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Photographer Bails On Stepsister’s Wedding Reception After Bride Expects Her Not To Sit Or Eat

Photographer shows wedding photos to the bride and groom, on the beach.
Pollyana Ventura/GettyImages

A person knowing their worth can often lead to personal friction.

People with special talents often face criticism for not doing stuff for free, especially from family.

When someone’s talent is also their way of life, this can become a “taking advantage of” situation.

Redditor Senior_Squirrel_9493 wanted to discuss their experience and get some feedback. So naturally, they came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.

They asked:

“AITA for leaving my step-sister’s wedding reception where I was supposed to be taking pictures?”

The Original Poster (OP) explained:

“I am a professional photographer.”

“Mostly industrial photography for businesses and such.”

“I do other types for myself and as art.”

“I love taking pictures of the old architecture in my city and of the surprising wildlife in it.”

“My mom asked if I would be willing to take pictures of my step sisters’ wedding to help them save money.”

“She asked me to do it as a gift.”

“She knows that Tina hates me and I pretty much reciprocate.”

“I decided to be the bigger person and agreed.”

“I was there for the makeup and the wedding party getting dressed.”

“I took a ton of pictures at the wedding.”

“I prepared a checklist of all the different formals she wanted and made sure I got them all.”

“I did my absolute best.”

“When I got to the reception, there was no place for me to sit.”

“I had gotten there right away so I could get pictures of the wedding party arriving and all that.”

“The wedding party had stopped to use the bathroom and get freshened up.”

“I called my mom to find out where I was meant to sit and eat and stuff.”

“She talked to Tina and called me back.”

“She was upset, and I could tell.”

“She said that Tina thought since I was working and not a guest she didn’t have to have a seat and food for me.”

“I thanked my mom for the information and left.”

“I took my boyfriend, who was my assistant that day, and we went out for dinner, my treat.”

“We had been on the go for eight hours by then.”

“I turned off my phone.”

“We had a nice night out, and we saw the new Mad Max movie.”

“Sunday morning, I turned on my phone.”

“It was full of messages asking where I went.”

“Then demanding I come to take pictures.”

“Then cursing me out.”

“I called my mom to see what was up.”

“She said that Tina was very upset that I left and that all her reception pictures were going to be from cell phone cameras.”

“She said I should have just gone to get a quick bite at McDonald’s and then come back.”

“I told her that I felt terrible and would of course give a full refund.”

‘I also said that this was the last straw and that I did not want to hear s**t when I did not invite Tina to my wedding next year.”

“Tina obviously thinks I’m an a**hole and my mom thinks I should have kept the peace.”

“I am just going to drop off a thumb drive with all the pictures and wash my hands of this.”

“No editing. No nothing.”

The OP was left to wonder:

“AITA for leaving my step-sister’s wedding reception where I was supposed to be taking pictures?”

Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • NAH – No A**holes Here
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.

“NTA. My girlfriend does wedding photos.”

“I am often along as her helper.”

“Even when we aren’t related to the bride and groom, we always get fed.”

“We are usually at a back table away from everyone, which is fine since we have a big bag of stuff to keep away from kids.”

“Your step-sister is TA.”

“She played a dumb game and got the prize she deserved.”

“Your mom is a little as well.”

“I know how much my girlfriend charges for a wedding.”

“You gave a very expensive gift to someone you do not like.”

“I did enjoy that you offered a full refund.” ~ No_Lavishness_3206

“Yes, exactly. There should always be food for the photographer and assistants.”

“They aren’t slaves who work a full grueling day only to watch others eat without complaint. NTA.” ~ geekylace

“As a former wedding photographer, it was actually in my contract I had to eat the same food as the rest of the guests.”

“‘Vendor meals’ supplied by the venue are the worst.”

“Basically they gave anyone working the wedding like the DJ or the photographers sandwiches to keep the cost down.” ~ puskunk

“As someone who has worked as an independent contractor for weddings in my past, I actually think this is a great idea.”

“That way the vendors can manage their food independently and at times that are convenient for them.”

“They’re also not stuck wondering what food is going to be left for them if any, and if they have dietary restrictions, this is more flexible.”

“Even if they didn’t use the entire $60, the option was available for them to do so.”

“You earn an A+ from me!” ~ SceneNational6303

“NTA. It’s not even a question that you feed your photographer!”

“Also, stepsister is awful.”

