Cancer treatment takes a toll on every part of a person’s life.
That is why people sometimes want to celebrate beating it in special ways.
Redditor SmallCatBigMeow wanted to discuss his experience and get feedback, so he naturally joined the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subreddit.
He asked:
“AITA for refusing to travel with my brother’s family because his kids only eat junk food?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I (M[ale] 39) am currently undergoing cancer treatment.”
“At the end of it all, I am planning to take a holiday with a friend or family member to travel to the other side of the world.”
“I am based in the U[nited] K[ingdom] and I am thinking Vietnam, South Korea, Japan, or somewhere around there where I have never been.”
“I asked my brother (M 43) if he would consider coming with me.”
“He got very excited and said his daughter (F[emale] 12) and son (M 8) would also come along.”
“They are both incredibly picky eaters, and my niece only eats plain beige foods.”
“She won’t even have a burger at McDonalds, just chips and nuggets, and that’s pretty much 80% of the kids’ diet.”
“I know my brother and his wife have tried hard to introduce them to other foods, but they just won’t eat it.”
“I love the two kids to bits, I really do.”
“However, I want to travel to experience the food culture, which is a major part of it for me.”
“I want to get off the beaten path and experience things in life I haven’t been brave enough to experience before.”
“For me, selfishly, this trip is about the end of my cancer and celebrating that there is life after cancer.”
“It’s also not something I can easily afford.”
“This is where I might be the a**hole.”
“I asked my brother to come travel with me, and when he said his kids would come too, I told him I would rather travel with someone else.”
“He got disappointed and angry with me and frustrated that I didn’t want to travel with his family.”
“He feels I am being selfish as traveling with his children can also be fulfilling.”
“I would also like to spend time with them and do some child-friendly things during the holiday.”
“He had already gotten my niece and nephew excited about the travel, too.”
“To make things worse, we live in different countries, so we don’t see each other a lot.”
“They will be very disappointed when they learn I have pulled the plug on the plans.”
“I feel conflicted.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“So, AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the a**hole.
“NTA. Even if these kids were willing to try everything, kids that age still need to have almost everything edited to suit their needs.”
“This would be a holiday for them, with you tagging along.”
“Find someone else to go with, or really brave it and go by yourself.” ~ International-Fee255
“OP had an idea to go on this trip and had a very clear idea of what it was about.”
“Not wanting to deviate from that isn’t selfish.”
“It’s setting a boundary.”
“I think we’ve become so quick to label any action where someone refuses to bend over backward to accommodate others as selfish that we forget it’s okay to set boundaries and respect your own needs.” ~ Putrid_Performer2509
“Yeah, it’s not selfish.”
“The trip is ‘go off the beaten track and eat new foods, like Anthony Bourdain or something.'”
“Kids eat nuggets only.”
“These things don’t mix.”
“So this trip is not for kids.”
“Plan a second trip with the kids to another place.”
“Traveling internationally with picky eaters would be a nightmare.”
“Picky eaters under 10? Noooope. NTA.” ~ MaddyKet
“I traveled to Japan with family a few years ago to visit a family member living there at the time.”
“NONE of them are adventurous eaters and would seek out McDonald’s when possible.”
“I barely eat fast food while home in the US, and NEVER while traveling.”
“I ventured away from the group numerous times and ate alone often.”
“It was wonderful!”
“You’re NTA because doing this with adults was ok; children won’t understand.” ~ SizeAdministrative85
“Yes, this!”
“OP isn’t selfish.”
“They planned a trip and asked brother to join.”
“Brother tried to hijack it.”
“When OP told his brother that this wasn’t a kid trip, the brother threw a fit.”
“THAT is selfish.”
“I’d bet OP is willing to make compromises for brother, just not ‘Yah, let’s bring your young picky eaters on this trip designed to experience new and interesting cuisines in other countries.'”
“OP has said one of the main reasons they want to take the trip is for the food.”
“It makes no sense to bring along two people who don’t like food.”
“OP’s brother can decline the invite and then take the kids on a trip himself, or he can go on the trip as offered, or he can go on TWO trips, one with his kids and one with OP.”
“Whatever is chosen, OP gets to go on the trip they planned during their +cancer treatment+.”
“OP I hope this is resolved quickly and that your treatment goes well.”
“Try to stay as upbeat as possible and stay healthy.”
“Feed your body all those good foods and let it help to heal you.”
“Best wishes!!!” ~ Beanz4ever
“Why is it selfish to have the boundary of no kids?”
“OP doesn’t have kids!”
“And truly, I would never travel with kids that weren’t mine on a trip like this that OP planned for their enjoyment.”
“Putting kids into this is NOT for OP’s enjoyment and celebration.”
