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Mom Balks After Sister Demands Son Not Wear Special Non-‘American’ Cufflinks To Her Wedding

A man puts on cufflinks
Yan Lev/Getty Images

Wedding attire can be an issue, particularly if you are in the bridal party or featured in the wedding pictures.

Most newlyweds have many ideas about colors and patterns down to the smallest details.

Case in point…

Redditor clacar743 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback. So naturally, she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.

She asked:

“AITA for threatening to not go to my sister’s wedding over cufflinks?”

The Original Poster (OP) explained:

“I (40 F[emale]) have 4 kids (16 M[ale], 14M, 10F, and 8F) with my husband (45M).”

“My parents (56M + 56F) had me when they were 16.”

“I lived with my grandparents (dad’s parents) while they were in college.”

“Eventually, they settled down and had other kids much younger than me, the second youngest child, my youngest sister, is 22 and is getting married this summer.”

“Despite our age gap, I’ve always been close to my siblings, and have been excited about my sister’s wedding, but a recent argument has caused some issues for us.”

“Our 14-year-old, Dreyson, is a freshman in high school.”

“He asked a girl out to the 7th-grade dance 2 years ago, shortly after they started dating and dated for a bit over a year.”

“Unfortunately, last summer, she was in a car crash with a family friend, and she did not make it.”

“Her parents and Dreyson have stayed in touch, and he’s got some of her stuff, it’s been tough on him but Dreyson has amazing friends who have helped him get though this.”

“Dreyson’s girlfriend was Sri Lankan, while she and her parents were born in the U[nited] S[tates], her grandparents were not, and she had connections to her heritage. Both her and Dreyson loved sports.”

“So they would watch cricket together, and sometimes he’d go over to her house and eat traditional foods.”

“For the 8th-grade dance last year, she bought him and asked him to wear Sri Lanka flag cufflinks she saw online.”

“He agreed to it, and it’s something he cherishes as a gift from her.”

“Note, our family is not Sri Lankan.”

“Dreyson has quite a few gifts from her, including clothes, but these cufflinks are the only thing that would be appropriate to wear at a wedding.”

“As the wedding is approaching, we decided to start going suit shopping.”

“Dreyson found a suit he liked. We got it tailored and got the ready version last week.”

“Dreyson is a very confident person and felt good about the suit and even posted some photos to Instagram.”

“On Sunday, we were at dinner at our parent’s house, my sister and her fiancé were there, and he asked if they wanted to see ‘his fit.'”

“They agreed to see what he was wearing to the wedding.”

“I could see my sister’s face change while looking at him, and she shortly after asked to see me in private.”

“She asked if he could not wear the cufflinks because they didn’t match her wedding ‘aesthetic.'”

“When I asked her to elaborate, all she said was that she’s going for a ‘traditional’ theme.”

“And when I nudged her, she said she didn’t think the cufflinks matched a ‘Traditional American wedding’ and said she didn’t want anything that could cause people discomfort.”

“Shortly after that, we left, and I spoke about it with my husband, who agreed with me that her request was ridiculous.”

“And we texted her saying he would be wearing them, and if he couldn’t, we would not attend.”

“She texted our parents and siblings, and it’s caused a mess. Some of our family is siding with us, but others are saying because it’s her wedding, we should respect her rules.”

“So AITA?”

Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • NAH – No A**holes Here
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.

“NTA. I guess not matching a traditional American wedding aesthetic is the new way to say I’m a racist a**hole.”

“How in god’s name can a 15-year-old’s cuff links cause people discomfort?”

“This is so insulting and unnecessary, and there is no such thing as doing whatever the bride and groom say just because it’s their wedding when they are being idiots.”

“I would absolutely die on this hill and just about any hill that involved someone telling me what jewelry I’m allowed to wear.” ~ 21stCenturyJanes

“I am not a native English speaker, and reading this, I thought ‘cufflinks are those small things on suits you hardly see, right?'”

“Then I thought, ‘but why would she make such a big deal out of it?'”

“So I googled it. And I was right.”

“Cufflinks are those small things on suits.”

“Why are people fighting over a teenager wearing such small, barely noticeable things?”

“He knows they are there, and they give him emotional support, so he should wear them because he likes them.”

“But any other person has almost to sniff his hands to notice the cuffs.”

“So NTA OP.”

“It is a shame your sister is making a big deal out of it.” ~ Pollythepony1993

“When I got married 26 years ago, my dress short sleeves were patterned.”

