Every now and then, we might find ourselves hosting someone in our home out of obligation.
Even though these individuals might be the absolute last people we would ever want to set foot in our home.
Nonetheless, whether for business or family purposes, we put on a good face, and allow them to make themselves at home.
Unless, that is, we have a very good reason not to.
The sisters-in-law (SILs) of Redditor Clean-Beach2891 recently paid a visit to their home.
Unfortunately, their visit left the original poster (OP) feeling less than wonderful about herself.
As a result, when the OP’s husband suggested his family stay with them for an upcoming family event, the OP responded with a hard no.
Wondering if they were out of line, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where they asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for Not Inviting My In-Laws to Stay in Our Home?”
The OP explained why they were less than excited to allow their SILs to stay with them during an upcoming visit:
“Several years ago, I was a full-time caretaker for my husband, who was awaiting back surgery, and my mother, who was in palliative care with dementia.”
“In addition, I worked full-time.”
“It was a lot, so I used the services of someone who cleaned every few weeks.”
“After my husband’s surgery, his sisters decided to visit, and I welcomed them into our home.”
“After their visit, I learned that they’d entered parts of our home that were not open to visitors, looked through things, and commented about its cleanliness.”
“Granted, the private spaces were not as tidy as the public parts of our home, but I was doing the best I could.”
“This was especially hurtful to my husband because there is shame associated with this topic in their family.”
“Fast forward, and we have a family event coming up.”
“My husband has suggested that the family stay with us, and, based on the last experience, I said no.”
“I’m in school and have a full-time job, and he may say he’s going to clean, but he won’t and will become angry with me because it’s not done.”
“I suggested they stay at a hotel (even if we pay) because I don’t want the stress associated with the visit because our standards don’t align.”
“He’s pretty upset, but AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
The Reddit community unanimously agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for refusing to allow their in-laws to stay at their house.
Everyone agreed that the past behavior of the OP’s SILs was more than enough to make them persona non grata in the OP’s home, with many even wondering if the OP should allow their husband to stay in their house after he chose to take his sister’s side:
“NTA.”
“They have shown themselves to be judgmental snoops so they can reap the consequences.”
“Good for you for not falling for empty promises.”
“Sounds like your husband will find something to be angry about whatever you do so you might as well take the path that results in less stress for you.”- NotThisAgain234
“I’m so glad my MIL is 1) non-judgmental and 2) has a sign in her den that reads ‘dull women have immaculate homes’.”
“You are absolutely NTA.”
“Your husband seems to be fooling himself, however, about what he’s willing to do and how his family behaves.”
“Oh well.”
“I’d refuse any argument he invites you to, and won’t you have homework when the outlaws want to visit?”
“Remember—dull people have immaculate homes (or pay for house cleaners).”- KaetzenOrkester
“You are NTA.”
“His family invaded your private space then maligned you afterward.”
“They are not welcome to do the same again.”- mimianders
“NTA.”
“You have a husband problem, not just an in-law problem.”
“If he’s not going to clean for his family, he can shut it.”- that_was_way_harsh
“Husband doesn’t seem to be defending you on this one and expects that you’ve taken on the burden for having been both caretaker and housekeeper.”
“If he wants to host, he can clean to his family’s expectations.”
“You’ve had enough going on.”
“NTA.”- Snackinpenguin
“NTA.”
“But your husband sounds like no prize.”- DrukMeMa
“NTA.”
“During a difficult time in your life, they chose to judge you and shame you.”
“They gave up any claim to any future hospitality when they chose to disrespect you.”- photosbeersandteach
“NTA.”
“You are 100% in the right here.”
“He didn’t like that they snooped last time, and they were just visiting.”
“Now he wants them to stay?”
“They will do it again.”
“So, he either needs to get off his butt and get to cleaning NOW to show you he really means he will clean and keep it clean, or they go to a hotel.”
“He can prove with actions that he means the house will be clean.”- Emotional_Fan_7011
“NTA.”
“I would tell him.”
“You’re going to be pissed either way.”
“1. Because you decided not to clean but expect me to with a full plate already to up and clean to their standards.”
“Then get pissed when it doesn’t happen.”
“2. You, like now, are pissed when I say no to them staying here.”
“So because of that I would rather be comfortable in my own home.”
“Then have it taken over.”
“Have people go where they shouldn’t and hear about it.”
“So be pissed but I am not your maid.”
“Your whipping horse.”
“I am not someone you get to disrespect and then think I will fall at your feet to please you.”
“So be pissed and I will enjoy the silence.”
“But I am petty as hell.”- tiny-pest
“Absolutely NTA.”
“And there is no earthly reason for you to pay for their hotel costs!”- Purple-Gap2522
“If you don’t both agree, they don’t stay. It only takes one ‘no’ for having no visitors.”
“There’s no reason to bend over backwards to accommodate people who are disrespectful, lack empathy, and are unappreciative.”
“Your husband falls into this group, too.”
“His family FAFO by invading areas of your home they were NOT allowed in and criticizing you.”
“Your husband FAFO, by siding with his family and being angry at you instead of directing his anger at them for trashing his wife, results in his family no longer being welcome.”
“He wants to spend more time with them… they can all stay at the hotel together.”
“Your husband will have the best of intentions to clean, but he’ll fall back on his habit of not doing anything.”
“Though he could hire a cleaning service before, during, and after their stay, but you’d be criticized for being lazy and wasting his money.”
“He also did not enforce restricted areas.”
“He could hire a bouncer to block those areas.”
“Though his family would then end up insulted.”
“Your home is not a hotel for other people’s convenience.”
“NTA.”- Outrageous-forest
“NTA.”
“They don’t respect you or your husband or your privacy and therefore should not be invited to stay at your house.”
“Let them criticize the hotel!”- Dazzling_Note6245
“NTA.”
“Putting their snooping to the side for a minute, if your husband isn’t willing to do 100% of the cleaning before they arrive AND after they leave and all the hosting duties in between, then he doesn’t really want his family there.”
“You allowed them in your home when you were drowning and they disrespected your rules for your home and then talked sh*t about it.”
“Did your husband even defend you then?”- Beautiful-Scale2046
“NTA.”
“Let him be upset.”
“If you know he won’t clean, then you know you are just setting yourself up for more trash talk from them.”
“They already had their chance to prove they were trustworthy, and they failed.”
“Your husband has had all this time to prove to you that he could handle the cleaning, and obviously, he has failed to do that.”
“There is no reason to think his plan will work.”- Deep-Okra1461
“100% NTA.”
“Realistically, you are doing the work of 3 people; work, school, and caring for the household.”
“It is unrealistic to expect you to perfectly and fully meet the demands of these 3 jobs, let alone agree to host judgmental guests.”
“I would say you are much kinder than I am because I would not offer to pay for the hotel, I would just direct them to a hotel.”
“I wish you the best.”- Pleasant_Test_6088
When someone is courteous enough to welcome them into your home, it is always a good idea to return that courtesy.
Even if your hosts might not meet your standards of housekeeping.
It’s also rather telling that the OP’s SILs apparently chose to make snide remarks about the OP’s apparent shortcomings in cleanliness rather than offer to help her out.
Knowing everything they’d been going through, let alone their own brother.
However, seeing as the OP’s husband chose to take his sister’s side rather than their spouse’s, after everything the OP had done for him, one can’t help but wonder if the OP’s problems are a little closer to home…