It’s always difficult when a family member is going through a hard time.
The only thing that makes things even more difficult, when those family members try to take everyone down to their level of misery.
Which is exactly what the brother of Redditor whatsaidtohimn was doing, even going so far as to make degrading remarks towards his brother’s wife.
But after being told he didn’t handle the situation as well as he could have, the original poster (OP) took to the subReddit “Am I The A**Hole” (AITA), where he asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for being too mean on my brother after his comment about my wife’s body when he’s going through a hard divorce?”
The OP first shared that an unfortunate change in his brother’s personal life was what instigated a noticeable behavioral change.
“I (27 m[ale]) noticed ever since his (34 m[ale]) wife left him [The OP’s Brother]’s been acting like a real dick.”
“Saying a bunch of sexist sh*t that really puts everyone in my family off.”
“My mom says he’s having a hard time adjusting to it and it’s made him direct his anger at women as a whole.”
“Supposedly he’s been in therapy for months but I don’t know how that’s going since it won’t stop.”
While the OP’s family felt that looking the other way was the best alternative, THE OP was having trouble doing so.
“It’s been this way for over a year and frankly I’ve gotten tired of it.”
“My parents keep saying to let it go.”
“He’s hurting and stuff.”
“My dad’s talked with him.”
“I have had conversations about keeping that stuff to himself in my house.”
What proved to be the last straw was when the OP’s brother made an insensitive remark about his wife’s body.
“What he said about my wife:”
“Before, she used to have very large breasts which started causing her some serious back pain and even more after our son was born.”
“So she had breast reduction surgery a few months ago.”
“Last time the family was over my brother and I were watching TV in the living room, parents and my wife were playing a board game in the kitchen with our son.”
“He told me it sucks about my wife, now what am I gonna look at?”
“He thought he was being funny but all it did was piss me off.”
“I told him he knows already he’s not allowed to say any shit in my house, especially making comments about my wife’s body.”
“My brother says he was messing around and just pointing out that it is a ‘tragedy’ for me.”
“After telling him how sick I’ve gotten of his bullsh*t I said him getting his pathetic a** dumped doesn’t give him an excuse to be a pig.”
“And well yeah he’s been mad about it ever since.”
“They picked up on our bad vibe right away since my brother refused to talk to me anymore before he decided to leave early.”
“The reason why parent and brother think I’m an ass is for the way I brought up his marriage into this.”
“My mom was so mad when she heard exactly what he said about my wife but she didn’t think it gave me the right to be nasty right back to hit him where it hurts.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
The Reddit community took the side of the OP, firmly deciding he was not the a**hole for calling out his brother’s behavior.
Just about everyone agreed that even if the OP’s brother was going through a hard time, it didn’t give him an excuse to behave the way he did, with some even wondering if this behavior was what caused his marriage to end.
“NTA, but your brother is.”
“Everyone goes through sh*t.”
“But that doesn’t excuse shitty behavior, especially to innocent parties.”
“Good on you and your family for consistently calling out his comments.”-nerdKween.
“I can’t imagine why his wife left.”- Suitable-Cod-1381.
“He’s just mad because he’s been called out.”
“You bringing his marriage into this was likely a ‘last straw’ comment because it’s clear he hasn’t heard all the other times you’ve asked him to stop.”
“Thank you for holding other men to higher standards, and calling out their sexist bullsh*t.”
“More men need to do this.”- PrincessBuzzkill.
“THEY were the ones who brought his marriage into it by suggesting that he’s allowed to be a misogynistic A-hole BECAUSE of his failed marriage.”
“You, sir, are a prince!”- kindcrow.
“Definitely NTA, the misogyny probably isn’t new behavior from him.”
“He just doesn’t have his wife to take it out on now.”- throwaway946294729.
“Nta there is a reason why she left.”
“Probably a huge list, from the sounds of it.”
“He could do better, but he doesn’t want to and everyone else is having to pay for it.”
“What sort of logic is that?!”- NotSoBunny.
“NTA, he is a pig and your wife is lucky to have you be a good man who actually sticks up for her.”
“I would have hit him.”
“If my sister ever said something so degrading about my husband I’d start a whole out war.”
“Going through a divorce doesn’t give you the right to be an awful person.”-Sensitive-Seaweed-54.
“NTA- good on you for standing up for your wife.”- theoreticalsandmore.
“His behavior shows that your ex-SIL was 100% to leave him.”
“Good for her.”
“You should do the same and cut him out too until he learns how downright pathetic and disgusting his behavior is.”
“His divorce doesn’t give him the right to act so disrespectfully towards anyone.”-potatoyuzu.
“But people need to stop blaming circumstances on them being AH.”
“Your brother isn’t sexist or a pig because he is going through a divorce.”
“Your brother was ALWAYS a sexist and a pig ad none of you realized.”
“Time to stop coddling him and make him grow up.”-Material_Cellist4133.
“NTA AT ALL.”
“As a woman currently in the middle of trying to get a breast reduction approved by my insurance, I’m personally quite offended.”- MotherofPuppos.
“Being hurt does not give you a free pass to hurt others.”
“He is being an a** and no, you certainly do not have to put up with it.”
“Especially after a year, and in your own home.”
“At some point it’s no longer supportive, it’s just enabling.”
“NTA for sure.”
“Good for you for sticking up for your wife and for telling your brother it’s not OK.”
“Just because someone got divorced doesn’t mean they get to be a gross jerk for the rest of their life and expect everyone to be ok with it.”-Pandas-Brat.
“Act poorly and there are consequences.”-kylecs7637.
“NTA, he is being an idiot.”-Chaij2606.
“People should be more direct when people say inappropriate comments.”
“Way to go.”- Khalimeowy.
“Sexism and misogyny will never change unless men start calling each other out on their bullshit so on behalf of feminism THANK YOU!”
“Let him vent to his therapist.”
“And tell him he isn’t welcome until he gets his head on straight (and sincerely apologizes.)-TheShallowState.
Some felt that the OP’s parents were at fault for enabling his brother’s behavior, and the OP should seriously consider cutting him off from his family.
“Your parents keep telling you to let things go because he’s hurting because of his divorce.”
“And yet you’re not allowed to bring up his divorce when chastising him for his behavior?”
“NTA, and with parents like these, it’s no wonder he’s acting like this – after all, they don’t see anything wrong with it, either!”- Laramila.
“Your parents enabling your brother to be a rabid misogynist aren’t doing him any favors.”
“Who the hell would date a guy like that?”
“Good on you for calling him out, defending your wife, and slapping him with a much needed cold stiff hand of reality.”
“It sounds like him.not speaking to you is a good thing.”
“And if your parents start whining about how mean you are keeping your kids from seeing their uncle, tell them you don’t want your kid exposed to his bs, either.”- LittleMtnMama.
“But for future reference, this asshole shouldn’t be around your child(ren).”
“Presuming you only have a son, imagine how he could grow up hearing that.”
“If you also have a daughter, imagine the complex it will give her.”
“This man needs consequences for his actions and one consequence should be not allowed around children.”
“Anyone defending him is horribly sexist themselves.”
“It’s no longer a phase from being in pain.”
“This IS your brother.”
“This WILL NOT stop.”
“So cut the toxicity from your life and protect your family.”-_PrincessOats.
“They brought his marriage into it by constantly using his divorce to justify and excuse his horrible behavior towards women.”
One wants to sympathize with the OP’s brother, and what he’s going through.
But it’s not difficult to understand why the OP is unable to sympathize with him, after the crude remarks he made towards his wife.
And if the OP’s brother doesn’t reflect and change his behavior, it likely won’t only be the OP who will lose their sympathy towards him.