Redditor Gold-Leg4903 has a complicated relationship with her mother-in-law.
The Original Poster’s (OP’s) MIL has a track record of coming across as not “the nicest person” and “judgmental.”
In fact, before meeting her the first time, the OP was warned by her husband’s cousin that she had “impossibly high standards.”
This turned out to be an understatement.
A recent, particularly intense, interaction with her MIL drove the OP to subReddit “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA).
She asked:
“AITA for telling my MIL if she expects me to get a DNA test for my son, then I want her to get a DNA test for my husband?”
She went on to explain:
“I [30-year-old female] met my husband Stephen [age 32] at a friend’s, who was cousin, party. We instantly connected and started dating not long after.”
“We have been happily married for 5 years now and have a 4-month-old son. I met my MIL [mother-in-law] at his uncle’s funeral, he asked me to attend in support of him.”
“Before we left, his cousin warned me about MIL, he said she wasn’t the nicest person, and she had impossibly high standards to meet and can be judgmental…”
“…so don’t take it personally, as she’s like that with everyone. I did ask my husband, and he agreed that MIL can be quite judgmental, but not to worry, that he will be there for me.”
“I felt like they gave me the sugar-coated version of her because she was terrible.”
“She made a scene about bringing a stranger to a family funeral, but my husband cut her off and said his aunt, who was his uncle’s widow, said he could.”
“She spent the rest of the funeral giving me nasty looks and making passive-aggressive comments. She made a scene at our wedding, but that’s a different story on its own.”
“But after minimal contact with MIL, my husband eventually got around to telling her that I was pregnant. I expected her to be angry and have a go at him.”
“But she surprised us both and was the complete opposite. She was excited about being a grandmother. She was congratulating us.”
“Her attitude did a complete turn, and I grudgingly allowed her to visit. When it was time to give birth to my son, she wanted to see my son being born, but I refused.”
“That’s when her ugly side reared its head again, and she caused a scene and was thrown out. I refused to let her visit us at home, and my husband agreed. But she rang crying and apologizing.”
“She said she was just overwhelmed about being a grandmother, and her emotions got the better of her.”
“Against my better judgement, I relented and said okay. When she first held him, she looked at me and said he was beautiful!”
“I went into the kitchen to get us a drink, and then I could hear my husband telling her to get out!”
“I went back in, she started yelling he needed to get baby tested because he doesn’t look like anyone in their family. He kicked her out.”
“She took to SM [social media] and told everyone that I cheated on my husband and that my husband needs to get a DNA test to prove he was the dad. She got a lot of attention for that.”
“So I made my own post and said I’ll get a test when she gets a test for her son! That just made everything worse!”
“She rang my husband up, telling him to take it down. He just hung up on her. Everyone divided and questioned my husband’s paternity since she had such a strong reaction to it.”
“Now even my husband is starting to wonder and making me feel I went too far and I’m thinking AITA for saying that?
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided:
“NTA. She doesn’t sound stable at all, and I would be worried about what she would do around the child.”
“Even if she was just another weirdly incestuous boy mom, that mood swing, going from one extreme to another, in a blink of an eye, goes beyond a**hole into dangerous territory.”
“Also, her demanding to ‘see the birth’ and immediately taking to social media also indicates she has no concept of boundaries.”
“To have someone like that around your child, even if she doesn’t do anything drastic, could be very damaging.”
“Also, if she wants to make her delusions public, she can handle your PUBLIC response. If you don’t want a witch hunt, don’t make a pyre.” – [deleted]
“I would enjoy this. She would get gifts from Me, wrapped with a bow.”
“Xmas: DNA home tests.”
“Birthday: DNA home tests.”
“Mother’s Day: DNA home tests.”
“Hell, I might just send them to her from Amazon randomly as a pick-me-up for myself.”
“Be the whirlwind.” – _THE_LOC_NAR_
“NTA”
“Maybe not the nicest way to handle, but when you deal with sh*t, your hands are bound to get dirty.”
“Keep holding your ground and just tell her to stop spouting lies about you on SM or you will continue to embarrass her on your own account…”
“…and she can face the consequences of her own actions.” – VioletLily2
“OP, there’s a comment here that says something along the lines of obsessive DNA testing, basically birthday, Christmas, and so on and so forth.”
“Now onto everything, if your husband is questioning it, just go get it done. I know, baby, I know it hurts that he thinks this, but the seeds have already been planted…”
“…might as well let it grow lest that seed become a weed. Once the test comes, he’ll feel like a heel for believing it and grovel a little bit.”
“Sometimes it better to catch the bugs with honey rather than vinegar.”
“This is where you can milk it for all you got; you do this DNA test; this is something you will always have ammunition over.”
“She makes a post about something just to rile you up and get the family involved?”
“All you gotta do is be like ‘oh? Is this like that time I needed to do a DNA test because you slandered me with your lies? Remember that came up false. Do I need to fact-check this one too?’”
“BOOM! Works in your favour because she’s then trying to look for other roots that are too hard to pull out. Mommas playing checkers, so make sure you play chess.” – Weepingmomma92
“Nta. She’s deranged. No contact with her ever again, and move on with your drama-free lives enjoying your beautiful new baby.”
“Tell your husband if he really wants a paternity test, you’d be happy to provide one, and at that point, he’ll also be paying child support forever…”
“…while you marry someone else who will actually trust you and not throw away his marriage because of an unstable and manipulative relative.”
“He should be protecting you and your child together from all of this nonsense and cutting off anyone who participates in it.”
“He should make a simple, very clear post stating that anyone who questions his paternity will not be welcome in his home ever again, full stop.”
“His mother’s irrational allegations are disgraceful. You owe none of these people any explanations, arguments or time.” – Antelope_31
“NTA”
“Women like this often project, so while you may have just been playing her at her own game. You may have accidentally hit a nail right on the head.”
“What is good for the goose is good for the gander, so she can suck it up and comply or look guilty as hell.”
“Your husband has a right to know the truth, so a test might be a good idea; shut everybody up or blow them out of the water. Just know once the genie is out of the bottle, you can’t put him back.”
“( I found my dad via an ancestral dna site, you can find out more than you want. My birth dad was dying and very welcoming but had some awful truths to tell (he passed soon after).”
“His estranged criminal gang sibling, when matched on the ancestor site, ordered nieces/nephew to reject the interloper who ‘isn’t blood’. )”
“Your husband will have a lot to deal with if his father isn’t his father.” – Maudlin-bo
“NTA, her behaviour is completely unacceptable, and I give my full support to the way you handled it. I wouldn’t be at all surprised if she did lie about your husband’s parentage.”
“The people most likely to suspect nefarious activity do so because they engaged in it themselves.” – TheVaneja
“NTA hahah definitely NTA you were saying basically that she was the pot calling the kettle black…she had no issues of initiating or stating you were a cheater, but when the finger points back to her…”
“how dare you…lol…I just feel bad for your husband, who has been an amazing support for you since he is in the middle of all of this…”
“you should cut the drama and be in no contact with grandma who says that is not her grandbaby.” – United_Fig_6519
A MIL from hell.