Communication is key in every relationship, romantic or platonic, that we want to last.
But communication is especially important when that relationship involves big decisions like work, life, and income, pointed out the members of the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITAH) subReddit.
Redditor Warm-Satisfaction227 had been in a nice relationship with his girlfriend for about one year, and he was comfortable with the fact that she had been staying over at his house more and more often.
But when she quit her job out of nowhere, fully expecting she could just move in with him, without discussing it with him at all first, the Original Poster (OP) immediately felt uncomfortable and refused to let her move into his home.
He asked the sub:
“AITAH for not letting my girlfriend move in after she quit her job without telling me?”
The OP noticed that his girlfriend was staying at his place more and more often.
“I’m (20 Male) living on my own in a one-bed apartment. It’s not huge, but it’s mine. I work full-time and pay all my own bills.”
“My girlfriend (21 Female) has been staying over a lot lately, and we’ve been dating for about eight months.”
Then the OP’s girlfriend dropped a huge surprise on him.
“Last week, she texted me randomly, saying, ‘I quit my job today!'”
She didn’t give me any heads-up that she was thinking of doing this, there was no conversation between us, just… boom: she quit.”
“I asked her what her plan was, and she said, ‘I’ll figure it out. Maybe I’ll just move in with you for a while so I don’t have to stress.'”
The OP was not ready to take that next step, especially so suddenly.
“I was like, HUH?? We never talked about her moving in, especially not like that.”
“I told her I wasn’t cool with that, and she got super mad, saying, ‘I thought we were serious,’ ‘You don’t support me,’ blah blah blah.”
“She’s been guilt-tripping me ever since and telling her friends I ‘abandoned her when she needed me,’ and now they’re all in my DMs like, ‘Wow, bro, real mature.'”
“I don’t know, man. I’m not trying to be her fallback plan. She didn’t even ask me; she just assumed. And now I’m the bad guy?”
“AITAH?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some agreed with the OP’s concerns and argued that the girlfriend should have made a plan.
“She quit her job with no plan? Make sure she doesn’t come over with anything more than an overnight bag. The last thing you need is her moving in.”
“Also, say to her friends: ‘Okay then, I’ll let her know that you’ll take her in and pay her bills so she doesn’t stress. Thanks for offering!’ When they say no, respond with, ‘Real mature, bro.'” – Chaoticgood790
“NTA. I think her plan is to ‘accidentally’ get pregnant and then baby-trap the OP.”
“Don’t f**k around with her anymore. The next phase will be her showing you a positive pregnancy test.”
“For real, don’t! And her friends can let her move in. You want a partner with a job, not a freeloader. If she wants someone who supports her financially, she should look for a sugar daddy.” – Reasonable_Bat_3178
“OP was blindsided, and now he’s supposed to just roll with it? Sounds more like ‘The Amazing Guilt Trip’ than a healthy relationship move. Not wanting to be forced into a surprise season of ‘Cohabitation Chaos’ is totally fair.” – Slight-Book2296
“Her friends think you should let her move in. They could let her move in, too. Not letting her move in is the right choice.”
“Her saying ‘you don’t support me’ is correct. Because you are rational. You don’t intend to support her financially (at least not at this point or under these circumstances). She needs to do that herself or find someone else to support her financially.”
“She should start job hunting before she spends down her rainy day fund. (Does she not have one? Oh well.)”
“NTA.” – dr_lucia
“Absolutely NTA!!! Don’t be coerced or bullied into letting her move in, either by your girlfriend or her friends. Hold your head up; you’re doing really well to be self-sufficient at 20, and don’t need to be brought down by someone assuming you’ll subsidise them!” – Cool_Panda_4907
“NTA. If y’all were serious, she would have told you about her work situation before she quit.”
“Since she told you after she quit, she is looking for a sugar daddy, and was dumb enough to think pulling a fast one on you would get her there.”
