Content Warning: Unhealthy boundaries, “Baby fever,” and Children’s content on social media
When parents welcome a new baby into their family, it’s not unusual for the family to be excited to meet the baby and to wonder when they’ll get their first chance to hold them.
But there’s a major difference between excitement about the baby and an unhealthy fixation, if not obsession, cautioned the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITAH) subReddit.
A Redditor, who has since deleted her account, had become increasingly concerned about her sister-in-law’s fixation on her newborn baby.
But when she was accused of overreacting as a new mom, the Original Poster (OP) wondered if she should stop taking the excessive photo-taking, matching outfits, and rearranging of the nursery to heart.
She asked the sub:
“AITAH for trying to ‘save’ my brother from his wife’s obsession with my baby?”
The OP was becoming concerned about her sister-in-law’s relationship with her baby.
“I (28 Female) have a younger brother (26 Male) who just got married a few months ago.”
“He and his wife, Jessica, are super excited about starting a family.”
“The thing is, ever since I had my baby three months ago, Jessica has been acting really strange.”
“Like, she constantly wants to babysit, but it’s not just normal grandma vibes.”
“She’s rearranging my baby’s nursery whenever I leave her alone with the baby, taking tons of pictures of my kid, and even buying a bunch of matching outfits for her and my baby!”
“I get that she’s excited, but it’s starting to feel less like ‘Auntie love’ and more like she’s trying to make my kid her own little doll.”
The OP was accused of being an overreacting new mom when she voiced her concerns.
“I brought it up to my brother, and he said I’m overreacting, but I can’t shake this weird feeling.”
“So, in a moment of frustration, I told him that I think Jessica is crossing some boundaries and might be a little too obsessed.”
“Now he’s mad at me for ‘attacking his wife,’ and it’s turned into this whole family drama.”
“Was I wrong for trying to protect my baby from what feels like an unhealthy fixation? I just want to make sure my kid grows up in a healthy environment, not one where they feel like a prop in someone else’s fantasy!”
“AITAH?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some reassured the OP that it was time to lock in firm boundaries.
“NTA.”
“Now that your concern is said out loud. Start limiting SIL from being with your baby alone. And to rearrange the nursery? That’s plain rude. Best to not argue or debate. Simply say, ‘It’s MY home. MY nursery. MY baby. Please stop rearranging my child’s nursery.'”
“Do not apologize for stating how you feel about SIL overstepping. Absolutely REFUSE to apologize. Tell them to allow you into their home so you can rearrange their living room in return. And that it’s only fair.” – Calli_Holy
“She’s baby crazy. ‘Crazy’ being the operative word. Do not leave her alone with your child. Wanna take bets that when you are not in earshot she is trying to teach your baby to call her mama?”
“She goes into the baby’s room you go with her. Every time.” – 911siren
“Do you have a MIL (Mother-in-Law)? You need your husband’s strongest weapons here. Your brother has no brains when it comes to his wife during this honeymoon stage.”
“And people are also suggesting here nannycam and will suggest it stronger with one that is fixed and well pointed and posted: smile you are on camera.”
“SIL can’t just take lots of pictures like that either. I would strongly stress that bringing a phone with strong light in the baby’s face will damage his/her sight development.”
“And matching clothes is definitely a boundary break. Those clothes are for mother and daughter. Is your brother not planning on having kids? She might be obsessed because he doesn’t want kids.”
“Babysitting seems nice when requested but something seems off here. I hope she isn’t trying to make the baby say auntie first or planning some memes stuff so she likes her better.”
“You speak with her. Not him. Perhaps like I said. Bring your husband’s mother. I doubt your brother would disrespect her. She has more balls yelling at them. I don’t think your parents will intervene but your MIL…” – Contribution4AFriend
“You have every right to express your concerns about your child’s well-being. It’s important to set boundaries and communicate openly about what you find acceptable and what feels uncomfortable.”
“If Jessica’s behavior continues to make you uncomfortable, it may be necessary to have further conversations with your brother and set clearer boundaries regarding your child’s care.”
“Your instincts as a parent are crucial, and advocating for a healthy environment for your child is your responsibility.” – olivesbabyyy
“Your priority as a parent is to create a safe and healthy environment for your child. It’s understandable that you want to voice your concerns about Jessica’s behavior, and it’s important for your brother to recognize that family dynamics can be complex.”
