We all love it when a friend works in a job that we can potentially reap the benefits of.
Be it using their employee discount, a free food or beverage, or early or VIP access to a coveted event, it’s hard not to get excited even by the possibility.
Even so, these are things we can be grateful for, but never things we should expect.
Let alone ask for…
Redditor Just_MASSAGE_4182 recently started her own business.
A friend of the original poster (OP) wasted no time in asking for a complimentary session of the services they offered.
An offer the OP had to turn down, as her business was still in its infancy.
Much to the OP’s surprise, this friend, as well as a few others, declared that the OP was selfish for not offering a complimentary service.
Wondering if this was the case, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for refusing to give my friend a free massage?”
The OP explained why they refused to do their friend a favor:
“I’m a 25 F[female] massage therapist and I used to work at Massage Envy until last week when I set up my own studio.”
“My friend Diana (27 F[female]) wants to book an appointment with me and she insists I’d do it for free because we’ve been friends for years.”
“I told her I can’t do free sessions right now because I’ve spent a lot on setting things up, and each session actually costs me money because I have to buy oil, lotion, etc.”
“She got annoyed and said ‘I’m being selfish’.”
“I explained that I could give her a huge discount, but I literally need all the money I can get rn, but even with my discount offer, she called me stingy and said if I ‘really cared’, I’d make it happen.”
“Now a couple of mutual friends are saying that I’m making money off people I ‘claim to care about’.”
“I feel bad because I don’t want to seem selfish, but at the same time, this is literally my job and how I pay my bills.”
“If I can’t keep the lights on, I’d have to close shop, mind you, I just started.”
“AITA?”Si
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
The Reddit community resoundingly agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for refusing to give their friend a free massage:
Everyone agreed that if anyone was being selfish, it was the OP’s friend, for expecting the OP to offer a free massage, even if it came at a personal cost:
“NTA.”
“I’m in the group that believes you should pay your friends when you use their professional services.”
“I don’t care if it is massage, car mechanic, plumber or whatever.”- Suspicious-Eagle-828
“Funny how the person refuses to pay calls others stingy.”
“So, start listing what other forms of compensation you will take.”
“Ask her if she’s willing to paint your office or mow your lawn, set up a website, etc.”
“So if she wants to be paid for wor,k why shouldn’t you?”
“Doesn’t sound like a friend, more like a leech.”
“NTA.”- Embarrassed-Row-2025
“If she were really your friend, she would be supporting your new business endeavor.”
“She would be the first one lining up to ‘buy’ a massage.”
“NTA.”- Osidestarfish
“Good friends shouldn’t ask for discounts.”
“They should be wanting to support you 100%!”
“NTA.”- indecisive-snack
“NTA, your friend is being rude and unsupportive.”
“If she doesn’t want to pay for a massage, she shouldn’t book one.”
“It’s that simple.”- Strange_Shallot8833
“Diana is manipulative, and she is not your friend.”
“NTA.”- PlayLow4940
“NTA.”
“A friend makes chocolate for a living.”
“I often buy her products.”
“But she also sometimes gives me some.”
“I certainly don’t have the expectation of free chocolates or even discounted products.”
“It’s her business & that is how she makes a living.”
“I recognize that her time, energy, & materials have value.”
“& I never want to take advantage of this.”
“Starting a business has a lot of overhead & is not the time for them to expect free massages.”
“Or for you to be holding time for non-paying customers.”- jennifer79t
“NTA.”
“Some people just don’t get it.”
“I’m a wedding photographer and when a friend got engaged he said I don’t need to pay for a wedding photographer so that will save money and I looked at him and said I’m not shooting your wedding for free as that is my income and I could book a paying client in instead, he obviously got really offended and doubled down and said he wasn’t going to pay me because I should give him a ”friends discount’.”
“I had to explain it isn’t just one day of free work it’s a whole week of prepping, shooting, and then editing thousands of images, and equipment and insurance isn’t exactly cheap so.”- jordcoco
“NTA.”
“Any true friend would be happy to support your new business and not demand free products.”
“Throw her and all the mutual ‘friends’ away.”- ShabesKafuffin
“NTA.”
“Friends don’t put friends in such situations.”- DDHLeigh
“I feel like your friend has either 1: a super fun sense of humour; or 2: a bad case of entitlement.”
“I’m pretty sure it’s number 2.”
“NTA!”- SalaudChaud
“NTA.”
“It’s your literal job and how you pay your bills.”
“A real friend would understand that and pay full price with no questions asked and give you a fat tip too.”- AuthenticDru
“NTA.”
“It’s your business!”
“I work out with my trainer, we’re friends.”
“I still pay her for her knowledge and skills. It’s her livelihood, I’m taking up her time, she doesn’t owe me freebies because of friendship.”- slem2009
“NTA.”
“So let me make sure I understand, you refusing to give your friends (more than one person) free time, labor, and products is selfish.”
“But those same people trying to get something from you (1 person) despite this is how you support yourself is somehow not selfish?”
“Make it make sense.”- Tough-Combination-37
“NTA.”
“Personally, I prefer not to mix business and friendship at all.”
“It makes life a lot less complicated if my hairdresser is just my hairdresser, my mechanic is just my mechanic, and so on.”
“For example, I would feel uncomfortable telling a hairdresser friend ‘I’m not really thrilled with the haircut you gave me’, whereas I wouldn’t have a problem saying it to any other hairdresser.”
“One of my friends many years ago started a home baking business, and I bought one of his cakes.”
“It was… okay, I guess.”
“But not outstanding, and frankly, I could make a better one myself at a fraction of the price.”
“I didn’t buy any more cakes from him, and he didn’t comment on that, but it could have become awkward if he had.”
“But there are rare exceptions to this rule, such as when the service provider is one of the best in their field, or when they’ve just started a new business and are eager for clients, or when the town you live in is so small that everyone knows everyone else and they’re all your friends and you have no choice but to buy from them.”
“If I MUST combine business with friendship, I put on my customer hat, and my friend puts on their service provider hat, and it’s strictly a business transaction from that point on.”
“I am happy to pay full price unless they offer a discount.”
“I would never ask for one.”
“Diana is entitled and impertinent.”
“You don’t need friends like her.”- ThisWillAgeWell
“NTA.”
“Ask your friend what she’d do if her employer informed her she wasn’t getting paid for her first two hours of the work day and if she complained, she would be considered selfish.”
“I think people in certain service industries face what you’re facing somewhat regularly.”
“Long ago, I was a makeup artist.”
“I was always amazed when acquaintances would find out and say, ‘oh fun, I should have you come over and do my and my friends’ makeup!’”
“I always declined with a ‘why would you think I want to work for free when I’m done with my work day?’”
“She sounds like a bad friend.”- cincon2004
“NTA.”
“This is a common problem when you own a business.”
“Your friends are unreasonable if they expect services for free.”- unrepentantlibboomer
“NTA!”
“Diana is no friend.”
“Who doesn’t love free, but that does not justify trying to take food off your table.”- Ruebee90
“NTA.”
“True friends should support you by patronizing your business, not getting free stuff or service.”-hellcoach
Massages are expensive, so it’s understandable why the OP’s friend might be looking for a good deal for a quality massage.
That being said, the OP didn’t open her massage parlor simply to give her friends free massages.
She opened it to start a business, and for a business to survive, it needs to make money.