Dealing with in laws can be very challenging.
Every parent wants to make sure their baby is happy and loved and being taken care of.
But some parents may need a lesson in boundaries and understanding.
And about marriage in the modern world.
Case in point…
Redditor by ThrowawayughMIL wanted to discuss her story for some feedback. So naturally she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
She asked:
“AITA for making my MIL ‘depressed’ because I made my husband do chores?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“Just for the sake of what happened, my husband and I had gotten married on December last year.”
My M[other] I[n] L[aw] is a very overtly conservative woman, I don’t blame her but yeah that is just how she is.”
“Anyways me and my husband just officially moved to a small but conducive house.”
“So I invited my MIL and F[ather] I[n] L[aw] for a 2-day stay over so they could spend time with us and explore the new house and area.”
“She did have a lot of complaints on the way things were arranged and the decor of the house but I just played along and assured her we will be changing it once we are settled in.”
“During lunch my husband was the one preparing the food, and this obviously enraged my MIL.”
“She kept insinuating throughout the whole lunch saying ‘I can teach you some cooking it is a bad omen to make your husband cook.'” “
“WTF?!
“I obviously do know how to cook.”
“In fact, once I come back from work I am the one preparing dinner for both me and my husband and taking care of the undone chores.”
“When my husband was sweeping while she stayed over she rushed to him as though he was a kid playing with fire or something and started sweeping for him.”
“Every minor chore he would do within the time she stayed over, she would either glare me down till I took over or she would snidely tell him ‘ask her to do it.'”
“Three days or so if I am not wrong, after they left she called me in the afternoon saying that it really hurt her to see her son doing the chores.”
“Except, he wasn’t and I was doing the laundry (him and mine), cooking dinner, and the whole pre-cleaning to arrange their guest rooms and tidy the place was also done by me.”
“I would only request my husband if he could help if he was free or sometimes he would take his own initiative in doing it.”
“She said she was feeling depressed for days because, he was brought up never having to do house chores at his own house and seeing ‘me make him do chores’ is breaking her heart.”
“Is it so wrong to make my husband do chores while his parents were over?”
“I never thought it would be a big deal but now I am unsure lol.”
“Is it an unspoken rule that we shouldn’t let our partners do chores when their parents are over?”
“Am I the a**hole here or am I just tripping over this lame issue?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA?:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors declared our OP was NOT the A**hole.
Reddit had some immediate feelings. It’s a tricky situation.
Let’s hear some thoughts…
“NTA. You should both be doing the chores and it shouldn’t be one sided with only one person doing everything.”
“Your MIL is being overdramatic. Ridiculous!” ~ Quadruplicate
“As the saying goes, there are 3 good reasons that your husband should do household chores as well:”
“He f**king lives there.”
“He f**king lives there.”
“He f**king lives there.”
“NTA.” ~ skillz7930
“NTA. I come from a family that only let women clean and do everything.”
“The men can order you to get water and tea and whatever they want.”
“She brought him up to never do chores? So she made him incompetent?”
“It doesn’t work like that anymore and I am so happy you’re making him do something.”
“You deserve to take it easy just as much as him.” ~ hibbyjibby2
“Coming from a family that is strictly having parents dump rules that women are in charge of the house has caused me to have little to no connection to my parents.”
“Having comments coming from my mother that if I don’t cook, clean, and basically be a slave, MY HUSBAND will beat me.”
“I know how hard it is, and I am so glad that the world isn’t like this.”
“Partnership in the household is so beautiful, and having OP’s husband help around the house is the way it should be.”
“I mean, he does live there so he has enough contribution to the mess they have to clean as well.”
“Safe to say I am a lesbian and MY WIFE does so much around the house, I feel like I have been blessed. And she doesn’t hit me either LOL.” ~ ikeathottie
“Did you even read the post?”
“It’s the MIL that was freaking out… not the husband.”
“No one said that the husband was unwilling to help.”
“In fact, he was cooking and helping to clean seemingly quite willingly.”
“OP may have had to ask him to help, but this seems normal given that he never had to do chores growing up.”
“My husband and I split most of the household chores .”
“But even so I sometimes have to remind him about them because he just doesn’t seem to notice they need doing.”
“WITAF? Projecting much?”
“Incidentally, OP is NTA.” ~ gnomeo77
“I love how MIL is so offended at the thought of her poor baby boy having to dirty his hands at cleaning.”
“But MIL also seems to have no issue with OP working and bringing in money.”
“I have never understood this bull of how it is still on women to do all the house work and child rearing but they now also need to work lest they be labeled gold diggers.”
“It’s always, ‘well he worked all day’ no crap, so did she, is your son so freaking delicate that a full days work is enough to cause him to drop onto a fainting couch?”
“Are women just tougher and more resilient than their precious sons??”
“OP so NTA.” ~TypoFaery
OP was glad to hear from people…
“Thank god I almost thought I was the crazy one.”
“My husband is not the only child even, he has a sister but she is in limited contact with both of them.”
“But yeah I am close with her and she mentioned her having to do most of the house work as she was growing up.”
“Quite terrible. Indeed lol!”
“NTA. If she’s so depressed her baby boy is doing chores, she should do them for him.”
“She’s not actually depressed, she’s trying to test your boundaries.”
“And if you let her trample over them once, she’ll do it again and again.” ~ MiruTheSloth
OP responded…
“The weird thing is she did.”
“I was so confused after this cause I thought partners doing chores even in front of parents was not a big deal.”
“That is true but the thing is I also cant talk back to her or things like that.”
“Then I become the *itch you know, respect towards elders (albeit blind respect) runs deep within the family.”
“I’m pretty sure my mom would be disappointed if I’d let my wife do all the chores.”
“Because she is normal and didn’t time travel here from the 50s.”
“Splitting chores 50/50 is normal if both partners have a job and no kids involved.”
“Your MIL is misogynist as f**k, and pretty mean too. I wouldn’t let her come over any more.”
“Absolutely NTA.” ~ Fribuldi
“NTA.”
“I’d tell her that you were brought up that the men do the chores and the women are worshipped as goddesses so this is the compromise you two came up with.” ~ cassidy11111111
OP agreed…
“OMG! She would literally have a seizure if I said that, but even then if we make ‘smart’ remarks like that the blame would fall on me.”
“Best thing I have done when she makes rude remarks is just to let it in through one ear and out the next.”
“When I even talk to her kindly she thinks of it as ‘talking back to the elders.'”
“In all seriousness, I’d make your husband deal with her.”
“He can tell her to go kick rocks and if he wants to do chores in his own house then he’s ok with her being heartbroken about that.”
“She needs to hear it from him, and he needs to stand up for you.”
“Non of this passive aggressive crap behind his back from her.”
“Stop letting her play this game by having your husband handle her.” ~ Lilitu9Tails
“NTA. Your husband needs to be the one to tell his parents that he lives in the 21st century now (where men do chores without their penises falling off).”
“And that they need to quit griping if they want any further invites.” ~mr_john_steed
Sounds like OP should feel good in her convictions.
And maybe MIL and OP should sit down and read over Reddit’s thoughts.
Perhaps a few people could learn a few things about living in modern times.