Being able to sleep comfortably is imperative.
It’s especially important for parents of young children.
And those tend to be the exact people who can’t luxuriate in that slumber.
Making room for comfort in a bed doesn’t sound difficult to accomplish.
But many would be surprised
Redditor whoisdarvo wanted to discuss his experience and get some feedback, so naturally, he came to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subreddit.
He asked:
“AITA for throwing my wife’s pillow out of the room?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“Last night, when getting ready for bed, I tried taking a picture of how my wife was laying in the bed to show her how little space I had.”
“She made a joke of it and hid under the blankets.”
“We have a king-size bed.”
“We also have a toddler that sleeps between us, and my wife keeps a pillow between her and the toddler.”
“I was trying to show my wife that she and her pillow already took up over half of the bed, leaving me with little to no space, especially once our toddler laid down.”
“I tried telling her I needed more room, but she kept making a joke of it.”
“So I got in bed, grabbed the pillow she keeps at her back, and tossed it into the hallway saying here, this will help.”
“The next thing I know, my wife is furious, crying, and is gathering her other pillows and blanket saying, ‘if I’m that much of a problem, you can just have the bed to yourself.'”
“She and our toddler went to the toddler’s room to sleep (that bed is a full-size).”
The OP was left to wonder:
“This morning my wife is still mad and barely speaking to me so I ask AITA for throwing my wife’s pillow out of the room?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
“Info: put the toddler in their own bed?”
“Problem solved.”
“Co-sleeping is usually done by year 1.”
“The kid is a toddler he should sleep in his own bed.”
“NTA, your wife is the issue here.”
“When you try to communicate with her about having more space, she brushes you off and then makes jokes about it.”
“So she clearly wasn’t listening to you at all.”
“She was hogging the bed and basically making you either sleep in another room or have you no room.”
“Her reaction to a pillow being thrown is an overreaction.”
“Take back the bed, the kid should be sleeping in his own bed anyway.”
“If she isn’t willing to sleep without him, then she can sleep in the other bed in the kid’s room, but you should take the main bed back.”
“In short, I think she is being horribly inconsiderate and jerk.” ~ BuilderWide1961
“Be a parent.”
“Pick up the kid and put him in the bed.”
“He is wayyy too old to sleep with Mom and Dad.”
“You have to do this for the kid’s development even if your wife disagrees.”
“I have three kids; it’s not hard to pick them up and put them to bed; if they get out, repeat putting them to bed.”
“Yes, they will cry and be upset, but they will settle down, and in a week, it is their normal.” ~ BuilderWide1961
“This is so backa**wards.”
“An infant (under 6 months) should not be sleeping with parents in the same bed.”
“They could suffocate or get rolled on.”
“If an older kid wants to climb into their parent’s bed at night for whatever reason, there is no real reason to stop them.”
“Let them be a kid and seek comfort while they can. Geeze.” ~ daxdotcom
“Give her a choice, toddler or pillow, but not both.”
“She’s basically kicking you out of your own bed.”
“I would say NTA if this is simply the case.”
“If you are always bothering her for sex and she’s using them as roadblocks, well, you have a larger conversation at hand.”
“I might switch my vote if that is the case.” ~ sneksnacc
“Gotta point out that it’s pointless to have a toddler in bed with her if she doesn’t want to sleep next to a toddler by resorting to a pillow separating them.”
“That is not co-sleeping. NTA.” ~ klj02689
“Your wife is the a-hole here.”
“Acting like a complete baby because she can’t understand that you need space to sleep.”
“It’s fine. She has space from the flailing toddler, but you don’t have space to yourself!?”
“She needs to grow up and stop manipulating you.”
“Time to do your jobs and give that child a proper sleeping situation.” ~ dontbeadouche26
“NTA but wife sure is.”
“You have to both want to co-sleep for it to be healthy.”
“You tried with her several times, and then she overreacted to a pillow throw.”
“Assuming nothing else was said between you, I’m on your side.”
“I fight this fight with hubby and two dogs.” ~ weliketoruinjokes
“NTA. Your wife can’t have the kid cosleep with you guys and put a barrier between herself and the child just because she wants the space.”
“You guys need to have the kids sleep in their own room or move their bed into your bedroom so they can sleep separately.”
“Her not taking it seriously and then melting down over a thrown pillow is ridiculous.”
“It was a pillow she used as a BARRIER to keep the kid from kicking her, why does she get to have peaceful sleep while you’re cramped on an edge because of a toddler kicking and moving?” ~ Buffalopigpie
“NTA. You tried addressing the issue and she literally refused to listen or compromise.”
“I’ve had this issue with my wife in the past, and she didn’t take it seriously until I threw her extra pillow across the room in the middle of the night.”
“She’s been much more conscious of it ever since, and during her pregnancy and recovery after I told her to take as much space as she needed.”
“Once she was feeling better, she moved back out of my zone and returned my ancestral bedland to me.”
“Not a single issue to be had.”
“But then again, my wife cares about my feelings.” ~ Shatterpoint887
“ESH, but you are a little less than your wife.”
“The toddler should be in their own bed. Period.”
“I get co-sleeping is a thing, but it completely destroys intimacy between a couple in their marital bed.”
“Not to mention the sleep issues (like space, being kicked), etc.”
“I think after a certain point in a child’s life, it’s ok to make them sleep in their own room.”
“Many of us slept in our own be,d and we have survived.”
“I imagine she uses the pillow as a way to avoid rolling on the child.”
“What she doesn’t understand is how little space between all of that leaves you.”
“And your sleep matters too.”
“What bugs me is her thinking it’s all a joke and then getting mad when she realizes you were serious about it.”
‘But you were a bit extreme with your reaction.”
