Money.
Everyone wants it.
But it can come with consequences.
An appreciation of money is important to a lot of people.
So when some people witness others tossing it around without care, it can be disconcerting.
Case in point…
Redditor Personal_Confusion_1 wanted to discuss his experience and get some feedback. So naturally, he came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
He asked:
“AITA for telling my wife that the only reason she says ‘money doesn’t matter’ is because we’re rich?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I (48 M[ale]) and my wife (47 F[emale]) both have very well paying jobs.”
“I am a Pediatric Doctor and she’s an Attorney, which have allowed us and our kids (20 F), (17 M) and (15 M) to have a more than comfortable lifestyle.”
“My wife has a tendency to say things like ‘Money doesn’t matter’ and that ‘material things don’t matter’ and she says them all the time.”
“Which kinda irks me because she’s right.”
“But I was raised in a poor family, and I know that she wouldn’t be saying the same thing if we were middle-class.”
“But I haven’t said anything up until this morning.”
“I had made a comment about needing a better watch, and my wife was saying her usual ‘money doesn’t matter.'”
“I told her that she was only saying that because we are rich and because she has never experienced being without money in any sense.”
“Predictably, she got upset with me, and now I’m wondering if perhaps I overreacted and went too far.”
“So AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
“NTA. People who have always had money seem to be delusional about it.”
“Money absolutely does matter when you’re poor.”~ ohokaythen666
“NTA. Honestly I don’t hate rich people but they are definitely naive about their privilege a lot.”
“It gets annoying when you grew up not having what you needed/wanted because of poverty.”
“It’s also why I could never be super intimate with someone who grew up wealthy. It feels like they will never understand.” ~ littlemissmoxie
“The detachment is so real.”
“I’m comfortable for a single person in an extremely high cost city (I live very near where Bill Gates and Bezos live), as in my bills are paid and I have a tiny savings.”
“But I work for a business where almost all of our clients are multi-millionaires with the occasional billionaire.”
“I was talking to one of our regulars the other day about gender roles in marriages, and he ‘doesn’t have a problem with women working, but he just thinks someone should be staying home with the kids.'”
“And I asked him what to do if they can’t afford to live off just one person’s income.”
“His response: Just get a nanny!”
“I haven’t recovered from dying over that. Not just daycare, but a freaking NANNY.” ~ boneyjoaniemacaroni
“Totally with you there.”
“While I didn’t grow up poor, money was always an issue and I was made aware at a pretty young age that some things were just not available to us due to our financial standing.”
“I don’t see it as a bad thing.”
“It taught me humility and generosity because I know there are always people who are struggling more than me and a dollar to me may be worth nothing but to someone struggling to feed their family it means a lot more.”
“Having dated quite a few people who grew up in a well-to-do family, I feel like oftentimes there is some kind of empathy or self-awareness that is just lacking.”
“They’ve never been told ‘no’ when they were a child and were never made aware that life is a struggle and to be grateful for what you have.”
“Also, in my experience, they’re often more likely to be rude and demanding to service workers.” ~ AnotherRusskiPianist
“NTA. I like the saying ‘money is like oxygen, you don’t think about it when you have enough but it’s all you can think about when you don’t have it.'” ~ JebbAnonymous
“NTA. I’ve heard plenty of fortunate people say ‘money doesn’t buy happiness’ and all of those other cliche sayings.”
“And in some ways they are right, but it can buy security, which brings peace of mind which in itself allows you to focus on being happy.” ~ icantweightandsee
“Statistically, having enough money to live in a secure situation, pursue your life goals, and weather emergencies is very important for one’s psychological health.”
“Money beyond that doesn’t really matter, happiness-wise.”
“In fact, it can decrease one’s happiness—one may come to think of one’s funds as a ‘high score’ that one must increase in order to ‘keep up with’ fellow wealthy people.”
“Money can buy happiness. Riches cannot.” ~ SnubbyPears3144
“Money buys happiness.”
