“What goes around, comes around.”
Many people live by this idea, feeling that if people treated them badly or unfairly, they deserve to be treated like that in return.
Understandable as this is, behaving this way isn’t exactly mature.
And often. leads to bad or uncomfortable situations becoming even worse.
When Redditor Acceptable-Berry-731 found herself in something of a vulnerable position, she turned to her fiancé for help.
Help the original poster (OP)’s fiancé refused to offer, much to her shock and surprise.
When her fiancé found himself in more or less the exact same position roughly a year later, he similarly turned to the OP for help.
Leading the OP to give her fiancé a taste of his own medicine.
Having doubts about her behavior, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA if I refused to call the dentist for my fiancé who has a impacted wisdom tooth?”
The OP explained why she felt it necessary to show her fiancé how literally painful karma could be:
“First of all, I would like to say that this is ridiculous and not a big deal but for some reason it became one.”
“I (25 F[emale]) had an impacted wisdom tooth that was wrapped around a nerve.”
“While I was pregnant.”
“I asked him (26 M[ale]) if he could call the dentist bc it hurt to talk.”
“He said no.”
“Now it’s 1 year later and he now has an impacted wisdom tooth and I sympathize with him but he asked me to call the dentist for him and I said no.”
“His mom is now asking me to call for him.”
“I said no.”
“He’s upset about it.”
“Does this make me an a**hole?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
The Reddit community was somewhat divided as to whether or not they felt the OP was the a**hole for refusing to call the dentist for her fiancé.
Some had trouble sympathizing with anyone, feeling the OP her fiancé, and her future mother-in-law were all being petty and immature:
“Hang on… his MOM called YOU to ask for you to call?”
“Mommy can call her own damn self if she’s trying to meddle in your relationship like that.”
“Yes, ESH, but I’m not even mad at you about it.”
“My petty a** would do the same thing.”- Sami_George
“Why are you with a guy who.”
“1.) wouldn’t help you get medical care when you were pregnant and”
“2.) feels the need to get his mom to fight his battles for him with his fiancé?”
“As someone who can hold a grudge, I can understand wanting to pay someone back in turn, but this sort of dynamic bodes incredibly poorly for a romantic relationship.”
“ESH, him more than you, but this situation seems less important than what this says about the relationship you two have overall.”
“Do you want your kid to grow up with parents that act like this?”- furious_cactus
“While i love how petty this all is, ESH.”
“I think the reason why this has become such a big deal is because it IS a big deal.”
“You are PARTNERS, so you both need to sit down and figure this sh*t out.”
“No more bean counting, no more tit-for-tat BS.”
“You’ve got a child together and they need parents who can communicate and cooperate in a mature and healthy manner.”
“Y’all are teaching your kid some weird sh*t about relationships by playing these petty games when it comes to health! and caring!”
“And supporting the ones you love!”
“Should he have helped you in the past?”
“Yes. should you hold that against him?”
“Probably not in this particular way.”
“Potentially you two could use couples counseling to help you guys in the right direction.”
“Also i’m laughing that his mother is involved with this?”- tinymi3
“ESH.”
“You two are too immature to be parents or get married, yet here you are having done/going to do both.”
“Grow up.”- Dschingis_Khaaaaan
“Fiancé?”
“Neither of you sound ready for marriage.”
“ESH.”- itsnotaboutyou2020
“ESH.”
“I get why you did the same thing back to him that he did to you.”
“Not ideal but, sometimes you just need to be petty to make someone understand how they hurt you.”
“But girl, if he will not do this relatively simple thing for you while you are pregnant with his child and limited in what you can take to relieve the pain because you are carrying his child in your body, and this is still the early years of your relationship, the ‘honeymoon’ bit before people tend to get complacent and lazy … what do you think you can expect from him in 5 years?”
“10?”
“20?”
“How will he treat your child when they are sick or in pain and asking for Daddy’s help?”