“It is not selfish to say no to adding children to an adult’s trip.”
“It’s selfish to push your kids into someone else’s trip and change the whole damm thing! NTA.” ~ West_House_2085
“I have two kids, who I love to bits.”
“I wouldn’t take them on this trip, and I absolutely would not invite them along on my sibling’s once-in-a-lifetime trip.”
“I will never forget visiting Rome and watching all the American teens and preteens whining in some of the most stunningly beautiful places I’ve seen.”
“You’re NTA but it was a huge jerk move of your brother to invite his kids without discussing it with you.”
“If I were him, I’d be excited to take a solo trip with my sibling.” ~ nola_t
“I think it’s really presumptuous of your brother to just assume you were OK with his kids coming along after YOU invited HIM.”
“Tell him it’s his bad for blabbing to the kids about it when you never actually said to bring them.”
“That you love his kids to pieces but this is an adult trip, and if he wants to come he leaves the kids at home this time.” ~ Novel_Fox
“Yeah, why did brother want to bring them along?”
“Kids change the dynamics of a trip a lot, especially young ones.”
“It becomes less a trip about you and your brother having fun and being adventurous to a trip where there might be tantrums, screaming, and changing of plans to cater to them.”
“It’d be a completely different experience from what you envisioned so NTA.” ~ NoGarage7989
“NTA. Food is a huge reason to experience other cultures, and you’re going to spend a lot of mealtimes at McDonalds instead of anywhere worth visiting a foreign country for.”
“Also, a holiday with kids in tow is very different to one of just adults.”
“He was the one who told them about it after he unfairly expected them to be able to come without it changing anything.”
“You’re in the clear.”
“Hope you manage to find someone else to go with.”
“Dreaming of making such a trip myself!” ~ arseholierthanthou
“NTA, traveling with kids would make your trip everything, but what do you want it to be?”
“Your brother should be more understanding.”
“Trying new food is an adult experience.”
“Not only do adults react differently when they don’t like something but also certain foods are not good for kids.”
“What could cause an adult to have diarrhea for a kid could be much worse.”
“And kids could even be allergic to certain stuff without knowing.” ~ thefinestporcelain
“NTA. Your brother is being a horrible parent.”
“You are a reasonable adult to his childish thinking.”
“He knows this is unreasonable, and he’s attempting to bully you into a different celebration.”
“Stand firm and explain why to the kids.”
“Pull up Google Maps and show where there are almost no places for them to eat.”
“They are old enough to hear the facts and decide to stay home.”
“I’m sorry your older brother is being an AH.”
“I’m an older sister who is older than him.”
“As a wiser ‘sibling,’ always keep your joy and remember this is your beautiful life.”
“It’s too short for second-guessing ourselves.”
“You know he’s wrong, and you just need to stand strong.”
“He’s trying to make you uncomfortable, and you must not take on those vibes.”
“Your vibes are joy and celebration of life.”
“His is to bully you into a different trip that doesn’t honor you. It’s such that your older brother is selfish.”
“On the plus side, I think this is the universe telling you he’s not the person to have this trip with.”
“I hope you have a wonderful trip and enjoy all the food.” ~ Odd-Resource3025
“NTA, but maybe your brother doesn’t feel it would be fair to travel without his kids.”
“They’re his family now so it’s not unusual that he’d expect such major holiday plans to include them.”
“If you were proposing a short haul weekend away, that would be a different matter, but a major holiday uses up a lot of annual leave that he may not feel he can sacrifice for a holiday without his kids.” ~ BackgroundGate3
“NTA. I think planning the vacation on your terms is the most important takeaway here.”
“This is going to give you a goal and something to look forward to at the end of all this.”
“Your brother meant well, but their disappointment is his issue to deal with.”
“Vacationing with kids is a much different experience than vacationing with adults, and it will make it a very different trip.”
“I’m a mother with 2 young, picky kids that I love very much.”
“I wouldn’t dream of hijacking such an important trip.”
“Your brother needs to take a step back and think about what this is really all about.” ~ gregarious_panda
OP returned to chat…
“I am currently having cancer treatment.”
“I only just started.”
“I have grade 3, stage 3 thyroid cancer that is spread to the cervical spine.”
“I have chemo now, started first round, and then surgery, then more chemo, and then radiation.”
“The travel won’t be until late 2026 at the earliest (God willing).”
“The travel will be 2 weeks.”
“It’s not a holiday to a tourist destination, and I look to go off the beaten path.”
Reddit is here for you, OP.
This is your trip and your special journey.
You get to invite or not invite anyone you wish.
This isn’t a quick weekend getaway, this is a life-changing experience to reflect on surviving another life-changing experience.
Hopefully, your brother and the kids will understand.
Good luck with everything!!!