It’s always an adjustment for children of divorce to meet their parent’s new significant others.
In some cases, they immediately accept each other, and become as close as if they were actually parent and child.
Other times, the situation is not so lucky, as one of them might find them constantly striving to earn the acceptance of the other, or worse, they each refuse to even try to become close, no matter what.
Redditor pottAH__ was trying to get used to the fact that her father had a new girlfriend, who in turn had a young daughter of her own.
This led the original poster (OP) to reluctantly accept her father’s request to go on a bonding trip of sorts with the two of them.
But the outing had quite the reverse effect of what the OP’s father had hoped.
Wondering if she behaved inappropriately, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for getting upset and telling my dad his girlfriend didn’t buy me a Starbucks drink?”
The OP explained how an outing with her father’s girlfriend and her daughter did not result in their bonding one bit, but rather caused them to become further at odds.
“I (17 F[emale]) have been living with my dad (45 M[ale]), his girlfriend (GF) of 2 years (33 F), and her daughter (13 F) for a couple of months now while my mom (40 F) is visiting my sick grandfather in Sweden.”
“I’ve only ever stayed at my dad’s on weekends so it’s been hard getting used to living with his GF and her kid full time.”
“The kid is super whinny and pretty spoiled because GF dotes on her so I usually just stay in my room.”
“Today GF was taking her daughter on a ‘special outing’ because she passed a math test, and my dad suggested I go with them for a ‘girls day out’.”
“I wanted to say no but I knew that he wanted me to get to know his GF and gf’s daughter better so I agreed.”
“He gave GF $300 to spend during the outing.”
“We spent the day going in and out of stores GF’s daughter liked in the mall complex.”
“GF ended up buying her a shit ton of clothes, makeup, and other stuff I don’t remember.”
“On our way back home GF stopped at the Starbucks cause daughter wanted a drink and some cake pops.”
“She ordered a drink for her and her daughter and 2 cake pops.”
“I asked her if I could get something and she said she ran out of money and she’d ‘get me something next time’.”
“When they got their order I asked if I could have one of the cake pops and GF said that it was her daughter’s treat for hard work and it would be wrong for me to take one since ‘I didn’t do anything that deserved being rewarded’.”
“I’m not gonna lie, I was pretty upset.”
“When we got back home my dad saw their drinks and asked where mine was.”
“I told him that ‘I wasn’t allowed to get one cause I don’t deserve it’.”
“His GF got upset and said I was twisting her words and the daughter just said I was being greedy and was jealous of her.”
“I know I’m not entitled to a drink or a cake pop but I also don’t think it’s wrong to be a little annoyed.”
“AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community wholeheartedly agreed that the OP had every right to be upset by their dad’s girlfriend snubbing her at Starbucks, and was not the a**hole for feeling that way.
Everyone agreed that the OP only told her father the truth, and that the OP’s father’s girlfriend seemed to be purposefully neglecting her, with many pointing out how the OP’s father gave them money to be spent on all of them, not just the GF’s daughter.
“You are definitely NTA.”
“GF was tho.”- YeeHawMiMaw
“OP, I have to point out that your Dad got his wish.”
“You got to know his GF and her daughter a whole lot better.”
“If they wanted you to have good stories about them, they ought to have treated you with kindness.”
“I hope your Dad is paying attention to the sort of people he’s living with.”
“NTA.”- Sidneyreb
“NTA.”
“It was your dads money, and obviously intended to facilitate the ‘girls day’ for the three of you.”
“They sound like awful people.”- bloodfeier
“NTA.”
“You just told your dad what his girlfriend told you.”- epostiler
“NTA on telling your dad about the drinks.”
“Just to check: did the gf get you anything on the trip, or spend everything on her own daughter?”
“That would be good for your dad to know how you are treated.”
“I get that the 13 year old passed a math test, but she didn’t solve Fermat’s last theorem.”
“It isn’t such a stretch to include you on this trip.”- blueavole
“Oh sweetie, NTA.”