“You couldn’t see them until you took your jacket off.”

“I feel like maybe Dreyson needs one of those shirts with the Sri Lankan flag on his sleeves. NTA.” ~ mgc73

“Hell, for the sake of it, I even googled ‘Sri Lanka flag cufflinks’ wondering if I was missing something.”

“I was not, in fact, missing anything.”

“All the ones on Google Shopping were actually quite lovely.”

“NTA by a long shot.” ~ TheRestForTheWicked

“I don’t think anyone would even notice what cufflinks anyone else was wearing.”

“If they did, I highly doubt most would be offended.”

“If it’s a ‘traditional American’ wedding, I’m sure most of them wouldn’t even know what the flag (or whatever it is) even was, based on every US geography quiz you see online.”

“A lion holding a sword is pretty cool as a design goes, though.”

“If she’s worried about it being seen in photos, you’ll still barely see them, and if you do, they’ll be so small you couldn’t make out what they are.”

“The sister is making a big deal out of nothing.”

“On her wedding day, I doubt she’ll even have time to notice, and it’ll be the least of her worries.”

“Also, not taking into account the meaning behind them just makes her even more of an a**hole.” ~ Organic_Armadillo_10

“So much this.”

“I don’t even remember details like people’s cuff links.”

“Who friggin’ cares.”

“My great aunt came, and she knitted her own pantsuit.”

“She died not long after.”

“And I flipping love that she was herself for my wedding.”

“The bridal shop messed up, and one of my bridesmaids ended up with a junior bridesmaid gown (I had four junior bridesmaids).”

“It was too late to get the correct one.”

“Oh well, changed the order down the aisle, and she came in right before the junior bridesmaids, so it looked intentional.”

“I doubt anyone even noticed.”

“I hope and pray I raise my kids not to get lost in details that don’t matter and 98% of people won’t even notice.”

“A wedding is not about an aesthetic.”

“It’s about two people committing to each other while their friends and family support them.”

“Too many people forget this simple fact.”

“OP – NTA. Show this thread to your family.”

“Maybe it will help them gain an ounce of empathy and perspective.” ~ TangeloMain9661

“NTA. Did I zone out and miss the US (I’m assuming that’s where you are based on this xenophobic request) going to war with Sri Lanka?”

“Cufflinks are tiny, and unless they are testicle-shaped or something, those cufflinks shouldn’t distract anyone.”  ~ C_Majuscula

“NTA, policing what a 14-year-old has for cufflinks at your wedding is ludicrous bridezilla behavior.”

“She should be happy he has a suit for the wedding at all, let alone one that has cufflinks.”

“Absolutely no-one will be looking at his cufflinks and unless your sister recently became a militant Tamil Tiger she has no real reason to oppose them.” ~ poillord

“NTA, but your sister is a big AH.”

“Oh good Lord, cufflinks are the size of a dime, on sleeves partially hidden by a suit jacket.”

“They would affect her aesthetic as much as a random bug.”

“And even if they glittered and glowed, the history of them and importance to your son should ensure they could be worn.”

“Face it, your sister is prejudiced (and her supporters are either pathetic or also prejudiced).”

“She gets to decide what she wants at her wedding, and you get to decide the lessons you teach your kids about not going along to get along.” ~ IDICbeliever

“NTA. You and your husband are right to call this a ridiculous request.”

“It is ridiculous to think that a pair of cufflinks that a guest wears to a wedding will ruin the entire event.”

“If your sister thinks a pair of cufflinks will ruin her wedding, she’s a seriously deluded bridezilla.” ~ Serious-Currency108

“I generally say the bride and groom get to make the rules for their wedding, but this just seems ridiculous… and cough, cough racist/xenophobic/ignorant.”

“I usually don’t notice when people wear cufflinks, and I’m betting most others don’t either.”

“I’m also willing to bet that most people wouldn’t even know it was the Sri Lankan flag.”

“They’d just think it was a neat design.”

“I’ll put my hand up and admit I had to google Sri Lanka’s flag.”

“How big are these cufflinks that…”

“1) people will actually notice, and…”

“2) anyone will give a crap?”

“The bride needs to take a chill pill on this one. NTA.” ~ AllButACrazyCatLady

Well, OP, Reddit is with you.

You are sticking up for your kid.

Maybe all of you as a family can sit down and have a calm chat and discuss all of this.