Selecting baby names is a delicate ritual that can lead to praise or scrutiny depending on the name.
A new mom and her husband said she “put a lot of thought” into naming their firstborn, but her mother-in-law (MIL) had a bizarre way of objecting to it.
When the new mom confronted her MIL about it, the ensuing drama led her to visit the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit to seek judgment from strangers online.
There, Redditor LittlePeach212 asked:
“AITA for Kicking My MIL Out of Our House After She Refused to Call Our Son by His Name?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“My husband (34 M[ale]) and I (31 F[female]) recently had our first child, a son we named Elijah. We put a lot of thought into his name, we loved the meaning, and it just felt right.”
“My MIL (62 F[female]) had no strong opinions about it at first. She didn’t gush over it, but she also didn’t object. Or so we thought.”
“The first time she met Elijah at the hospital, she looked at him and said, ‘Oh little David you’re so perfect.’ I thought I misheard her, so I ignored it. But then she said it again. I asked her, ‘Who’s David?’ and she just smiled and said, ‘Oh it just suits him better.’ “
The OP continued:
“I was too exhausted from labor to argue, but over the next few weeks, she kept calling him David, texting us things like ‘How’s my little David doing today?’ or ‘Give David a kiss for me!’ I told her, firmly, that his name is Elijah. She laughed and said, ‘Oh, I know! But I think he just feels like a David.’ “
“Neither my husband nor I know anyone named David. It’s not a family name. There’s no sentimental reason behind it. It’s just a completely random name she decided to call my child, despite us telling her not to.”
The OP contemplated how to move forward, but there was no indication the problem would be solved.
“At first we tried to let it go hoping she’d stop if we ignored it. But it only got worse. When we FaceTimed her, she’d coo at him saying ‘Grandma loves you, David!’ She even started knitting a baby blanket with the name David embroidered on it.”
“The final straw was when she came over for a family dinner and kept referring to him as David in front of everyone. My SIL asked, ‘Wait… why do you keep calling him David?’ and MIL just laughed and said, ‘Because that’s his name to me.’ ”
“That’s when I lost it. I said, ‘No, his name is Elijah, and if you can’t respect that, you don’t need to be here.’ She rolled her eyes and tried to wave me off, but I wasn’t having it. I told her to leave. She looked shocked, but she left without much of a fight.”
The didn’t get much support from her standoff with the MIL.
“Now my husband is upset with me. He agrees that his mom was being weird and disrespectful, but he thinks kicking her out was ‘too extreme’ and that I should’ve just let it go. MIL is now playing the victim, telling everyone that I’m ‘keeping her grandson from her over a harmless nickname.’ “
“Some family members think I overreacted. Others agree that her behavior was bizarre. I don’t know… was I really in the wrong for putting my foot down? AITA?”
Anonymous strangers weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
Many Redditors thought the OP was not the a**hole (NTA) here.
“NTA this is hella weird behavior, and your feelings are valid. I also find it odd that your husband thinks you overreacted, but you literally just told her to use the correct name or to leave. It sounds like she made her choice and now she’s upset with you.” – All_Mischief_Managed
“NTA.”
“Start calling your MiL, your husband, and every family member who says you overreacted ‘David’. All of them are ‘David’ now.” – Pandoratastic
“Sometimes you have to be direct with these a**holes. My mil was pulling one of those talks where she claims to call it as she sees it. So I played the same game, looked he straight in the eye and said, ‘so, when you found out about your ex husband’s secret love child, was it him writing the child support checks or was it you?’ ”
“She looked shocked I even knew. Yeah, me and her son have a great relationship. We talk about everything. My husband does call her out as well, it was one of the times she cornered us and thought she was going to get the upper hand. But hey, if you are going to ask me invasive questions about my marriage I will do the same!” – Viperbunny
“NTA I’d switch it up and focus on being concerned. What’s wrong with MIL? Is it dementia? Is it a brain tumour? She should be going to a doctor to get checked out, if she doesn’t realize how disrespectful and inappropriate her behaviour is.”
“You can reframe it for the family so they look at your behaviour in a more positive light – ‘At first I thought she was being disrespectful and I was really upset but I’ve realized this has been going on too long and I’m concerned about her mental state. What can we do to get her the help she needs?'”
