It’s an interesting situation when your parents re-enter the dating pool.
It’s increasingly confusing when you’re an adult and you, too, become a part of the dating world.
But just because you’re both in the pool doesn’t mean you need to wade in the same end.
One person, however, found themselves in that uncomfortable situation when their mother started dating someone four years younger than them.
Things only escalated when the mother got pregnant, so they turned to the “Am I The A**hole Here” (AITAH) subReddit to seek feedback from fellow Redditors.
The Redditor asked:
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“The title is self-explanatory, I guess.”
“My mother is having a child with her boyfriend, who is 4 years younger than me.”
“He’s 22, and she’s 47.”
“As a result, I’ve had a hard time viewing her as a ‘mother,’ and she feels more like a fellow peer now.”
“I can’t bring myself to call her “mum” anymore. It just feels so f**king gross to call her that when she’s having another child with someone younger than me.”
“She, of course, is furious with this and has begun making stupid remarks about the way I’ve started addressing her and badmouthing me to family members, among other things.”
“I don’t care.”
“I’ve always been uncomfortable with their relationship but tried to blank it out as I was only visiting her like once a month.”
“But HOLY SH*T, I can’t stand being around either of them at this stage and feel like I need to stay away for the time being.”
“No more visits.”
“Anyway, that’s my dumba** post.”
“F**king hell man, why was it so hard for her to stay within her age range?”
“How the f**k does she not see how weird this sh*t is?”
“F**king Boggles my mind!”
Redditors weighed in on the situation and overwhelmingly agreed that OP is not the a**hole (NTA) and has every right to feel incredibly put off by the “gross” circumstances.
“Your 47-year-old mother is having a baby with a 22-year-old?”
“How long has this ‘relationship’ been going?”
“How long does she think the 22-year-old is going to stick around?”
“She will be the 50-something-year-old mom in kindergarten.”
“Your mom sounds like she has a very questionable moral compass.”
“You calling her by her name is the least of her life issues.”
“NTAH” – Mother_Search3350
“NTA”
“But I would be more concerned that your mother was so stupid.”
“Either she was so stupid that she didn’t understand birth control and how it works”
“OR she was too stupid to realize she is going to be raising a child alone at nearly fifty years old.”
“Either way, have some sympathy.”
“Your mother is stupid.” – BlueGreen_1956
“I was trying to order my burrito and cracked up.”
“Your mom is more worried you’re calling her by her name than the fact that she’s with a 22-year-old?”
“NTA, that’s just uncomfortably weird.” – MissNikiL
“Your mother is an idiot.”
“Calling her by her name aside, you need to distance yourself unless you want to be pulled in for CONSTANT help and babysitting.” – CocoaAlmondsRock
“NTA. And don’t worry about her bad-mouthing you to family members.”
“I doubt they set much value on her opinion about things right now.”
“And beware the people telling you to have ‘sympathy’ – once she’s a 50 yr old single mom with a toddler, sympathy will get your Next Gen Sibling dumped on YOU to raise faster than you can blink!” – JstMyThoughts
“NTA. I’m a 50-year-old woman, and I get why you’re skeeved out. Not interested in 20 something’s at all.” – BadLuckBirb
“You see, your mother is a predator.”
“If the roles reversed, this would be obvious, but a young man can’t be seen as a victim here.”
“She trapped him with a baby.”
“You’re mother isn’t stupid, she’s a calculating and manipulative old hag.”
“NTAH.” – tenetsquareapt
“You aren’t calling her mom anymore because this is not the way a mom behaves.”
“I would think everyone who knows her thinks the same.”
“I’m sure the 22 yo parents are disgusted with her.” – Outrageous_Fail5590
“Your mother is so dumb and selfish it’s beyond me.”
“I am so sorry.”
“This is RIDICULOUS.”
“I am 46. It’s true I had a crush once on a 31-year-old guy, but I never even thought about having a child with him despite him asking for it.”
“No way.”
“And honestly, I would never consider a guy 15 years younger than me, EVER AGAIN.”
“It’s bad enough to find maturity at my age, but when they are younger, it’s temporary and based on lust and has nothing to do with maturity levels.”
“Anyone who says but blah blah, it worked – exceptions prove the rule.”
“Age difference DOES matter.” – ForeignSoil9048
“NTA.”
“Calling her by her name instead of ‘mum’ isn’t really that disrespectful anyway.”
“I know a lot of adults who call their parents by their first name anyway.” – acacia_tree
“Man, I can’t blame you for feeling weirded out by the whole situation.”
