A birthday is arguably a day that should be all about you.
Even if some people are happy to share their birthday with others.
Indeed, most twins have trouble even grasping the concept of a day all about them.
However, being forced to share birthday festivities with another seldom goes over as well.
The son Redditor Grouchy_Struggle1702 found himself sharing his birthday with his stepfather’s niece.
And not by his own choosing.
When his 10th birthday was approaching, the original poster’s (OP) son had only one wish, which the OP was more than happy to oblige.
Unfortunately, the OP’s husband and mother-in-law (MIL) were firmly opposed to this wish, even calling the OP’s son a “spoiled brat” for wishing it.
Wondering if it would be wrong to fulfill her son’s wishes despite the rest of her family’s protests, the OP took to the subReddit “Would I Be The A**Hole” (WIBTA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“WIBTA If I gave my son what he wants for his birthday?”
The OP shared her son’s one wish for his upcoming 10th birthday and why it proved such a point of contention with her husband and MIL:
“With my niece by marriage.”
“My Husband and I have been together for 7 years, and in those 7 years, I asked my son if he minded doing a shared party with my niece, to which he always said he didn’t mind.”
“And I normally pay for the entire party myself, but their birthdays are days apart and my MIL has custody of her granddaughter so I have always asked if they wanted to do the party together and she always says yes and then something happens and she can’t cover her half of the party so I just pay for it to keep the peace.”
“Well, this week, I asked my son what he wanted for his party this year, and his only response was to have his own party because you only turn 10 once, to which I said, “Okay, done.”
“My MIL asked today what are plans was for their party for this year to which I replied that he wants his own party but I hadn’t set any plans in place yet.”
“She asked why because it’s not fair for him to get a party without her, and I told her that’s what he asked for, and we hung up the phone.”
“She called my husband to tell him what I had said, and now my husband is mad and says my son (his step son) is spoiled and a brat, and if he doesn’t want to share a party, he can’t have one at all.”
“So would I be an a**hole if I planned his party without the niece or my husband?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community overwhelmingly agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for wanting to give her son his own birthday party.
Everyone agreed that the OP’s son was absolutely deserving of having his own birthday party, with many feeling the OP’s MIL was clearly taking advantage of the OP, and others urging the OP to really consider if staying in this marriage was a good idea:
“NTA.”
“Your MIL is trying to use you to pay for the niece’s party, and your husband knows it.”
“If your husband is so concerned with his niece then he can pay for a party for her.”
“How dare he tell you that you can’t throw a party for your son.”
“Your husband is being an AH–is he like this regarding other things with your son?”
“If so you may want to take a good look at how his resentment is affecting your son.”- Remote-Visual7976
“NTA.”
“It sounds like she’s just using you to pay for her daughter’s birthday.”
“Throw your son his own birthday anyway.”
“If she really wanted to give her daughter a party, she’d figure it out.”
“It sucks for the daughter, but her mom needs to figure it out.”- BeaconToTheAngels
“Welp classic husband problem.”
“Find out if your husband likes being married to you or if he wants to keep running his mouth about your child.”
“Base your choices on his actions.”
“NTA.”- SQ_Madriel
“NTA.”
“Your son isn’t spoiled for wanting his own party.”
“It’s great that’s he’s shared before, but that’s something your husband’s family needs to take care of.”
“You said ‘I cover their half’ and not ‘we’.”
“Does your husband not help pay for the party, or does he stick you for paying for your son and his niece?”
“Your husband telling you whether or not your son can have a birthday is a bit of a red line.”
“What’s going on here where he feels it’s ok to disrespect you and your son like this?”- vt2022cam
“NTA and your husband can’t stop you from throwing YOUR son his own party.”
“Is he normally like this with your son?”- AKlife420
“NTA.”
“Your son comes first in your life. If he wants his own party and you give it to him, why not?”
“As for your niece, that is your MIL’s responsibility.”
“Your husband is AH for saying that because your son doesn’t want to share he is spoiled.”- DNA1727
“NTA having your own birth is more common than sharing.”
“He is just asking for his own birthday as the only present and wanting to honor that wish is okay.”
“You are also funding this.”
“No reason to feel guilty.”- Affectionate_Oil2650
“NT.”
“As the youngest of 10 who had a bunch of cousins and a set of twins born in the same month as me, we ALL got our own birthdays.”
“AND we were poor.”
“But my mom at least made our favorite dinner and a cake we liked.”
“We have two sets of twins in our family, and we celebrated their birthdays on the weekend.”
“One got to choose dinner on Saturday and one on Sunday.”
“Your MIL and husband are the AH.”
“Tell your husband that HE can share HIS birthday with his niece.”- Labradawgz90
“NTA.”
“But this feels like the tip of the iceberg.”
“Is it you, just you, not you and your husband, that pay for niece’s joint birthdays?”
“Why doesn’t anyone communicate with you that they need help instead of just assuming you’ll pick up the slack?”
“Why is your husband calling your son selfish for a completely normal request?”- RattusRattus
“NTA.”
“Your son deserves his own party.”
“Your husband can cover the cost for his niece to have her own party.”- Consistent-Leopard71
“NTA.”
“I was the kid that always had to share parties.”
“The worst was my Communion Party.”
“My cousin and I received communion on the same day, so it made sense to our parents to share the party.”
“As far as we knew, it was just the two of us sharing, but on the day of the party, we found out several of my cousin’s friends were also involved.”
“When the DJ announced the guests of honor, I was left off the list.”
“I went up to the DJ and asked that he make an announcement for me, but he refused because my aunt didn’t give him my name.”
“It sounds to me like your son is frustrated over never having a day just to himself.”
“His cousin is always involved and he is entitled to at least one party all to himself.”
“If you don’t do this for him, he will always remember that his mom didn’t have his back.”- ScifiGirl1986
“NTA.”
“I will grant your MIL and husband this: if you have paid for her party every year without (much) complaint, it is to be expected that there will be some pushback when you finally refuse for the first time.”
“I’m not saying they are right, I fully believe you are well within your rights.”
“But doing this after years of just accepting paying for it is picking a fight.”
“Pick the fight.”
“This is a fight worth picking, although I feel bad for the little girl stuck in the middle here, but your husband can take his money and make that party happen for her.”
“Grandma can take her money and make that happen for her.”
“Keep in mind that it’s really unlikely that either of them care whether your son gets to enjoy his birthday for himself… they care that you let them get away without paying for her birthday.”
“So, this year that doesn’t happen.”
“Watch out for them trying to make you out to be the villain to the niece here, and don’t let them guilt your son into changing his mind.”
“I am really curious about your husband’s mindset here.”
“Is he just so much of a mama’s boy that he gives in to her demands, or is he his niece’s father figure/other parental figure and feels responsible for her?”
“Notice, I refuse to give him any credit here.”
“Marrying you and getting you to pay for her birthday party does not count as providing for her… at least, not once you’re wise to it.”
“It’s also disappointing that he doesn’t see your son’s request for what it is and cannot support him in it.”
“It might be time to ask him whether he cares more about blood-niece or step-son and why that is.”- rockology_adam
It’s not unreasonable or unexpected for a child to want a birthday party that is theirs and theirs alone. Especially after all their previous birthdays were shared with someone who is neither a friend nor a blood relation.
Considering the OP’s son was part of her life before her husband ever was, one has to wonder how he would ever expect his calling her son a “spoiled brat” was ever going to go down well.
Or, for that matter, why he thinks he should have any say in whether or not his stepson can have a birthday party,