“Schedule a time when you both are awake, not combative and not distracted (like get someone to watch the kid for 30-60 mins) sit down and make a decision on how to handle this whole situation (sleeping arrangement), because it ain’t working.”
“Raising a kid is a 2 parent’s decision, not just one. “
“You’re going to have a long, unhappy marriage with a lack of sleep if you don’t effectively communicate with each other.”
“P.S. Also just say you’re sorry you got upset last night.”
“That is usually a good start to having her at least communicate with you.” ~ CheeSupreme1743
“ESH. I’m upset so I’m gonna throw things is pretty much the worst possible lesson to pass on to your toddler.”
“You are a parent now; when you are having an emotional response, you need to think of how you want your kid to handle having an emotional response.”
“Also – being in bed is a super vulnerable place.”
“If someone doesn’t want their picture taken in bed (or, you know, at all) please listen to them.”
“I know that part of it is probably bugging me more than other people (I’ve got some trama) but I’ve got to say something.” ~ Music_withRocks_In
“ESH. This conversation needs to be had, but bedtime isn’t the time to have it.”
“You need a place to sleep, but she probably has a good reason for the pillow between her and the toddler.”
“Toddlers tend to kick in their sleep. Hard.”
“Y’all need to put your heads together and brainstorm some new solutions.”
“Cause contrary to what all these commenters think, ‘Put the kid in their own bed’ isn’t NEARLY as easy as it sounds, as you likely know OP.”
“She needs to not laugh you off, but you need to not throw her stuff and escalate the disagreement.”
“And seriously: don’t bring up issues at bedtime, especially if you want them solved immediately.”
“It’s a recipe for a big argument and no sleep, and it’s not a recipe for good problem-solving.” ~ etds3
“How is ANYONE saying ESH??”
“He’s getting a sliver of the bed to sleep on because his wife thinks it’s funny to have herself, a pillow, AND toddler on the bed.”
“She’s a selfish brat, but HE’s somehow also the AH?” ~ ancient_fruit_wino
“NTA. She is old enough to understand you need space to sleep.”
“She’s a grown adult and she’s acting that way instead of communicating?”
“And it’s throwing a pillow.”
“She def overreacted.” ~ Busy_Chemistry5368
“He must have resorted to pictures because it seems like he brought up this issue before, but the wife blew it off, just like in this post.”
“Also, it’s quite annoying that you are trying to talk about a problem with someone, and they joke about it.”
“I don’t think you will have time to say stop if the tension/anger has been building up to the point where you explode at the person.”
“That’s when they finally get that it’s no longer a joke.”
“Even saying ‘stop’ in this situation, the wife would still take it as a joke, which warranted this reaction from the husband.”
“So him throwing the pillow must have been his built-up anger that he had after being ignored for a long time.”
“I’m gonna go with NTA.” ~ Informal_Cup3026
“As a mom to 3 kids, NTA.”
“Kids should be asleep in their own bed.”
“No one is getting good sleep in a bed-sharing situation, which greatly impacts how you’re feeling throughout the day, especially for a toddler.”
“Kids need to learn how to sleep without a parent next to them.” ~ mamadovah1102
“NTA. Everyone is missing the main point here.”
“It’s NOT about the kid sleeping in the bed.”
“A king-size bed is plenty of room for 2 adults and a toddler AND even a body pillow.”
“It’s about the fact that when he said something, instead of rearranging things and scooting over to make room, his wife refused and even tried to take up more room.”
“Maybe as a joke at first, but then when he got frustrated SHE blew up and ‘out angered’ him.”
“She is being weird and passive-aggressive or trying to make some kind of power play.” ~ sleepybirdl71
“NTA if she doesn’t want the toddler to touch her when she’s sleeping, which is what I’m assuming because of the pillow in between them, she should put the kid in their own bed.”
“You mentioned in one of your comments that that’s another fight you can’t seem to win, so she can’t have it both ways. Either she gets rid of the pillow, and she’s up against the toddler all night, or the toddler goes to sleep in their own room.” ~ Relevant-Reply3083
“NTA – If she cannot respect your bed boundary, why are you expected to respect hers?”
“The kid goes in their own bed from now on and the wife can stay on the couch by the kid until she’s ready to come back and be an adult about the whole of it.”
“Enjoy the sleep real-estate while her tantrum winds through.” ~ Quaranj
“NTA. It was a silly display, but not intentionally hurtful.”
“Advice: Put the kid in the middle of your bed.”
“Get your own guard pillow.”
“Center everything on the bed.”
“Show her how little space is left if everything is split evenly.”
“It’s likely not enough for either of you.”
“Then move the kid to their own room or go sleep in the kid’s bed.”
“It’s full.”
“You’ll have lots of space to yourself.”
“If she wants you to come back, the kid must sleep in their bed.” ~ BangPowBoom
“Info: how are you and your wife having a sexy time?”
“In your comments, you say that there are fights that you’re not winning.”
“Sounds like it’s time for couples counseling cause doesn’t seem like a happy relationship for you.”
“Sleep is sacred.”
“Good luck! NTA.” ~ Majestic_Register346
“The issue is the toddler.”
“You NEED to have them sleeping in their own bedroom, or at the very least NOT in your bed.”
“NTA for creating space in your own bed, but you need to co-parent and get that stuff figured out.” ~ Packwood88
“NTA and your toddler needs to sleep in his own bed!” ~ bakejk
“NTA – You made a joke of it, just like she did.”
“Apparently, she doesn’t like when you make light of it and can’t communicate like an adult.” ~Stranger-Tastes
Reddit is with you, OP…
well, for the most part.
There could have been better ways to express your frustration.
But your frustration is understood.
Time for a serious chat with each other and maybe… a therapist or sleep specialist.