“It’s like once the age gap crosses into ‘younger than your own kid’ territory, things just get extra awkward.”
“Setting some distance for your own sanity sounds smart, but yeah, I get how calling her ‘mum’ would feel strange now.”
“Hopefully, time and space help you figure out how to deal with all the emotions this brings up.” – SereneSoul76
“NTA.”
“Also, you may want to consider distancing yourself from her because if you ever have a child that guy may want to be their ‘grandfather.'”
“Or maybe not, he is 22 so it’s very likely that he will leave her as she gets older or as the reality of being a faster sinks in.” – Raffzz15
“NTA”
“Your feelings are valid given the situation.”
“It’s understandable to need space if it makes you uncomfortable.” – One_Gear3106
“NTA, I’d be grossed out as well and keep my contact at a minimum” – SteampunkHarley
“Well, if it was your 47-year-old dad who was knocking up his 22-year-old girlfriend, he would probably be labeled with all sorts of nasty terms, and people would probably be recommending limiting contact.”
“Mom deserves nothing less in this case.”
“NTA.” – Reptilian_Brain_420
“NTA, your mother is a disgusting creep for doing that, and I’d bet that the 22-year-old will find someone else in a few years, leaving her to take care of that kid on her own all the way up to her retirement, assuming she can actually afford to retire by then since kids are expensive.” – Corodix
“NTA, your mom is gross.”
“Take the space you need.” – Leading_Durian5855
“NTA”
“Sorry, but it’s wildly gross that kid is barely an adult” – Ladyughsalot1
“NTA”
“She’s an adult who knows how inappropriate the age difference is when she’s dating someone younger than her own child.”
“She may want to normalize this, but it doesn’t mean you have to play along or agree.” – ScarletDarkstar
“NTA, your mother’s a predator.”
“Imagine the commentary if it’s a 47 yr old guy hooking up with a 22-year-old woman.” – CountrySax
“Well it’s obviously you’re NTA I just couldn’t comprehense what’s your mother has been thinking.”
“This is just too wrong” – Sophie_8cupcake
“NTA. It’s understandable.”
“Limit your contact with your mother.”
“Don’t get roped into the bullshit. You need to help her out because of your youth.”
“Your 47-year-old mother got herself in this situation, and it’s HER responsibility, along with the young father, to raise that baby.”
“I guarantee you when her baby is born, she will be pestering you for some kind of assistance.”
“You will have your own baby to care and provide for, so let your other criticizing family members assist your mother.” – Prudent_Valuable603
“NTA, your mom is a creep, you have my condolences,” – noeinan
“NTA, that’s so gross.” – VeronaMoreau
“I’m going to say NTA just because this feels really predatory, and I couldn’t imagine being comfortable even being friends with someone doing this, much less a parent…” – Current-Glove5295
“I’m 39 and have a 22-year-old.”
“Since she was dating age, my life motto was to never date anywhere near her dating pool BC the idea of dating or hooking up with someone she may have been with is so freaking gross!”
“Similarly, I have a son whose two years younger than my daughter and just BC I’m a young mom it doesn’t make me feel ok with dating my son’s friends!”
“Sure I legally could date a 20-year-old old but man why would I want to do that to either of my kids?”
“You’re NTA at all! Your mom is nearly 50 and is dating a freakin kid (no offense to you) since she has at least one child older than her partner!”
“She’s set a VERY UNHEALTHY boundary (or lack of) for herself, and she should’ve fully expected that her child(ren) may be grossed out, freaked out, and even feel violated by her poor choices!”
“For myself, as a Mom of two ppl in this age group, I simply can’t comprehend WHY anyone would want to date someone their kids age or younger!?”
“It has to feel like you’re raising another kid!”
“I wouldn’t call my mom anything but cuss words and her name if I was in your position, and I would hope my kids would do the same to me if I did this to them!”
“If your ‘mom’ gets on you about it again, remind her she has a new kid, and he can call her mom!”
“Don’t ever feel guilty or bad or less than BC of your choices to set and maintain boundaries that work for YOU and YOUR health!”
“Maybe one day you’ll be ok to see her and be around and maybe you won’t!”
“It’s ok either way as long as you’re ok!”
“I’m sorry that your mom failed you and disrespected your needs in this way.”
“Just BC, you’re an adult doesn’t mean your mom should ignore your needs.”
“She signed up to be your mom for life when she had you. Being a parent doesn’t end when you’re kid becomes an adult… ((Hugs))” – Scared-Listen6033
Hopefully OP can find some comfort in fellow Redditors’ comments while they navigate this confusing situation.