“I guarantee there was extra food in the back. Mom is too.”

“She should’ve offered you her plate and seat for forcing you into this situation.” ~ LostImagination4491

“I assisted a friend in shooting a wedding.”

“Midway through dinner the bride insisted we take a break and personally led us out into the hallway to where a little cafe table had been set up… white tablecloth, centerpiece, the works.”

“She apologized for it being in the hallway, saying she thought we’d like a little quiet away from ‘the chaos.'”

“It was a beautiful historic building, and the hallway was spectacularly art deco and every bit as fancy, if not more so than the reception room itself, so we weren’t exactly languishing out in a bare stairwell or something. 😎”

“My friend shot a lot of weddings in her time and said that it was the best she had ever been treated, the best wedding food she’d ever had, and they were definitely one of the coolest couples ever.”

“OP’s stepsis is an entitled c-word to treat ANY vendor like that, let alone a family member doing a very, very expensive service for free. “

“And mom is little better for defending her abhorrent actions for the sake of ‘peace.'” ~ Competitive-Metal773

“NTA and Mom saying you should have gone to McDonald’s to grab a quick bit.”

“F**k that noise!”

“Mom should have reamed out your step-sister and told her you’d be leaving!”

“Your mom not standing up for you is totally unacceptable.”

“Even at prom the photographer, videographer, DJ, and the paid duty police officers are all provided food, this is standard practice.”

“I was also a banquet server to put myself through uni and food was never not provided them at the over a hundred weddings I served.”

“Your step-sister cheaped out because she doesn’t like you.”

“Well played a stupid game and won a stupid prize.”

“I also wouldn’t give a refund, you earned that money for the 8 hours you worked.” ~ Ok-Knowledge9154

“NTA. OP, you should have gone completely no contact with Tina a long time ago if you don’t have any type of relationship with her.”

“Considering that Tina didn’t even consider her own sister a guest and treated you like a temp employee, you had every right to walk out of this wedding.”

“From here on, do not include Tina in your life ever again.” ~ Popular_Document1399

“NTA. I used to do wedding catering and have never ever heard of a photographer not getting a seat somewhere or not being fed.”

“It’s rude and a slimy thing to do when someone is working for you for an entire evening without eating?”

“And nowhere to sit? nope, I say NTA.” ~ vvveeevv

“NTA, I loved the full refund retort.” ~ Sodamyte

“Gold. But even more so on the nose.”

“Paid wedding photographers get fed.”

“OP did this as a wedding gift.”

“As in no pay.”

“Wedding gifts are given by guests.”

“If OP wasn’t a guest, then isn’t obligated to give any sort of gift.”

“Now I’m imagining a bunch of people showing up at the reception, walking past the table that the gifts are to be left on, and then being turned away by security by not being on the guestlist.”

“That’s what stepsister was trying to do.” ~ Various_Froyo9860

“NTA. At my own wedding, and those I have attended, the photographer (and any assistants) sat down and ate.”

“I thought that was just common sense.”

“You mentioned you do take professional pics of business and architecture.”

“Do you have a website?”

“What are the odds of her (and various friends and family) leaving a bunch of negative reviews that may harm your business?”

“I would hope that the Bride wouldn’t be so petty, but, it just crossed my mind.”

“By the way, I love architecture pics!”

“People think I’m weird for that… LOL.” ~ pinkflamingo-lj

“NTA. You’re doing an epic favor that you’d normally get paid well to do.”

“You’re doing this for someone who doesn’t like you.”

“Then you find out that they intentionally snubbed you.”

“Even if the photographer didn’t have seating/food, the step-sister should have that.”

“It was intentional.”

“You left after being snubbed.”

“I would have done the same thing.”

“If they scream, then you could just say ‘What’s it say in the contract?'”

“Assuming there isn’t one) and that should end it. HAH!” ~kuken_i_fittan

“NTA your mother is delusional.”

“As a wedding gift means you are also a guest or get at least treated with a meal and drinks.”

“Since Tina thought you were working you should send her an invoice if she wants any pictures.” ~ UnhappyCryptographer

“NTA. Delete the pictures.”

“She didn’t pay you.”

“She hates you.”

“You have zero relationship and owe her nothing.” ~ No_Addition_5543

Well, OP, Reddit is with you.

You’re not a servant. You’re family.

Tina needed a reality check.

Good luck with your wedding.