“And I want you to know that you absolutely were entitled to a drink AND a cake pop or another treat of your choosing.”
“Your dad gave her $300 that was meant to be spent on ALL THREE of you for the day out.”
“Sure, her daughter may have earned SOMETHING special for her hard work at school, but from the sound of it he intended for you all to get treated a bit, and it’s disgusting that she would go to a coffee shop and get things for herself and her daughter and not for you.”
“As someone older than your dad, even, I can tell you that his GF’s behavior was super not okay, and NOT the way she should be treating her partner’s kid.”
“NONE of my friends would ever treat their step-kids or partners’ kids that way in a million years!”
“I’m so sorry that happened to you, and I’m really glad you told your dad.”
“She deserves to get yelled at.”- FoolMe1nceShameOnU
“I would have added that she didn’t spend any of the money on you.”
“Next time ask dad for your own cash.”
“Explain you didn’t get anything and this time you would like to buy something.”
“Even if it’s just a Starbucks.”- nerdgirl71
“Woah, so NTA.”
“The GF wasn’t upset at hearing her own words but at being outed as being a jerk.”
“As another said, I hope your dad is on your side.”- ask
“NTA!”
“And don’t be fooled, everything she did was intentional.”
“If she really ran out of money and could only afford two drinks, she should have offered you one and forgone getting one herself.”
“Also, 3 people and 3 cake pops and she couldn’t share one with you?”
“This is the set up for a modern day evil stepmother.”
“I hope your dad rips her a new one.”- fallingfaster345
“There’s no way in hell your dad gave his GF $300 for her and her kid because her kid passed a test.”
“Think about it.”
“Her child takes a ton of tests in school.”
“She probably passes most of them.”
“Maybe aces a lot of them.”
“Your father would go broke shelling out $300 for each passed test, right?”
“So it’s clear the $300 he gave her wasn’t for her test because who can afford that?”
“Your dad gave that $300 to his GF in hopes of you three girls having a fun time together and bonding, doing girly things.”
“Shopping or pedicures or Starbucks or whatever.”
“He trusted your girlfriend with that much money in hopes that she would spend it ensuring ALL THREE OF YOU had a good day together.”
“This is why the second you walked in the door with no Starbucks your dad didn’t simply assume you finished yours first, he instead immediately asked where yours was.”
“Because he wanted to make sure his money was spent the way he intended, on all three of you equally.”
“This makes me think he plans to marry this woman, because he wants you guys to bond and become a family.”
“But the girlfriend clearly isn’t interested in bonding because she’s obviously an entitled brat who wants your dad to provide for her child but has no interest in returning the favor and providing for you.”
“In the future I encourage you to continue speaking up when she pulls stunts like this so your dad knows how she treats you.”
“I would also make sure he knows NONE of the money that she spent at the mall was spent on you either.”
“Not because you feel entitled to it, since you obviously don’t, but because he likely intended some of it to go to you and none of it did, and he deserves to know that because it’s his money.”
“He should also know how his kid is being treated behind his back.”
“NTA.”- neeksknowsbest
The OP later offered an update regarding her father’s reaction to the outing, and how he decided to deal with the behavior of his GF and her daughter.
“I just finished talking to my dad.”
“I explained everything that happened at the mall and he apologized and said that he’ll be returning everything that was bought and will be taking a day off work tomorrow so we could do something together.”
“He also put up GF and daughter in a hotel so I can have space from them, and said they’ll be staying there until my mom gets back.”
“Once I’m ready to see them he said they will apologize to me and once my mom comes back he’s going to have a talk with GF.”
There is nothing wrong with wanting to celebrate the accomplishments of one’s children.
But one should also want to include others in the celebration, while the GF of the OP’s father seemed to be intentionally trying to exclude the OP.
A very strange decision, particularly if she wanted things with the OP’s father to get more serious.
One can only hope that the time spent away at the hotel will give the GF and her daughter the time they need to reflect on their behavior.