinge of discomfort. Dump him." - Hari_om_tat_sat
After receiving feedback, the OP was reassured and shared some positive updates.
"UPDATE: Thank you, everyone, for helping me feel sane again!"
"I got quite a few questions about which device I use, and honestly, it's about what fits you best. There are a ton of options. It's what fits you. Check out pStyle, Freshette, and EllaPee."
"I tried peeing standing up in a toilet, and it worked fine. I think my aim was pretty good, but then I saw little droplets on the floor. No thanks, don't need that. Also, it's loud? Awkward."
"But for the outside, it's pretty fun! I drive a lot, that's why it was in my car. Lifesaver."
"Also, I guess in this case it brought out an ugly side of my (ex) boyfriend and clarified some stuff for me. A winner all around."
"And to all the commenters asking, YES, he is an ex-boyfriend now."
"And yes, there were other red flags."
"Ditched the man, kept the pee funnel. Gonna laugh at him every time I pee standing up."
There's no way to imagine just how awkward the rest of the car ride was after using the restroom and returning to the now-silent and very entitled boyfriend, still stuck in a traffic jam.
But fortunately for the OP, she learned something vital about her relationship during a moment that should have been a total non-issue.
By being concerned about this and expecting the OP to prioritize her ex's pride over her comfort, safety, and cleanliness, her ex told her everything she needed to know.