Traveling is stressful.
It’s of course fun, but there is so much to prepare.
Traveling as a couple adds extra issues.
And extra responsibility.
And that can cause some drama.
Case in point…
Redditor TAourtrip to discuss her experience and get some feedback. So naturally, she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
She asked:
“AITA for leaving my boyfriend behind and going on the trip with our friends?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I’ve been with my boyfriend (I’ll call him Paul) for 3 years and living together for 6 months.”
“Paul has serious problems with forgetting important documents and after the 4x he did this, I became responsible for carrying our documents in my purse.”
“According to him, all documents have a digital version and that is enough, not all are digital (passport) and not all places accept the digital form, but he is stubborn and maintains this position.”
“I don’t mind being responsible for the documents and most of the time, I have them in my purse.”
“That is until one day (2 months ago) he called me asking about his identity, because he needed it for something and they didn’t accept the digital version.”
“I was at work and I informed him that I had with me.”
“He gave me a huge scolding, saying that their documents should be at home and told me to stop ‘holding’ his documents.”
“I handed his documents over to him and said that I would no longer be responsible for this or warn him about it, because I was doing a favor for someone I love who is a capable adult (27).”
“For the situation…”
“We and our friends decided to travel to another country on New Years from the 12/27-01/03 and a passport is needed as it is on another continent.”
‘We would go to the capital where we would stay at our friend’s house until our flight time.”
“Our city is 2 hours away.”
“We decided to go to the airport 4 hours before (visit the VIP room) and I went to check all my documents first.”
“Paul was on my side and when he saw only one passport, he asked about his and I just said ‘You have it.'”
“He panicked, saying he thought I had taken even more passports as usual and left it at home.”
“He decided to run home and come back, he asked me to go with him but I didn’t want to spend 4 hours in the car.”
“He went to get his passport (but complained that this was something to remember him by) and I went with my friends to the airport.”
“In short, he didn’t arrive on time and I decided I wouldn’t miss my trip because of him.”
“I turned off my cell phone and made my 12 hour trip.”
“When I arrived, several messages from him saying that he couldn’t believe that I had gone on a trip without him and that I had done it as forms of revenge because of his scolding.”
“The flights are all booked up or too expensive, so he probably won’t come.”
“He’s still accusing me of leaving him behind after purposely not remember something I know he struggles with.”
“My friends are on my side, but I feel doubtful.”
“So AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
OP had one more detail…
“I forgot one detail: I always make a list for our trips of what to take, his passport was on the list and he still forgot it.”
Continue…
“NTA. He wanted his documents back.”
“You gave him his documents back.”
“He forgot his documents.” ~ gingergal3
“OP is absolutely NTA.”
“B[oy]F[riend] is 100% TA.”
“He sounds really tiresome. OP, you know if he joined you, he’d be giving you a hard time while on vacation.”
“So just enjoy yourself while you’re away.” ~ EmeraldBlueZen
“Weaponized incompetence.”
“He 100% could do it, but he’s forcing OP to be responsible for him so he can be lazy instead.”
“It’s like when guys whine and say ‘babe you get mad when I do the laundry, you know how you want it done’ after they intentionally do it wrong to get out of doing it themselves.”
“Real sad thing is that some people know this and still put up with being together (even being married!!) to emotional manipulators like that.” ~ Agegamon
“Actually, it’s possible that he legit can’t do it himself, but he’s still an a**hole either way.”
“I don’t have enough context to suspect this dude has A[ttention] D[eficit] H[yperactivity] D[isorder].”
“And I’m most certainly not trying to excuse shitty actions with the mental illness card, but my point is, this is something people with ADHD really do struggle with.”
“It’s not something we do on purpose or just don’t care about enough, it just happens.”
“We forget important stuff sometimes no matter how hard we try.”
“The real issue here is his attitude about it.”
“The way he continually blames OP for his own failures, whines about it, refuses to cooperate with her solutions and then expects her to sacrifice her time and comfort to fix his mess are just beyond awful.”
“It’s also a huge red flag that he chewed her out for taking his documents last time when he should know damn well why she felt the need to do so.”
“I have a shiny piece of paper that proves I have ADHD, aka a learning disability, which says it’s not my fault when things like this happen.”
“What I don’t do is expect my partner to manage my disability for me, because that is not their job.”
“I am grateful and appreciative when someone tries to help me with reminders, checklists, asking me to check my purse before we leave, etc.”
“They are doing me a favor.”
‘It can be grating and a bit annoying at times, but I keep any resentment in check because while my disability is not my fault, it is still my responsibility to manage it.”
“And when inevitably I mess up and inconvenience others, I am embarrassed and apologize.”
‘I don’t throw a tantrum, and honestly in the situation OP describes I’d be happy that my partner could go without me, that I at least didn’t ruin the trip for both of us.”
“The way OP’s boyfriend treats her is so far out of line it really doesn’t matter whether he’s just lazy or legit can’t do this himself, he’s a major asshat either way.” ~ TheRealSaerileth
“NTA! Even I he thought you may have had it he knows he scolded you and demanded his documents back.”
“He should remember you saying you wouldn’t warn him or be responsible for his documents anymore, since he accused you of punishing him for scolding you he clearly remembers what happened.”
“So then why I’m the world would he not at minimum ask you if you were going to bring it?”
“He’s very irresponsible and very rude to you.”
“You shouldn’t have to miss your vacation due to his negligence.” ~ thaliagorgon
“OP’s concern seems to be if she was an ah for going ahead on the trip.”
“NTA for going ahead on the trip OP, you did everything needed for the trip, no reason at all not to go ahead and enjoy yourself on this trip.”
“Bf wants OP to feel guilty for his own incompetence (and arrogance in the way he handle the whole document thing to begin with).”
“OP is guilty of nothing: she gave him back his passport, she reminded him before they left on the trip, and he still managed to fail to bring this crucial document, causing himself to miss the flight.”
“What good would be served if OP denied herself the trip because bf blew the simple task of bringing his passport after he was reminded of it?”
“Don’t let him guilt you, don’t think anything more about this during the rest of the trip, don’t respond to his texts or calls, and enjoy yourself immensely.”
“When you get back bf will still want to guilt you, you’ll have to make a decision then as to what to about staying with this guy.” ~ sailingisgreat
“NTA. He is a grown a** man who is blaming you for his irresponsibility.”
“He self sabotaged the trip and expected you yo miss it by coming home with him.”
“He is pissed because his plan did not work.” ~ No-Train8518
“Strong NTA.”
“I’m an extremely forgetful person around his age, but have taught myself coping mechanisms with multiple failsafes.”
“I am also a parent, so the stakes are much higher for me forgetting stuff.”
“When it does inevitably still happen from time to time.”
“I don’t blame others for it, nor my wife, she has enough to deal with picking after me as it is, she’s not my mother and I’m not a toddler.” ~ Antisymmetriser
“So he whined you out for holding on to his documents after asking you to do just that.”
“Now he’s whining because you followed his wish but afterwards did not baby him and remind him of his password.”
“He needs a mommy, not a girlfriend.”
“Maybe your solo vacation is enough of a wake up call for him, good on you for sticking to your guns. NTA.” ~ SamRhage
Well OP, Reddit is with you.
You are only responsible for you.
This maybe a time for you and the BF to have a serious relationship conversation.
Safe travels.