“Edit: It honestly could be that MIL is doing this on purpose to make you angry or maybe she does truly feel that your kid is a David but there also could be something wrong with her. My mom was calling my child by her middle name because she liked it better but one conversation stopped that from continuing. If she had kept it up then she would have lost visiting privileges.” – KintsugiMind
“She’s totally doing it on purpose, so you’re right that OP’s best course of action is to ‘reflect on her own behavior, and realize she’s concerned about MIL’s mental health.’ “
“Either she’s being 100% malicious and wanted to get on OP’s nerves, or she’s genuinely getting some sort of issue, but either way, it’s smarter for Op to ‘kill her with kindness’ than to play into her game of ‘woe is me.’ “ – SparkAxolotl
“NTA: calling your child by a different name is not ‘a harmless nickname.’ She’s literally trying to change his name to a different name, David, which is not in any way a nickname. This is really bizarre behavior.”
“If she wants a nickname for him, why not ‘E’, ‘Lee’, ‘Lie’, ‘JJ’? Like, there are so many actual nicknames you can get from Elijah.”
“I know a kid named William who’s mom calls him ‘sweet lee’ (wil-lee-um) 🤷♀️ now, if she called him David out of nowhere, that would be freaking weird 🤷♀️” – LyannasLament
“You’re NTA, but this is psychological warfare here. Your MIL is intentionally going against you and bullying you. You have a MIL bullying problem, but you also have a husband problem! He is not standing up for you as he should! That’s a bigger issue, but that won’t stop the bullying unless he is prepared to go no contact with his mother, which he is clearly going to be unwilling to do. She is showing you a few things.”
“First, she is showing you blatant disrespect.”
“Second, she is showing her grandson blatant disrespect.”
“Third, she is showing you that your husband won’t stand up to her for you.”
“Fourth, she is conducting a narcissistic smear campaign against you to paint you as the villain for ‘overreacting’ to something ‘insignificant’, which is neither an overaction nor insignificant. That’s a classic thing bullies do! The result of the smear campaign is that no one listens to the victim, no matter how bad the bullying gets!”
“You have to fight fire with fire! You have to make things so unpleasant for her that she stops bullying you by intentionally misnaming your son.”
“First, every time she does this, REMAIN CALM and correct her and ask her to stop calling your son by the name David, since your child’s name is Elijah. I would say ‘MIL’s name, my son’s name is Elijah – not David. Please call him by his name.’ “
“Second, turn to whoever is around you and say ‘We’ve discovered {MIL’s Name} is mentally ill! She keeps calling my son by the name of her prior lover she was seeing when she was cheating on {FIL’s name}! We’re trying to help her by correcting her. If you hear her misnaming Elijah, make sure you correct her too. She needs that reinforcement!’. It sounds petty, but you’re fighting the bully on their own level – down and dirty!”
“Third, sometimes, when she does it add to whoever is around ‘We’re working on having a conservatorship put in place for MIL because of her diminished mental capacity in not remembering names and other things. It’s a long process.’ Then look at her with a look of sadness and say ‘Don’t worry {MIL’s Name}, we understand how hard it is for you to let go of David’s memory!’ “
“Fourth, I would tell people that she is losing her mental faculties in casual conversation. This does a couple of things. First, when they see her misname the child, you will have planted doubt into their minds about your MIL’s mental abilities and they will correct her too. Second, it diminishes her attacks against you that portray you as overreacting. Third, it gives you plausible reasons for keeping your son away from her and will cut down on people believing her when she says you’re keeping him away for no good reason!”
“Fifth, I would go EXTREMELY low contact. You may not be able to get rid of her completely, but you can dial her back significantly.”
“Importantly, when you’re talking to her, remain completely CALM! Never let her see you angry or upset over her misnaming your child. Bullies thrive off of your negative reactions. Every single time she does it, mention her losing her mind and how there is medical help for that. EVERY TIME! When you’re dealing with people who want to act crazy and get a reaction out of you, not doing anything will make them continue.”
“You have to hit back at bullying behavior, but do it in a way that isn’t overbearing or outwardly aggressive. Questioning the mental state of a woman in her sixties is going to be a sensitive thing for her. She will either stop the behavior or she will go low contact with you. Remember that bullies don’t like it when their targets fight back!”
“She’s doing this to get you angry and riled up. Don’t feed into her manipulations. Instead, beat her down psychologically to get her to leave you and beautiful baby ELIJAH alone! The next thing you have to do is GET MARRIAGE COUNSELING!”
“Your husband is hanging you out to dry and handle his mother’s bullying on your own. That is not OK! Get counseling to address that and, if he won’t go with you, go alone. Learn ways to better deal with his inaction so you can help him turn that around.” – PunIntended1234
Overall, Redditors sided with the OP and thought her snapping at the MIL was warranted, especially after she repeatedly–and calmly–expressed her displeasure over calling her son the incorrect name.
While many of the comments suggested retaliatory strikes against the OP, the ban seems more of a civil way for the MIL to accept that the only way she can see her grandson is to him by his actual name, not the one that suits her best.