“DO NOT SLEEP WITH HER EVER AGAIN. She will try to baby trap you.” – MethodMaven
“Oh wow, I would NEVER have the balls to pull this on a boyfriend or girlfriend. It’s one thing to have had a discussion first, but to just quit and ASSUME you’ll be happy to pull the extra weight so she doesn’t have to ‘stress’?”
“Nope. She’s not showing evidence of good decision-making skills, not being reasonable or considerate. YOU, good sir, are NTA.” – BackgroundNo8029
“You’re not a villain for having boundaries. Quitting her job without a plan and expecting to move in rent-free isn’t love, it’s entitlement. A relationship is a partnership, not a rescue mission.” – aiudknoNowuknow
Others advised the OP that this should be a deal-breaker.Â
“OP, the smart thing is to end it now. Everything else aside, do you really want to be with someone who will just quit for no reason and spring that on you? That impulsive and immature attitude will wreck your life.”
“When people show you who they are, believe them the first time. In this case,e she is clearly a gold digger.” – Objective_Attempt_14
“I’m concerned not just by the impulsiveness but by her guilt-tripping him when she didn’t even discuss it with him beforehand. This just sounds like bad news. Not the type of person I would like as my partner!” – breezypuffnut
“Oh, the girlfriend had a plan, alright. The plan was to quit, move in with OP, and then get him to support her while she supposedly applied for jobs but really did nothing all day.”
“She shouldn’t be coming over at all; he needs to dump her. Her plan was to fully take advantage of him.” – scarletnightingale
“If you’re 20, and you can say, ‘I work and pay all my own bills,’ then you’re one small step away from being f**ked by some girl who wants to take advantage of you. You’re very close to being in that situation now.”
“What you need to do is dump her a** because she’s trying to pull a fast one on you, and she’s the one being immature. Her friends are also ridiculous, and I wouldn’t worry for a second about what they’re saying. You need to focus on your career, manage your finances effectively, and make time to explore other relationships. You’ve got time to figure it out.”
“She’s being s**tty, and I wouldn’t continue dating her. Tell her and her friends to move the f**k in together then they can support her when she needs them most.” – Dependent-Yak1341
“NTA. It’s time to change the locks if she has a key and then break up with her. She’s a mooch, not a partner.” – Salty_Interview_5311
“There should be no overnight stays for at LEAST a while. She needs time to get her plans in order, and the OP isn’t her housing plan. I’m wondering when her lease ends on her place, although that isn’t the OP’s problem until they get much more serious than dating for ‘about eight months.'” – Beth21286
“To be honest, I would end the relationship over this. She doesn’t respect you, is guilt-tripping you, is a hypocrite, is trying to use you, and doesn’t even have a job or a plan.”
“Her plan is to leech off you as long as she can. She’s not forever material, and that’s not how you want to spend the next year, or however long it takes you to realize everything I’m telling you now.” – Psydop
“NTA.”
“She created an emergency for herself and cast you as the White Knight. You do not have to accept the role. If you do, anticipate that this is who she is. It won’t be the last rash decision she makes unless she feels the reality of her choice.”
“Do not let her move it. I can give you good legal and mental health reasons why you shouldn’t, but the bottom line is that it’s your place. You get to say no just because.”
“People are far too casual about situations such as this. The deeper into the relationship you get, the harder it is to get out. Some people don’t get out.”
“Adult decisions should be made with careful thought and discussion about who you want to be and what you want your life to be. Not ‘Hey baby, I’m going to crash at your place forever’ bomb.” – ForgiveandRemember76
While moving in together is a logical step at some point in most relationships, doing so after one person quits their job out of nowhere without discussing finances, living arrangements or future life plans with their partner is not logical.
Perhaps this was a sign of how much the girl wanted the relationship to move forward, but more likely, it was a sign of poor work ethic, money management, and raging entitlement. In either scenario, she should have communicated with the OP far in advance so they could plan accordingly.