“It’s good that he apologized but remember that saying the words doesn’t mean that he means it.”
“It could just as easily mean that he just wanted to do whatever necessary to get you do what he wants.”
“Pay attention to his behavior, that will tell you if he really learned from this experience or not.”-scherre
“You’re keeping score.”
“That means you don’t have any business getting married.”
“This is a situation that should have been discussed and resolved a year ago.”
“Not to be used against them at all later date.”
“ESH.”
“He needs to be a partner and help out the person he claims to love and care about.”
“And you need to communicate with him and resolve issues as they arise and not throw it in his face when it suits you.”- Wolf-Pack85
“ESH.”
“He sucks for not doing something easy to help you when you were in pain.”
“You’re an AH for staying with someone that calls his mommy on you and just lets you suffer when he could help you.”- thoracicbunk
“ESH.”
“I do not envy the next 10+ years of your life (or however long your marriage lasts).”- whatupmygliplops
“ESH.”
“Sounds like an awesome relationship, really just always there for each other.”- mercy_fulfate
Others, however, felt the OP deservedly gave her fiancé a taste of his own medicine, with many particularly horrified he refused to help out the OP while she was pregnant:
“NTA.”
“He didn’t want to take care of his pregnant fiancé by making a 2 minute phone call, then he has no right to expect you to call for him.”
“If he can cry to his mommy about it, he can call the dentist.”
“And if his mom tries asking you to call again, tell her to do it.”- Terrible-Turtle-389
“NTA.”
“If he can complain to his mother, he can make the call.”- dembowthennow
“NTA.”
“So he can call his mum but not his dentist?”- Right_Gas
“NTA.”
“For not calling the dentist.”
“But you’re a little bit for not respecting yourself more.”
“When he refused to help you, that should’ve been your sign to nope out of there.”
“Why is he your fiancé?”- SparklesIB
“NTA.”
“’Why would you ask me to do this for you, when you would not do it for me?'”- actualchristmastree
“NTA.”
“Your actions fall under the ‘justified a**hole’ exception in my opinion.”
“I might have just let him stew for a few hours to make a point and help him learn to be better, but the moment he contacted his mom to harass you, the situation changed.”
“At this point you need to hold the line.”
“You should also not be doing any wedding planning.”
“He needs to grow up and demonstrate that he’ll actually care for you and your child, and you both need to work on communication skills.”- pupperoni42
“NTA.”
“Why should you help him if he didn’t care enough to help you?”- geekbarloyalist
“NTA…sauce for the goose.”- ConsitutionalHistory
“NTA.”
“If he can call his mom to complain about you he can call the damn dentist.”- Difficult_Meal_8128
“Now is a great time to have a serious talk with him about expectations and hurt feelings.”
“Overall, what he did to you was worse because you were pregnant and while I’m not sure how it works, I know that dental issues and pregnancy are a higher level of concern than usual.”
“And he didn’t make the call while you eventually did.”
“He needs to acknowledge how he screwed you last year and apologize for it (if he hasn’t already).”
“Hopefully he’s more thoughtful than this one incident shows, but to not do such a simple thing as a phone call to help your pregnant partner is….gross.”
“And to complain to mommy?”
“hmmmmm…. Info: how helpful has he been this past year as a father and partner?”
“Were you petty?”
“Yes, but justified.”
“NTA.”- Majestic_Register346
The OP later returned with an update, sharing how she ended up handling the situation, while also giving an update on her husband’s condition:
“I ended up calling anyway because I felt bad.”
“He apologized before I called.”
“Turns out it was his wisdom teeth and an infection so bad it’s eating his jaw bone. so now I really do feel bad.”
The OP’s fiancé should be very thankful that the OP realized her behavior was anything but rational or mature.
Hopefully, he also realized the same thing about his own behavior, and won’t be so hesitant to come to his wife’s aid in the future.
Otherwise, he might have a cancelled wedding in his future.