We all find ourselves in uncomfortable situations from time to time.
Whether we misunderstood someone or we entered the wrong room or fell in front of that person we like.
Embarrassment happens.
So what happens when, after one of these humbling moments, one of the parties involved reacts by lashing out?
That was the issue facing Redditor and Original Poster (OP) OccasionWilling4170 when she came to the “Am I the A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for judgment.
She asked,
“AITA for not giving 24 hours notice to my daughter’s roommates before dropping something off”
OP began with the background.
“I’m new to reddit but my husband advised that I post here and is helping me write this.”
“I am a mother to a 20-year-old daughter.”
“She is a junior in college and attends school in the same city that we live. My daughter and two of her friends live in a condominium that I own.”
“Her friends pay below-market rent while my daughter does not.”
“The condo was inherited from my parents and it was their intent that I would pass ownership of it to my daughter when she is mature enough to own her own place.”
“My daughter, husband, and I are in agreement that she will take over ownership of the condo when she is out of school and financially independent.”
“Earlier this week, my daughter mentioned that she had run out of some household supplies and would have to set aside time to go shopping before the end of the week.”
“My daughter’s schedule has been especially rough lately, as she has picked up extra shifts at her part time job due to short staffing.”
“Wanting to be helpful, I offered to pick up the supplies for her and drop them off at her place. She accepted.”
“The next day, I picked up the supplies and took them to the condo.”
“I knew my daughter was in class, so I knocked and, when no one answered, let myself in.”
Everything was fine, until…
“The front door opens into the living room. When I entered, I found one of my daughter’s roommates being intimate with a man on the living room couch.”
“I was obviously mortified, so I left the supplies at the door and left right away.”
“I didn’t say anything to my daughter about what happened because I didn’t want to put her in an uncomfortable position but I did let her know that I had dropped off the supplies.”
“On Friday, I got an angry email from the roommate’s parents.”
“I’m not sure exactly what they were told but their email lambasted me for invading their daughter’s privacy. They said that what I did was wrong because I’m their daughter’s landlord and I entered the condo without giving 24-hours notice.”
“They’re threatening to take legal action if I do it again. I am vaguely familiar with this requirement, but didn’t think it was applicable here.”
OP was left to wonder,
“Was I the a**hole in this situation? I feel bad about what happened but I also don’t feel like I was out of line.”
Having explained the situation, OP turned to Reddit for judgment.
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided: NTA
Some felt the roommate got what she deserved.
“Lol the roommate was having sex in the common area of a condo she shares with two other people, hard to imagine a real expectation of privacy there.”
“Especially with the front door opening right onto where they were, and I wonder what she told her parents.”
“Technically yes, a landlord has to give notice, but the owners’ daughter/her roommate gave permission for you to drop off the supplies.”
“NTA in this instance and I think you handled it well.”
“You would think she would have appreciated your discretion and learned to have private time in a private setting (her bedroom), but her actions involving her parents say otherwise smdh.”
“No one wants to walk in and see that or sit on a communal sex couch, she needs to be more considerate of her roommates, and you definitely shouldn’t let yourself in again.” ~ MissionRevolution306
“Exactly like… imagine if it was roomate 2 who walked into the condo and not OP!”
“If roomate 1 was trying to be sneaky why didnt she at least do shit with the bf in her own room?” ~
jetsetgemini_
“We all know that roommate 1 didn’t told her parents that she was screwing Roommate’s 2 boyfriend in the common couch.”
“Charge her for the cleaning of the couch and kick her out, tell her parents and don’t back down.”
“I feel bad for both your daughter and Roomate 2, imagine living with someone this nasty, she wasn’t even grown enough to talk to you about it but also called her parents?”
“She’s grown enough to do be this shameless but apparently not big enough to face the consequences lol.”
“Best of luck Op, clearly NTA” ~ Chocoahnini
Others were just confused.
“NTA.”
“People who live with roommates should know not to get busy in shared spaces.”
“This isn’t legal advice but any laws regarding restrictions on landlords entering a leased premises wouldn’t apply to you when you weren’t acting as a landlord but rather as an invited guest of a tenant.”
“Do the roommate’s parents think you have to give 24-hour notice if you visit your daughter?”
“And why are this person’s parents contacting you anyway — is she a minor? A minor having sex in your living room?”
“Unless she’s a close friend of your daughter’s, I’d be looking for a way to evict her because her parents are going to make life hell for everyone.” ~ sarpon6
“I’m… confused about the roommate position here.”
“She was having sex in a shared area of a house she shares with two other people. That’s two people who could have caught her.”
“She ran to mommy and daddy to tell on her landlord…”
“Which, ok, not everyone is confrontational, but I very much doubt that she went ‘Mom, I was having sex with a guy on the living room and the [OP] entered out of nowhere!'”
“I’m 99.99% sure she’s telling a very different version of what actually happened.” ~
SparkAxolotl
Some had itemized lists.
“NTA, email her parents back to let them know:”
“A) you had explicit invitation to enter the home, but that you apologise for any upset or shock their daughter experienced – that you would have let her know directly, but she has chosen not to give you any contact information.”
“That you also knocked, but given there was no answer, you proceeded as you had been invited to”
“B) what you saw their daughter doing – directly resulting in a bill for cleaning the couch/sofa, that either they or daughter will be liable for.”
“C) rent amount is under review, and is likely to increase due to rise of maintenance etc costs, it will be likely be brought to be more in line with current market rate – as the heavily discounted rate that’s been in place is no longer financially viable.” ~ kittiphile
Commenters stated they would’ve taken a harsher approach.
“You are being way too nice and are on a quick route to be taken advantage of.”
“They threatened you.”
“If you don’t want to kick her out or raise the rent be truthful about what you walked in on and that they will be charged for having the sofa professionally cleaned.”
“Your daughter gave your permission to enter HER home.”
“It wasn’t like you were trying to be a pervert. The only one in the wrong here are the parents for threatening you and that girl for being nasty on a shared sofa.” ~ ffsmutluv
OP did return with some updates.
“Edit:”
“My daughter was aware that I was coming to drop off the supplies and asked that I leave them in the kitchen, which is adjacent to the living room.”
“Edit 2:”
“I am not asking for judgment on whether I violated the law.”
“I checked in with a friend who is a lawyer and he thinks that, because my daughter gave explicit permission to enter the home and drop off the supplies, I’m in the clear.”
“I am asking whether I was the a**hole for doing so.”
“UPDATE:”
“I called and texted my daughter asking to discuss the situation.”
“She can’t speak to me right now because her roommates are fighting and she’s mediating, but she is aware of the situation and sent me a quick explanation.”
“My daughter had notified all the roommates that I was coming over but Roommate 1 apparently forgot.”
“The man she was with was Roommate 2’s boyfriend.”
“She freaked out and contacted her parents because she was scared I would spill the beans.”
“I still don’t know exactly what she told her parents but I assume it wasn’t the full story.”
“I have never met Roommate 2’s boyfriend, so I didn’t know it was him.”
“Roommate 1 and Roommate 2 are fighting now and, needless to say, Roommate 1 will be moving out.”
“I will be writing a more comprehensive, formal lease for Roommate 2 for both my protection and hers but, in all honesty, Roommate 2 is wonderful and I do not anticipate that there will be any problems.”
Embarrassment is a natural part of life, just like happiness and anger.
Remember that the things we want to keep private should not be found in the living room.