“It just has diminishing returns.”
“So yes, if you are rich it won’t buy happiness.”
“But if you are broke, then it most definitely will.” ~ PolitelyHostile
“At the same time, this is coming out of the mouth of someone who thinks their watch isn’t nice enough, with no indication that it isn’t working, its just not good enough.”
“Sounds possibly hypocritical at this point to get onto her about her view being warped by her wealth.”
“Just because he started out without much money does not mean he isn’t at a disconnect of his own by now.”
“Maybe she wishes he wouldn’t show off and flaunt money.” ~ ScarletDarkstar
“NTA… but your wife is only an a**hole very gently.”
“It‘s difficult to understand and accept your privilege when you‘ve grown up with it.”
“I once said something akin to „Money doesn‘t matter“ or „Money doesnt buy happiness“ to a friend and got a proper lecture by a friend.”
“It went somewhat like this: you only say money doesn‘t matter because you have it, it buys you a good university, nice holidays and good care altogether.”
“These are things that make you happy/happier that you buy with the money that you say doesn’t matter.” ~ tiacalypso
“NTA – Alex, can I get ‘things only rich people say’ for $500?”
“Money matters A LOT to most people, especially now, unfortunately.” ~ JennieGee
“NAH. She’s probably never had to think about it like that before, and pointing it out made her uncomfortable.”
“Since it was bothering you, you’re def not an AH for pointing it out.”
“And I honestly don’t think she’s an AH for being upset.”
“As long as she uses this as a chance to learn.”
“If she continues to hold a grudge or something then my answer would change.” ~ catslady123
“I think the devils in the details here.”
“He was talking about a watch and she said money doesn’t matter?”
“Was she talking about the cost of the watch doesn’t matter or was he wanting an expensive watch and she didn’t think it should be expensive?”
“I’m confused because stuff is missing from this.”
“If he was a jerk about it yes he’s the AH.”
“He should talk to her more about how he feels emotionally about money.”
“But the actual story doesn’t sound like she said anything wrong and money is not important beyond sustenance in a lot of ways – this is a pretty common sentiment?”
“I don’t know. I need more info.” ~ REDDIT
“NAH. I can’t call your wife an ah for being oblivious to her privilege and you aren’t one for calling out her obliviousness.”
“You guys need to sit down and have a talk about her comments bothering you and what you guys can do going forward.”
“You guys just need to communicate better.” ~ herreramom31
“NTA – I grew up below the poverty line, like you, was very lucky to move into a very well paying career.”
“Money matters.”
“Anyone who doesn’t think it matters has never had to decide between buying milk and buying bread (and you buy the bread because, let’s be honest, milk is a luxury item at that point).” ~ engg_girl
“Ehhh I’m gonna go NAH.”
“You’re talking about a new watch, your wife, in turn, says ‘money doesn’t matter,’ what I get from that is, she’s telling you to get a watch that is good and not worry about price.”
“But it seems if y’all needed to be conservative about money this would be totally different.”
“You were kind of an AH because you bit her head of about it.”
“And if it bothers you so much why don’t you sit down with her and have an adult conversation.” ~ sunshinestategal
“NTA people who have never experienced it will truly never understand what it’s like.”
“I think you were pretty decent with your approach, nothing wrong with being honest.”
“Just hopefully she can be understanding of your point of view.” ~ KingOnce
“NTA. People who have stayed up all night wondering how they were going to pay their bills or if they were going to be evicted or who had to put three items back in the supermarket because they couldn’t afford everything in the cart NEVER say stupid things like ‘money doesn’t matter.'”
“Money always matters.”
“It’s relevant what matters more: obviously your loved ones and your health are more important than money but everything in life is harder without money.” ~ Even_Speech570
Well OP, Reddit is with you.
Yes people get to spend their money how they please.
But a little perspective can go along way.
Hopefully the next conversation foes better.