A woman and her husband welcomed a baby girl and she chose her daughter’s name, which was one she liked since childhood.
Many couples withhold sharing the names of babies for fear that others who are expecting them might use them.
However, this mother had a very specific reason for not letting her child’s name known, and when drama ensued, she visited the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit to seek judgment from strangers online.
There, Redditor SeniorMethod3171 asked:
“AITA for refusing to discuss my daughter’s name with my family because they want me to change it?”
The original poster (OP) explained:
“I (29 f[emale]) gave birth to my daughter, Sloane, 14 weeks ago. My husband (30 m[ale]) and I didn’t announce her name until she was born.”
“The reason for this is because I knew my family didn’t like the name Sloane and would spend their time trying to talk us out of the name. I know this because I started loving the name Sloane when I was a kid.”
“There was a girl in my class from 1st to 3rd grade and I told my family at the time I thought her name was really cool and they told me it wasn’t and my parents said it wasn’t even a real name. I brought it up a few times. But I remember the negativity.”
“I even remember my mom pitying her because of it. When I was 14 she even brought her up and told me she bet Sloane was going by her middle name or a nickname by then (she moved schools after 3rd grade so I didn’t see her).”
The OP continued:
“When I was 16 one of my friends transferred schools after a move and mentioned Sloane was in her class and still used Sloane. I rubbed it into my mom’s face so hard.”
“But she told me it was still an ugly name and she felt bad for the girl who had to have it as her name.”
“My parents prefer names like Anna, James, Elizabeth, William, and Hannah, which are my siblings and my names. They think those are sophisticated and classic and easy to use through life.”
“They don’t think Sloane’s a kid’s name. Just not a real name and so ugly.”
“I was lucky that my husband loved the name, and when we talked baby names, he said we could name a daughter Sloane. He also knew how my family felt so he was on board with keeping the name to us until our daughter was here.”
The OP added:
“You might think that the name being official and on the birth certificate would deter any negativity on the name. But since my daughter’s name was announced, my family has wanted to ‘sit and discuss’ the name.”
“They said they never believed I would seriously carry on and name my daughter Sloane. I shut them down and told them I did and that was that.”
“I have refused to discuss it more. I ignore them via text if I have to or end calls. I left my sister’s house just a week ago because they tried to bring it up. They told me it’s childish to run away from a serious discussion.”
“I said we have nothing to discuss. That my husband and I had our discussion on the name and that was the only one that needed to happen.”
“They told me a part of being a family is hearing each other out and I’m being childish by refusing their requests.”
“AITA?”
Anonymous strangers weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
Many Redditors sided with the OP as not the a**hole (NTA) here.
“NTA.”
‘They told me a part of being a family is hearing each other out.’
“They sound utterly insufferable. Start nicknaming each one of them words that rhyme with Sloane to their faces because you can and there isn’t a thing they can do to stop you.” – Sebscreen
“Grandparents don’t get a say at all. Wouldn’t even feel bad about it. But if they are this way now, OP needs to set clear, hardline boundaries and stand firm.”
“If they’re anything like my parents, every little thing ends up being a fight. No matter how reasonable the boundary, my kids are the ones who suffer from their continued pushback.” – offensivelypc
“NTA. Part of being family is respecting and supporting each other. Tell them that. Sloane is a cool name. It’s uncommon for a girl, and distinctive. Hey, you always remembered that girl form school didn’t you.” – MerlinBiggs
“I have a fairly unique name that’s gender neutral, and when I was born, my aunt told my parents they were making a mistake. She recanted a few years later and agreed she can’t see any other name fitting me as well as mine does.”
“I hope with time your family comes to love the name.” – silverheartsofice
“NTA.”
“Naming your child is a personal decision between you and your husband, and you both agreed on the name Sloane. It’s perfectly reasonable to keep the name a secret until after birth to avoid unsolicited opinions, especially since you were aware of your family’s negative feelings about it.”
“Your family is overstepping by insisting on a ‘serious discussion’ about your daughter’s name, which has already been chosen and is official. They had their chance to voice their preferences when discussing their own children’s names. By refusing to engage, you’re setting boundaries to protect your decision and your daughter’s identity.”
“Your family’s argument about hearing each other out doesn’t apply in this case because their ‘concerns’ about the name aren’t about your child’s well-being, but rather their personal tastes. You’ve already made it clear that the name is non-negotiable, and they should respect that.”
“Standing firm isn’t childish, it’s about maintaining autonomy over an important aspect of your life.” – LonelyWanderess
“NTA.”
‘They told me a part of being a family is hearing each other out.’
“Except they don’t want to hear you out. They want you to sit quietly while they tell you how much they hate the name and expect you to listen to them. You’ve been clear for years now that you like the name Sloane.”
“And since you’re the one who conceived and is raising your baby, your opinion on her name is a million times more important than your family’s.” – buttercupgrump
“Nta, every time I hear the name Sloane, I think of the girl from Ferris Bueller’s day off. Also, if they Google it, Sloane has been in the top 1000 baby names for the US since 2009 and is now on the UK baby name charts. Sloane is a real name, and they need to back off.” – Cold_Syrup3281
“NTA. But your parents are. You’re absolutely right, OP. The only important decision and discussion was the one between you and your husband.”
“Your family is so out of line, and I applaud you for standing your ground. But I’d take a harder line from here. ‘Her name is Sloane – either you get on board or you don’t need to worry about using it, since you won’t be seeing her.’ Like another poster said.”
“Also, as a kid who grew up with Ferris Bueller’s Day Off – Sloane is THE name ever. I love it!” – sjyffl
“NTA.. tell them being part of a family is accepting members decisions and not being pushy when they don’t get thins their own way. It’s also learning that if they want to be a part of you and hubby and SLOANE’s life they best suck it up accept the decision made by her parents and get over themselves. Congrats on the baby btw., n I love the name Sloane.” – Unique-Honey-3500
“NTA.”
“‘Serious Discussion’, you mean a conversation that we shouldn’t be having cause the topic is none of your business?!?!?!”
“All the relevant parties did discuss and agree to the name, so opinions on it going forward are just that opinions.”
“Op, I would actually work on a statement with your spouse about this topic and sent it to your family, let them know you’re not entertaining conversations about a settled situation that is again none of their business, family or not!”
“‘ husband and I wanted to clear the air about the situation regarding our daughter Sloane. The decision was made jointly by my husband and I and is final. ‘”
“‘we will not be entertaining discussion or debate about the name, we are her parents , and we are not interested in opinions about our choices. We are formally asking you to keep your opinions and comments to yourself , and letting you know that if you bring it up in the future we will give you one warning and then walk away.’”
“‘Continues harassment regarding this may result in us going no contact with those that can’t respect our decision.’”
“Two more things.”
“First, Sloane is a gorgeous name.”
“Second, even if they stop trying to change your mind, please be on the lookout for ways to undermine the name, like giving her a nickname or not even saying the name at all and referring to her at the ‘the baby’” – Vegetable-Cod-2340
Overall, Redditors thought the OP’s parents had no say in deciding or approving a baby name their daughter chose for her own child. Redditors also believed that the parents’ constant protestations were highly detestable.
With no indication that the OP is changing the name ever, it’s up to the parents to accept and respect their daughter’s decision and put it behind them so they may be a loving presence as grandparents.