“Keep communication open, and don’t hesitate to set clear boundaries for your child’s well-being. You’re not in the wrong for trying to protect your baby from what feels like an unhealthy fixation.” – goldribbonbaby
“NTA. You have every right to protect your baby and establish boundaries, especially if someone’s behavior is making you uncomfortable. Jessica’s excitement may come from a good place, but rearranging your baby’s nursery and treating your child like a doll crosses personal lines.”
“It’s important to address these feelings, especially if it’s making you anxious or uncomfortable about your baby’s well-being.” – princessmargaritha
“Get nanny cams: two in the nursery, one at each of the entry points into the house, one in the living room, one in each hallway. Oh, and video cams on the outside perimeter.”
“What you are telling me is creeping me out so much, I definitely have Glenn Close in ‘Fatal Attraction’ vibes. I don’t want you to come home to a pet rabbit boiling in the kitchen.”
“It isn’t at all about your daughter, it is allllll about your brother’s gf and he won’t hear it so don’t talk to him anymore about it. She’s super weird and really immature. He’ll have to figure that out for himself at some point. NTA at all.” – AccountantPotential6
“NTA. Your SIL is exhibiting some red flag behavior. Your brother can be as mad as he wants, but your priority is your baby not your SIL’s feelings. There are a few stories here on Reddit where family members develop unhealthy obsessions with children in the family.”
“In one case, I believe the SIL was either institutionalized or put under mental health professionals’ care.”
“Listen to your gut. If it means putting distance between you and your brother/SIL then so be it. I also wouldn’t leave your child with any other siblings or your parents without you present unless and until they absolutely respect your boundary around not giving SIL access to your child.” – ComprehensivePut5569
Others agreed and urged the OP to put a stop to the photographs and matching outfits.
“I might also consider limiting taking pictures. OP can take pictures periodically and share on a family group chat or something. That could discourage using her baby as a prop.”
“It sounds a bit like SIL is making social media content. The matching outfits, rearranging the nursery (possibly to make it look better as a backdrop?), tons of photos, etc. A nanny cam for the nursery could be a good idea, too.” – Shibaspots
“Sounds like it’s time to visit a local women’s shelter. I’d take any matching outfits she has for the baby and donate them. You probably have enough clothes for the baby and don’t need them.” – sssmay
“To be honest, rearranging the nursery would have got her an instant ban as soon as she put it back the way it was.”
“She thinks it looks better? Cool, I don’t care. Put it back so I know where everything is.” – maleficientwasright
“I don’t know if it is an obsession. Sounds more like she is using your baby for ‘content’ on social media. Have you checked? NTA, on your question. It is your baby!!” – DecentBandicoot1122
“Honestly, this is way beyond normal ‘auntie excitement.’ If she’s rearranging the nursery without your permission and treating your baby like a doll, that’s not okay. It’s your kid, your home, your rules. You have every right to set boundaries.”
“If your brother’s mad, that’s on him; you’re protecting your child. Don’t back down on this, and definitely don’t apologize for standing your ground. If he can’t see the issue, that’s a bigger problem.” – BabeLilEmi51
“NTA. It sounds like your SIL is either unhealthily attached to your baby, or she is using your baby to make online content. If you know her sm accounts or can find them, see if she’s posting about your baby.”
“I would really limit or end the babysitting time for now. If she is comfortable enough to rearrange your furniture, she’s also likely to be comfortable ignoring your parenting instructions. Maybe give back any of the matching outfits for her to use with her own babies someday? You could even soften that by waiting and returning them when they are clearly too small.”
“If she’s using your kid for content, tell her to take any pictures of the baby down and report her if she doesn’t. Limiting time alone will also discourage her, and she may lose this fixation if she can’t make content. If it’s just wanting to use your kid as a living doll, limiting time alone might also help. If she really just loves your kid, she’ll hopefully listen when you state boundaries. Your baby, your rules.” – Shibaspots
The subReddit completely understood why the OP was concerned and encouraged her to put boundaries in place. If she was too concerned, the boundaries could always be retracted at a later date, but either way, it meant that her baby was safe.