Content Warning: Pregnancy Complications, specifically Hyperemesis Gravidarum (HG), Health-Shaming, and Pregnancy Shaming
People and their lives are a little like snowflakes; no two people’s lives will look exactly the same. This is especially true for those big milestones, like getting married and having children.
Two people might choose to approach these milestones in very different ways, and that’s okay, pointed out the people in the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITAH) subReddit, but the last thing someone should do is shame someone else for doing life differently.
Redditor Additional_Kiwi5018 and her sister got married around the same time, but they took very different approaches to starting their families. While her younger sister started having children right away, the Redditor was excited to travel and spend time with her husband first.
When she eventually got pregnant and experienced some complications, the Original Poster (OP) was shocked when her sister blamed her for her condition, calling her “selfish” for waiting until she was “old” to have children.
She asked the sub:
“AITAH for kicking my sister out of my baby shower because she called me old and selfish?”
The OP and her sister had different approaches to married life.
“My sister (31 Female) and I (34 Female) married around the same time seven years ago.”
“She decided to have kids right away. She now has four kids at the age of 31.”
“My husband (35 Male) and I decided to buy a house first, do a little traveling, and have enough savings before having kids.”
“She’s constantly pointing out how ‘old’ I am and says SHE made a sacrifice so they could be done having babies by the time she was 30.”
When the OP got pregnant, she experienced some complications.
“I’m currently pregnant with our baby. I have been dealing with Hyperemesis Gravidarum (HG) and it’s been brutal.”
“Luckily, my MIL (mother-in-law) and my husband have been amazing to me, and my boss allowed me to work from home until I give birth.”
“My mom can’t help me much because she helps out my sister’s four kids a lot, which I genuinely understand.”
She was surprised, however, when her sister blamed her for her illness.
“Yesterday was my baby shower that my SIL (sister-in-law) threw for me.”
“People kept asking about how I was doing, and I was talking about how HG is horrible.”
“My sister decided to interrupt me and said, ‘Honestly?! This is what happens when you get pregnant when you are old! I have had four pregnancies and never had these issues. I guess you should have thought about this before all those trips and ‘we are not ready yet’ bulls**t. SOME of us made sacrifices in our twenties!”
“I was furious. This wasn’t the first time she commented about my life, my age, and my choices, so I told her to get the f**k out. She grabbed my nieces and left.”
The family was divided over what happened.
“My mom said I was being hormonal and should have just ignored her. She thinks my sister said that because she became a mom earlier than me and never enjoyed her life or even any alone time with her husband.”
“My husband thinks I had every right to be upset because she said that I deserved to experience HG.”
“Do I owe my sister an apology for kicking her out?”
“AITAH?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some reassured the OP that her sister was jealous about making different life choices.
“Nope. NTA. Sis is clearly just jealous and can’t handle it.”
“Glad you have great in-laws to support you, while you deal with a garbage sister and a mom that can’t support you.” – Longjumping-Set6145
“I had HG at age 21. It’s hard to deal with. How dare you wait until you’re ready to be pregnant and have a family? It’s almost as if you have a choice. NTA.” – Ambitious-Hornet9673
“Worrying about what she ‘sacrificed,’ that’s her problem.”
“I had a kid at 42. Honestly, it worked better for my husband and I to have a child later in life. We built a good relationship, we traveled, became more financially stable, and could manage our emotions better. It made us better parents.”
“Everyone has their own timeline. Your sister is just bitter because you chose differently. NTA.” – Mintyfresh2024
“I had my kids at 38 and 40. I just knew I didn’t want my mother’s regrets. I wanted to know my marriage was solid, we were financially stable, and I had experienced the things I wanted to.”
“I was so ready for kids when I had them. I never felt like I sacrificed myself. That was the OP’s sister’s choice and has nothing to do with the OP.”
“Also? Pregnancy issues can happen to anyone at any age.” – Obvious-Block6979
“NTA.”
