One always wants to be accommodating to guests when they pay a visit.
Particularly if they are family.
However, being accommodating can sometimes be difficult when the guests in question begin to make unreasonable requests, or even demands regarding their accommodation.
Seeming to forget that they are a guest in someone else’s house.
Redditor Xoxo76757 was recently saddled with such a situation when her mother-in-law (MIL) paid an unexpected visit.
Not only that, but she had a very specific request regarding which room she planned on spending the night in.
A request the original poster (OP) had absolutely no intention of obliging.
After being scolded by her husband for being inhospitable, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA? For refusing to let MIL spend the night in my bedroom and lock the door?”
The OP explained how she felt her MIL was imposing herself a bit too much on her and her husband’s hospitality, and her reaction put an unexpected strain on her marriage.
“My husband (34 M[ale]) and I (26 F[male]) got married 9 months ago.”
“We live in a different town from his parents, and his mom visited us unexpectedly on Friday.’
“Now to give some context about my MIL, She is okay-ish but has no respect for her son’s privacy and by extension, mine.”
“When it was time to go to bed, MIL requested that we let her sleep in the bedroom, on the master bed.”
“Not just that but lock the door as well because she explained she can’t feel comfortable enough to sleep without locking the door.”
“I found this bizzare but I politely declined and suggested other options like the guest room, couch and air mattress but no she turned around and presented these options to me.”
“My husband agreed but I said no.”
“This initiated an argument between her and I.”
“During the argument I pointed put how I didn’t want to be kept out of my room and away from my stuff but she lashed out at my husband saying ‘don’t you just stand there! Say something!’.”
“My husband told me to let her it’s just one night, but I told her those were all the options I had for her and if she didn’t like them then I could book her in a hotel.”
“She took it as in I was kicking her out and started crying which made my husband upset.”
“She left at 12am and my husband blew up saying I disrespected his mom who was a GUEST at our house and treated her poorly, he then reminded me it’s our bedroom not just mine and I acted horribly to her causing her to go stay at a hotel in the middle of the night.”
“He went to book a room in the same hotel as her and turned his phone off.”
“The next day she went home and told the family who berated me calling my behavior towards MIL abhorrent and loathsome, now my husband is complaining about how I keep trying to ruin his relationship with his family and push them away.”
“But I want to know if I was really ta?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
The Reddit community unanimously agreed that the OP was in no way the a**hole for refusing to give her MIL the master bedroom.
Everyone agreed that the OP’s MIL was being incredibly presumptuous, with some even wondering if she was intentionally trying to cause a rift between the OP and her husband, while others were confused and disturbed by her husband’s reaction, and his decision to stay at the hotel with his mother.
“Then she can use the GUEST room.”
“She clearly had ulterior motives here, there is every chance she planned to snoop.”- Dont-trust-it
“It’s creepy that she wants to sleep in the room you and your husband, her son, share.”
“Especially with that insane amount of pushback she was giving and looking at her son to ‘step in’ only makes this worse than it needs to be.”
“Husband is acting like a mommas boy and needs to see his mom is totally in the wrong.”-Accomplished-Shop514
“Especially when there is a perfectly good guest bedroom.”
“She is trying to assert her authority as the main woman in your husbands life.”
“If he doesn’t stick up for you when she is trying to kick you out of your marital bed that’s a big red flag.”- Icy_Climate_5755
“NTA but I find it bizarre that your husband went to the hotel too.”
“Did he sleep with his mommy?”
“So freaking weird.”
“Neither my in-laws or parents would ask for my room.”
“I’d tell them no.”
“I wouldn’t want her locked in my room going through my things.”
“Your MIL drops in unexpectedly, decides to spend the night and then tries take over your space?”
“We can’t prove it, but we know she was going to pick through your stuff.”
“Guest rooms are for guests, she is a guest.”
“You are not required to give up your room for her.”
“Your husband getting upset and staying in a hotel with his mother tells me who he’s really married to though.”
“When my now husband and I moved in together, his mother went through the drawers in my bedroom.”
“Not that I have anything to hide, but it’s my personal space and I felt angry and violated.”
“I told my husband that I didn’t want her going through my stuff again.”
“I didn’t want her going through my space and he dealt with it.”
“When she came over during our first Christmas in the house, she started taking photos, my husband stopped it.”
“You deserve to have your space, you deserve to have a husband that respect your need for space and will stand up to his mother when it is violated.”
“MIL isn’t going to change.”
“Sit husband down and tell him you’re uncomfortable.”
“If he respects you, he’ll listen to what you have to say.”- aelib88
“This is YOUR personal space, you may share it with your husband but it should not go further than that, and that your husband pulled the ‘it’s my room too’ with regard to this is just wrong.”
“She had a spare room that she could stay in FFS.”
“This was definitely some kind of weird power play.”
“You should probably be thinking hard about whether you want this to be the rest of your life, because your husband has his balls stuck in his mother’s handbag and he’s putting her first.”
“That he’s blaming you and they also have their family berating you too is unacceptable.”
“Good luck, you are going to need it!”- Catatomical
“Your husband hasn’t broken away from mommy yet.”
“May be a life long problem.”-jdubya525
“Ask your husband ‘If we visit your Mom at her home, would she give up her bedroom for us?'”
“‘We would be guests at her home;.”
“But your husband and MIL are.”
“This is nothing but a power play by MIL.”
“Give in and you are setting yourselves up for increasingly more demanding behaviors from her.”
“Set boundaries now.”-JustOneMore_Cat
“But this is a super red flag with your husband.”
“It might be both of your bedroom but MIL’s creepy ‘comfort’ is absolutely not to be put above yours in your house.”
“50% no is still no and he should never agree to something so ridiculous without talking to you first.”
“You were right to stand your ground, the guest room is for guests.”
“The master bedroom is for the people who pay the bills.”- Boomgtd_
“‘Guests’ are unusually invited.”
“She shows up unexpectedly and demands exclusive use of your bedroom when you have a guest room?”
“NTA, you are married now.”
“Your husband is the AH.”
“He needs to set the boundaries with MIL, and respect yours.”
“This happened to me as well.”
“My parents would tell me I needed to come over and help with something, not respecting plans I had with my wife.”
“It was how I lived when I was single.”
“My parents struggled, but they got over it.”
“They now know to let us know well in advance, and that I am no longer at their disposal on a whim.”
“In as much as your husband thinks you disrespected your MIL, he actually disrespected you.”
“This needed to happen.”
“He needs to choose you every time.”- Individual-Mall-6914
Hospitality is a gift, one that can be easily taken away if it’s been taken advantage of.
One has to wonder where the OP’s MIL got the idea that it was acceptable to ask to take the master bedroom of a house she is a guest in.
Particularly after arriving unannounced.
Seeing how blatantly her husband took his mother’s side, one wonders how many more visits from her mother-in-law the OP will have to deal with.
Or if her husband will even be sleeping in the master bedroom any more.