Family gatherings are always guaranteed to bring up all sorts of emotions, good and bad.
Sometimes, we find ourselves doing our best to suppress our anger at something said by a family member we would prefer to see as little as possible.
In extreme cases, however, suppressing our anger isn’t possible.
Redditor Nightwing_112 recently attended a family barbecue, where his uncle made numerous jokes that the original poster (OP) found anything but funny.
While the OP did his best to brush them aside initially, he finally had enough when things started to get a little too personal, leading the OP to call his uncle out in front of everyone.
After being scolded by most of his family for his actions, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where he asked fellow Redditors:
“AITAH for calling out My Uncle in front of everyone After making weird comments on my girlfriend’s looks and being too touchy?”
The OP explained why he found himself unable to keep quiet at a recent family barbecue:
“So basically, at a family barbecue last weekend, my uncle (mid-50s) kept making creepy comments about my girlfriend Kate(21 F[female]), who I invited.”
“At first, it was backhanded compliments like, ‘Wow, you’re way too pretty for him’, but then it got worse-‘I would have snatched you up back in the day, and ‘Must be a struggle to compromise for me?'”
“He even joked about how my girlfriend must get hit on all the time and how I should ‘keep an eye on her’.”
“On top of that, he was being way too touchy, putting his hand on her lower back, touching her arm when he laughed, and even leaning in way too close while talking to her.”
“My girlfriend was clearly uncomfortable but tried to brush it off.”
“She told me privately that it made her uncomfortable.”
“I confronted him in front of everyone, straight-up calling him a creep and telling him to knock it off in a loud way.”
“He got defensive, saying he was just joking, and my mom told me I was out of line for embarrassing him like that.”
“Some family members agreed with me, but others think I overreacted and should’ve handled it privately since everyone knows him as a joker and just loves making conversation, which he is good at.”
“Some male cousins of mine are insinuating I was jealous and exaggerating stuff because my uncle talked to their partners too and they didn’t have any complaints like Kate.”
“My Uncle said he was just making jokes, and he didn’t mean any of them, and he is really disappointed that I looked at him as that kind of guy.”
“AITA for calling him out publicly instead of pulling him aside?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community unanimously agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for calling out his uncle in front of his whole family.
Everyone agreed that the behavior of the OP’s uncle should not have been tolerated, and his family should have considered Kate’s feelings rather than his uncle’s, who had been harassing her all day.
“NTA.”
“What always amazes me about situations like this is that people are so quick to pounce on the person who’s standing up for someone who’s trapped in an uncomfortable situation.”
“Your uncle was the one who was being inappropriate, and you, quite appropriately, put a stop to his behavior to protect your girlfriend.”
“What your uncle (and everyone else) failed to realize is that there was a power imbalance here:”
“Your gf was the new girl at a family gathering, meaning she probably felt obligated to be agreeable in order to be accepted by the group.”
“She felt uncomfortable but was too scared to stop the behavior.”
“She was at a disadvantage, and your uncle took advantage of the situation, knowingly or unknowingly.”- Most-Device-7298
“NTA!”
“You did the right thing, especially since your girlfriend was uncomfortable.”
“Sometimes public confrontation is the only way to get the point across.”- Liamariex
“NTA.”
“Your uncle is a gross creep.”- CF_FI_Fly
“NTA.”
“Sounds like a CREEP.”
“If anything ever went any further or your gf verbally expressed that she was uncomfortable at any future moment, your family was there to witness.”
“Your uncle can’t deny anything, everyone was there.”- Acrobatic_Process653
“‘Uncle said he was just making jokes, and he didn’t mean any of them, and he is really disappointed that I looked at him as that kind of guy’.”
“NTA, turn that on him.”
“Express how disappointed you are that your uncle is acting like that kind of guy.”- wanderer866
“Some male cousins of mine are insinuating I was jealous and exaggerating stuff because my uncle talked to their partners too and they didn’t have any complaints like Kate.”
Gee, I wonder why their girlfriends haven’t raised any discomfort to such dismissive partners. Also, jealous of what?!
“My Uncle said he was just making jokes.”
Shouldn’t be a problem to stop them, then.
“Others think I overreacted and should’ve handled it privately.”
“He did it publicly.”
“He gets called out publicly.”
“NTA.”- embopbopbopdoowop
“Your GF knows you don’t stand for her being disrespected well done, young man, NTA.”- Arminlegout1
“NTA.”
“Your uncle sounds like the type that would say ‘it’s all locker room talk’ or ‘people these days can’t take a compliment’.”- MandoFett117
“NTA.”
“Your uncle was being creepy and inappropriate, and you have every right to call him out on it.”
“It’s your girlfriend, and you’re protecting her.”- Amberopal
“NTA.”
“If your uncle doesn’t want to be looked at as that kind of a guy he shouldn’t act like that kind of a guy.”- NanaLeonie
“NTA.”
“Every time a crowd politely ignores unacceptable behavior just to keep the peace, a creep gets bolder because they’re sure there won’t actually be consequences for acting in a way they know is unacceptable.”
“Then they get entitled and cry about it when people don’t politely ignore their behavior and instead say out loud what everyone already knows: that behavior is unacceptable, and they need to stop.”
“Maybe he’ll think twice next time.”- not_that_united
“NTA.”
“You defended your girlfriend AND made it clear that any type of ‘jokes’ like that aren’t jokes.”
“Also, touching someone is never a joke. It’s weird, ESPECIALLY if you just met that person.”
“It’s flirty in the way he did it.”- Majestic_Ability6779
“NTA.”
“The fact that people are excusing the creepy behavior as ‘that’s just how he is’ is awful.”
“Good for you for finally calling it out.”
“The dust will settle.”
“You are not going to change anyone’s mind, so don’t bother.”
“Your uncle however, will be WAY more cautious in the future, and that was what is needed.”
“Anyone defending him, respond on repeat, ‘He was being inappropriate.'”
“‘It is fine if you are okay with that, I am not and I simply made it very clear’.“
“Leave it there.”
“You did the right thing.”
“Others can stick it.”- OhmsWay-71
“My aunt’s late husband (I don’t think of him as having been my uncle) liked to get flirty and handsy with me and my sister like this.”
“We told our dad what was going on, and Dad told Mr. Hands that if he ever bothered either of us again, he’d deck him.”
“Dad is a big brawny former Marine, so he didn’t even have to raise his voice to put the fear of God into that guy.”
“Mr. Hands died awhile back, to my considerable relief.”
“NTA.”
“Uncle Creepy was hassling your GF, and you put a stop to it, like a caring boyfriend should.”-MizWhatsit
“NTA.”
“I’ve been the girl in this situation, and no one actually stood up for me.”
“I would’ve loved some support.”
“I felt unable to due to their family being supposedly posh and better than me.”
“Lol they bloody weren’t.”
“Good for you.”- Curiousferrets
It’s annoying for everyone when someone makes a scene.
However, it is better for everyone to be equally annoyed than for one person to feel vulnerable and uncomfortable, with nobody else seeming to notice.
Humiliated as the OP’s uncle (deservedly) felt, he should know his humiliation likely didn’t even come close to that of Kate’s.