Perhaps the best thing about flying the coop, and getting your own place is that you are beholden to no one’s rules, but your own.
As a result, you never need to worry about doing something against your mother or father’s wishes, have to eat whatever they’re having for lunch or dinner, and can wear clothes without worrying about what they might think of them.
Even so, whenever they come to visit you in your new home, you still might feel the need to impress them and do things their way for the brief time they spend with you.
The parents and brother of Redditor Feisty-Ladder-2378 recently paid an unannounced visit to her home.
Almost immediately upon their arrival, the original poster (OP)’s mother expressed her horror at what she was wearing, or rather what she wasn’t wearing, and demanded she change.
The OP was willing to oblige, under one condition, which only made her mother, as well as her father and brother, all the angrier.
Wondering if she was out of line, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for saying that if I have to wear a bra at home so does my dad and brother?”
The OP explained why she felt that if she was going to adhere to her mother’s demands, it was only fair that her father and brother did likewise.
“For starters, I (23 F[emale]) have the smallest chest in the family.”
“My brother (26, M[ale]) and father (57, M) both are a bit on the heavier side, but I have never used that against them before, and it’s never been a big issue.”
“Last week, my parents and brother came over for a surprise visit, and I happened to forgo wearing a bra since it was just me at home loafing in my room and reading stuff.”
“They wanted to stay a while and chat/ have tea in the apartment, so I didn’t really see a reason to put on a bra still.”
“Fast forward a while, and I notice my mom is giving me a look.”
“I wasn’t wearing anything particularly see-through or thin. It was just a regular graphic tee of my favorite hot sauce and some shorts.”
“My mom told me to go change since it was inappropriate for me to be wearing ‘so little’ with men in the house.”
“I told her politely at first that I didn’t think it was anything weird, and I used to wear these exact clothes at our house all the time not that long ago, and she never said anything.”
“But then she started going off on a tangent about how I wasn’t little anymore, and I couldn’t get away with having them just ‘swinging around’.”
“We argued a bit about it because I really can’t be bothered to put on a bra during the weekend when I have no plans on going anywhere, but she kept insisting that I was being a terrible host and ‘exposing myself’.”
Things went south fast after her father and brother got involved.
“My dad and brother were also on her side (brother more reluctantly) and just told me to do what she wants, and it wasn’t a big deal.”
“I don’t know why, but I just felt so done and stressed at this point that I snapped, ‘If I have to wear a bra in my own house because of my chest, then so do dad and bro’.”
“I could tell right away that my comment made my dad feel hurt, and I did feel immensely guilty afterward, but I still don’t think I should have had to put on a bra for a surprise visit when they were going to leave soon anyways.”
“My brother tells me that I took it too far and I should’ve just either ignored her or changed for that little while they were visiting.”
“My mom also still refuses to talk to me until I apologize for my inappropriate comment.”
“My dad was very vocally backing her up and enforcing this need to wear a bra behavior.”
“He and my mom are just afraid that if I am not wearing a bra when they’re around, I probably won’t for other guests, and that makes me immodest.”
“My brother just sided with them because he already gets on my mom’s nerves enough for other reasons so he didn’t want to draw any fire.”
“My mom is the type of person who even wears bras to sleep, so to her, wearing one really isn’t a big deal, and she often says that not wearing one will lead to a saggy chest in the future.”
“Her comment wasn’t really meant to be a jab at the men’s ability to keep it in their pants. It’s really just her own thoughts on the matter.”
The OP was left to wonder…
“AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
The Reddit community unanimously agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for insisting her father and brother wear a bra if she was ordered to do so.
Everyone agreed that the OP’s mother had absolutely no say in telling the OP what she could and couldn’t do in her own home, even if some felt that the OP didn’t need to bring her father and brother into the fray.
“To clarify.”
“This is your house, and these are uninvited guests?”
“And an unannounced visit?”
“Your mother wanted to you go put a bra on, so you should remove yourself from uninvited guests, go into your room, put on a bra, and then are expected to entertain them?!?”
“To make the same people who came over unannounced feel comfortable with your braless-at your own home- chest?!?”
“Nope.”
“NTA.”- klurtin
“No more surprise visits!”
“Your mom will hate that a lot.”
“Let her be angry – in her own place.”
“Looks like your fam isn’t good at boundaries, but you can still have them.”
“The trick is to decide ahead of time how you will react to things so you don’t get flustered.”
“And if they won’t drop the subject, it’s time to say goodbye.”
‘Surprise visit?”
“‘Now’s a bad time! Can’t let you in’.”
“Criticism of your clothing choices?”
“‘Not up for discussion, thanks’.”
“Needling you to pick a fight?”
“‘I’m not having this conversation with you.”- RogueThneed
“NTA.”
“You can’t give me rules on MY body in MY house.”
“Also really creeped out by the whole idea of women having to cover up their bodies for men in their family.’
“Fat shaming your dad/brother makes you a little of TA.”- judgemental_turtle
“NTA.”
“Your house, your boobs, your rules.”
“It’s simple as that.”
“Plus, it’s hella gross of your mom to sexualize your boobs to your dad and brother.”
“If your dad’s feelings are hurt, maybe he shouldn’t backup someone sexualizing his kid in her own damn home.”- ThatHellaHighHobbit
“NTA.”
“Your mother is the primary AH here.”
“She was wrong. It’s your home, your body, and your decision.”
“Your dad and brother supported her?”
“WTF?”
“You pointing out the hypocrisy, even using their breast size, was absolutely fair game.”
“Don’t let unannounced guests in.”
“Don’t invite your mom over.”
“Tell her she can shove her stupid rules.”
“I know, family’s more difficult than that.”
“But your mom is trying to control you in your own home.”
“She does not deserve an apology, and while she’s not talking to you (over something so stupid), at least you can go on living your best (bra-free!) life.”- Tangerine_Bouquet
“Next time, go to your room and come back wearing a bra without a shirt.”
“Mom can suck an egg with that sexist nonsense.”
“NTA.”- bayoublossoms
“Mom: your t*ts make either me uncomfortable or your dad or brother.’
“Who knows anymore.”
“T*ts are scary even though I have had them my entire life.”
“Brother: my t*ts are not big.”
“Oh my feelings.”
“Dad: my t*ts are not big.”
“Oh my feelings.”
“Mom again: your t*ts may distribute milk one day, burn the witch.”- DogeCoinHope
“NTA.”
‘When will this mindset die already?’
‘What was your mother worried about?”
“You’re gonna turn your own father or brother on?”
“This needs to stop.”
‘Your house, your rules, let them be free!!!”- Travelcat67
Upon reading the comments, the OP returned to admit that she did regret using her father and brother to make her point and shared how she planned to handle the situation.
“Thank you for some of the comments also calling me out.”
“I will definitely apologize to my brother and maybe my dad since it was unnecessary to my mom’s level.”
Had the OP invited her family to her home for dinner, no doubt she might have worried a bit more about her appearance.
But considering they showed up unannounced, she was under no obligation to change anything about her outfit.
Particularly as her mother seemed to feel this was a bigger issue than the hospitality the OP provided, despite their arriving unannounced and uninvited.
Something one can at least guess her family will never do again.