“I got my first child at 33, then 39, and finally 41. I never had morning sickness, so this is definitely not a thing and I find it really inappropriate to comment on a sister having it bad with the pregnancy because you are envious that she took the time to grow as a couple and as a person first.”
“My mother got me at 23 and always resented how she had to give up a lot of things when I was born. I am sorry for the sister’s children…” – lila_2024
“Jumping on this to say your in-laws are awesome, and I am so happy that you have them for support.”
“Your mom and sister are out of line. Your sister is jealous and nasty.”
“Also, you are not old; you are what one calls ‘prepared for parenthood.’ It sounds like she popped them out before she was prepared and now regrets it but can’t say so.” – ChinaCatSunflower44
“It’s amazing how different life paths can lead to such varying perspectives. Your sister’s comments reflect her insecurities, not your choices.”
“You deserve support, not judgment, especially during such a tough time.”
“Again, everyone’s life paths are different, and that’s okay. It’s so important to remember that someone else’s choices or experiences don’t invalidate your own.”
“Your sister’s comments definitely seem to stem from her own insecurities and perhaps some resentment. It’s sad that she chose to project those feelings onto you, especially during a time when you needed support and celebration.”
“NTA.” – saivedaa
Others agreed and pointed out that Hyperemesis Gravidarum (HG) happens more often with younger pregnant women, not older.
“OP’s sister couldn’t be more wrong. Age IS a factor in the risk of developing HG. I looked it up.”
“But get this… ‘Yes, age is considered a factor in the development of hyperemesis gravidarum (HG), with younger women being at a higher risk of experiencing this condition; studies often show that women under 20 years old have an increased likelihood of developing HG compared to older pregnant women.'”
“So she couldn’t be more wrong, lol (laughing out loud)!”
“She’s jealous OP went about building a family in a way where she was able to enjoy her marriage and build their wealth first. OP’s sister can’t say she regrets her kids, because that’s not an acceptable thing to say. So, she attacks OP to make her smaller so she can feel better about herself.”
“OP’s sister is an id**tic AH who can’t do a two-second Google search to get her facts straight.” – Ema630
“Knowing that being pregnant younger and not older, so the opposite of what the OP’s sister said, gave me the satisfying ‘f**k you’ feeling you get when you realize that the person who caused you so much emotional distress is just freaking wrong.”
“But like, it makes me feel good just to know she was being stupid and a rude selfish bi**h. Treating someone like that when they have severe health issues is beyond my comprehension. Like, it’s her family! NTA for telling her to leave, OP!” – stella_Mariss1
“My friend had terrible HG during her first three pregnancies in her early twenties. They only stopped when each child was born! Then when she had her fourth and final baby at 32, guess what? No symptoms. We were all so relieved for her.”
“NTA, OP. It sounds like she used the version of Google where she bases all of her beliefs off of her personal experiences.” – sauronsballsgargler
“First of all, I met my now husband when I was 34, and we wanted to travel, work abroad, and enjoy things before kids. I had mine at 40 and 42 (they are now five and nearly four years old), and I wouldn’t have it any other way.”
“My sister, on the other hand, had kids earlier, so even though she’s younger, her kids are 13, 10, and nearly six.”
“I see the good and bad in both, but we are also both happy with our own decisions.”
“Incidentally, I just had a bit of nausea with my first and none at all with my second, and my sister was gravely sick for her first two pregnancies, so age didn’t have anything to do with HG in our case!!”
“OP is definitely NTA. Her sister is a selfish b***h with zero empathy. Every pregnancy is different.” – IllustriousAd1028
“I can’t imagine being a mom with a daughter having significant health issues during her pregnancy and not jumping in to support her. Both mom and sister suck. She’s enabling your sister. She’s probably always been entitled to.” – EmploymentNext89
The subReddit was alarmed by what was clearly a projection on the sister’s part, possibly wanting a life that looked more like the OP’s and with no way of having it.
Perhaps making such rude and apathetic comments made her feel more in control, but it surely would impact her relationship with the OP, and any children the OP had, in the future.